Is it just me...?

the glass woman

Am sure most people will find this quite trivial but its an issue that is bugging me more and more lately. Basically i just want to know if other people feel the same way or am i being silly. I have a beautiful 11 month son, and am finding now wherever we go more and more strangers are coming up to him in his buggy, which is fine, but what really annoys me is when they touch him, be it on the face or the hand etc.. Now he is the most social little guy and has a smile for everyone, and i understand that people are just being friendly back, but at the moment we are away on holidays and I've lost count of the times that people have done this and he's even been kissed at least 5 times, and not even by the locals so its not a customary thing.. What led me to write this is that we were sitting at an out door restaurant tonight and person after person came up to him, even though he was lying in his buggy minding his own business, and then this old man comes up, takes his hand, and then squeezed his leg. My son actually pushed his hand away. I'm sitting there gritting my teeth and flinching, much to my husbands confusion, and as soon as the man leaves, out come the baby wipes! Ridiculous, i know! And i certainly don't want my boy to grow up with some sort of complex! Am i alone here?

Miss Fluff

I don't have kids OP but I would take from what you have written that your baby is a little dote and SO UNBEARABLY CUTE that most people would want to eat him with cream given the opportunity (I mean that in a nice way!!:))

From my Mum and any friends with kids it seems there is a huge overly protective instinct with firstborn which eases with each child, so while I can not say I am in your situation but can completely understand your fear, I think it is perfectly understandable that you find this little chap so precious that you dislike randomers touching him etc etc. I guess the only advice I can give is chill, easier said than done I know, but if you are keeping a watchful eye on him and giving him all this love which you evidently are, then just revel in the attention the little pet is giving you and try not to be obsessive about it!!!Kids personalities are formulated from a very young age so let the little guy grin toothlessly at every adoring randomer there is imo, undoubtedly he will end up quite the charmer!!:)

forestfruits

ya I have to say that would irritate me too!
dont have kids, but would never dream of going up to strangers child and doing that!

Carsinian Thau

No, it's not just you.
Personally, I would find that to be very creepy and I have no idea how I'd tolerate it.
Keep using the baby wipes and if it really begins to get to you, say something. Unfortunately, I've no idea what you could say...

RealistSpy

Welcome. I usually say not when they come near my kid.

MJOR

I think maybe you are just beingh a little overprotective..... I'd be annoyed at strangers kissing my kid ( i don't have one yet) but just being friendly and saying hi... not a problem.

you're right with the wipes though just in case.

Dizzyblonde

I know it's probably annoying when people touch your child and I'd never approach anyone's child if I didn't know them.
However, I remember when my daughters were young elderly people would stop us in the street and say hello to them. I think elderly people love to talk to and be around young children, maybe because they're coming to the end of their lives, maybe because they're lonely and won't talk to anyone else that day.
So if people touching your child bothers you, you could say 'he doesn't like people he doesn't know touching him' - this won't offend or hurt people. Try to take it as a compliment that people want to admire your son.

If you stop people even saying hello to him you'll be teaching him not to be open and friendly.

gubby

If you stop people even saying hello to him you'll be teaching him not to be open and friendly. +++++
Oh my god.. get over yourself before you turn you kid into an antiscocial git. let me ask you one thing. would you be happier if you had an ugly baby and people just ignored him.. and you saw them admiring other babies?

is_that_so

I don't have any of my own but I have a load of nephews and nieces and in my experience babies tend to be public property. All of my in-laws are also happy to play pass the parcel with the latest baby and the babies don't seem to mind at all.
I've never seen it as a bad thing though and they don't seem to suffer in any way. But he's your child. Even so, babies, especially happy smiling ones seem to have a magnetic attraction for the rest of us.

Quazzie

Its perfectly normal to want your child to be clean, especially after coming into such intimate contact with total strangers, but I think the worse thing that could happen because of your behaviour is that he might grow up with an OCD for cleansing himself after contact with other people. Its amazing how these habits stick!

I think this Irish attitude to touch is unhealthy to be honest.
Really what is the harm in it? Being physically expressive feels good actually.
I also wouldn't approve of sheltering kids from germs when they are building their immune systems.

the glass woman

Thanks everyone for your advice. (lovely post btw Miss Fluff!) Gubby, you're taking what i said up wrong. I've no problem with people coming up and talking or playing with my baby, but when old men put their hand on his thigh to squeeze it, and my son politely pushes it away because he doesn't like it (i find he's a bit more wary of men in general), or when people slobber all over him, THAT'S when i have a problem. Believe me i couldn't be prouder of the way he acts around people. I've never seen a baby act so social before so i must be doing something right!

flogen

I think I might be a bit annoyed if strangers were coming up and kissing my baby; I'd only be annoyed about them touching his/her face if they were visibly unhygenic or something like that.

If it's annoying you for whatever reason just try to politely discourage them from going near him... maybe when they go to kiss or whatever just say "sorry, would you mind not doing that - he's just getting over a cold/infection/whatever and he's still a bit sensitive" or whatever... some people will pull back because they don't want to pass germs onto the baby, others will pull back because they themselves don't want the baby germs.

When it comes to someone grabbing his thigh to the point of him being visibly uncomfortable, a pretty straight-forward and firm "would you mind not doing that?" would be called for. If they ask why say it's clearly hurting him.

Not that I'd be one to suggest you wrap your baby up and not let them experience pain for themselves but it's hardly the same as being over-protective.

FlexiLexi

i brought my little cousin down to the playground recently(he is two) and one of the mothers came up and started saying he was gorgeous and started squeezing his cheek. although this was meant in a friendly manner, i thought it to be a step too far.
i kinda felt like turning to her and saying to stop malling him!

How Strange

OP, people are only being friendly and you must have one hell of a cute baby if people want to touch him.

There's nothing as irresistable as a cute baby. They just melt people's hearts. I don't have kids, I'm not maternal as such but there is nothing as adorable as a cute little baby smiling back at you.

I'd say relax a bit. I think Irish people have become so offensive (as in on the offensive) and standoffish in the last 10 years or so.

My mam told me that people used to do that all the time to us when we were babies, some even tried to stick lollipops in our mouths :eek: or put a silver coin in our hand for good luck. She said it annoying sometimes but she was also proud to have people cooing over her babies.

the glass woman

Well i know i'm completely biased but he is incredibly good looking with his head of blonde wispy hair, tanned skin and bright blue eyes!! And i really am very proud of the attention he gets. Its like walking down the street with a little celebrity sometimes, he certainly knows how to attract attention for himself! I do worry about him developing some sort of OCD because of me though! Although i must say i'm fairly easygoing about him picking things up off the floor like his bottle etc so i'm not THAT bad!

LegacyUser

I think it's a generational thing. My mam wouldn't think twice about stroking a cute baby's cheek. She means no harm at all, loves babies and kids and dotes on her grandkids.

I'd be wary of touching a child, but that's probably because I'm a clean freak! It'll change once I've kids of my own I'm sure.

TBH unless people are putting their fingers in his mouth I wouldn't worry too much.

SarahMc

I think it is intuitive for parents of older children and grandparents to coo over and touch babies. I have been guilty myself of not being able to resist touching gorgeous babies cheeks!

I think it is something about getting back in touch with that golden, and short period when our own children were babies.

Relax, it is very very doubtful your baby will contract leprosy/scabies etc from an adoring stranger. One day, in a few years, you may be the one who sees a blonde toddler and your heart will melt.

Redpunto

It happens all the time and it drives me up the wall, once while I was in a supermarket i turned my back on buggy (while still holding on to it so noone ran off the babe) and i turn around and a woman is prodding my baby!

Or it happens when the baby is only a couple of weeks old and while their skin is getting accustomed to new things, their skin can flair up when exposed to different changes in the environment and theres some wierd strange people who decide to stick their grubby fingers on my babys face. Answer, no youre not alone.

the_syco

the glass woman wrote: »

Am i alone here?

IMO, it's cos you're his mother. Naturally protective.

Toots

I think this is along the same vein as people coming up and touching/rubbing a pregnant woman's bump. I was out shopping with a few friends last year, one of whom was pregnant at the time, and I couldn't get over the amount of total strangers who came up to her and were chatting away and then started to feel the bump!!

I haven't got kids myself, but I cringe when I see people coming up and mauling some little tot in a buggy and the child's there ready to burst into tears. Saying hello and maybe giving the child a finger to hold or something is fine, but anything more would really make me uncomfortable to the point that I'd have to say something. It's nothing got to do with germs or anything like that, I just can't get my head around how some people seem to feel entitled to touch someone just cos they're in a buggy. I know most people don't mean any harm by it, but I think there's a line and a lot of people cross it. Squeezing and kissing a child that you've never even seen before is just weird IMO. The OP is lucky her little one is so sociable, I've seen a lot of kids really freak out and get quite upset by it, which is no picnic for the parents either.

Twinkle-star15

I agree with you 100% on this. I don't have kids myself, but I understand where you're coming from. I'd never dream of touching a baby I didn't know! Making faces and stuff though... :P
I'd say go with the other posters when they said to tell people your son doesn't like being touched by strangers.
Good luck!

xxx

babyboom

There must be something wrong with me. I have three kids - all beautiful of course! - and I never had a problem with people touching them, be it patting them on the head or giving them a kiss on the forehead or whatever. I take it completely as a compliment. I never had a problem with people touching my bump when I was pregnant either - in fact I'd almost encourage it I was so proud to be pregnant. Maybe I should see someone? In all seriousness, I wouldn't get too stressed about it or your little fella will pick up on your stress and MAY develop issues with it in the future. I'd cuddle anyones kids - only with their permission though - they are so lovable.

the glass woman

Hmmm, i must say i did have a problem with people, even the inlaws, touching my bump. I just think its incredibly personal to be honest, and my mum must agree because the only time even she ever put her hand out to it was when i told her to go ahead and feel her grandson to be's heel moving visibly across my tummy! As regards people touching my son now, well i guess I'll just have to learn to relax about it, as this morning in the lift going down to breakfast (We're still on hols) my son put his hand out to everyone and all three people in the lift squeezed his face, and then on the beach the deck chair guy actually picked him up, i waited, saying nothing, til a few minutes later when my son decided he wasn't quite comfortable with this and reached out for his mammy!

eveie

i dont not have any children but i think id feel the same way.
i adore kids but i dont think its approiate to just touch a kid that i dont know, its intrusive for both the child and parent. however smiling or waving or pulling a funny face is ok, but i wouldnt be concerned with the way you feel after all your a arent its probably natural instint to feel somewhat preotctive over your child.