Double-booked for the debs?

Tiroskan

Alright, so my problem is that at the beginning of the year my friend and I were messing and I asked if he'd come to my debs with me because I'd no one else to go with and my other best friend has decided not to attend, thinking it'd be good craic at the vrey least if we went together. Spent the next 6 months or so feeling rather smug, thinking I had my whole debs sewn up as I'd my dress and all got and a date organised. As the year progressed said friend and I didn't see nearly as much as each other because I was housebound 'studying'. We've kind of grown apart now and I don't really think he wants to go anymore because everytime I mentioned it he seemed disinterested and wouldn't really discuss it with me. My mam was also very unhappy as I was getting to the point where I was getting stubborn and deciding that I didn't want to go to the debs anyway because I was so unhappy with the situation, but had no one else to invite. Then I bumped into a guy I hadn't seen in months who's mad about me and we got talking again and I remembered how well we got on. So I asked if he'd go to my debs with me without having cancelled with my friend.

Now, these two guys know each other and are relatively friendly. I explained the situation to guy two and he quite enthusiastically agreed to go, obviously assuming that friend 1 and I had agreed he didn't want to go or something, because while I was procrastinating about actually telling friend 1 that I didn't want to go with him anymore, new date was speaking to him, because he left me a message on bebo telling me he didn't think he could go with me anymore because friend 1 had told him that he never said he didn't want to go with me.

But I really don't want to go with friend 1 because while I didn't give it much thought in the beginning, I really want to have a good night and not make a total show of myself and friend 1 is a bit of dick sometimes and I don't want to take him in case he does make a total show of me, because he doesn't care and he's prone to falmboyant illlustrations of how much he doesn't care about anything, like saying incredibly inappropriate and dumb **** and walking around with his pants round his ankles. Plus, we just don't get on that well anymore and the only other person that would keep me company is the best friend who's going shoe shopping with her mother instead. But I don't really know how to solve this and I've gone right back to having decided that I'm Just Not Going To Go Anyway Because I Don't Care (Even Though I Really Do).

Help please?

Jesus Wept

Tell one of them you aren't going with them.

Probably the one you don't want to go with would be best (friend 1) - the one that is a bit of a dick sometimes,
the one that might make a show of you because he doesn't care and may walk around with his lad hanging out while
saying incredibly inappropriate sh1t - that guy.

Edit: Then endeavor not to repeat the mistake in the future.

Overheal

how is this is an issue? I think if you re-read your post you'll know exactly what to do here. Just explain to person 1 you've found someone else.

KnifeWRENCH

It seems obvious from your post that you'd rather go with person No.2.

So tell person no.1 you've found someone else. If ye've fallen apart that much, he might not even be bothered.

Definitely go with No. 2

Tiroskan

****, I meant to add that I put off telling friend 1 becaues I didn't want to hurt his feelings(not likely)/accidently insult him(more likely).

So I suppose I should have added is, what would be the best way of phrasing sorry, but I don't want to go to the debs with you anymore because you can be horribly conceited and I don't want you to embarass me in front of all these people I won't see until the 10 year reunion, so I'd rather take your friend instead without hurting his feelings(not likely)/accidently insulting him(more likely)?

Sry.

Jesus Wept

Is it a secret that you and friend #2 fancy each other? If not, just friend #1 tell him that, it's understandable you'd want to go to your debs with someone you fancy & fancies you.

Take friend #1 to the 10 year reunion instead, that's the time to take someone who'll wander around with their pants around their ankles.

Tiroskan

Oh, I don't fancy guy 2. I'm gay. I just think he'd be way more fun to take. Plus, he'd be obliged to stick around most of the night because he's like, totally in love with me.

Jesus Wept

Does he know you have no romantic/etc interest in him?

Based on this info, give them both a break and go alone.

Tiroskan

yes, it's not a problem. I like him enough that I'll usually make out with him because it makes him happy, even though I've made it explicitly clear that nothing else shall ever happen between us. We had a whole conversation about it and all.

However, it does mean that I can't use the argument that obviously I'd go with someone I fancy, unfortunately. I have no nice excuse for my favoritism.

Overheal

Tiroskan wrote: »

yes, it's not a problem. I like him enough that I'll usually make out with him because it makes him happy, even though I've made it explicitly clear that nothing else shall ever happen between us. We had a whole conversation about it and all.

......

I'm with Rigger here. Leave both of them. I mean seriously: "You Dont want to hurt number 1" but at the same time the number 2 that has a romantic interest in you, you don't see the kind of damage you're going to do to him later on? wtf?

He's got feelings for you and you're just teasing him and stringing him along. Maybe you haven't been on the receiving end of that but its a hell and a half lot worse than having someone tell you they'd rather not go to the debs with you.

Trust me; just because we say we understand, does-not-mean-we-understand. The average guy will stick around, take what he can get and doesnt think about the inevitable dump: give him the helping hand there and get it over with now before he has too much time to fall for you.

yawnstretch

Go with someone you fancy and leave poor guy number 2 alone. REALLY. You are hurting him.

the_syco

Overheal wrote: »

He's got feelings for you and you're just teasing him and stringing him along. Maybe you haven't been on the receiving end of that but its a hell and a half lot worse than having someone tell you they'd rather not go to the debs with you.

I'm with Overheal on this one. Stringing him along, and then denying him (as your "gay") is very very cruel.

Deadeyes

Show the guys this post, I'm sure your double booked problem will very quickly resolve itself into a no date problem. You've dirtied your bib with these guys, your treating them both awfully, and you call friend #1 horrible and conceited? Forget about going to the debs with either guy, find a third person and try being honest with them.

Giblets1067

As the other posters have said tell friend 1 and friend 2 that you can't go with either of them and put them out of their misery. You say that friend 1 is "s bit of a dick" at times. Hate to break it to you but you are hardly coming off well here yourself. You are coming across as a complete user - like you'd be quite happy to bring friend 2 because you know he'd be "obliged" to hand around because he is completely in love with you. You couldn't seem to care less about anyone's feelings. Tbh with the way you are acting at the moment you deserve to go on you own.

Zulu

Amazing!
Well you seem to have no problem with what you are doing - so congratulations on that.

I suppose though, if you actually want to do the right thing, you'd explain to guy2 that you're only stringing him along, and that you'd end up kissing him again to satisify your own insecurity and need for attention; that you've no interest in him as a person, and because you don't want to hurt him, you don't want him to come.
You could also explain that you made a commitment to guy1 and that you feel you should really honour that promise. (Although, clearly this is a lie so you might what to leave it out).

chump

I reckon guy2 will be happy being stringed along to his debs. He'll have a good night and get over it.
Tell guy1 that you're going with guy2.

Tiroskan wrote:

yes, it's not a problem. I like him enough that I'll usually make out with him because it makes him happy, even though I've made it explicitly clear that nothing else shall ever happen between us. We had a whole conversation about it and all.

Tiroskan wrote:

Oh, I don't fancy guy 2. I'm gay. I just think he'd be way more fun to take. Plus, he'd be obliged to stick around most of the night because he's like, totally in love with me.

Guy2 will always be able to say he went to the debs with a hot girl who he fancied who was gay and he made out with her. He'll get plenty of mileage out of it, so don't worry about hurting his feelings.

KnifeWRENCH

OMG Guy 2 is LIKE TOTALLY in love with you is he? And yet you're quite happy to string him along, even go as far as saying he's "obliged" to stay with you and then, after all that, tell him "Thanks for coming. Oh but of course I'm gay and we have no future, remember? Bye now." It doesn't matter that you've talked about it before - as long as you're still making out with him he's gonna want more (since he's SOOOO in love with you :rolleyes: )

And while all this happening you're worried about the feelings of someone else, who you don't even particularly seem to like that much??! The mind boggles.

Going to The Debs means you're supposed to be an adult. If you can't stop acting so immaturely then you don't deserve to go at all.

Ainekav

+1

the words "child" "insecure" and "confused" come to mind.

leave guy2 alone.

leave guy1 alone.

you're gay,remember?

brianthebard

this thread is great.do you honestly believe the debs is proof you're an adult though igloo?i've no real advice other than you(the op) need to work on being gay.why not leave both guys alone and bring a girl you fancy?would make you the center of attention,hard to believe you wouldn't like that?

KnifeWRENCH

brianthebard wrote: »

this thread is great.do you honestly believe the debs is proof you're an adult though igloo?

Well in theory yes.
In reality.......perhaps not.