Eating Disorder Help Please

LegacyUser

Am going unreg because my best buddy is a long-serving member of Boards and if she surmises who this is, then so be it, but for damage limitation purposes I am opting for anonymity for now. And if you are reading this babe am sorry to be posting but you would do the same.

My best mate recently, as in a few weeks ago, lost a parent through death which is a hugely traumatic thing to go through and I can't even begin to feel her pain. For many years bingeing and purging has been an issue and while this is, to all intents and purposes, a transient thing which has been pretty bad for the last year or two, it has now, since the death of a parent, become very bad. I am probably only the only person who knows to what extent (by that I mean she intimates how bad and I fill in the gaps, we understand each other very well!). While I completely understand and told her a few days ago that its a case of dealing with one thing at a time and don't feel pressurised into dealing with this issue when there are so many others happening right now, I DO want her to get this sorted and I don't want it to spiral completely out of control. Bulimia is not something I understand and don't pretend to but I should imagine bingeing huge amounts three times in one day and vomiting everything is pretty bad. Has anyone been there? What can I do? I love my friend so dearly, she is my "off" button, has been a shining light in my life and I have been good for her. This girl is AMAZING, and while her grief is enough to contend with and I can understand bulimia is a release as is anything from drinking to self harm or what have you, I don't want a situation where this takes hold. She is fabulous and while I know her life is sh1t at the moment and she has to work through this grief, I don't want it to continue where she could maybe seek help. Any ideas? Any help would be HUGELY appreciated, she is one of the most fabulous, deliciously brilliant people anyone could have the pleasure of knowing and while I normally know what to do, in this instance I don't.

Thanks for reading boardsies, throw me a lifeline here!!

Dizzyblonde

I'm sorry I can't advise except to say that until your friend accepts that she has a problem and needs help, there's not a lot you can do for her except be there.
Hopefully she'll read this thread and see how important she is to you, and how she deserves so much better.
Good luck, you're a very good friend.

Nevyn

http://www.bodywhys.ie/

LegacyUser

I fully understand where you are coming from. I'm pleased that you say that you are there for her cuz that in itself is a major help to her. However from your friends side of this, Grieving the loss of a parent is very difficult. With certain people it brings back a lot of problems that may have been surpressed from years ago. Bulemia, self harm (that was one for me), aneorxia etc. At the moment you're showing that you are very concerned for your friend and in one way you've made the step for her. She has to understand that you are going to be there for her always and perhaps you can suggest a form of counselling. And if you feel you want to help more then maybe you could suggest going with her. Some people may say dont do that as your getting yourself too involved in her problems however its you who is in this position not anyone else so do what you can. Your friend also has to acknowledge at some level that she has a slight problem.

Good luck

Redpunto

Would you be able to convince her to go to her GP (with you in tow)? As other people said, until she wants to stop she'll continue, its a control thing.

estar

get her to talk to you about it, and stop keeping it a secret from the rest of her family. bulimia and eating disorders in general are about control and trying to control what you can when everything else seems out of control. the only think she feels empowered by is controlling what enters and leaves her body.

binging and purging is also addictive - it gives you a little high. it creates a bubble in which you can hide from the world, a routine of your own that you follow to protect yourself against facing the world head on. you are so busy executing the commands of the eating disorder that you don't have much time left to feel.

she is eating and purging her grief and has never learned how to manager her emotions or open up properly and cope growing up.

bulimia is a very damaging disorder because you can live with it for so long that the damage is done by stealth. your teeth suffer first, often there are problems with ulcers, hair, nails, skin, and depression caused by mal nutrition.

bring your friend to a GP if you can and ask for a bereavement councillor
and ask her to read about her illness. buy her a book on it and get her to educate herself about what she is doing and why.

she is lucky to have support. ultimately however when she stops is up to her.