The biggest asshole on the planet

LegacyUser

I'm seeing my girlfriend 3 years. I love her as a friend and as a lover. However. What the hell is wrong with me I cant stop looking at other women and wondering what if. Except I really fancy these other girls. I'm 30 and this is my first girlfriend. Breaking up with her would smash both our hearts and all because of my selfishness. Is this drama queen stuff? She wants me to take her away this weekend and all I have on my brain is hitting the pub with the lads to look at beautiful girls. Has anyone been in a similar situation and broken up maybe? Really messed up with this, it feels like I'm lying to my girlfriend every time I see her.

STUBBORNGIRL

Leonidas24 wrote: »

I'm seeing my girlfriend 3 years. I love her as a friend and as a lover. However. What the hell is wrong with me I cant stop looking at other women and wondering what if. Except I really fancy these other girls. I'm 30 and this is my first girlfriend. Breaking up with her would smash both our hearts and all because of my selfishness. Is this drama queen stuff? She wants me to take her away this weekend and all I have on my brain is hitting the pub with the lads to look at beautiful girls. Has anyone been in a similar situation and broken up maybe? Really messed up with this, it feels like I'm lying to my girlfriend every time I see her.

The issue here is not looking at other girls, its whether you would act out your thoughts. Do you have enough self control and love and respect for your girlfriend not to go there. Or are you that asshole as per the title of this thread.

We all look and fancy other people walking down the street and you can be sure your girlfriend looks at other guys also but i am a bit taken aback by the fact that all you want to do is go to the pub with your mates to look at beautiful women - This sentence here screams problem in the relationship.... is your girlfriend not beautiful enough!

BraziliaNZ

yeah welcome to being a man. You can either deal with it or play around, it's simple. You're always going to want to hump other chicks it's natural.

hussey

You can still bark at the cars, if you are tied to the fence

Once you don't don't drool/turn head to scope out a hottie beside your girlfriend.

Other than that, sunglasses are your friend

Gumbyman

hussey wrote: »

You can still bark at the cars, if you are tied to the fence

Once you don't don't drool/turn head to scope out a hottie beside your girlfriend.

Other than that, sunglasses are your friend

Much wisdom here. Take heed.

Aurora Borealis

Yeah there's nothing wrong with appreciating other girls looks but if it comes to the stage where you don't want to go away with your girlfiend for fear of missing a night of that then you do have a problem in terms of being in this relationship. Take some time and decide if you do really want to be with your girlfriend and love her. If there are still doubts you would be doing you both a favour by taking a break because your girlfriend deserves someone who really wants to be there and you deserve to be in a situation you're 100% happy with.

tbh

for 100,000 years, men have been programmed to want to sleep with as many women as possible in order to propagate their genes. This doesn't switch off overnight. Don't openly disrespect your girl, and don't assume that because you fancy these women, you love them or want to cheat on your girlfriend with them. Just accept it for what it is. The desires in themselves are not bad, acting on them (while you are still with your missus) would be.

Quazzie

Its all fine and dandy saying its ok to look and not touch, and in essence that is true. the only question you have to ask yourself is are you happy just looking. If you are then to be honest join the rest of the male population. The reason Playboy, Hustler FHM etc do so well is that guys like to look at beautiful women. From reading your OP I think the problem is that you are willing to turn down your gf for a weekend away because you would rather go look at other women in a pub. Thats wear you need to look at you and your gf's relationship and see where there is something wrong. But I wouldn't beat myself up about it. I certainly don't think it makes you an asshole. Maybe a "bloke"..

PurpleBerry

Eh, unless I'm missing something here (quite is entirely possible) the OP isn't worried because he occasionally finds other women attractive. He's worried because he specifically wants to go looking at other girls. He wants to go to the pub with the lads so that he can bask in the glow of beautiful women.

OP, there are three issues here.
1) Do you want to do more than just look at these girls?
2) Does your girlfriend know that you can't keep your eyes on her? and 3) What is making you want to look at other women so badly?

Jackz

Neesa wrote: »

What is making you want to look at other women so badly?

In both men and women, testosterone plays a key role in health and well-being as well as in sexual functioning. Examples include enhanced libido, increased energy, increased production of red blood cells and protection against osteoporosis. On average, an adult human male body produces about forty to sixty times more testosterone than an adult female body, but females are more sensitive to the hormone.

PurpleBerry

Right, Jackz, and your answer helps the OP how? He's not looking for help with hs homework.

I wasn't looking for someone to quote the scientific, chemical answer, I was asking the OP to loook inside himself and ask himself if there is a psychological reason as to why he suddenly notices other women more than usual.

MJOR

Well unless you actually cop off with one of these beautiful girls then there is no problem really.....

Its like they are just lil fantansies you wouldn't be normal if you didn't look admiringly at other girls you're human not aan a$$hole

Quazzie

MJOR its the fact that he is substituting time with his gf to spend time looking at these other girls that is the problem. Its only a pronblem when it starts to effect his relationship which it obviously is/

MJOR

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

MJOR its the fact that he is substituting time with his gf to spend time looking at these other girls that is the problem. Its only a pronblem when it starts to effect his relationship which it obviously is/

yeah i guess I hadn't thought about it like that.

Fizman

Hi OP.

Was in a very similar frame of mind to yourself up until 12 months ago. Only difference being that i'm 25. Started going out with my ex when i just turned 21 and was halfway through college. She was also my first gf!

We lasted 3 1/2 years, but I have to admit the last year of it sounds exactly like what you are going through. I ended up breaking up with her as I felt that if I had gone the rest of my days not experiencing any other relationships that I would have some serious regrets somewhere down the line.

I'll never forget a conversion I had with her one day (one a few months into the relationship) while having a coffee in town. She basically told me that she had almost wished that I had been in a relationship previously, so that I would at least have this one to compare against another.

I kinda laughed it off at the time but the longer our relationship went on I seriously began to think about it. When I felt our relationship was nearing an end I actually brought up that topic to her and repeated what she had told me 3 years back. The worst thing was that we got on great pretty much all the time. Couldn't say a bad word about the girl but at the end of the day I made my decision and I honestly think it was for the best.

I've been single just over a year now and I've had some fantastic trips away with my mates which I probably wouldn't have experienced otherwise! I've been out with a good few girls in that time and had a blast with them.

You may think it sounds like the most selfish thing in the world to do, but I honestly factored my gf's feelings into the whole thing as I did not want to disappoint/hurt her further down the line when she may have been having very serious plans in her head about our future!

Hope this helps in some way!

P.s. - i'm not trying to convince you to break it off, i just think you need to ask yourself are you entirely happy being with your gf..... because if you begin making plans with your friends to flirt with the gorgeous women that are out there, while you gf would like to be spending time with you, then i'm afraid you have a problem which needs to be addressed!

HouseHippo

Look man....you are always gonna want to hump other girls its a natural urge. But the real test is resisting it.If you love your ggf and want to make things work start over. Take her out this weekend etc and put some time and effort into your relationship. But only if you are ready to settle down....otherwise dump her and play the field,its not fair on her to lead her on.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies. Fizman you make me feel bad I'm so old considering this!! Good story though. I was reading the too old at 31 post aswell and it really has me thinking about change. the thing is things arent bad. Im going back to college in september and run a business at the moment. I just feel like I never got myself the best I could be to get the best mate possible...so maybe I am greedy going after the best looking women...yes I think its time to change. Im one of those learn the hard way people so maybe I must lose her to realise what I had... oh well.. and I may as well be completely honest I have to say I'm panicking a little bit after hearing about the male biological clock counting down to the late thirties..so maybe I should hang on to what Ive got and put a smile on my face...awww!!

scano_ie

honestly everybody window shops from time to time, hell i cought my dad doing it and he's married 30yrs, we all lust after movie stars, sports stars ect but its not the lust or looking its if your going to act apon it and generally we all think what if but if you've been with the person for 3yrs relax its natural

Moojuice

The grass always seems greener but its not, its burnt and sorched and never what you think it will be. Be happy with what you have. A lot of people would love to have someone who they can be close to and count on.

CyberDave

Leonidas24 wrote: »

I'm seeing my girlfriend 3 years. I love her as a friend and as a lover. However. What the hell is wrong with me I cant stop looking at other women and wondering what if. Except I really fancy these other girls. I'm 30 and this is my first girlfriend. Breaking up with her would smash both our hearts and all because of my selfishness. Is this drama queen stuff? She wants me to take her away this weekend and all I have on my brain is hitting the pub with the lads to look at beautiful girls. Has anyone been in a similar situation and broken up maybe? Really messed up with this, it feels like I'm lying to my girlfriend every time I see her.

I have this problem as well. I just think it's natural for men. I know I would never cheat on my girlfriend but it doesn't stop you from looking.

MuPpItJoCkEy

Your a bloke and blokes fancy women.
She's a woman and women fancy blokes.
That's natural.

There's nothing wrong with looking at other women and vice versa for her to look at other blokes. Once again, that's human nature.

You also have to realise how much this person means to you. As someone has said early, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. You have to look at what you have and think about whether or not it is something worth losing or if you can find better with someone else.

There is another way of finding out which could be to break it off and test the waters but by that time, you may have ruined something special and not be able to get that back again as the other person may have also found someone.

Sometimes you think about how things use to be at the begining of the relationship. How it seemed that you had more fun maybe. At the begining of all relationships usually, there is the excitement of it being new.

Some people can find that there relationship has become boring but that can be solved by finding things to do to keep that flame going. Love evolves as it grows older. It changes with the relationship. It doesn't mean the love has gone.

In other cases, some relationships are just not meant to be but that's something only you can know.

As I said, there is nothing wrong with looking at the opposite sex. It's natural to do so nor is there anything wrong with fantasizing about other people. So many people do it, not many will tell their partners that they do due to arguements it could cause but some people will share and talk about their fantasies which can make a relationship stronger too.

Either way, one thing which is definately not to do, is go off with someone else whilst in a relationship. That's a terrible thing to do on anybody. How would you feel if someone you loved done it to you. It's a low thing to do and if you do love your girlfriend, it's not an avenue you should go down.

NextSteps

Leonidas24 wrote: »

I just feel like I never got myself the best I could be to get the best mate possible...so maybe I am greedy going after the best looking women...yes I think its time to change. Im one of those learn the hard way people so maybe I must lose her to realise what I had... oh well.. and I may as well be completely honest I have to say I'm panicking a little bit after hearing about the male biological clock counting down to the late thirties..so maybe I should hang on to what Ive got and put a smile on my face...awww!!

What a strange quote. So you're going to dump her, spruce yourself up and get a better looking version?

theMAC

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

yeah welcome to being a man. You can either deal with it or play around, it's simple. You're always going to want to hump other chicks it's natural.

Couldn't agree more Man.......

Have that feeling every day, and I'm 7 years happily married. you just got to excercise some self control and maybe don't let the thoughts get to the front all the time.

480905

I have to laugh at the male ego, men can sometimes really believe their s##t doesn't stink. Ask yourself this... Does your girlfriend not have eyes too?? what is she looking at while you're checking out these Beautiful Chicks?? Maybe she wants to go away for the weekend to check out the talent in a new place instead of the usual rubbish she's stuck with... think about it...