Ex-GF sends a text...

LegacyUser

Sorry, I had to go unreg for this, its an extremely sensitive and quite emotional thing for me! But I've posted here before kinda around same topic!(person)

So my ex-gf, whom broke up with me about 3 nearly 4 months ago, at half three last wednesday morning sends me a text.

She had just been at a friends house where she broke down crying in hers arms talking about me. She misses me so much, and still loves me so much.

Now here's the catch...she still hates me aswell for how i treated her after breaking up. I never gave her space, and kept at her and at her looking for answers as to why she wanted to break up. (She never really gave a true explanation)

But then this message comes and we spend the whole night texting each other about the times we spent together, specific nights etc etc. The night we first told each other "i love you"...And how we both have found it hard without each other. How I hurt her so much, but she cant stop loving me.

All this had me in rivers of tears in bed, and she said the same for her, it was all so emotional. We talked about how people said we were meant for each other, perfect for each other, everything.

I never told anybody but I miss her so so so much too, and I still love her. I know I hurt her dearly and am truly truly sorry for it, everyday i live with such regret over it all.

She is such an amazing girl, I couldnt have asked for more. But now I don't know what to do. Does this message from her mean something? Or is she just trying to get back on talking terms again? We had not spoken for months until this texting.

I would give anything for her to take me back and give it anbother go.

LadyE

Ring her dont text! Arrange to meet up!

Why did you break up in the first place?

A conversation likt that (thru text) would be strange if you DIDNT both want to get back together..what is stopping you??

Marksie

oh for god sake what is it with this texting generation.

Its no wonder there are so many issues arising when communication is carried out in this fashion.

OP: phone, arrange to meet, whatever but use a medium of communication that actually means something.

Lets bloody well face it its hard to communicate how much you are missing something in a 256 character message.

poh

HadToUnReg! wrote: »

We had not spoken for months until this texting.

Its looks like she has had time and space to think things out after no contact for months.

I think you should arrange to meet up and see how it goes from there.

Good Luck!

Oryx

I know its easier to write down emotional stuff instead of saying it, but its time to put away your thumb and actually talk to the girl. Tell her what youve said here (take the risk!) and see how she now feels about you.

Be brave or youll never find out.

LegacyUser

Well something that is stopping it is probably that there was so much hatred there after breaking up.

We broke up because she said she didnt feel the same, but I know she didnt feel the same because I was going through a rough time and kinda changed as a person. So i can understand why she didnt feel the same!

If we were to get back together it would be for the second time...

I have suggested meeting up but she just seems to avoid the question and changes the topic! We've spent the past two days just talking...yes thru text!

Ugh im confused...

pvt.joker

Marksie wrote: »

oh for god sake what is it with this texting generation.

Its no wonder there are so many issues arising when communication is carried out in this fashion.

OP: phone, arrange to meet, whatever but use a medium of communication that actually means something.

Lets bloody well face it its hard to communicate how much you are missing something in a 256 character message.

get over it old man. Times have changed

anonymous_joe

All I can say, dude, is to ring her. Be gentle, for both of your sakes. And good luck. Not many people get that kind of opportunity again. Lucky bugger.

humanji

As has been said, ring her. Without knowing exactly what happened when you broke up and what caused you to treat her badly afterwards, it's a little hard to advise you on what to say or do. The best advice that I can give is to just be honest with her.

Quazzie

Why is everyone saying to ring her.. obviously she doesn't want to be chased.

towel401

Texting is a terrible thing.

look through this forum, and you will see all the trouble it causes

Quazzie

I have a phone and I never use it for calls just texts. Its always easier to say stuff in a text

pvt.joker

Everyone in PI seems to be old school, no mobile phone etc. Back in their day you picked up the phone bla bla etc.
Im sick of hearing it.
People text these days, get used to it and stop making outdated suggestions please.

towel401

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

I have a phone and I never use it for calls just texts. Its always easier to say stuff in a text

lack of confidence much?

pvt.joker

towel401 wrote: »

lack of confidence much?

grey hair much?

Quazzie

towel401 wrote: »

lack of confidence much?

Probably right. but name one person who isn't insecure in some way

Drummerboy2

Perhaps she was drunk when she texted you at 3.30 in the morning. Lets be honest its a very common thing to happen. You will eat your self up wondering whats happening UNLESS YOU RING HER AND ASK.

Meathlass

Hey op, the fact that it was early in the morning when she texted you may mean she was drunk. Why if she loves you and you spent all that time reminiscing does she not want to meet in person? I would ring her, arrange a time to meet and if she doesn't want to then stop all contact. Don't let yourself get dragged back into a pseudo relationship. If you haven't sorted out the initial problems over your breakup then it's not going to work this time either.

Oryx

pvt.joker wrote: »

Everyone in PI seems to be old school, no mobile phone etc. Back in their day you picked up the phone bla bla etc.
Im sick of hearing it.
People text these days, get used to it and stop making outdated suggestions please.

Scuse me. In my day you wrote letters. Longhand. With a quill.

Whether you agree or disagree with text, in this particular case I reckon the time has come to actually talk. You cant kiss and make up on a keyboard.

LegacyUser

Enough of this don't text her, phone her blah blah business.

Did you not read his post or understand his post. She sent him a text, he replied and so on it went from there. Did you ever think that if it wasn't for the text message she sent you wouldn't be even reading this thread!


Back on topic.

HadToUnReg! wrote: »

Does this message from her mean something? Or is she just trying to get back on talking terms again?

It does look like she is trying to start up some form of communication with you. You could test her back and ask her if you could call her, then if things are going well you could arrange to meet her and see how if goes from there.

Good luck

BankMan

If anybody has anything really important to say, surely they would at least call, if not meet face to face to say it, regardless of generation.

A text sent at 3:30 am is unlikely to have any value at all methinks. It's a cop out, an easy way of releasing drunken emotion.

If texting becomes your primary method of communication, I reckon you're in for a future of misunderstanding, mixed messages etc. because you have to try to interpret so much due to the lack of body language/tone/expression etc. I don't think this is necessarily an old fashioned view, texting is just a very basic technology..

anonymous_joe

Texting's a great medium for expressing emotion (if you're able to via text) simply because it allows you a degree of distance to hide behind which can make things easier.

Some things I could only ever say in a text/letter/e-mail because I'd just panic in person.

But yeah, eventually you'll have to talk. Just let it happen naturally, it's clearly what you both want, just give each other space and time to heal things. And yeah, good luck.

Overheal

i agree joe, text (IMs for me) do make things much easier to say; but you just know it robs the sincerity and sentimentality out of it. Judging from where the OP and the ex are at this stage though I think it merits a face to face.

LegacyUser

So I've got a bit of an update...

On saturday we met up, and saw each other and talked to each other since breaking up. Might I add the method of meeting involved me running a 10k that she was organising!

But anyways we just talked general chat you know, even had a good laugh with each other. It was like old times, except for the relationship part...

While i tried to talk about us and breaking up and all that, she just kinda said that she felt that she found it wierd enough to talk through text, and to see me face-to-face again that she couldnt really talk about anything on a deep level.
So we both head off home after hanging out for the day...

Next day (yesterday) is Munster final day, and I end up going into the terrace with her and her friend again just talking away and that.

A big crowd of us end up hitting town hard that night and I end up so bummed out and down seeing her out, being around everbody and not being able to be "with" her.

At the end of the night we were sitting down beside each other waiting to go home, and I tried (I say tried because i was slightly intoxicated at this stage!) to pour my heart out to her, telling her everything about how I feel. It just seemed she didnt want to hear any of it though.

So now while we both love each other and missed each other so much, it looks like we are just gonna try be friends...so so hard to take but i care about her and want her to be happy, so of course ill do my best and try. The fact that we can talk again and be cool is already something I never expected so I'm gonna take that and yes I'd love for us to be back together but its just not going to happen...

Dudes, first love is hard to let go!!!

lifelonglufc

Its me who was posting unreg for this, i posted unreg again today, but hell not much point goin unreg now!

Hope my message shows soon so you can all give your view on the situation as it is now!

Me is going through a rough ol time!

COH

You might be better off not doing the 'friend' thing until your over it. You'll prob just prolong your bad-buzz. I'd go zero contact for a few months

Wibbs

COH wrote: »

You might be better off not doing the 'friend' thing until your over it. You'll prob just prolong your bad-buzz. I'd go zero contact for a few months

I have to agree with this. Who knows why she instigated the text tennis. It could have been her way of going over the stuff in her head, using you as a sounding board. The reality of you isn't enough for her though.

The thing is most likely she would have known how you felt so I would have little enough sympathy for her, in the sense of wanting to be her mate. At the moment anyway.

Walk away. Do not pour your feelings out. Contrary to popular belief this is more not less likely to drive her further away. If she texts you again, politely tell her that you need space to move on, but if she does want to talk in a concrete way about making a second go of it then fine, you may listen to that. If not you don't want to know. If she has any cop on at all she'll go along with that.

lifelonglufc

Thanks guys for the advice.

Argh I'm at a loss what to think or do...I confused.

I think a bit of time to think things over is needed...

spinandscribble

all the while shes freaking out. its simple if you want her ring her and ask to meet up.

lifelonglufc

We have met up like, I don't know if she'd be freaking out...well I don't see why she would be?

I know if I try to ring her and ask to meet up she wont, I just know, really. Trust me on that one.

I think its just a hard situation to get a grasp of at the min!

BubbleWrap85

lmao I will agree, some things are just easier to say in texts! Doesn't mean you wouldn't say them on the phone or in person either, but sometimes texts are easier! I don't see the problem! OP I would try and arrange a meeting though. It looks like she regrets the break up. Best of luck anyway.

anonymous_joe

lifelonglufc wrote: »

We have met up like, I don't know if she'd be freaking out...well I don't see why she would be?

I know if I try to ring her and ask to meet up she wont, I just know, really. Trust me on that one.

I think its just a hard situation to get a grasp of at the min!

Then be patient. You cannot rush things. Do your best to remain above the emotions. If you play poker, you'll know how hard it is to stay calm, but keep working on that. Just don't rush, and always think before saying anything. And yeah, good luck.

celtic1888

lifelonglufc wrote: »

We have met up like, I don't know if she'd be freaking out...well I don't see why she would be?

I know if I try to ring her and ask to meet up she wont, I just know, really. Trust me on that one.

I think its just a hard situation to get a grasp of at the min!

mate you would want to cool your jets...take things slowly, the fact that she instigated contact and poured her heart out should have been good enough for you at that juncture....dont force her....take it easy and let her do the runnings...oh and ditch the emotional ****e around her....women want men to act like men (and i dont mean like bastards)....give her a present....the present of missing you and seeing what shes missing....

Toto Wolfcastle

This kind of situation sucks. I went through it myself recently.

The best thing you can do it just try to move on. I tried to be friends with my ex but it didn't work while I was still hung up on him. Recently I realised that there is more to life than the ex, that there are other people out there, and now that I'm not focused on the past I don't think about him anymore, although we talk sometimes. (As friends, we've both moved on.)

Point being, if you aren't going to get back together with her but you still love her then it's probably not the best idea to be friends unless you can keep your feelings in check.

You really need to find out where she stands on the situation to though, as it's not fair on you to string you along like that. It seems that she is not sure what she wants, and that creates uncertainty for you. Uncertainty feels awful!

The hardest thing in the world is trying not to contact someone you love too much. It's hard to give space if you really love someone, but it has to be done.

It'll be worth it, I promise. A month ago I felt like I'd never be happy again. Now I couldn't be happier!

MJOR

Just call her and talk it thru you need to make sure that it wasn't just an emotional rant.

You're lucky to get a second chance. Good luck:D

cournioni

HadToUnReg! wrote: »

I have suggested meeting up but she just seems to avoid the question and changes the topic! We've spent the past two days just talking...yes thru text!

Tell her to go and fook herself. She is obviously just wrecking your head and leading you on for absolutely no reason other than she knows she can have you whenever she pleases. She is using you for her own confidence.

She can text you to say how much she misses you but she can't face you? Come on...

Wagon

HadToUnReg! wrote: »

So I've got a bit of an update...
...pour my heart out to her, telling her everything about how I feel. It just seemed she didnt want to hear any of it though.

So now while we both love each other and missed each other so much, it looks like we are just gonna try be friends...so so hard to take but i care about her and want her to be happy

She isn't interested mate Her breaking down in her mates could have been blown out of propertion, drink influenced or a big load of crap. If she was really having second thoughts, she'd be well up for discussing it with you. She's a complete tool and I've no doubt in my mind that she misses the attention and affection, not you personally.

I know it's harsh but don't go wandering down the road of "what if?" I did and take it from someone who's a lot less intellegent, it causes a lot of problems and I strongly suggest you tell her to piss off. She'd be a lousy friend as well as she obviously has no consideration for your feelings. You need to look after yourself man, she certainly won't.

John Mason

forget about her and move on.

she dumped you once, she will do it again.

she doesnt want to be with you but she is lonely for you. this happens with break ups, you are so used to having the other person around

but this will end in tears if you go back to her

lifelonglufc

anonymous_joe wrote: »

Then be patient. You cannot rush things. Do your best to remain above the emotions. If you play poker, you'll know how hard it is to stay calm, but keep working on that. Just don't rush, and always think before saying anything. And yeah, good luck.

Ya i think the emotions getting the better of me has been my problemo!, Im trying my best now thought to chillax and just go with it...
Great advice methinks! Thanks

MDFM

Hey

sorry to hear about what you're going through, i've being there, done that.
You've got lots of good advice from here, but as a female, can i make my suggestion?
ok, you still love her, fair enough, so she won't enter into any conversation with you regarding your relationship? This might sound silly, but instead of all the texts, phonecalls, friendly meetings, how about writing her a letter for once and for all and tell her about your feelings for her? Tell her how much you love her, but you need clarity on the situation between the 2 of you. If she can never agree to take you back, then inspite of your feelings for her, you must let her go. i agree with another poster who said she has you dangling on a string. To be honest, you need an answer one way or the other. Then you can eventually move on and put your feelings for her to rest. I don't think you can ever be friends with this girl again if this is the case, cos otherwise you'll never let go of how you feel for her, nor will you move on.
Write her a letter, but put the ball in her court. Apologise (if necessary) for any hurt caused in the past and emphasis to her how much you love her but if she doesnt see a future for the 2 of you, then tell her you won't be in contact with her again, that you can't be friends, but wish her the best. you cannot waste anymore time or emotion on waiting for her to make up her mind, life is too short.
best of luck, hope it works out for you

Wibbs

Very good advice from MDFM

barnacle

Tell her that if you are to remain friends, you have to know what she wants. Tell her that if she's not sure, and to call you when she figures it out. You can make it sound less harsh than that ... "Me being around you is probably only confusing the both of us more.... yada yada yada" and tell her that you won't wait forever.

Best thing ya can do in future, is to never learn the moths number off by heart, and once you break up, cool clean clinical cut is for the best. People dont break up over nothing.

When I broke up with my last ex, I was ****ed up for ages, but I'd a group of great mates, and I didnt know her number off by heart, so I couldn't call her/sit there thinking of calling her etc. I've bumped into her a few times socially since, but I'm glad I went cold turkey from her. It hurts, but you do what you gotta do.

M

DD

Marksie wrote: »

oh for god sake what is it with this texting generation.

Its no wonder there are so many issues arising when communication is carried out in this fashion.

OP: phone, arrange to meet, whatever but use a medium of communication that actually means something.

Lets bloody well face it its hard to communicate how much you are missing something in a 256 character message.

:pac: I agree with this, don't know what's happening, but there's a texting virus in the atmosphere
I remember when there were no mobiles, if you wanted to find someone in town the only solution was to ask everyone Have you seen Mr? and start walking around till you were finding or not that person....
Now the deal is :
txt: Where are you?
txt back: x place
txt: seriously? I am in the same place
txt back: Damn it, you were right in front of me


Even if you hate a person for what he/she did to you, you can have moments when you remember the good things and you just miss that person so much. It doesn't mean she wants you back for sure, I am just saying this could happen and doesn't mean anything.
You should invite her over a coffee...text her :P

lifelonglufc

barnacle wrote: »

Tell her that if you are to remain friends, you have to know what she wants. It hurts, but you do what you gotta do.M

Yup, I think I'm pretty clear on the situation now...were both making an effort to be good friends.

Abi

lifelonglufc wrote: »

were both making an effort to be good friends.

I think I'd put some distance between you both if I were you. I dont believe she deliberately set out to hurt you, but maybe she missed having 'someone' in her life. You had so many unanswered questions, and raw feelings left from the break-up. You saw a tiny sliver of light and ran towards it.

Sadly for you, she probably knew you were a sure thing for compliments and an ego boost. You gave it too her, and Im afraid thats it by the looks of things.

You have to be honest with yourself here, remaining readily available to her is a big mistake when you clearly have feelings for her.

You are going to have to take a brave step and ask her not to get in touch with you any more, and make sure she understands it is not just a request.

stevelknievel

HadToUnReg! wrote: »

A big crowd of us end up hitting town hard that night and I end up so bummed out and down seeing her out, being around everbody and not being able to be "with" her.

Sorry to say this man but you have to cut that chord. What good is a friend you cant enjoy spending time around? What good is a friend you can't speak freely around? What good is a friend who just depresses you on a night out?? No good will come out of this.

lifelonglufc

Thanks for all your advice guys!

Ive had the time to think to myself, and both of us have talked with each other. I feel now that the feelings I had arent what I thought what they were...Im pretty much over feeling anything "that way" for her.

Weve even spent time this week hanging out and just havin a good laugh, with friends and just ourselves...and thing is its all good and im happy.

We both agreed time and space is what needed, time to heal a friendship.

All good in my mind now and everything is clear cut!

Thanks again!