difficulty in meeting new people

33cl

As a disabled person (amputee) who moved to ireland some years ago, I've found it very hard to make friends. As my physical situation has deteriorated, I've lost much of the confidence etc i had in my teens. And aside from interacting with work mates and family, there isnt much else and I very very rarely go out. I'm feeling pretty depressed and lonely right now, are there any social groups or organisations out there for the disabled, would the IWA be of any help to me?

Amz

I'm sure it would be no harm to get in touch with the IWA, they may know of other people, groups or organisations that you could also contact. There is a list at the top of this forum of accessible places around Dublin that you may be able to go to if you do go out if that's an issue for you. I'm not sure if you're based in Dublin, but perhaps it could be a useful resource for you?

This forum is quite quiet, but there are some posters here who might be able to suggest some things for you to do, or people you could contact to help you out.

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling down, it can be easy to feel isolated and meet new people when you have a disability, so I do understand where you're coming from.

Would any of your work colleagues be amiable to going out socially with you, even as a group, if you were to suggest somewhere suitable/accessible to go? Maybe try taking the initiative that way?

CtrlSource

The IWA should definitely be helpful to you. They have a good support network in place and while i'm not an active member myself, i know people who socialise there and at events organised by them, including sporting activities and other social events. As Amz said, they might also be able to put you in contact with other groups.

You speak about losing much of the confidence you had in your teens. i believe that i can identify with that. Over time things improved for me again, but being a child with a disability was much easier than being an adult with one. Even if you're feeling lonely, please remember that you are not actualy alone

What age are you now?

33cl

CtrlSource wrote: »

The IWA should definitely be helpful to you. They have a good support network in place and while i'm not an active member myself, i know people who socialise there and at events organised by them, including sporting activities and other social events. As Amz said, they might also be able to put you in contact with other groups.

You speak about losing much of the confidence you had in your teens. i believe that i can identify with that. Over time things improved for me again, but being a child with a disability was much easier than being an adult with one. Even if you're feeling lonely, please remember that you are not actualy alone

What age are you now?

Thanks for your help guys. I'm actually 30 now and it really is a huge struggle. I believe that my amputation isnt in itself as big an obstacle as nerve damage suffered in my hands as a result of an illness some time after losing my leg. A thing that annoys me intensely about Dublin is the seeming lack of care for the disabled in rgds to social activities. I can walk but I wonder what it must be like for those in wheelchairs. There are so many restaurants, bars and clubs that are barely accessible to me (even if I were socially active). A couple of times there have been work outings to bars with the event on the 1st or 2nd floor. And both places had no lift! I could just about make it up. And at both these outings I saw no other disabled employees from mine or any other company. tbh this (and severe lack of confidence in general) are the reasons why i havent been to any outings since early last year, the stress is just not worth it. Surely every subterranean or multi level establishment should be required by law to have lifts and yet I've heard of very few that do.

Apologies for going off on a tangent but it is these type of things that cause
never ending frustration for me (and others i'm sure).

Amz

There have been a few threads on this issue, even the thread I mention at the top of this forum mentions certain issues.

I've heard of establishments that advertise themselves as being accessible, being complete access and mobility nightmares!

Don't worry about going off on tangents it's relevant to the issues you raise in your first post.

Did you mention the issues surrounding stairs etc. and the location of work outings to those that organise them? Perhaps the organisers, as so often happens, didn't even consider that it might be a problem for you.

We did try to make boards beers (events organised by members of this site) more accessible, but the people who made the biggest fuss about making them easy to access never actually showed up when efforts were made so I think people organising got a bit frustrated and it's not really a concern any more. Which is unfortunate as I'm sure there are members who have been put off attending, but didn't want to cause a stir.

What are your interests 33cl? Is there anywhere close to where you're currently living where you could purue your hobby/interest and meet people that way? Perhaps you may find a forum on boards that deals with your interests, many of the forums organise their own events where people with similar interests will meet up and hang out.

condra

It's interesting. I always thought that sick or disabled people, from stroke victims, aids patients, to wheelchair users would automatically have really cool support groups, but that's just not the case.

I know there are various support groups there, if people search them out, but I think (many, lay) people just presume that ill or disabled people get the support they need automatically.

Would it be an idea (for someone, a mod?) to organise occassional social meetings in Dublin for people who use this section of the site? Might not be enough people who use it, who would be into the idea though.

I think the subject of lonliness and isolation is almost taboo in Irish society. People would be embarrassed to admit that they get lonely, but it is pretty normal, and I suspect more common than is evident.

Disability aside, I've seen subjects like this in the personal issue section before and the standard advice (apart from dating sites like okcupid) is often joining a club or doing a course. Nightcourses are definitely a great way to make new friends.

Sorry I cant be of any more help.

Will

On the whole accessibility issue, yeah its pretty dire here in Ireland.
I work part time as a care assistant and usually take some of the lads out who are in wheelchairs. Money is sparse so we usually just take the bus, but one instance I remember 5 buses passed and neither were wheelchair accessible. The lads were getting pretty irritated and we hadnt even reached our destination.

Currently I'm in a different job, and there's a man in there with CP, he can walk okish with the help of a walking aide but there are pretty high steps at the entrance and no wheelchair ramp. There is a side entrance but its out of the way, and frankly the man should be able to walk in the main entrance. it would add extra time for his commute on the way in.

I suppose working for quite a while in the industry I see things from a different perspective. Even pubs and clubs, very few are accessible to anyone who has issues walking or is in a wheelchair. On the bus home today in fact saw a lad outside the front of a pub in a wheel chair. looked at the place and realised he couldnt get in, his mates musta gotten him a pint. the option should be there.

anywho ive babbled enough

33cl hope it works out for ya

RainyDay

THere is a risk of getting stuck in a ghetto (no disrespect) if you focus your social efforts within the disability community. Lots of people have difficulties in socialising, regardless of their abilities or disabilities. Your workmates might be a good starting point, or get involved in a voluntary body. Be positive by proposing venues that you know to be accessible, rather than complaining about the ones that aren't.