Alcoholic /depressed mother!

bistro

Thought I might go anon for this one...


My mother is a horrible, manipulating, bitter, alcoholic who loves nothing more than being on her own, then complaining that she has nobody. She acts like she is the only person on the planet who’s had children or has a job. All she ever does is b1tch and moan about everybody and everything around her. Im the eldest of 5 (ranging in age between 28 and 22). We finally got her into hospital last Monday for detox and ongoing councilling. She had agreed that it was time for help.

The detox alone was supposed to last a week according to our local GP. But the doctors in castlebar general hospital fell for her wonderful "Oh, there's nothing the matter with me, im lovely and grand" routine. She managed to haul ass out of the hospital Wednesday without a physc evaluation. (fair enough, all lunatics are not the responsibility of hospital staff!)
They gave her a prescription for fuking Vitamin B!:mad:


Lets go back a bit.......

My mother and father separated roughly 7 years and my mother decided she wanted to buy my father out of his share of the family home, which cost her close to 150grand. The house is used as a guesthouse / B&B and the bank pay rolled the buyout - a nice mortgage for life!

The past 4 years have just being a total nightmare. Almost 5 years ago, my grandfather, whom my mother was caring for, died. This was most very very expected.
She went into a downward spiral from there, drinking and generally being a horrible person. We tried our best to support her, but all you got was filthy dogs abuse left, right and centre.

The following year my sister got pregnant at 19. (big wow!:rolleyes:) My Mother was very upset in the beginning but eventually got used to it. Ever since, all she does is fight with any of us that attempt to go near her.

She has accused us of trying to steal from her and accused me of using companies i have set up to import and distribute drugs! She has roared abuse at our girlfriends, asking them what they were doing with useless c**ts like us! She sent a 4 text message long text one night to me and the bros and sis just to let us know how much she hates us all (quite abusive that one - even used abbreviated text language to get it all in!)

The last time i spoke to her in May, she beat the head of me (A new low). She was doing a Michael Jackson on it with my 3 year old nephew, drunkenly standing beside an 2 story open window, screaming how my sister was a bad mother and she (my mother) was going to court to get custody of the kid!

Just in case you’re wondering, we are not bad people. We hail from a west of Ireland town and would be considered middle class (forgive that middle class bullsh1t, just painting a picture).

I am doing quite well for my self and have being since i was 17. As are my brothers and sister who are very good, hard working honest people. None of us have being in trouble with the law (apart from the usual childish stuff when we were kids) and we all support ourselves - no hand outs from mammy or daddy!


And here's the best part - My mother comes from a family of 13 with 10 brothers and sisters. They are a very well respected family with many high profile business interests about the west of Ireland. And not one of the miserable c**ts will help. We have being begging them for years to help us help our mother, but they don't want to admit there's a problem. Best family around for a good session, but don't tell them there's a man down.

And, here's a good one. Our mother has made us (me, bros and sis) all believe that our father was a bad person all the years they were together. She had me hating him for most my life. But now its very apparent what was going on....she was forcing us to take sides so as to fuel her insane “Im a martyr, nobody can do anything as great as I can, Im the best, everyone else is scum!” attitude.

So, now she’s back to her old ways again today, being a c**t and drinking like a lord!


Now, there. That's of my chest, i can breath!

Anyone else in similar situation? Any suggestions?

Cheers

RedXIV

*scratches head*

Bit of a doozy isn't it?

Ok OP, i can't relate because it's never happened to me and while i'd love to come out with some gem's of advice, i honestly don't know if the advice i could give would work on your mother.

First and foremost though, i'd try and get your nephew away from her, even if it's just subtely making excuses for failure to visit.

Unfortunately in alot of cases, you can't change these people unless they want to change so unless you can convince her of what she's doing to the relationships between herself and her family, i don't know what else to say.

Sorry OP, wish i had something better to say

Red

Wagon

Leave her. I hate saying that but there's not a hope in hell for someone like that unless they want to be helped. I'm not being a bastard here. I'm imagining my own mother in that situation and putting myself in your shoes and I would have given up long ago. I could go into the modern day amateur psychological analysis bit here but I'd rather be straight with it.

She likes being miserable. She treats you and your family like absolute horse**** and will continue to do so as long as you try and help directly. So ignore her. Some have to hit rock bottom before they realise what they're like and this is definitely one of these cases. Block her phone number. Cut all contact. She will come to you with an apology when she's ready but don't feed her self importance and vanity any further and tell your siblings this as well. Tell your sister that she isn't to bring her child to the house any more and that no child deserves a grandmother like that.

bistro

red, wagon,


Thank you for that. Dont worry about the sister and the nephew, they stay well away from her anymore.

I just cant help feeling guilty all the time about not doing anything - and believe me, if you knew me, i can be a cold heartless person (which is a good trait:)), its eating me up!

I'm liking the cut her off treatment. She is forever calling one of us..."Bring down some groceries from the shop..", "Put petrol in the car for me.." "Jump of a bridge and be miserable like me"

Argghh, i hate Mondays!

RedXIV

Hey Bistro,

If you are feeling guilty about not doing anything to try and fix this, why not try out the cutting her off idea. Sounds a bit harsh but hear me out.

As Wagon said, sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they realise what they have become and alienating her for a while (but obviously if something REALLY bad happens, go to her) may the wake up call she needs. You're taking steps to try and fix it, even if it hurts in the short term, in the long term, you're trying to make a difference.

Also, you might want to consider giving her an ultimatium first, may go easier on yourself if you say "Think about treatment or you won't be hearing from me anytime soon". That way, you've warned her, she know's what you want, and if you can get your siblings in on it, the effect will be alot stronger.

Hope this makes sense the way it did in my head OP

Red

Wagon

bistro wrote: »

red, wagon,


Thank you for that. Dont worry about the sister and the nephew, they stay well away from her anymore.

I just cant help feeling guilty all the time about not doing anything - and believe me, if you knew me, i can be a cold heartless person (which is a good trait:)), its eating me up!

I'm liking the cut her off treatment. She is forever calling one of us..."Bring down some groceries from the shop..", "Put petrol in the car for me.." "Jump of a bridge and be miserable like me"

Argghh, i hate Mondays!

No problem at all keep us posted if you need to.