Am I crazy to get involved now?

dee8839

I'm working in Dublin since January of this year but I'll be off back to college come September. I've loved my time in Dublin but its been very hard to meet nice guys up here. Then three weeks ago I met someone unexpectedly. He's not Irish, and he's 9 years older than me. We've spent a lot of time together over the past few weeks, I've gotten to know him and after a while where I was unsure of my opinion of him, I've now really fallen for him. Fallen in like, I guess I'd fall it - not love or anything, I wouldn't be so premature! But he will remain in Dublin. I'll be gone. I've done the whole loved and lost thing once before, and although it was an amazing relationship, leaving that was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. So my question (is it even a question, or am I typing this just to clarify it in my own head?) is this - am I crazy to do this all over again? With so many differences between us, age, stage in life (although we are both students), outlook on some things, interests, etc. am I foolish to bother? He makes me laugh, he's drop dead gorgeous. But am I better off to just let it be and have enjoyed meeting him, or is it worth the possible pain in September just to enjoy being with him for now? What would other boarders do?

biko

Location: In my own little world! doesn't reveal where you're going to. Is it too far for meeting on the weekends? You/him own a car?
How long will you be in college?
I'm of the opinion that if you find someone you really like you should do whatever possible to have them in your life, even if it's only for the weekends.
m2c

dee8839

Thats true. Last time I got into this situation the distance was New York to Ireland, hardly likely to produce a happy ending. This time its Dublin to Limerick. But I'm going into my final year, as is he, neither of us has a car, etc. Also am I being unfair to him by getting involved now, when I will be at the very least going sort of long-distance soon, when he is at a stage in his life when he is looking for a bigger commitment than I am able to give at the moment? I'd like to believe that if we like each other it will work, but at the end of the day, am I being fair on him or should we cut our losses? What would you do? Am I wasting his time, even if he doesn't think I am?

biko

If he thinks it's ok to commute Lim - Dub and you agree, then I think you should at least try. You both know it may end but enjoy it while it lasts.

I drove weekends to Wicklow a few years ago but that was a bit too far. Spending 3-4 hours Sat morning and then same Sunday evening alone in a car takes its toll.

jellie

Dublin - Limerick isnt too bad if you both have time. But with long distance you NEED to make time to speak to each other when you cant speak to each other & you need your weekends. final year in college is INTENSE (or it was in my experience anyway). im sure it depends on the course.

my common sense tells me youd be crazy to make a committment to someone when youre going to need to make college your priority.

but i did Dublin - further than limerick during my masters which was crazily intense & we made it work & it worked for a year after that. so it CAN work.but my mistake was that i didnt realise how tough the distance would be, especially when youre trying to put college first. its definitely not easy, but it can be worth it.

if im honest i dont think id put myself through it again (though bear in mind we broke up recently so im a bit biased), i definitely wouldnt enter into a long distance relationship again.

i hope some of that was useful, sorry for rambling on!

dee8839

Don't think we're at the stage yet where we'd talk about that. But I feel it has potential. Who knows. Galway to Wicklow is some trek, dedication on your part! Just that the fact is, he's 29 and ready to start a relationship that is likely to be something more. I don't know what I want. I don't know if I should be wasting his time when I know I probably will never give him what he wants from a relationship. The age gap, or rather, the stage of life we're each at, is more of a hurdle for us that any distance. Oh well. I suppose I'll just have to wait until September arrives and see how things have progressed. Thanks Biko!:)

EDIT: Just saw your post sar84, thanks for that too. We're at that stage where we want to see each other every day. It's gonna be hard to go from that to maybe once a week so early in the relationship... But like you say, people have managed it.

MJOR

I'm in Cork and my lovely other half in Dublin. It's always been like that and it works out just fine, emails texts and phonecalls and a visit every weekend for sure:D

AngryBadger

OP you don't have to be responsib;e for him when you're making your decision. he's a big boy, and he's making his own decision about this as well. So first of all stop worrying about being unfair to him, he knows the score, and he's not a child. Make your decision absed on what you want.

Saying that, you've acknowledged yourself that there's a disparity in terms of your stages in life, and that while he's ready for a relationship, you're not so sure.

I'd go for it, September is a month away, enjoy yourself for now, and by the time you have to leave, you'll hopefully have a clearer idea of what you want, and whether this relationship is it or not.

mbren

Nothing ventured, nothing gained!! Life is all about taking risks and why give up something that could be wonderful! It will work if you both want it to ;-)

Wurly

Give it a whirl. You'd always be wondering 'what if' otherwise.

I think that's a nice distance. It feels like a little holiday going to see them and you're not in each other's pockets (extremely important imo, especially at the start of a relationship).

Good luck.:D:D

MagicMarker

TBH, you have to put things into perspective here... It's been 3 WEEKS!! You know nothing of this guy, you've been here most of the year with little luck in the man department and now all of a sudden one has come along you have latched onto him!

I say leave it, you're final year in college is going to be tough enough without this on your shoulders. Keep in touch by all means, the odd text, email won't hurt and then maybe when the year is over you can see how things pan out. But getting into a relationship like this, so soon just seems pointless.

Stay friends, for now.