Relationship on the rocks

LegacyUser

I need some advice regarding my relationship that seems to be going rapidly down hill. I'm with my partner for over 7 years and recently we moved abroad for work and to be closer to her family.

Since we moved things between us have gotten increasingly worse. I get the feeling she never listens to me regarding anything when I'm talking to her which causes arguments, either that or it goes in one ear and out the other. And her attitude towards me can get quiet hostile and rude at times.

Our sex life is non-existent and when I try and get physically close to her she always makes excuses or tries and changing the subject or sometimes even pushes me away.

I've tried to talk to her about it but she says that with the move she's been stressed out , either that or she's tired or just clams up and says nothing. She tells me she still loves me but I have the feeling she doesn't actually mean it and is just going through the motions as she'd be a lot more financially secure with me around.

My command of the local language isn't great and I'd be fairly f**ked if we split up. I can't help thinking its become a relationship of convenience for both of us at this stage.

Any advice on what I should do ??

Looby_Loo

You really need to sit her down and properly talk. Tell her how you feel, moving etc can be very stressful for a couple and you may just have fallen into a rut because of that.
If it s more serious than that though, it will be much better to get it out in the open now rather than the two of you strugglingon, unhappy but not communicating

themullet

How were things between you both before the move?? You really need to sit down with her and talk this through.

Tell her that if you split up that you're coming back to Ireland. She might think you wouldn't have the guts to split up if she thought you'd be out there on your own.

Talk it through and she what she has to say for herself. And don't let her fob it off.

whose-law-anywa

Wow, that is the exact same think that happened / is happening to me. How long are you there. I`m abroad 2 months and things came to a head last night. My flight home is booked for this friday. Do her family like you? Have you made friends abroad that you can talk to?

LegacyUser

Wow, that is the exact same think that happened / is happening to me. How long are you there. I`m abroad 2 months and things came to a head last night. My flight home is booked for this friday. Do her family like you? Have you made friends abroad that you can talk to?

Yes her family like me but recently when we were at there house we had some arguments and of course because her family don't speak English I looked the worst out of it all.

I don't have any friends here to honest so no-one to talk to about this sort of problem.

AngryBadger

How long have you been living abroad with her OP? If it's anything more than a month then at this stage I think it's time you issue an ultimatum. If she's not willing to play ball you're heading back to Ireland. End of.

LegacyUser

Different situation but for what its worth, been living abroad for longer, know the language and enough people to get by, for the moment.. Our "break" lets call it, is down to the fact of me working odd and a lot of hours, also a depression that has been niggling away for the last 2-3 years, means that I now no longer feel anything for anyone, let alone myself. We have said that it would be time to sort ourselves out - independently, and afterwards will talk about the possibility of renewing this relationship, before it gets to the stage of hating each other (which makes sense).

Maybe thats a posibility OP, just giving my 2c on whats happening with me at the moment. take it easy - look after yourself FIRST then the relationship. Thats what I am doing for the first time in my life..and I can tell you it eases the pain.

whose-law-anywa

Well, my prob was that i was totally dependent on her. Her dad paid me into her account. You get the idea, im gonna get a cheese burger dear, give us a few quid. Anyway, back home, if i got any grief id say, right im off on me bike with the lads, when you have grown up you can give me a buzz or similar and things would be fine. Or say right, jump in the car we are going x y z for a walk movie meal, get the idea. Abroad i knew nobody to piss off with, knew nowhere to go and cant speak to or understand anyone. Add to that... but i`m not too sure the folks like foreigners but of coarse they`d never admit such. I believe you need to get back control over your life to get her respect and this may not be possible or at least probable where you are now. Just remember, my mind snapped when i realised i was starting to become a victim and behaving in a fashion i never would at home, ie being weak, desperate and pitying myself. Think about how she views you and what she is prepared to do to help you or is she just thinking of all the things stressing her out. Maby now you are seeing the real woman.

MJOR

I'd suggest getting yourself home. My brother was abroad under the same situation and he moved out got his own place a braved it out. Only thing was he spoke the language.

She is being a bitch of a b!tch when she knows you are slightly more vunerable.

Sounds like its time to call time on it

LegacyUser

OP, really sorry to hear about your situation. Its sad that this person who you know for seven years seems to have let you down when you need her most.

You seem like a lovable decent sort and not unreasonable in any way. Like you could kick up a fuss and throw it in her face that you moved away from your home Ireland and what more could she want.But you have stayed calm.

You are doing all the running and in a way it empowers women like your girlfriend. They feel wanted and needed but they are not willing to give anything back.

Why will she not admit truthfully that things are not working out? She wont listen to you brushes you off and the cruncher turns her back on you when you try to be physical. . Surley the biggest way someone can tell you we are not longer close.

Stop running to her. She has all the power. You need to get yourself strong and then give her a fright. Let her know you deserve better, its sailing close to the wind and you wont tolerate much more. Go home on a break for a holiday. Meet friends and family and enjoy yourself.

You might not feel like going back . Best of luck