Unfair??

LegacyUser

Hi there, I am hoping to get some advice here,I broke up with my long term boyfriend of 6 years almost ten months ago. It wasn't the nicest of break ups, far from it and he started going out with someone less than a month later.we were both very hurt from it but after six years I felt that it was going nowhere and needed a break which was what we both agreed to.
My dilemna is that I am missing him something awful,I am so sorry that I broke up with him and how it ended. I love him and always have and always will.I just cant see myself without him for the rest of my life and nobody compares to him. I would love to get back together with him bit he is still going out with the person he started seeing shortly after we broke up. The thing about it is, my ex is very stubborn and having known him for the last 6 years I know that if he wanted to come back to me he wouldnt, his pride is too much at stake.
Shortly after it was off and I found out about this other girl, he said after it was off that I didnt do much to convince him to get back together, that I just called it off and that was that. I wish he knew about all the heartache i went through after that.
We have had no contact in six months,it kills me.I havent even seen him out at all. I thought this feeling would go away, but its more intense that its getting, like its eating away at me and won't stop.
Ok, after that rant, here is the question, do I let him know face to face what I feel and that I still love him or do I leave things as they are and let him get on with things with his girlfriend.I feel like I have to do something before more time passes and I lose him altogether. If i was giving advice,I would tell me to just let it be and see what happens but if I do that he will think I have no interest(I know him too well for him to think otherwise).
I have thought of some of the consequences, what if he tells me to get lost,that he is happier now than he ever was or what if he feels the same?what if I dont do anything, will I ever forgive myself for not giving it the chance.All opinions and suggestions welcome.

Beruthiel

If you loved him, why did you finish with him?

From the outside it looks like this, you finished with him. He found someone else. You're alone. Suddenly you realise you've let him go and someone else has picked him up. Now you miss him.
You miss what you had.
The reason for the break up is still there surely?
My advise is leave him be, he has a new g/f. You should get on with your life.

How Strange

should i?? wrote: »

I broke up with my long term boyfriend of 6 years almost ten months ago. after six years I felt that it was going nowhere and needed a break which was what we both agreed to.

My dilemna is that I am missing him something awful,I am so sorry that I broke up with him and how it ended. I love him and always have and always will.I just cant see myself without him for the rest of my life and nobody compares to him. We have had no contact in six months,it kills me.I havent even seen him out at all. I thought this feeling would go away, but its more intense that its getting, like its eating away at me and won't stop.

do I let him know face to face what I feel and that I still love him or do I leave things as they are and let him get on with things with his girlfriend.I feel like I have to do something before more time passes and I lose him altogether. I have thought of some of the consequences, what if he tells me to get lost,that he is happier now than he ever was or what if he feels the same?what if I dont do anything, will I ever forgive myself for not giving it the chance.All opinions and suggestions welcome.

OP, I think you need to find out what the hell is going on in your head. You break up with your bf of 6 years because it's going nowhere and now you love him and want him back.

You don't just break up a 6 year relationship on a whim. There had to be something significant to force you to do that. There must have been some serious problems in the relationship. Do you think those problems have gone and won't reoccur?

Is this because he's moved on and you haven't and it's not much fun being the one left behind? Is it because you miss the intimacy and closeness of a relationship?

If I were you I'd explore what your real motives are here because if you do this and he says yes and then you realise that it's not what you want you will be doing something unspeakably cruel.

I've seen people do exactly this - break up, lonely/get back together, break up a year/2 years later after house is bought/married/baby born all because the problem that was there to begin with was never addressed/overcome and the person who broke it off in the first place got lonely and lost sight of the reasons for the breakup and confused loneliness for love.

MJOR

Has he given any clear indication that he'd like to reconcile. Sorry to use the term dog in a manger but that is the situation you're in.

I know it is hard and you miss him but what were your reasons for finishing it with him in the first place?

snollup

Like the last poster said, the reason for the breakup will still be there. That said, I would say let him know as he cannot make his decision unless he knows how you feel. prepare yourself tho as he may not be interested in getting back. One way or the other you'll both know exactly where you stand once you've told him how you feel!

RedXIV

You broke up with him and now that he's happy, you want him back. This is not the first case on PI of this and it def won't be the last. Everyone wants what they can't have and believe me, while he seems amazing now that you can't have him, if you did get back together, the reasons you broke up would be catapulted back into the light.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

peanut66

I was in the exact same position you are in now about 7 months ago. I was going out with my bf for 6 years the first 5 of em really good. The last year was just weird and full of fights and I realised I didnt think i loved him the same as I used to.

In my opinion for a relationship to go the distance you need to be absolutely sure u love the other person. Its not a maybe thing till something better comes along. I felt it was unfair to keep my relationship going under the circs so i ended it after muchhhh deliberation. It was horrible still feels weird not having the same life i had for so long.

There are times you are going to miss your bf as I do (as a friend now) and you may think oh ive made a big mistake but i guarantee you as soon as you get back with him amd u get what u want....all the old niggling doubts will come back and the grass is always greener.... Think how badly you will hurt him if you make that mistake twice.

I would leave it and if you are meant to be , who knows a year or more down the line you could both find yourselves single and you could have sorted out in ur head what you really want.

AngryBadger

Really would like to know why you broke up with him in the first place if you're so in love with him?

And if he started dating someone else that quickly, quite likely breaking up suited him.

I'd leave him alone, regardless of how well you think you know him, the facts are YOU dumped HIM, from the horses mouth (i.e. your ex) you didn't do much to convince him to get back together, he's seeing someone else now and even though you've spoken to him he continues to see that person.

Seems like an open and shut case to me OP. If he stops seeing that person anytime soon, maybe you have a shot, but from where I'm sitting that train has sailed.

Wagon

There's no point telling him. He's moved on and doesn't want you back. In fairness, you did the dumping so you have to live with your actions. It's not even slightly unfair. Why did you break up with him though?

Ghost Girl

Is it him you miss, or a relationship of six years which you'd grown used to that you miss?? If you met some one in the morning and things were going really well, would you be feeling the same now??

Think long and hard about this one, if YOU go back, and he does pick up with you, YOU are back in a situation you got out of, and im sure the reasons haven't changed. You're then in a very difficult position - how do you deal with issues which will make you unhappy again. ( and they will happen again!!) As hard as it is, i'd give it way more time, and if he really wants you, his new relationship won't be going any where. And if you really are in love with him and it is his and your love that your missing, then any relationship you get into probably wont work either....take your time on this one!!! and when i say time i mean a year or two at least.

Wibbs

As others have said, it could be you because you haven't found someone else, you feel alone, you miss the intimacy, you're a little upset he found someone so quickly or even that you actually did make a big mistake leaving and found the grass wasn't greener. All of the above can happen. I've done some of them myself and I've had exes come sniffing around for similar reasons.

Regardless of the reason you have to take it on the chin and accept that it's over and he found someone else.

The someone else and what split you up in the first place are the massive obstacles to reconciliation. Yes exes get back together and it can even work, but not if a) the original issue is still in play(you getting cold feet on it's own isn't it either) and b) they're free to be with each other. Any of the successful reconciliations I've seen the exes kept in friendly contact, but didn't interfere in the happiness of the other, even if they weren't sure of their choices. The fact that he's with this other lassie ten months on and hasn't wanted to keep in contact with you for half of that time speaks volumes. I agree with AngryBadger, his agreement with the split and pretty quickly moving on sounds like he had similar issues to you at the time.

In any case let's say he was single. How would you begin to explain you leaving him in the first place, that those reasons are no longer there? The chances are he would be suspicious of your motives.

You have to move on and let him be happy. You have to move on so you can be happy too.

LegacyUser

Personally I think you should leave it. Think about it- he got out of a six year relationship and entered another within a month. I doubt very much that he would have jumped into another relationship so quickly without thinking a lot about it first so chances are that he is happy with his current girlfriend.

I dont think you should put yourself through the pain and rejection, imagine how horrible you will feel if he does tell you how happy he is and unwilling to get back with you. Thats going to kill your self esteem. Try to move on with your life, it will get easier with time.

Moojuice

Give it some more time and if you still feel the same way tell him. Regret doing it but dont regret not mking the effort. You never know how he feels. He could feel the same way. The worst that can happen is that he rejects you. The best that could happen is that he feels the same. Either way at least you will know for definite and wont have to worry about how you feel. The truth can be a very liberating thing.