Not interested...

LegacyUser

My problem is an awkard (and minor) one to discuss with my gf. While I love her deeply, and know she's the one for me: I need help handling a sensitive subject. I want to resolve it with out hurting her.
I find lately she doesn't turn me on as much as she used to. We have an active sexlife but it's loosing momentum. While there may be other issues, one I feel isn't helping and may be the straw breaking the camels back is her underware. It might sound silly, but when I see her in it, I loose interest instantly.
I don't expect her to dress up all the time, but unfortunatly she made an effort to buy new underware reciently which she clearly thinks are pretty, but they aren't - to me at least. They remind me of my mum - and thats not good. She spent a lot of money on them so I don't want to knock them and I know in them she feels really sexy - so I don't want to knock her confidence but... I know it's kinda silly, but I wanted to go with her because I wanted to pick out what I'd like or at least highlight what I find awful - but she wouldn't let me.
Also, I tried buying her some, which she told me she liked - but clearly she didn't as she never wears them. I'm guessing this is why I wasn't invited along. And I not talking about tacky peephole stuff of PVC or anything they were expensive and I got advice from her friends and got her sizes etc..
Any ideas other than just to blurt it out?

Plek Trum

Why don't you take her out for the day - shopping together? Casually mention it as you are out an about and offer to treat her if you do it together. Seriusly fun and couply thing to do.. and the girl will never say no I assure you!

StormWarrior

I agree, you should go together and try and find something you both like. Maybe when she wears the unattractive underwear you could say something like, "You are so hot, you know what would suit you better..." and then describe a different kind of underwear. If you're complimenting her at the same time she can't get offended.

MagicMarker

StormWarrior wrote: »

I agree, you should go together and try and find something you both like. Maybe when she wears the unattractive underwear you could say something like, "You are so hot, you know what would suit you better..." and then describe a different kind of underwear. If you're complimenting her at the same time she can't get offended.

I'm sorry, i'm laughing as i'm reading this....

''You are hot, but do you know what would suit you better?'', then he whips out a flip chart with various models a graphs on it haha:)

OP: I think you should just tell her you don't like the underwear... It's not like you're calling her fat so i fail to see how it will effect her self confidence.

Tell you what, go out tomorrow and buy some stupid boxer shorts with tweety pie on them or something, see how much she likes them.

LegacyUser

Well ... I don't know what kind of woman's Underwear you like.
I'm only guessing ...
But would you not get her a nice, sexy thong or something.

Also, maybe you are going off her a bit because you are having
too much sex in the first place. Familiarity breeds contempt is what
I am thinking of here. So, why don't you just lay off it with her for
a while ... and no hand-shandies either. Let the man goo build up
until you can't take it any more and would murder for a roide !!!

Then - try out the sexy Underwear - if you know what I maen !!!

MJOR

look OP if she's wearing floral big pants and they don't turn you on.... whip em off plain and simple

pookie82

ya if she's really not getting the message about you not liking the underwear and in particular is not allowing you to come shopping with her for them (very strange, she should want to know what you like, it's you they're there to please) there's not much you can do other than say it outright, or get them off her as soon as possible. If she looks good naked you shouldn't have a problem. Ask her about the stuff you bought her and suggest she dig it out, even if only once a week ha ha

LegacyUser

We're not having too much. But the problem is that when she's trying to impress me it's turning me off.
The shopping thing isn't going to work - she didn't like what I got her. And I'm not going to push her to wear something she's not comfortable in. I just wish she wasn't comfortable in big floral pants.

STUBBORNGIRL

Genie I am a woman and i have never even had a guy make a comment about my underwear! do guys really notice stuff like that?? thinking back to all the times i have been getting down and dirty at it - the knickers have just been whipped off me! no comment!

Are they long Johns she is wearing or what makes them so bad! i dont think i would be turned off if a guy wore horrible underwear! but thats my opinion and obvioulsy you are entitled to yours!

I hope ye can overcome this for the sake of your relationship but i do think there are worse things to be worrying about out there if ya get my drift

Meathlass

Go online to ann summers and look at stuff, do it casually and just mention that you think these are nice etc, if she agrees offer to buy them for her as a treat. I'd be mortified in an underwear shop with my fella but online we could have a laugh looking at the styles. Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable in the sexy stuff, I think alot of girls have two sets of underwear, comfortable stuff for work etc (not big floral pants, just normal stuff) and then stuff for dates or when they know they're going to see their OH .... or is that just me?

LegacyUser

"Genie I am a woman and i have never even had a guy make a comment about my underwear! do guys really notice stuff like that??"

Oh my God, how wrong you are! Some men are obsessed with undies, my husband included, there was a thread on here yesterday about it.

I dunno maybe some girls are oblivious to this OP, big floral pants, hmm it does not sound good.....

I dont mind wearing the pretty underwear for my hub cos he asks so nicely, so that might be the way to go, try "mmm oh my God you would look so hot/sexy in that" say when you see a poster or pic in a magzine that is similar to what you like....that way she will feel the focus is on her not the undies or worse still the model (tread carefully) When he does that I run right out and buy as close to the pic as I can get...!

Anyway, you love her so ye have to broach the subject somehow, other than that all you can do is "destroy" the bumper pants "by accident" in the wash!!!

LegacyUser

To be honest I think if all it takes is an ugly pair of undies to put you off your girlfriend then you have bigger underlying problems. If you were so sure that she was the one for you and you loved her that deeply, you wouldn't give a damn what her knickers looked like! I've never thought twice about my other half's choice of boxers, if I thought they were ugly I'd just whip 'em off! Also I'd disagree with pookie's comment that the only purpose of her undies are to please you. I wouldn't wear something I didn't like just because my boyfriend wanted me to, she likes them and she feels great in them that's the main thing. I also wouldn't bring my fella underwear shopping, that's her own personal thing, she doesn't need your approval. If your lovelife is losing momentum you need to sit and discuss the problem with her, instead of fixating on her choice of underwear!

LegacyUser

hfffffhhh wrote: »

To be honest I think if all it takes is an ugly pair of undies to put you off your girlfriend then you have bigger underlying problems. If you were so sure that she was the one for you and you loved her that deeply, you wouldn't give a damn what her knickers looked like!...Also I'd disagree with pookie's comment that the only purpose of her undies are to please you. I wouldn't wear something I didn't like just because my boyfriend wanted me to, she likes them and she feels great in them that's the main thing. ...

Thats BS. We've been together over 3 years now and I know I've no interest in anyone else. I look forward to a happy life with her and retiring futher down the line.
The undies turn me off; she doesn't. Of course there is more that what her undies look like, but they turn me off. And please don't give me that - if you loved her you wouldn't give a damn crapola. Of course I give a damn.
While I agree she should wear them just to suit me, unfortunately what she feels great in is a total passion killer for me. To be honest I'd fear she'd have an attitude similar to yours, hence the awkwardness solving the problem.

In answer to meathlass, she's not into ann summers (neither am I) and I've already tried buying her some ...and embarrassing episode in BT's, but I spent a fortune on what I taught she'd like. No thongs etc, correct sizes etc. no too dissimilar to what she had. I taught it was a compromise, but I'm not going to risk a small fortune again. She won't wear them.

katie08

STUBBORNGIRL wrote: »

do guys really notice stuff like that?? thinking back to all the times i have been getting down and dirty at it - the knickers have just been whipped off me! no comment!

LMAO:pac: hahahaha

katie08

Lostlust wrote: »

No thongs etc, correct sizes etc. no too dissimilar to what she had. I taught it was a compromise, but I'm not going to risk a small fortune again. She won't wear them.

I've got an idea.... why dont you both wear nothing? then you cant disagree with eachothers decisions.... or can you?:eek:

LegacyUser

<<And please don't give me that - if you loved her you wouldn't give a damn crapola>>

Yeh, have to agree with that OP ...Sure how could it hurt to throw on a few items of underwear FFS ? It should not be any big deal !
Anyway it cuts both ways, if she starts that tack throw it back at her "if you loved me you wouldnt give a damn about just throwing on a few undies" !!!

<<To be honest I'd fear she'd have an attitude similar to yours, hence the awkwardness solving the problem>>

God I hope not, if so she needs to realise in marriage/relationships you gotta compromise!!

NextSteps

Could they get lost sometime as you're putting laundry away - down the back of the wardrobe or somewhere like that? Or perhaps shrink/discolour them in the wash?

LegacyUser

I didn't mean to offend you, I was simply throwing out a suggestion based on what you've said in your post. It just seems unusual to me that something as insignificant as an item of underwear should have such a profound affect on how you view your girlfriend.
I don't doubt for a second that you love her, but I would suggest that communication might resolve the other issues behind why you find your girlfriend less attractive, given that you say the underwear was the final straw.

WilmaRidesAgain

"I wouldn't wear something I didn't like just because my boyfriend wanted me to"

Why not? how uncompromising! He could do a favour back in return, relationships are give and take. The OP doesnt seem "insensitive" or demanding, I dont see anything wrong with her doing something to turn him on, what is the harm?

"she likes them and she feels great in them that's the main thing"

Eh NO IT ISNT, there are 2 people in the relationship not just one.

"If your lovelife is losing momentum you need to sit and discuss the problem with her, instead of fixating on her choice of underwear!"

Yeh, but if he meets a brick wall with attitudes like the ones you've posted aboove (uncompromising and HER feelings and satisfaction are all that matters) then why the heck should he be kowtowing to her when she has no intentions of meeting the fella halfway.

Some women have to learn if they want respect theyv'e got to give it too.

MJOR

Whip them off..... there is something more to this than meets the eye. Did your granny flash you as a child??? :pac:

LegacyUser

"something as insignificant as an item of underwear"

Yeh but if they are so "insigficant" whats the big deal for her?
He's not asking her to partake in orgies or anything extreme! Sounds to me she is being a little bit selfish over this.

Its not like she cant take them off later, they are not permanent like a tattoo, its just underwear!!!