ready to meet someone half decent

LegacyUser

ok where to start

im 22 and i split up with a ex over a yr ago we were going out for a few yrs. at the start our relationship was great but the cracks started showing very soon into our relationship. he was controlling, possisive, jealous, moody basically everything you dont want someone to be. he was my first love, but looking back now i know i was misguided. anyway my confidence dropped alot and when we did break up i was at rock botton, i started going out alot more and getting very drunk while i was out to the point that black outs were a regular occurance. i had a few one night stands.....which was something i never saw myself doing as i didnt believe in it but at the time i had no self esteem.
however in the last few months ive started to regain my confidence, return to what i use to be, ive a great job, social life that doesnt revolve around drinking, great friends etc and i would really really love to meet someone, not for the sake of having a boyfriend, i want to find someone truly special that will treat me well etc. the thing is i cant seem to find anyone and before you go and say get involved in clubs etc i am involved is so many that ive lost count. i meet new people every day of the week but none of them take an interest in me. im a good looking girl, great personality, popular etc. i never come across too strong and il talk to anyone.
can anyone give me some advice that i havent heard before
p.s i have tried the whole internet thing and the majority of people are just looking for sex, im looking for a lot more than that
please help

SnowMonkey

re internet thing

Not every one is looking for sex some guys out there are looking to meet some one and take time blah blah and yes some people are looking for nsa it really depends on how you advertise your self so to speak,,,

but internt dateing can have its crazys be weary of that god be weary..
meet public place dont swop msn get your self a "dateing email" not the one u use for personal emails etc keep that part of your life seperate well thast how im conducting mine......and ive got an old phone with a different number which i only use for that perpose...

other then that good thing about interent dateing mot people no what they want...

Mr. Incognito

well, I'm sure you'd get loads of people here saying pm them but then the mods would start kicking ass, I guess apart from the internet dating thing take up constructive hobbies where you get out and meet people, and don't be afraid to ask someone on a non-pressure date like the flicks if you like them. It's no big deal in this day and age. I'd love if a bird asked me out *sniff*

LegacyUser

i have meet a few people from the dating site i was on, but to be honest i only liked about 2 of them and they were just looking for nsa, the others were slightly strange or else very clingy. i deleted my profile off the site a few weeks ago because i gotr so feed up with it

MJOR

I have tried the internet and you are right... Loads are looking for a bit of slap and tickle.

Not all of them are though. You have to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince...

I suggest putting yourself out there (not putting out lol)

Go on a few dates and have a laugh!

LegacyUser

ok im pretty confident but i dont think i could ask someone out lol, id be terrified of rejection!!!
im involved with charities, sports, clubs everything
its kinda like everyone thinks......oh shes dead on and thats it

gerTheGreat

meyoume wrote: »

ok where to start
im a good looking girl, great personality, popular etc. i never come across too strong and il talk to anyone.

Just looking at this, maybe you should try making the first move if you meet a guy that you like. If you're good looking, nice, etc. that can be intimidating for some guys.

Ger

Edit: Already covered, sorry.

SnowMonkey

meyoume wrote: »

i have meet a few people from the dating site i was on, but to be honest i only liked about 2 of them and they were just looking for nsa, the others were slightly strange or else very clingy. i deleted my profile off the site a few weeks ago because i gotr so feed up with it

thats a very true thing baout the dateing site's some blokes are up front attempt to make conversation and get shot down for being to needy or clingy and then there are bloke who use i for nsa whos odnt give a rats and some blokes make an attempt but get thrown in with the other kettle of fish when there not a fish there a shark.( Fish are Friends tho ).

you meet a date and they go on and on and on and on you bring them out for dinner Eddie Murphy line she orders a salad, and say nothing and very thank you quite girl (alarm bells ring, I find my self texting a ,mate to ring me with an "urgent" problem bassicly i say look if i text you a blank mesage ring me i wont anser do it again i wont ring a 3rd time i will its my escape trick ....

then you leave and they text you 2 minites after you leave them saying OH i had a lovely time. can we meet again ? .....
but like reason why i use a dateing sit eis not becasue im unconfident or needy its because chating up woimen in front o my matres while there out getting smashed is not fun i wanna ger larey and puke etc... i dont want ot be haseled with trying to meet some one on a night out thats not fun its tedous best of time's ... hence internet dateing i see what i like, send them a message if there not interested thats there porogative...

Kold

How abouts you make a move rather than waiting for someone to make a move on you?

SnowMonkey

meyoume wrote: »

t but i dont think i could ask someone out lol, id be terrified of rejection!!!

thats your biggist problem right there.
You have to except that rejection is a part of life. Its never as bad as it seems

LegacyUser

im just laughing at the thoughts of me making the move, i would be guarenteed to make an ass of myself, i honestly dont think i could do it, unless i REALLY liked the guy.
and yes there are a few decent lads on dating sites but their few and far between plus i find it hrd to trust them as alot of them i met had gfs and one was even married....thanks but no thanks

Aurora Borealis

meyoume wrote: »

ok im pretty confident but i dont think i could ask someone out lol, id be terrified of rejection!!!
im involved with charities, sports, clubs everything
its kinda like everyone thinks......oh shes dead on and thats it

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Mr. Incognito

Here's what you do, hold out your hands, close your eyes and make a wish...........

Alternatively you could get off your arse and make an effort.

LegacyUser

ok seriously how many of you girls have actually asked a lad out???? when i was younger i would have but not now.
it is true though.....that nothing ventured, nothing gained so maybe il just have to do it

Kold

meyoume wrote: »

im just laughing at the thoughts of me making the move, i would be guarenteed to make an ass of myself, i honestly dont think i could do it, unless i REALLY liked the guy.
and yes there are a few decent lads on dating sites but their few and far between plus i find it hrd to trust them as alot of them i met had gfs and one was even married....thanks but no thanks

How do you think lads feel?

LegacyUser

setenta
im always off my ass thank you, i havent had an evening to myself in a few months im always doing something, , however if you had read my comments you would have realised that, thanks for the great advice

dudara

Everyone, be cool.

dudara

LegacyUser

i have no idea how lads feel but id imagine its nerve racking to say the least!
i use to be of the opinion that if you dont ask youl nevr find out and so what if they say no at least their being honest. but i really couldnt see myself doing it now

rescue26

meyoume wrote: »

ok seriously how many of you girls have actually asked a lad out???? when i was younger i would have but not now.
it is true though.....that nothing ventured, nothing gained so maybe il just have to do it

I have. Maybe your trying too hard, I used to be like you and alot of my friends were too, always looking to meet someone, every time I went out I wondered why I didnt get a man. In the finish it actually ruined my nights out cos I used to get so pissed off about it. I no its a dumb saying but it happens when you least expect it. I met a guy on Holidays of all places and 3 yrs later still going strong. Great saying for ya, Whats for you, will never pass you by.

Mr. Incognito

apologies if I offended you but I did read your comments and to be fair you deleted your on-line profile and came here for a moan.

there are no "rules" to where you'll find someone amazing only that you have to be patient, put yourself out there and make an effort and be polite. It will happen eventually.

I was at the pig and porter saturday night in limerick and the (single) girl I was with was being chatted up by two lads I found out she subsequently fancied one and she thought it was charming (in an Irish sort of way) to slag the crap out of them and act aloof. Needless to say they moved on. I enjoy watching women shoot themselves in the foot sometimes, just goes to show they are as clueless as men half the time.

In my experience, you'll find someone when you stop looking.

LegacyUser

i think that is true
and i have seen plenty of women make fools of themselves just in the way you described,i know im not like that, im usually very polite unless ive reason not to be, some people say im too nice for my own good which is probably true as i tend to let people away with alot of things.
i was on that site for about 7 months, there was one nice lad on it but he wasnt interested in meeting up with anyone.
i see alot of my friends with bf's/gf's and their not suited its as if they've settles for 2nd best, i dont want to be like that.
do men find it difficult to find a decent women or are they that picky???

W0LFMAN

As a young successful single male, we are getting picky.

We work hard, honest, and are more understanding to what women what.

I have nice detached house, great job, and a promising future, but remain single; our sensitive caring nature nowadays can be spotted a mile away.

Friends/family in adversely spread our profiles around social circles, which attract women, some nice pleasant ones, looking for deep meaningful male conversations and company, ( just like that with a gay male friend), but with a straight way of thinking. A man that’s understanding, but not secretly manipulating you out of your pants.

I have loads of male/female friends in this position.

There are many decent men out there; but lot of them have been hurt early in there life by women who can hurt these type of men easy. Thats unfortunate.
We do not look for women in Pubs/clubs/house parties or buses. That remains for those hoping to find non-lasting love. We are out there, just looking for the right women....

forever searching just like you.


regards


Wolf

SnowMonkey

Oh come on iyes you can be nice careing understanding but your a man and a iprimarey womens instinks are that we behave like men not giveing in showing that where strong its important and we can protect them...

but yeah you get hurt you build a small bridge walk all over it think people are searching to much for that one perfect partner but thats not going to happen if youdont get out there and experence what kind of people are out there.

At the end of the day its like this modern young people are way to insecure, as a young adult im ****ting my self when i become a perent because im going to have to put these kids in positions inlife where there going to have to be able to face fear simply to over come the modern
problems with young people.

Its fearfull to see how needy young people are in genrall. its like all we do is base ar life around reletionships that hurt us.. then women and men act ignorent to people in as a mentle block in order to protect them selve's half the time. Why is modern socity like this ? it just dont make sence...

W0LFMAN wrote: »

As a young successful single male, we are getting picky.

We work hard, honest, and are more understanding to what women what.

I have nice detached house, great job, and a promising future, but remain single; our sensitive caring nature nowadays can be spotted a mile away.

Friends/family in adversely spread our profiles around social circles, which attract women, some nice pleasant ones, looking for deep meaningful male conversations and company, ( just like that with a gay male friend), but with a straight way of thinking. A man that’s understanding, but not secretly manipulating you out of your pants.

I have loads of male/female friends in this position.

There are many decent men out there; but lot of them have been hurt early in there life by women who can hurt these type of men easy. Thats unfortunate.
We do not look for women in Pubs/clubs/house parties or buses. That remains for those hoping to find non-lasting love. We are out there, just looking for the right women....

forever searching just like you.


regards


Wolf

SnowMonkey

meyoume wrote: »

do men find it difficult to find a decent women or are they that picky???

yep we do indeed,

my list of require ment's is
20 and over.
dress's well
does not have to be a rake as thats not allways attractive.
easy to talk to
has her own interests that she does with her friends.
good cleer concise mentality
idepent
fun loveing
foody.
idealist..
Understandng
liberall
oh really good taste in music
thats my ideal chick. but il mix and match things

ps id like to say if i sounded pushy earlyer on i didnt mean to ...
I some time gets like that

LegacyUser

meyoume wrote: »

i have meet a few people from the dating site i was on, but to be honest i only liked about 2 of them and they were just looking for nsa, the others were slightly strange or else very clingy. i deleted my profile off the site a few weeks ago because i gotr so feed up with it

There are 2 types of guys. Those who can talk, or those who just want to f**k. It seems you've tarred those who like to talk "clingy", and found out those who don't care for talking only care for a bit of ass.

meyoume wrote: »

im a good looking girl, great personality, popular etc. i never come across too strong and il talk to anyone.

meyoume wrote: »

im just laughing at the thoughts of me making the move, i would be guarenteed to make an ass of myself, i honestly dont think i could do it, unless i REALLY liked the guy.

If you're good looking, those who don't have loads of confidence may be frightened away, and the rest may want NSA.

meyoume wrote: »

i see alot of my friends with bf's/gf's and their not suited its as if they've settles for 2nd best, i dont want to be like that.

People get bored with perfection quite rapidly, esp if the other half always agrees with you. If they get on, but different, they won't get bored.

=-=

The beautiful can pick those whom they want. If you see someone you like, talk to them. You'll find out by talking to them how they view you, and thus how they'd act on a date.

Also, beauty is in the eye of the holder. Your friends may have seen what they liked, and gone for it. Brad Pitt may not be what they're looking for.

Deedsie

Cant really give you any good advice, but lots of people in the same boat. I recently went out with a girl for six months, sure she was cute. But i never really liked her to be honest. Wasted her time and mine.

Waiting around to meet the right girl is kinda sucky, but i would never do the internet thing. No offence to anyone who has done it, but i feel like id be giving up the chase. I have been told after talking to girls, that they liked me before, but if they would just give me any bit of a sign it would give me the courage to ask them out. I think!

Just a suggestion. Best of luck with it.

DD

Kold wrote: »

How abouts you make a move rather than waiting for someone to make a move on you?

I agree, it always worked for me .

anonymous_joe

Think most single people are single for similar reasons to you.

Yeah, it does seem hard to meet people these days. I've no idea why, it just seems that way.

sunnyside

W0LFMAN wrote: »

I have nice detached house, great job, and a promising future, but remain single;

Not meaning you Wolf but this describes another category of men, the ones who are so busy protecting their investments they aren't interested in serious relationships and definitely not marriage.

GrumPy

meyoume wrote: »

ok where to start

im 22 and i split up with a ex over a yr ago we were going out for a few yrs. at the start our relationship was great but the cracks started showing very soon into our relationship. he was controlling, possisive, jealous, moody basically everything you dont want someone to be. he was my first love, but looking back now i know i was misguided. anyway my confidence dropped alot and when we did break up i was at rock botton, i started going out alot more and getting very drunk while i was out to the point that black outs were a regular occurance. i had a few one night stands.....which was something i never saw myself doing as i didnt believe in it but at the time i had no self esteem.
however in the last few months ive started to regain my confidence, return to what i use to be, ive a great job, social life that doesnt revolve around drinking, great friends etc and i would really really love to meet someone, not for the sake of having a boyfriend, i want to find someone truly special that will treat me well etc. the thing is i cant seem to find anyone and before you go and say get involved in clubs etc i am involved is so many that ive lost count. i meet new people every day of the week but none of them take an interest in me. im a good looking girl, great personality, popular etc. i never come across too strong and il talk to anyone.
can anyone give me some advice that i havent heard before
p.s i have tried the whole internet thing and the majority of people are just looking for sex, im looking for a lot more than that
please help

It's pretty common what you went through. You will find someone in time. I had no interest whatsoever in a relationship after I left my ex, but ended up randomly meeting a great girl who is much better for me.
You need to stop looking so hard and just go out and enjoy yourself, you will meet or be introduced to someone good eventually.

gaeilgegodeo

Originally Posted by meyoume
ok where to start

im 22 and i split up with a ex over a yr ago we were going out for a few yrs. at the start our relationship was great but the cracks started showing very soon into our relationship. he was controlling, possisive, jealous, moody basically everything you dont want someone to be. he was my first love, but looking back now i know i was misguided. anyway my confidence dropped alot and when we did break up i was at rock botton, i started going out alot more and getting very drunk while i was out to the point that black outs were a regular occurance. i had a few one night stands.....which was something i never saw myself doing as i didnt believe in it but at the time i had no self esteem.
however in the last few months ive started to regain my confidence, return to what i use to be, ive a great job, social life that doesnt revolve around drinking, great friends etc and i would really really love to meet someone, not for the sake of having a boyfriend, i want to find someone truly special that will treat me well etc. the thing is i cant seem to find anyone and before you go and say get involved in clubs etc i am involved is so many that ive lost count. i meet new people every day of the week but none of them take an interest in me. im a good looking girl, great personality, popular etc. i never come across too strong and il talk to anyone.
can anyone give me some advice that i havent heard before
p.s i have tried the whole internet thing and the majority of people are just looking for sex, im looking for a lot more than that
please help

its weird i was just gonna post that story aswell, its the very same to mine, except im male and 24, i cant find any serious mature girl out there who knows that life is more than just work and drinking your wages at the weekend, its headwrecking,and im a bit shy and underconfident so that doesnt help, i have tried internet dating but cant find any interest and im not picky at all,most of my mates are into one night stands and all that but we have to grow up dont we, i just want some nice female company and a mature adult relationship where we both have our self respect and enjoy eachother! boards.ie should have a singles night!?

Nathan251

hmmm.....the solution is simple here, take action-the only failure you should ever be ashmed of is the failure to try, don't wait to stuff for happen, make it happen-as a nudge in the right direction to get you going i'll send you my number via a private message;)

LegacyUser

thanks for all the advice
haha a singles night sounds good but doubt many will show up
i know i will find someone but its difficult finding someone i click with really.
"Also, beauty is in the eye of the holder. Your friends may have seen what they liked, and gone for it. Brad Pitt may not be what they're looking for."
that is very true i wasnt suggesting that their bf's/ gf's werent goodlooking in fact most of them are, its just that some of them are fools thats all, its not all about looks id prefer to meet someone average looking but dead on then a hot looking fool. im not in any was shallow, looks fade eventually so its so impirtant to have a good personality

LegacyUser

i know how you feel gaeilgegodea
its so hard to find someone who's life doest evolve around work and drink. i have been hurt in the past but i dont carry that with me, theres no point, in fact being hurt has helped me buig time, because i know il never make that mistake again

gaeilgegodeo

i know how you feel gaeilgegodea
its so hard to find someone who's life doest evolve around work and drink. i have been hurt in the past but i dont carry that with me, theres no point, in fact being hurt has helped me buig time, because i know il never make that mistake again

exactly meyoume i carried the thoughts of an ex girlfriend around for a long time,even though she walked all over me, but i realised i was a bigger fool for staying involved or even getting upset over her! so any relationship im gonna be in from now has to be 50-50 compromise, there surely are better things in life than drinking and work and ive yet to meet a girl that thinks the same! im single over a year now lol!

LegacyUser

well im single a yr as well, but it doesnt bother me how long im single, i could be single 5 yrs andi wouldnt mind, i just cant seem to find the right guy anywhere.

also have you ever really liked someone and you think they like you but then you find out their into your friend??? thats happened me once or twice!
there are far better and more important things in life then drink and wirk, in saying that i love going out and socialising but that changes a bit when you do meet somone

Judes

Get back on line - I know several serious relationships/marriages that have come out of meeting on dating or friendship sites. The way I see it, if you went to a certain bar or club or social venue and through it you had a few unsuccessful dates, then you wouldn't stop going to these places altogether would you??? So you meet a few fools online but when you meet nicer more genuine people, then it's very rewarding.

Another great way to meet new people, who are interesting and like minded, is join a local political party. It's a great way to get involved in the community and loads of social events/meetings. And you meet so many people through it.

Best of luck and have lots of fun - you're only young, in your mid 20's and every decade we're taking a step back i.e. 30 is the new 20, 40 is the new 30, you get the picture. And remember when you're not "looking" for "the one" - he will come along, when you least expect it!

gaeilgegodeo

well im single a yr as well, but it doesnt bother me how long im single, i could be single 5 yrs andi wouldnt mind, i just cant seem to find the right guy anywhere.

also have you ever really liked someone and you think they like you but then you find out their into your friend??? thats happened me once or twice!
there are far better and more important things in life then drink and wirk, in saying that i love going out and socialising but that changes a bit when you do meet somone

yeah it happened me around three months ago i liked this girl for ages, she was older and more mature and was just having me on all along!she said she wanted to be just mates after all the flirting and dates,dinner etc, but now shes with her brothers friend and hasnt spoken to me since! waste of time,id say something if i was ugly boring and stupid but im not lol! i know what you mean its worth the wait if you get the right person it just gets very lonely when you dont have another half,or even someone of the opposite sex to have a laugh and a chat with! sometimes i just feel like im never gonna meet anyone, it seems like the nice girls get the bad guys and the bad girls get the nice guys most of the time, headwrecking lol!!

Dragan

meyoume wrote: »

ok where to start

im 22 and i split up with a ex over a yr ago we were going out for a few yrs. at the start our relationship was great but the cracks started showing very soon into our relationship. he was controlling, possisive, jealous, moody basically everything you dont want someone to be. he was my first love, but looking back now i know i was misguided. anyway my confidence dropped alot and when we did break up i was at rock botton, i started going out alot more and getting very drunk while i was out to the point that black outs were a regular occurance. i had a few one night stands.....which was something i never saw myself doing as i didnt believe in it but at the time i had no self esteem.
however in the last few months ive started to regain my confidence, return to what i use to be, ive a great job, social life that doesnt revolve around drinking, great friends etc and i would really really love to meet someone, not for the sake of having a boyfriend, i want to find someone truly special that will treat me well etc. the thing is i cant seem to find anyone and before you go and say get involved in clubs etc i am involved is so many that ive lost count. i meet new people every day of the week but none of them take an interest in me. im a good looking girl, great personality, popular etc. i never come across too strong and il talk to anyone.
can anyone give me some advice that i havent heard before
p.s i have tried the whole internet thing and the majority of people are just looking for sex, im looking for a lot more than that
please help

Okay, your going to have to forgive me for reading too much into a thread title but it indicates to me that maybe you are not as ready to get back on the horse as you think you are.

If your confidence has only started to come back over the last few months then let that continue, get happy with yourself and your situation and then start looking for a completely decent guy, not a half decent one.;)

LegacyUser

i know im ready, ive never been more ready lol.

i think its really important to get to know "yourself" before you get involved with someone, and i think ive learned alot about myself over the past months.

and yes a decent guy would be much better then a half decent one.
i might give the online thing a go again, its just that alot of people are not who they make out to be online, you can be someone completely different, i know the same is true when its comes to pubs and clubs but i think its more pronounced online.

i know il find someone but it would help if he started revealing himself

LegacyUser

my confidence is better then it ever has been i really do feel like im ready, im not the kinda person to jump from one person to another.
and yes meeting a decent guy would be much better then a half decent guy.....think you read too much into that lol.

even though i say im confident i would never ask someone out seriously, i have chatted men up but would never ask a man out, just like id never ask a man to marry me lol

gaeilgegodeo

where do you try online? where would be the best pace to meet someone online? we really seem to be in the same boat meyoume,you say everything im about to say lol :rolleyes:

Aurora Borealis

There's a plethora of online sites.
Plentyoffish.com has normal people...

Enjoy!!

LegacyUser

i tried plentyoffish, a free dating site, there were plenty of people on it, if your interested give it a go.
i deleted my profile a while ago because i felt there were no sincere people on it, but its worth trying.
i did meet a good few lads off it, but nothing to write home about lol
you never know some brad pitt look a like might ask me out this week end......keep on dreaming

Ronaldo2

Hi meyoume. You are only 22 there is no rush. As you say you are just getting your confidence back, maybe stop looking for a while. Thats usually when people find what they want, when they are not looking for it.
Best of luck.

Aurora Borealis

V true Ronaldo2. It's by far the most important thing. No harm putting feelers out if you want to meet someone but how you feel about yourself is the number one and at 22 there is certainly no rush at all anyway!

gaeilgegodeo

is plentyoffish an irish site? might see ye there then!

LegacyUser

its a canadain site origionally but theres an irish part to it, lots and lots of people on it from dublin.
best of luck with it, dont know if youl see me there still thinking about it