My Life is so sad.

LegacyUser

Hi all

I wanted to ask for help. I don't know what kind but hopefully someone else will.

I'm a man in my Mid 20's. I work a regular office job, earn a decent wage and don't have any money troubles. I Want for nothing in terms of food, drink, clothing or entertainment.

I have a family who love me and support me in everything I do.

I have a girlfriend who I love and who loves me. we are in a serious relationship and considering getting engaged.

I have wonderful friends who I have so much fun with.

Now here's the problem. My life is totally empty. My family lives out in the country so I barely get to see them. My girlfriend is barely ever around so I barely ever get to see her and my friends are out living the single life andI get left behind due to relationship and work commitments.

I find myself bursting into tears at the most random moments, like right now as I write this. Many evening I just pick up some takeaway food on the way home, lock myself in my bedroom and look at porn on the internet till its time to go to work again.

I'm sure if I was gone after a while no one would really miss me. My only worry is my family and the poor person who might find me. I don't feel suicidal. I just think my life is so bland and unmemorable that if I did go I would not be missed.

I don't know how I can get myself out of this rut. I just don't want to allow my life to continue like this. someone please help me.

Blazer

Take up a hooby..get out there and make new friends.
Something like Tag rugby is a great way to meet new people and great crack for the new ppl as well.
Take up soccer..another way of meeting new friends. See if your friends would be interested as well.
Basically get off your ass and get out there.
You have many things going for you that other ppl don't have.
Talk to your gf , get her involved in something you'd both like..that way ye have fun and be together.
The thing is going home straight to the bedroom is bad...you need to stop this asap...this is amplfying your feelings of emptyness.

LadyTBolt

There is something missing in your life and you need to find it, fast!

I agree with M. Reilly as you do need to get out there and do something. If you're not into contact sports try some target/clay pigeon shooting. It's a great sport and lots of fun. PM me and I will send you on some details.

Alternatively, have a think about something you would like to do and aspire to do it. Make plans and look forward to them i.e. travel, parachute jump, flying lessons etc.

If you have a family that love and support you, a loving girlfriend and lots of friends you have a lot more than most people and I'm sure if you were gone you would be missed. Everybody gets sad and crys randomly so you are not alone. You are brave enough though to want to do something about it.

Sleep on it and no matter what you come up with or how crazy it sounds I bet its doable and there starts plan No. 1

fuzzywiggle

You really have to put it all into perspective. Really, what more could you want? Why do you feel this emptiness? It must be explainable. You sound like you have it all...and still aren't happy. No pleasing some people?

Make more of an effort to see your family. Make an effort to see your friends. This ''their living the single life'' is nonsense. They lead normal lives without girlfriends which shouldnt stop you from being friends with them.

Some people just don't realise how lucky they are. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do your best to get out of the rut your in.

geminilady

Hi there,

I hear all your good things in life, your family, your relationships, and your good job.

And now at the minute, your feeling quite low.

Well even when we have all the things we want in life, its natural to feel like this.

But, what is your problems, is all under your control, you say you dont see your family much or your girlfriend, well go see them more often, dont mope around your room because if you feel down your just going to feel worse if your moping around on the internet.

Call your girlfriend, visit your family more often, as you say your young and healthy.

Dance to music around your room! when your in work think off all the things you can do when you get home, cook a nice meal perhaps and a dvd and relax?

Diet can affect your moods so try and fit in a balanced diet.

Most of all, try not to bottle up your feelings, its good you have taken the first step in acknowledging your feelings, so well done.

But as you say your loved, and thats what family and friends are there for..support, so use them as a cushion!

Take care of yourself.
x

kittensoft1984

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear your feeling down.

First things first, like the other posters said take up a hobby? its a great way to get out and meet people. There is also the boards beers......depending on where you are living!

Also i have found volunteering a great way of meeting people and getting out of the house

You say your GF is never really around...why is that? Could this be part of the reason you are feeling low?

Why not plan a trip to see your family? Maybe with your GF?

It can be tough to feel your life is empty, ive been there and its not nice.

But to be honest its up to you.

I know some volunteering places, PM me for the details if you like

Kitten x

Karen_*

OP I think you might be a bit depressed at the moment. Everything is going great but you still feel awful. Its a horrible way to feel and even though you don't want to kill yourself you're thinking about how it would be for everyone if you were gone.

Well you'd be more than missed. Your family, friends ad girlfriend would be shattered. You don't have those wonderful people and relationships for no good reason. You have them because you mean the world to them. And thats because of the person you are.

I think you should go to your doctor and get advice from him because it sound like you might be clinically depressed. You MIGHT be, so its worth checking out and seeing if he can help you. Also talk to your girlfriend and can you talk to your mam? I can tell you that as a mother I would want to know if my son felt like you do.

pookie82

I understand how strange it can feel to "have everything" and still feel like this. it seems to be a part of human nature sometimes to feel this way even though everything on the outside looks perfect - in fact it's worse to feel depressed when you can't even pinpoint a reason, such as bad relationship or crap job or miserable family.

You may be depressed, and considering suicide or even thinking about it, would lead many people to suspect that. Is there a reason that your girlfriend isn't about? You mention thinking about getting engaged - does she live/work away? Would getting married or moving in together not help you? And if this is impossible for you to do, then why are you both considering marriage?

You should talk to her. Tell her how you feel. Explain that it's nothing to do with anyone around you, just the way you seem to be feeling lately. Mention it to family or a close friend. Talk about it. Try to pin point why it's happening (I may be wrong but I reckon the absent girlfriend could be a factor - it's not easy being unable to spend your free time with someone you love). If she knew how you felt maybe you two could work something out.

You should also pop in to your GP. Issues like this can often be best thrashed out with a virtual stranger. He/she will know what to say and how to help you. You are not alone in feeling like this. Millions of people feel like this the world over. The difference in those who overcome it is that they talk out, they seek help, and they move forward. You shouldn't feel the compulsion to cry regularly or be contemplating a world without you.

Think about it this way. if I (or a lot of people I know) died tomorrow, there wouldn't be any great difference in the world. It wouldn't grind to a halt, I wouldn't have monuments built in my name and i wouldn't adorn the history books. That doesn't mean that I don't mean the world to a lot of people, and that their lives would be far more miserable without me. I may not recognise it all the time, nor do you, but you certainly don't want to get to a place where you feel like you might test that.

Talk to someone. You're really not alone. Good luck.

Esel

help wanted wrote: »

I'm a man in my Mid 20's. I work a regular office job, earn a decent wage and don't have any money troubles. I Want for nothing in terms of food, drink, clothing or entertainment. I have a family who love me and support me in everything I do. I have a girlfriend who I love and who loves me. we are in a serious relationship and considering getting engaged. I have wonderful friends who I have so much fun with.

Now here's the problem. My life is totally empty. My family lives out in the country so I barely get to see them. My girlfriend is barely ever around so I barely ever get to see her and my friends are out living the single life and I get left behind due to relationship and work commitments.

Compare the two paragraphs!

You can talk to your family on the phone, and maybe visit more regularly. Why is your girlfriend barely ever around? What commitments are stopping you going out with your friends? Those two paragraphs above are so contradictory, unless the first one should have started with "To other people, I seem to have a great life - ...."

Previous posters have suggested talking to your doctor about how you are feeling, and I feel this is good idea. No doubt there will be other posters who will berate us for being so quick with to offer this advice, and try to put you off the idea. That's the 'net for ya!

Have you confided in anyone about how you are feeling these days? Your girlfriend, or a really good friend, maybe? If not, consider it. I find that talking, putting feelings into words, can help enormously to better understand those feelings, and to possibly gain some insight into what might be giving rise to them.

Believe me when I tell you that I know the feelings you have told us about, and that it does not have to always be like this.

My advice, again, is to talk to your doctor. Make an appointment, rather than queuing in the surgery. That way, the doctor will have more time to see you, and you won't feel the pressure that you would feel if you had just walked in as their 'next patient'.

LegacyUser

The truth is, your life story is empty!

You previously defined yourself in terms of having a satisfactory job, money, a relationship with a girlfriend, family, friends, etc. You fit the ideal candidacy for a perfect life - congratulations! How do you feel?

If your family, friends, job, education, girlfriend, house were all stripped from you - who would you be?

All the things you have, and roles that define who you are, will eventually disappear or change. Ultimately, what does all this mean to you anyway when you eventually die?

Emptiness is the truth and this is what you are realising/feeling. Deep down everyone knows this is true. Some may comment that this a negative and nihilistic thing. They couldn't be further from the truth! The truth is emptiness, and emptiness is neither positive or negative - it is what it is, no judgement - just great peace and acceptance of life's events for what they are. If you can become the observer then you've found it, you've found yourself!

If any event or life situation is bugging you and on your mind, then you need to fix it immediately. Don't let it destroy your peace of mind. If it can't be fixed, it is a limitation of life and it needs to be accepted as something you cannot control, surrender is needed!

Take care,

Overheal

OP it sounds like you have a lot to live for here, its just that you dont know what to do with yourself in between the breaks from all of that. I mean hell I dont have any of that. You just keep going. And in the meantime go pursue something that interests you. As others have said find a hobby: you have all this free time to do nothing but **** at your PC: when you could be out there doing something else? Give it some thought: there must be something you love doing that you havent done in years.

I guess its perfectly normal for the rest of life to feel empty and mundane when you stand it up next to a loving girlfriend and family

Nevyn

Where is your passion ?
What things are you passionate about ?
You need to figure that out and pursue your passions.

DenMan

I agree with a lot of the other posters here OP, you need to do something to take your mind off things. As others have said taking up a hobby is a terrific way to begin. Maybe if you are passionate about music you should consider taking up a musical instrument to learn. If you like reading then start working on a short story, you will be amazed at what you can come up with if you allow your imagination to flow. Not being mean here but you should take hold of what you have. You have a good job, planning an engagement. There are a lot of people who would be envious to be in your position. As a person who has suffered from depression myself I am taking steps towards getting my life going in the right direction. You have a lot of things going for you and need to look at the positives of what you have in your life and if you feel you are missing something then taking your mind off things is the way to go. Keep yourself busy and active and the rest will fall in place. Good luck man.

Gone West

take a long holiday and "find yourself"

forestfruits

fuzzywiggle wrote: »

You really have to put it all into perspective. Really, what more could you want? Why do you feel this emptiness? It must be explainable. You sound like you have it all...and still aren't happy. No pleasing some people?

Make more of an effort to see your family. Make an effort to see your friends. This ''their living the single life'' is nonsense. They lead normal lives without girlfriends which shouldnt stop you from being friends with them.

Some people just don't realise how lucky they are. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do your best to get out of the rut your in.

Very helpful! Talk about kicking someone when they are down!!

OP you need a focus- I think maybe because things are fairly good in terms of family friends and gf that your beating yourself up for feeling low. I agree with the other posters who suggest getting a hobby, meeting other people and maybe make some effort to get back into seeing your friends regardless of them living the single life!!

Do go see your GP or drop an email or call the Samaritans- I know I know it sounds like a last resort but give it a go- if you dont feel up to face to face with someone yet they are a good option!

It will pass- it is a rut- you wont stay in it forever - you need a little change or jolt to get you out of it - unfortunately its you that has to make that change (when you least feel like doing anything).

Best of luck

Splendour

Hi help wanted,

as others have suggested here, it might be no harm to have a talk with your GP. While you are waiting on that appointment though, if you have a bible to hand, open it and read Psalm 23 and Psalm 139.
If you don't have a bible handy, no worries-just goolge them

God bless

sunnyside

help wanted wrote: »

Hi all

I have a family who love me and support me in everything I do.

I have a girlfriend who I love and who loves me. we are in a serious relationship and considering getting engaged.

I have wonderful friends who I have so much fun with.

Now here's the problem. My life is totally empty. My family lives out in the country so I barely get to see them. My girlfriend is barely ever around so I barely ever get to see her and my friends are out living the single life andI get left behind due to relationship and work commitments.

.

I think it's likely that your friends and family situation isn't as perfect as you think. I never knew how much good friendships and relationships could enhance life until recently. Like the OP I had plenty of friends but then by chance I made some new ones who made me feel alive again. Real friends will always keep in touch no matter how busy they are. The 2 people who are my best friends live in different parts of the country to me but we text and speak on the phone a few times a week and I always know what's going on in their lives. Are you sure you should be considering getting married to someone who barely has the time to speak to you?

TheMelodyOfRain

Let me first say that I have found myself here on many occasions in the past, but thankfully not anymore. The problem was, as I reckon it most likely is with you, was that I didn't know what I wanted. Instead of making the effort to look for what I wanted, I made the mistake of focusing on what I didn't want. Like how much pressure I was under to excel in school so I could go to college and fit neatly into society the way other people wanted me to, the way other people expected me to. I see by your post you have a very negative outlook on life...but the truth is OP, you can be anything you want. You can actually have anything you want and you can be anyone you want to be...but you just need to know what that is.

Look at your life. Even look at your description of the crap situation you're in at the moment. You want it to change, yes? Then change it, its that simple. Don't adopt the 'easier said than done' mentality, because thats what'll keep you where you are without a doubt. When you put out negative thoughts, such as ruminating upon how crap your life is, or dwelling upon how empty an existence you inhabit, you're going to get that negativity back.
If your glass is empty man...fill it. Personally I love finding faults with my life, because I know that as soon as I find a crease in the fabric, I can just iron it out.

Your rut is a state you have fabricated around yourself by means of habitual negative thinking. Thats what happens man, the stress of it all weighs you down into the ground, its how people get depressed. Its definitely how I got depressed. How I got out of it was with affirmative thoughts. I wanted change, so I went and made the changes I wanted to see. I'm still in the process of doing it, but I'm so overwhelmed by the transformation it ushered that I recommend it to anyone I come across in a rut. The more you think about it, the more obvious it becomes...you look at your life in a negative light, moan and sulk and you become depressed. Happens time and time again. Now, you flip it around and block out all the negative thoughts and just concentrate on letting positive thoughts develop...and wait until you see what will happen. You dont even need to believe anything will happen, it just will.

All negative feelings are due your perspective. If you're in a situation where it appears as if everything is going wrong for you and you think you're in a rut you can never get out of, you're just in a habit of negative thinking, and who'd blame you considering the amount of crap thats just after happening. What you do is, start pretending everythings ok. As f**k crap, and simplistic and futile a method as it may appear to be, just try it.

To be: Act as if.

Why do you think successful people are the way they are? Do you think its just luck? Do you think its chance or 'fate'? Certainly not, its their positive outlook and determination because positive thinking tells them there is a goal to be achieved and if they chase that path, they'll be rewarded with what they want. If they thought the opposite way about it, they'd be nowhere. They'd be sitting in their house day after day on the computer eating **** food with **** all money moaning about how crap life is, or something to that affect. You dictate your life with your thoughts. Your most dominant thoughts will ALWAYS find a way to manifest, and your thoughts can only be either POSITIVE or NEGATIVE. Its simply down to choice. Nothing is out of your control; humans are just too intelligent. You are never completely powerless and if it seems so its just an illusion made by the negativity you're surrounding yourself with.

Lets look at what you want as opposed to what you don't want. Look at how the people who possess this (be it self confidence, an item or an emotion) act. How do they behave? Through my own observations I've seen plainly that confident, happy and outgoing people talk to others, they're quite enthusiastic and generally interesting or 'charismatic' people that aren't quite like the people around them, who just tend to crown around in pure fascination of the overwhelming character of the person. I've been that kind of person before, and I've been the opposite. These days, I can be that person at will by just acting the way someone that 'I' would find interesting would. It works every time. I look at a situation that could probably turn out negative, I examine the way I would act leading up to that undesirable outcome and avoid that behavior.

The next time you're expecting a negative out come from a situation, write about what you're expecting to happen here and I'll tell you exactly how to dictate the positive outcome instead, I honestly do it all the time. I have to do it all the time, because I know how the negative thinking drains me. I become negative, and dwelling on the crap negative thing that happened fuels the next shi* thing, then I'm complaining about how shi* it is, fueling the f**king next one...but surely if this is the tried and tested truth; the inevitable outcome; then shouldn't the opposite positive frame of mind should bring me nothing but happiness? It does. Its already been proven to you by the miserable state you're currently in due to negative thoughts.

cance

I have to say OP i am in a very similar situation lifestyle wise, I'm mid 20's too and am engaged, my family lives on the other side of my city but i rarely see them and my other half works opposite shifts to me leaving me very isolated at times.

I find that i keep my mind occupied by keeping busy with hobbies, seeing my friends or my progressing my career. I know if i didnt do this i too would be questioning my motives.

what are you interests or hobbies, can you not see your friends on a social level without getting involved in their single stuff?

Chin up man, things could be soo much worse.

TheMelodyOfRain

Perhaps you need to draw your happiness from elsewhere other than relationships. As we're all aware, relationships suffer health fluctuations from time to time, but if you draw your happiness from elsewhere then your relationships can continue on fluctuating but your contentment will remain untouched, and things wont seem that bad when you cant go out and get pissed with your mates...
I know if I drew my sense of well being from relationships, I'd be suicidal at this point. Its like people who draw their enthusiasm from material goods. Instead, I explore what I can do with my mind. What only I can, whats unique to me. I develop skills. I enhance myself. There are people out there who've praised my efforts in photography, drawing, painting and writing etc and with every new piece I create I get pure respect from it, and thats where I draw my happiness. Its effortless. Social relationships would be last on my own personal list of priorities, but I get to know people though my art and expression anyway, which just comes without me making a conscious decision, which is a bonus of course.

cance

TheMelodyOfRain wrote: »

Perhaps you need to draw your happiness from elsewhere other than relationships. As we're all aware, relationships suffer health fluctuations from time to time, but if you draw your happiness from elsewhere then your relationships can continue on fluctuating but your contentment will remain untouched, and things wont seem that bad when you cant go out and get pissed with your mates...
I know if I drew my sense of well being from relationships, I'd be suicidal at this point. Its like people who draw their enthusiasm from material goods. Instead, I explore what I can do with my mind. What only I can, whats unique to me. I develop skills. I enhance myself. There are people out there who've praised my efforts in photography, drawing, painting and writing etc and with every new piece I create I get pure respect from it, and thats where I draw my happiness. Its effortless. Social relationships would be last on my own personal list of priorities, but I get to know people though my art and expression anyway, which just comes without me making a conscious decision, which is a bonus of course.

that's exactly it, my ignorant knowledge of Buddhism (a crazy parent, and a good book... the Buddha Geoff and me) led me to believe that in order to control ones happiness you must base your happiness on something that you can control.

generally what is most important to you is the basis of your self happiness, change this to something you can control and be a master of your own happiness.

it worked for me

Miss Fluff

I'd strongly recommend booking a round-the-world ticket and shaking things up a bit OP. You will be fine, you have to MAKE things happen though

thebaldsoprano

Hi OP

First things first, if you're feeling that empty and bursting into tears for no reason, it's probably worth calling into your GP for a chat. Might sound a bit extreme, but it'll be very difficult to see things clearly if you're feeling like that.

I agree with the other posts re something missing and needing to find it - the only way you'll do that is to get out and try lots of things, a lot more easily done when you're feeling a bit better

Best of luck with it anyway! I'm sure you'll look back at this in a while and see it as a turning point.

LegacyUser

I agree with Fluffy !!!