Last Weekend

LegacyUser

The weekend just past I was away at a festival working with a rake of new people. Over the course of the weekend I realised I'm absolutely horrendous at dealing with members of the opposite sex. I arrived at the start of the festival and worked my first shift as a team leader and I have to say I carried out my job pretty effectively over the weekend, working, leading teams is something I do pretty well.
Anyway, after work I headed off with everyone else for a few drinks and talking to this girl on my shift and I found myself quite liking her. We got fairly trashed that night and I think at one stage our hands were brushing off each other and then she cleared off to bed.

Anyway over the course of the weekend we were chatting away and got on quite well and at one stage she asked for my phone and put her number in it and we spent a fair bit of time together. Anyway, I lacked the conviction/set of balls to make a move and on the last night at the final gig a randomer came over and started chatting away, got her laughing, had his arm around her and given a few more hours would have probably had her walking back to his tent with him.

As I watched this unfold it felt like my world was unravelling - I'd gotten to know this girl over the course of the weekend and within 20 or 30 minutes, bang I was out of the picture just like that. It wasn't that I was infatuated with this particular woman that set things off, but the realisation of how terrible I actually I am in dealing with members of the opposite sex on a personal level. I felt ashamed at being unable to do what I think I should be able to do naturally. I've been outmanoeuvred by other guys over women I'm interested in repeatedly over a number of years and each time it happens my confidence sinks to a new low. And I've finally realised that the various excuses that I've fobbed myself off with aren't acceptable, the issue here is with me, nobody could have that much "bad luck" or "other factors" intervening in life.

The thing that galls me is that most people who know me through various work or hobbies that I'm involved in would see me as a confident and competent individual, I'm happy with this, I just wish I could carry some of my "public" face into my personal life.

Wibbs/Marksie/Wicknight/Red just to name a few (apologies to the more prolific posters out there if i've missed your words of wisdom!) have posted volumes of advice on the forum, some damn good stuff, not all of it in agreement with each other but fantastic stuff on just about any subject in PI.
I'm just seemingly unable to take any of the damn good advice they've given and implement it, probably down to lack of courage.

This has been driving me around the bend since I got home. Advice and criticism welcome.

fits

Jaysus, she gave you her number... What more do you want? Its not like she's married to this other fellow and you're definitely not 'out of the picture'.

Call her.

MIN2511

fits wrote: »

Jaysus, she gave you her number... What more do you want? Its not like she's married to this other fellow and you're definitely not 'out of the picture'.

Call her.

+1
Ring her or text her and ask her out...

Vain

Man text her now. Just do it why not, Just give it a try ul be happy that at least you did give it a shot in the end.

SnowMonkey

thats happeend to me to but hey thats the way it goes sometimes....

if you gots her number text her and make a move dont dwell on what happened ask her out for a drink and make a move. YOU CAN DO IT.

JuliusCaesar

is she a colleague?

LegacyUser

The girl in question isn't a colleague but would be someone I will probably end up bumping into again down the road in the close future. At the moment she lives a fair bit away from me so the whole asking her out for a drink thing isn't really feasible. (Or am I just making excuses to myself again)

dudara

Unreg reg wrote: »

Or am I just making excuses to myself again

You said it, not me.

Decide if you like her enough to make the effort, then ring her. Don't text, this is for teenagers. Ring her, say that you enjoyed her company a hell of a lot, and ask her out.

Good luck.

If she refuses, then at least you tried, and the next time you try again, it won't be so hard.

If she accepts, then you'll have to figure out the rest yourself, but at least you will have started to remove the proverbial finger from the proverbial hole.

LegacyUser

Man doubt the guy who came on to her had any more balls den you, prob jus more drink.
You jus hav to do stuff more spontaneously rather then carefully calculating your every move.

She could hav jus being friendly with him.

As others hav said Text her you'll only regret it- hopefully you live relatively close to her... ask to cinema or meet up in town one day. You seem to hav gotten well with one another (she wouldn't ask for your number for nothing).

GO for it

sunnyside

Those guys your jealous of, watch what they do and copy them. You say he had his arm around her. The sort of guys who pick up women really easily are always doing that-making lots of physical contact right from the very start of the conversation.

DD

why is that so hard to do, call her!!!

Marksie

unreg reg wrote: »

I felt ashamed at being unable to do what I think I should be able to do naturally..

Its not natural for everybody, hell when i was younger it wasn't natural for me.
But in looking back i saw where my mistakes were and in some cases missing the bloody obvious.

Why ashamed..and why are you reaffirming that.

Good point: you haev realsied you have made excuses..and are making them again.

SHE asked for your number...theres a big hint.

You have to get out there to be in there.

Change your stance and say whats the worst that can happen: they say no.

Just learn and keep going.
You have obviously got something as she was talking to you.
Forget the otjher fella and if you want to pursue her, go for it.

and no we dont always agree giving advice, its all different approaches. Think about what osters have said and use all approaches as they will differ for different people and situations. Try ones you are most comfortable wit.
Somtimes you will be surprised what works when you think it wouldn't

Uugh its abit sound bytey that post. Tis late

EcoGirl

You sound like a lovely guy, really decent - and believe me, that's what women want. You've a lot to offer a girl, so don't forget that.

As the other posters said, she gave you her number, how more obvious could she be! She probably thought you werne't interested and went off with the other guy cos of that.

So, yes, ring her. And forget the excuse about distance. That's only your fear talking.

Unfortunately in this dating lark you have to risk rejection and hurt - that's just the way of it. And if you never risk that, you'll never experience success. It's an old fashioned phrase but still true: "Faint heart never won fair lady".

Take a deep breath and go for it! Good luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the thoughts guys, its given me food for thought in the least. To put this in perspective the person in question lives (at the moment) about three or four hours away from me at the moment, but that will change when college starts back again in september. Anyway as I said, I may be running into the person between now and then and we'll see what happens. I guess the key is to be more decisive, I'm just hoping that I won't choke...... again!