Sexual Harassment in Work place!!!

JemimaPD

How do you deal with or report Sexual harassment in the workplace?
I'm a receptionist/PA to a managing director in a very small firm. To make matters worse there is no Personel Manager & I'm the only FEMALE.
The problem lies with the Managing Director. He is married and practically a family friend but is constantly make sexual inuendos which are driving me around the bend. I'm not exactly filled with self confidence so most of the time i just try ignore it but today was really bad. I wore a shirt which depending on how i sit can be a bit pulled across the chest and he commented on it saying "I like that shirt" to which i asked him why and his response was "'cause one of these days those buttons are going to pop open" Then he proceeded to ask me if i wanted to sit on his lap and tell "santa" what i wanted for christmas" Enough was enough so i replied I wish the sexual harassment would stop. I then got my bag and walked out of the office. which was prob not a good idea considering i've to face him tomorrow. I feel as tho i'm somewhat trapped as i cannot leave my job as it pays well and i've some debts i want to get paid off which wont be done until end of the year and a contract on a lease for my apartment which doesnt run out til next March.

I'm feeling really low and just want the ground to swallow me so i dont have to deal with it and i cant exactly talk to my family about it. I'm so lost and alone. Please help.:(:(

bigpinkelephant

Get the hell out. NO job is worth that.

There are thousands of jobs similar to yours around. Hand in your notice and get a new job somewhere you won't be treated like an object.

faceman

Hi sorry to hear of your awful circumstances in work.

How big is the company? It sounds quite small if there are no HR people. You have a couple of options, it is an unpleasant situation as he is the to dog:

1) Confront him directly. Tell him you are not comfortable with his comments and want them to stop.

2) Tell another manager/director.

3) Leave and sue for constructive dismissal.

The MD is supposed to be responsible to ensure his company comply with all relevant legislation. Its not as difficult as it may sound, and believe it or not, these things do unfortunately happen.

Either way I dont recommend doing nothing. After all, it wont make your personal well being any better. If you leave and do nothing about it, it means that the MD will continue to go on doing what he does and it may lead to something even worse.

Here are some links on harassment in the workplace.

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/employment/equality-in-work/harassment_at_work

http://www.equality.ie/index.asp?docID=342

from your own personal point of view, its important that you talk to someone close to you, friend of family. You are the victim in the situation but you are not the one at fault.

Keep the chin up, and best of luck with what you choose

faceman

bigpinkelephant wrote: »

Get the hell out. NO job is worth that.

There are thousands of jobs similar to yours around. Hand in your notice and get a new job somewhere you won't be treated like an object.

I would still recommend suing for constructive dismissal. We cant have **** like that being allowed to carry on with unacceptable behaviour in this day and age.

dudara

It would be too easy to walk away and not have him bother you again. However, he would continue as he was with the next girl. Much better to do as faceman suggested and take a stand against him.

JemimaPD

I've done this about 4months ago (which i never disclosed -sorry) and he apologised but every now and again he says stuff again. Today was the boiling point to be honest. I dont want to walk away nor do i want to face him at present. Am contemplating going on sick leave so i can get my head in gear. He is the only MD and treats everyone like they are his best friend and not employees so no one has anything bad to say about him. I have one other problem. There are not many jobs around that i can take that 1 gives me roughly same wages and 2 my lack of minimum experience does hinder me in getting a similar job. OMG i'm so screwed.

BigglesMcGee

take a stand against him.[/quote]

I've done this about 4months ago (which i never disclosed -sorry) and he apologised but every now and again he says stuff again. Today was the boiling point to be honest. I dont want to walk away nor do i want to face him at present. Am contemplating going on sick leave so i can get my head in gear. He is the only MD and treats everyone like they are his best friend and not employees so no one has anything bad to say about him. I have one other problem. There are not many jobs around that i can take that 1 gives me roughly same wages and 2 my lack of minimum experience does hinder me in getting a similar job. OMG i'm so screwed.[/quote]

Record him saying something on your phone or one of those mini recorder things. You can just leave it recording all day every day til you catch him . Then tell him you have the recording (play it back to him, when you have a copy made) and it better stop.

Done and dusted and should you need to sue you have evidence.

LegacyUser

What a wanker,
You did the right thing.

I think you should take a day off tomorrow anyway. Tell them you don't feel comfortable there.
Ring Citizens advice and have a look for a new job. I wouldn't think twice about making a complaint even if he's a friend of the family or not that is completely out of order, beyond a joke even. Most other companies he'd be out on his ear...

Don't stand for it missus, really. And don't worry about leaving the job, you'll be fine money wise these things always work themselves out.

Marksie

faceman wrote: »

I would still recommend suing for constructive dismissal. We cant have **** like that being allowed to carry on with unacceptable behaviour in this day and age.

Difficult to do if you haven't followed forms and proceedures, have records and witnesses if possible.

the link below is for the civil service but gives you some idea of proceedures:
http://www.finance.gov.ie/viewdoc.asp?DocID=507

First step, tell him you are not confortable and he should stop...whihc you ahve done..next steps are:
Make a written records of dates times, whatv was said, who was present.

If he doesn't stop two routes

Informal, and formal:

Informal you have a word with his line amager and get its sorted verbally through mediation
Formal: you put it in writing.
Your HR department, by law I believe, has to have procedures in place.

The_Minister

You said that he was practically a family friend. Probably he thinks hes just messing with you, since he is familiar with you.

Some people have trouble with professional boundaries, with seperating themselves from those they work with, even if they are subordinates (this kind of boss is all fun until someone has to be fired - then things get messy). Your boss needs to learn that he can't be pally with an employee, because you can't slag him back.

If you won't leave, then you need to talk to him again, and explain your position. Some people are just perverts, but most people are decent enough, and just have a different comfort zone then others. Your boss just sounds like he needs to know where the line is, and there is no shame in reminding him. If you said it to him before, and things improved (which is the impression that I get from your post), but he's beginning to slip now, then he probably needs a sharp (but not pointed) reminder.
Just calmly talk to him, say that the jokes are making you uncomfortable but you know that wasn't his intention etc. etc.

JemimaPD

Marksie wrote: »

First step, tell him you are not confortable and he should stop.[\QUOTE]

I've done this already

Make a written records of dates times, whatv was said, who was present.[\QUOTE]


Ive only really started this today. However I have a dictaphone at work so I'll use it from now on and record the day and if he says anything again to me i'll have it on tape

Your HR department, by law I believe, has to have procedures in place.

By the way the MD is also responsible for HR as its a very small company with less than 15 employees. Thanks everyone for your help and advice so far.

bored and tired

op as the minister said, he propably is not so much a pervert, but too friendly a boss,
He probably jokes and messes around with you as if you were one of the lads.

Go in there tomorrow with your head held high, have the dictaphone on, and record yourself talking to him saying that yesterdays comments about sitting on his lap were not acceptable and that you hope that he can keep coments of a sexual nature or relating to your clothing to himself.

he will hopefully say something incriminating to you at that stage, so even if you get fired tomorrow or the day after or if you walk out after another incident, you have him admitting during the course of your conversation that he asked you to sit on his lap. should be cut and dry case if it goes to constructive dismissal case, he would be begging to settle. especially if he has wife and kids.

antoinolachtnai

You probably won't get fired. The guy is a bit of a wally, and probably knows it now. He may be a good boss in many other ways. Just because he does some stupid things doesn't make him a bad person or a bad boss.

At the same time, you shouldn't put up with this nonsense. Make sure he knows that this behaviour is not acceptable.

Hopefully you will tell him this, he will see the gravity of the situation and that will be the end of it.

I would put it in writing too, just to be completely clear.

This is no time to act the shrinking violet. You have to be very forthright and make sure he knows that he has crossed a boundary and that it is not to happen again. You will have to be confident and strong.

I know that is hard, and that you are feeling low but this is what you have to do. What has happened is not your fault. You have no reason to be low. You are not the person who made a fool of himself leering down an employee's shirt and making silly remarks.

Be proud, be strong!

Dictaphone is handy to have as a backup, mind you. But you probably won't need it.

PS: this is a conversation that should happen in private. Are you sure there aren't any other directors you can confide in?

How Strange

OP, I'd advise you go in to work tomorrow, hold your head high and put a good face on it. I doubt very much if he will say anything about today as I'm sure he knows he over stepped the mark.

Document everything from now on. Also, tell him explicitly if any of his inuendo is offensive. Then make sure you document that conversation too.

I'm sorry to hear you have to go through this crap but from what you're saying I'd say he will soon back down completely and stop acting like an inappropriate ass if you tell him a few times that he's out of order and you don't appreciate those comments. He sounds like a bit of a prat really, a boss shouldn't want to be everyone's friend.

If he doesn't then you have a log of activity and I would most definitely consider suing for constructive dismissal if it continues. Also, if you feel the whole thing is getting on top of you go to your doctor and ask for a medical cert for stress and take some time off.

The Mighty Ken

Don't go back in there tomorrow. Write down everything he said to you and what time and date he said it in a list tonight and then speak to your solicitor first thing tomorrow morning. He could easily find a reason to sack you and then if you accuse him of sexual harrassment after the fact, he'll simply say you're doing it out of spite.

This piece of crap sounds like a right scumbag and has absolutely no right disrespecting you or anyone else like that. Make an example of him, family friend or not. That s**t has no place in the workplace.

StandnDeliver

is the bloke married with kids?

if i were you go into work tomorrow as people have suggested,with Dictaphone in hand,if he approaches you,stay at the desk,say how how his comments are inappropriate, that this is his final warning and ask would his wife and kids appreciate his comments? and say your father isnt best pleased at the situation,pretend you have spoke to him,and dont elaborate on the matter if he pushes you.

good luck

LegacyUser

OP all good advice so far,

Record it, date it, who is present etc - all vital evidence as it will change from one person's word against another if you have all that.

What I would add is that you go into work as usual, dont take time off sick etc, its actually strenghtening his hand against you.
Go in as normal, request he stops his inappropriate behaviour and go from there, gathering and strenghting your case.

waves

The Mighty Ken wrote: »

Don't go back in there tomorrow. Write down everything he said to you and what time and date he said it in a list tonight and then speak to your solicitor first thing tomorrow morning. He could easily find a reason to sack you and then if you accuse him of sexual harrassment after the fact, he'll simply say you're doing it out of spite.

This piece of crap sounds like a right scumbag and has absolutely no right disrespecting you or anyone else like that. Make an example of him, family friend or not. That s**t has no place in the workplace.

That is quite ridiculous.

While I sympathise with the OP, her post reads a bit odd.

If someone told me that they liked my shirt, then I;d thank them for the compliment, not ask them why as the OP did. It's as if she was looking to hear the popping buttons comment. The situation could have been avoided - and yes, I understand that he didn't have to say it.

As for "that s**t has no place in the workplace" well, I've worked in many businesses and while serious harrassment would never have been accepted, a few lewd comments were bandied around the office on a regular basis. Now, we were all mates and there was always a 50:50 men/women split. The women gave as good as they got.

OP, if you're not happy about it then go to him again, sit him down and explain to him how uncomfortable you feel and that you don't find it acceptable. Getting lawyers involved seems very drastic over a comment about a tight top.

The Mighty Ken

waves wrote: »

That is quite ridiculous.

While I sympathise with the OP, her post reads a bit odd.

If someone told me that they liked my shirt, then I;d thank them for the compliment, not ask them why as the OP did. It's as if she was looking to hear the popping buttons comment. The situation could have been avoided - and yes, I understand that he didn't have to say it.

As for "that s**t has no place in the workplace" well, I've worked in many businesses and while serious harrassment would never have been accepted, a few lewd comments were bandied around the office on a regular basis. Now, we were all mates and there was always a 50:50 men/women split. The women gave as good as they got.

OP, if you're not happy about it then go to him again, sit him down and explain to him how uncomfortable you feel and that you don't find it acceptable. Getting lawyers involved seems very drastic over a comment about a tight top.

I made my post based on the assumption (and as the OP has suggested herself) that this is an ongoing issue and there have been several previous incidents of a similar nature. Can you confirm this, OP? Or better yet, give us examples?

Speaking of ridiculous - it's ridiculous, waves, that you can even suggest that such lewd comments by (again I'm assuming) a considerably older man can be in any way acceptable just because the OP asked why (and rightly so) he would be complimenting her shirt. She wasn't asking for it and he was completely out of line with 'popping out' and 'sitting on his lap' comment... and I'm pretty sure that constitutes sexual harrassment. Which is why I've advised to the OP to speak to a solicitor. Particularly now that she could find herself being dismissed for something else if she goes back to work anyway. I'm pretty sure that a deviant like her boss will be working out his plan off attack after she walked out of the office.

JemimaPD

waves wrote: »

while serious harrassment would never have been accepted, a few lewd comments were bandied around the office on a regular basis. Now, we were all mates and there was always a 50:50 men/women split. The women gave as good as they got.
.

Thats fair enought in making that assumption, however its an all male environment. I'm the ONLY FEMALE except for once a week when a lady comes to do extra work for about 3hrs then is gone again. I cant say anythng to her cuz again she is a friend of the boss.

StandnDeliver wrote: »

is the bloke married with kids?
Yes he has kid but no he's only engaged

Oh and there is no other director, the only other ppl who might be in the office would be employees but they dont want to hear my prob, they told me before to talk to him which i did and like i said in a previous post he apologised and didnt make any comments until today.

I'm going to go into the office tomorrow and have a talk with him. And go from there. I'll post what happens

The Sweeper

Jemima

After you have a conversation with him, if he appears to agree and apologise, follow up your chat with an email. Tell him, while you talk to him, that you're going to follow it up in email just to make sure you're both clear on what you've just talked about.

Make the email short and to the point and don't add anything to it that you didn't cover in your conversation, for instance:

"Bob,

Thank you for meeting with me. As discussed at our meeting, I find your comments about my dress and my appearance to be offensive. I specifically refer to your comments about liking my shirt and how you said "because those buttons will pop some day", and your comments about "sitting on Santa's knee".

I do not believe these comments are appropriate in the workplace. They make me highly uncomfortable. While I appreciate that you say you mean them as a friendly joke, I do not find them funny and I want you to stop making comments like that to me.

I am glad we had a meeting to discuss this matter, and I thank you for your apology at that meeting.

Best

Jemima P Duck."

Do not, in your email, make any comment about the standard or quality of your own work, or imply it stops you working, or it distracts you from your work - nothing that gives him even a pinhead opening to suggest you're not working well. This is all about his comments, and the fact that you do not like them and want them to stop.

You are not at fault for this man's comments. Assuming you cover your skin up at work (because mini skirts and midriff-bearing clothing are just not appropriate for most office environments), you are entitled to wear fitted clothing or shapely garments. You are also entitled to be an attractive human being without being persecuted for it.

Fair play to you for walking out when it got too much. Better that than sobbing to yourself in the staff loos and putting up with it.

The_Minister

StandnDeliver wrote: »

is the bloke married with kids?

if i were you go into work tomorrow as people have suggested,with Dictaphone in hand,if he approaches you,stay at the desk,say how how his comments are inappropriate, that this is his final warning and ask would his wife and kids appreciate his comments? and say your father isnt best pleased at the situation,pretend you have spoke to him,and dont elaborate on the matter if he pushes you.

good luck

Oh yes, blackmail is the answer:rolleyes:

OP ignore this. One of the best ways to et a bad reaction from someone is to threaten their family.

Reku

Marksie wrote: »

Your HR department, by law I believe, has to have procedures in place.

That's what I thought, regardless of whether a company is big enough to have an actual HR manager/department surely they are currently required to have a procedure in place for dealing with employee grievances and complaints (usually requiring for someone OTHER than the person whom the complaint is against to be the mediator so in this case someone else other than your manager would be in charge of the complaint process)?

MJOR

I'd suggest going back in there and giving it socks!

He now knows he has overstepped the mark.

What a creep:mad:

JemimaPD

Thanks guys for the advice. Spoke to boss and he apologised. I informed him of the consequences if it happens again and he understands. Thanks again

How Strange

JemimaPD wrote: »

Thanks guys for the advice. Spoke to boss and he apologised. I informed him of the consequences if it happens again and he understands. Thanks again

Great, I'm glad it worked out for you.

However, don't forget to write it all down - what was said, times, dates etc. Just in case.

Wibbs

Thread closed as per OP request