I dont want to get out of bed

LegacyUser

Hi. Im in my 30's now and Im feeling very down. I stay in bed even though Im wide awake. I dont want to face the world. I have no job. I have a GF and im not sure if I love her. I cant move forward with my life. Im stuck, completely stuck.

RedXIV

No one is completely stuck. There is always an option.

Whats stopping you getting a job? what's your gf's attitude to your current mindset?

More info would make it easier to help

Wibbs

You need to see your GP and get help for this. Think of it like the flu, there is help out there and you will start to feel better in pretty short order.

biko

You will have to get out eventually. Instead of focusing on the big issues (job, gf) try focusing on smaller tasks. Use your bedtime to write a CV, then mail it out.

MJOR

Sorry to hear that this is how you are feeling. Everyone has these days but only once in a while. You need to speak to your GP and get yourself motivated. There is a whole life out there for you to live OP
Good luck x

Dabko

hey there,

I think you need to find a job you will enjoy doing. What are you good at? Would you consider working for yourself?
Believe me, having something to do day in, day out will make a major difference to your life in general. You can get seriously depressed my friend otherwise.

About the girlfriend thing, i recommend you sort out the first thing, first. Remember, theres only one way to eat an elephant - bite by bite!

Hope you don't get insulted by this question but do you by any chance indulge in hashish?

Miss Fluff

Why don't you have a job OP?

How Strange

OP, make an appointment to see your GP.

LegacyUser

The thing is, I never really loved my GF. I met her 7 years ago and went with her because she was fun and nice etc. But it has always been a burden on me. I left it go so long that now Im afraid to be left completely alone. Im too old now to start out again. How will I meet new people. All my friends are married etc. I dont have a job because im scared. Im scared that if I get one Ill end up having to marry her. This is complete torcher. Its turned into depression. The future is very bleak. Is 31 Old?

blah

The thing is.....you really need to go see your GP. You're not just "stuck in bed". You need help from a Doctor, and the sooner you go, the sooner you will feel better.

dellas1979

No 31 isnt old.

You need to prioritize things.

Get a job first - is there anything stopping you, besides being scared? (as we all are at some stage to be honest).

Get a job first - get into a new mind set and then revaluate things with your girlfriend. You cannot base loving her when you are very down. Next thing you'll be back here in 6 months with a "I let go the love of my life" thread.

So, little things at little paces all build up to bigger things.

lilly03

Hi,

You are not alone. There are people who can understand and help you. Right now have to muster all your energies to get thru this, talk to your GP (do u have one?) and believe me life does change. This seems a dark hole now but it can change and will be brighter.
31 is a baby. You have many good things waiting for you if you can just get over this hill. Go on . . . make an appointment with ur doc.

biko

cantgetout wrote: »

The thing is, I never really loved my GF. I met her 7 years ago and went with her because she was fun and nice etc. But it has always been a burden on me. I left it go so long that now Im afraid to be left completely alone. Im too old now to start out again. How will I meet new people. All my friends are married etc. I dont have a job because im scared. Im scared that if I get one Ill end up having to marry her. This is complete torcher. Its turned into depression. The future is very bleak. Is 31 Old?

So you don't want a job because then you'd have to marry a gf you don't love? And you can't leave her because then you'll be alone? Am I understanding this?
Maybe it's time to break up with her anyway? It seems to me you're stringing her along now.

LegacyUser

I went to see my GP last week and she gave me anti depressants. I broke down crying in the surgery. The thing is,I dont feel any better yet. I am waiting for an appointment with a psychologist. Hopefully she will be able to sort me out.
I feel like going away traveling for a while. Would this be a silly thing to do at my age? Or should I just cop on and get on with my life?

Beruthiel

cantgetout wrote: »

The thing is, I never really loved my GF. I met her 7 years ago and went with her because she was fun and nice etc. But it has always been a burden on me. I left it go so long that now Im afraid to be left completely alone. Im too old now to start out again. How will I meet new people. All my friends are married etc. I dont have a job because im scared. Im scared that if I get one Ill end up having to marry her. This is complete torcher. Its turned into depression. The future is very bleak. Is 31 Old?

Are you the same guy who's posted about this same problem twice before?

MJOR

You'll never get out of the rut you're in if you keep this pessimistic attitude up. I understand that depression is hard but on some level you need to be able to help yourself.

LegacyUser

Please dont be hard on me you dont know whats going through my head.

lilly03

I'm glad u went to your GP now just give the meds time to kick in.
I think the psychol. is a good idea - it should really help.
I like your idea about traveling but think you might get more out of ot when your head is in a better place - something to look forward to in the future - just not right now.

Well done

Beruthiel

cantgetout wrote: »

Please dont be hard on me you dont know whats going through my head.

You're head's melted, that's clear.
Now you've brought this up twice before.
You've been given advice. You've totally ignored it.

Yet you're back, for what? It would seem you are not going to do what is as plain as the nose on your face.
You will continue to be miserable until you face this head on. Sweeping crap under the carpet doesn't make it go away. You can see that now at this stage no?

Now I'm not being hard on you.
I'm trying to make you see that this problem will not go away, it's going to get worse.
As I've told you in the past, you MUST tell your g/f. You absolutely MUST.

You are there thinking that 31 is old. That there is no way out and no other way to turn. That is utter bullsh!t.
I started a whole new life, with a new partner at age 36. I call it phase 3. I had two other phases before that. I expect there will be others in the future. Age has absolutely nothing to do with it and is no more than a state of mind.

Not only are you fuking up your own life by doing nothing about this, but you are wasting hers too.
If I could stand beside you, at this stage I'd have to give you a good shake, if only to make you see sense.
Stop sitting on your hands and do something about this!

KITTIPP

I hate when people say 31 is old!!! That is crap....my dad is 75 and has the youngest heart of anyone i know! I am 31 too and going back to college for 4 years cos i went through similar depression type thing and finally got fed up and decided to fix my life....hated my career so finally changing that!
I know how you feel though, i spent a few years saying that i couldn't do anything and nothing was going to make it better - i tried meds, counselling everything only to be honest nothing like that really worked for me, (i am not knocking it though, they are all stepping stones to give you a little clarity) think its like giving up cigs (which i did too!) you have to really want it - so ask yourself, do you want to have a happy life?? In some way you must want to get better cos if you didn't you wouldn't be posting here in the first place....but you need to do a lot of the work yourself unfortunately - there are some great books that really helped me....pm me for details if you want...

take care of yourself .... you only have one life and make sure you take a small bit of happiness out of each day, you can find it if you look for it...

hope that doesn't sound too trite but for me little things kept me going...

KITTIPP

also if you're not actually working at the moment then volunteer at a hospital or nursing home or with disabled children or somethign - its one sure way to stop you thinking about your own minor problems when you see how bad things can really get for some people.....

I am convinced its the materialistic world we live in that makes us so depressed - it was for me anyway...

TripleAce

Look for a job and change girlfriend – seriously I don’t see what the problem is here? You are 31, not 81!!! And even if you were 81 it is never too late…look here


:P



You can either tell yourself you are useless, or you can do something about it!

DenMan

Hi there OP

Being stuck in a rut, nobody likes it, that right? Not knowing what to do, being afraid and having little or no motivation, self esteem. We have all been there buddy, trust me, I know!!! What do you feel is holding you back? The hardest thing in the world is figuring out what you want to with your life. What is your educational background if you don't mind me asking? If you feel you are feeling lost then you need to address the situation, albeit slowly. There is no point in going head first into something new especially if you have been away from a lot of things for a substantial amount of time. Speaking to a GP is a great way to help you with your problems.

While I agree with some of the other posters comments about simply going out there and finding yourself a job. It's not easy as that is it? If you are unsure as to what is the right job for you, then maybe you need to looks at your strengths, what are you good at, what skills can you bring to the table that a potential employer needs. Make a list of everything you like doing and this will help you to narrow your search parameters. You could also look into gradually returning to work. FAS run programs like these which help long term unemployed people discover their hidden talents. It gives them the confidence to re-enter the work force. Another possibility for you would be considering returning to full time education and gain additional benefits which will aid in your goal towards employment. Returning to full time education would be a tremendous decision by you if you have the determination and drive to go after your own specific targets.

Here are a few tips that worked for me. (Hopefully some of these can be applied to your case)

Problems

[1] I used to be a very shy and withdrawn person (a part of me still is by the way)
[2] It took me a long time to find out what I wanted to do with my life
[3] I lacked motivation and isolated myself away from a lot of people
[4] I was very comfortable with my own company, it never bothered me

Solutions

I started developing an interest in specific things. These ranged from music I listened to, films I watched and people I would meet. Gradually I started getting more confidence and every little bit I gained a new goal I wanted to attain. My love of music (especially Rock/Metal) made me decide to get a keyboard (recently I might ad) and I am trying to learn to use it. Making some progress and this gives me more confidence to keep at it. I went to work in Malta for a film director because it is something I wanted to do. Leaving Ireland to work abroad gave me a new outlook on life. It opened up a lot of doors for me and gave me a direction in life to follow. It also gave me a love of the industry I am involved with. When I returned to Ireland I set about getting a few things in order for myself. I am returning to college in September having been accepted during the interview, returning as a Mature Student (28). I have the experience and now need the education to go with it.

It is never too late to figure out what you want OP, remember that. 31 years of age is nothing and thinking about that will make your situation seem anything but bleak. So instead of staying in bed make a list of what you like about yourself, what you would like to have as your ideal job and then it will time to make these great plans of yours a realisation. You have the power to make the change for yourself. Here are a few links that I hope will be of benefit to you.

www.fas.ie (the section on training would be a great place to start)

www.nightcourses.com (a gentle way for you to get back into education, part time)

(NB) www.education.ie (a vast network of resources available to you)

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/education/third-level-education/applying-to-college/third_level_courses_for_mature_students (a very handy website to have available)

There are many others but those above mentioned will at least give you a platform to work with. Also here on boards.ie there is a specific section under the Edu drop down list for Mature Students. Good luck OP and remember you made the first steps here today getting your problems off your chest by posting here. If you get the chance register here and let us know how your situation is developing. Your future awaits you.

econ08

cantgetout wrote: »

Please dont be hard on me you dont know whats going through my head.

Its best not to make any big decisions when you are depressed. Just keep going back to your doctor until he sorts something out that works.

DenMan

Hi OP

How are things now. Just thought I would see how things are. Take care.

LegacyUser

DenMan wrote: »

Hi OP

How are things now. Just thought I would see how things are. Take care.

Hey DenMan. Thanks for the advice. Im not too bad, still have'nt come to any conclusions though. I enrolled in a course today which starts tomorrow so I have to get out of bed. But I will still feel very down. The problem has been swept under the carpet for years now and it only now I realize I have to take responsibility for my own life.
I cant seem to commit to my long term GF. Work is not so much the problem as there will always be something to do. I feel I have betrayed myself and her. I feel Ive led her on all these years and its eating me up inside.

DenMan

Hi OP

One step at a time ok. That was some timing wasn't it. Enrol on a course today and start tomorrow. Could be a good sign. Regarding your gf she will notice you have taken a real interest in something and hopefully will encourage you. Enjoy the course tomorrow.

girl2

Hello

I have to agree with DenMan, one step at a time.

Firstly.....WELL DONE........for going to the GP.....clearly you want help, and this has been the first step. Anti-depressants can start to take effect after about 3 weeks, so bear with them. Sometimes it can take a little longer. I would recommend in a week or two that you go back to the doctor and asked to be referred on to a counsellor that will be able to listen to your problems and guide you some.

Secondly.......WELL DONE.......for enrolling in that course. This is excellent. Things can only get better for you. You have already chosen a path that is bringing you to other places, that will get you out of bed.

I am 30, I started a course last September, I still have another 2-3 years left to go. I am single as well. I ended a much longer relationship than yours last year. I was very difficult, but it was the right thing to do. I no longer loved this person and was only there because it was common ground. You can make the right decision for you where your girlfriend is concerned. I think you already know the decision......it will only be a matter of time.

I hope you do well, and make sure you go to that course tomorrow.

Good luck!

STUBBORNGIRL

cantgetout wrote: »

I went to see my GP last week and she gave me anti depressants. I broke down crying in the surgery. The thing is,I dont feel any better yet. I am waiting for an appointment with a psychologist. Hopefully she will be able to sort me out.
I feel like going away traveling for a while. Would this be a silly thing to do at my age? Or should I just cop on and get on with my life?

If i said Cop on and get on with your life would you?? See op if it was that easy you wouldnt be here writing this and staying in bed not wanting to get up.

For the record 31 is not anywhere near old! and 31 is not too old to make a new start - if you dont love your girlfriend then you need to set her free. It seems like you have got yourself stuck in a rut! To be honest you really need to get a job of some sort! sitting around moping is not helping you - you have too much time on your hands to be thinking about negative things!

You definitely need to seek some counselling - i dont think just the antidepressants are going to work on their own! Well fair play to you for taking the first step by seeing the doctor - Things are not always as bad as they appear!

I am reluctant to say anymore only that when you do seek professional help you will be in a better situation and Life will definitely be rosier!

I wish you all the luck in the world and every good wish that goes with it! it will all be okay in the end:)

Edit: Op fair play for enrolling in that course - well done, this will give you reason to get up everymorning! As for the girlfriend - set her free, you will find someone else! you are not doing her any favours nor are you doing yourself any favours! if anything both of you are missing out on other potential partners! Take care and again i wish you all the best!

DenMan

Hi OP

How did you get on with your new course? Hope it went well for you.

STUBBORNGIRL

DenMan wrote: »

Hi OP

How did you get on with your new course? Hope it went well for you.

Do you feel any happier today? i hope things are looking up!

Can you see the light at the end of the tunnel yet? its not that far away!

LegacyUser

Hi OP i just turned 30 myself and i have had a tough few years,i had 2 berevements to deal with over the last 2 years and i just couldnt get out of bed for a whole year,i had just finished studying for 9 years also and i was absolutly exhausted,all i could do was get into bed and rest and be safe.

So i did. It was the best thing for me to do and i felt very uncomfortable at the beginning because i felt guilty that it was not normal.

my weeks became about just seeing a therapist and resting the rest,i could barely get out of bed to go see her i was so exhausted.

but then i accepted that my mind was mentally ill and drained and if i was physically sick i would get into bed so here i was mentally drained and sick and i got into bed too.

I think you are depressed for a reason and it is making you want to get into a comfort zone.

i personally feel that we usually know what is best for ourselves,and because you are feeling depressed you are scared that being in bed is a negative thing,and most people will tell you that it is.

if you can learn to know what is best for you then no one elses opinion matters,and no one knows weather its best for you to, or not to, stay in bed.

i stayed in bed until i was better and i think i healed quicker because of it.

people will have different opinions about it but think deep down what is best for you and try and get some help with expressing your emotions around this issue with your girlfriend.

you need insight into this situation and getting some therapy will help you emensely.

Dont take on the course unless you feel ready,as you may be adding more pressure to yourself,get some help with your personal life first and then you will be healthy to go back out inot the world.