The Hitch Hikers Guide to Boards

Zaph

OK, so as we all know, the Guide contains almost limitless amounts of information regarding just about anything and everything. Except Boards. Obviously the Guide needs updating, so here's your chance to submit entries for all things Boards for inclusion in the next edition. What forums, events, posters, mods, even admins if you're feeling brave enough, deserve inclusion? Just remember to keep it civil please or we'll send Marvin round to tell you all about how he's been feeling lately.

Zaph

The Encyclopaedia Galactica describes Feedback as a place where posters can air their opinions about Boards, ask questions when they have problems and plead their cases when banned from other fora. The Guide has this to say on the subject:

Feedback is the last refuge of scoundrels, the desperate and desperate scoundrels. Originally conceived as a place where qeuestions could be asked and problems solved, as well as a neutral "buffer zone" where posters can air their grievances and moderators can respond, it has in recent times become inhabited by the dreaded LOLCAT. These cute furry bundles of fun usually only make an appearance when the OP is starting to lose the argument, preying on his weakness and vulnerability. It's said that the LOLCAT is a product of the mythical "mod conspiracy", although there's little evidence to support this. The mod conspiracy was believed to have been hidden in the Horsehead Nebula, but further investigation of the nebula has thrown up nothing more than the planet Magrathea. Legend has it that a poster once asked a question in Feedback and got a serious answer, but this has been dismissed as nothing more than a story told to children.

johnnyskeleton

The Encyclopaedia Galactica describes Beer Guts & Receding Hair (BGRH) as a place where portly streamlined gentlemen gather to discuss the finer points of life, such as tits, ass, beer, the existential difficulties of ageing, fries, novelty oversized things, novelty oversized food, the acumen and insight of a paternal piscine and concocting devious and intricate ways of getting the females of the species (known patronisingly as "wimmins") to serve beer and make sandwiches.

The Hitchhikers Guide, which has been updated more recently than the Encyclopaeida Galactica, has this to say about BGRH:

A bunch of metrosexual skinny nerds who posture frantically as real men in a desperate bid to attract the attentions of the wimminfolk of a neighbouring forum. Although ostensibly they still retain the vestiges of true manhood, they are increasingly prone to discussing fashion tips, going to the toilet with each other, does this pink tutu make my bum look big etc. Any attempt by a real man to discuss a real manly topic (for example, how clinically obese he is) will be promptly locked, and any attempt to question the moderation (which has now been taken over by wimmins) will result in shunning and/or removal of threads. The final insult was when a picture of superman spanking his wimmins' bottom was considered inappropriate for being "demeaning and misogynistic" which is a complete u-turn on what was originally considered appropriate. Now, the remaining posters spend most of their time congradulating themselves on being real men (even though most are now wimmins) and the forum is no longer defined by it's original purpose (see Encyclopaedia Galatica) but instead by the fact that the posters meet up every couple of days and talk about their feelings

johnnyskeleton

The Encyclopaedia Galactica describes The Ladies Lounge as a place where like minded women can discuss the issues of central importance to their lives such as health, hobbies and relationships. It is the forerunner of the feminist movement on boards.ie

The Hitchhikers Guide describes the Ladies Lounge as:

A place where like minded women can discuss the issues of central importance to their lives such as having their periods, shoes and being how men are all a shower of bastards. Occasionally a feminist will go there if she is looking for personal abuse.

johnnyskeleton

The Encyclopaedia Galactica describes After Hours as the boards.ie equivalent of the miscellaneous forum, where any contemporary or popular issue can be discussed.

The Hitchhiker's Guide describes After Hours as:

The place where people who hate foreigners/immigrants/travellers/people on the dole/judges/gards/everybody come to air their views and bleeding heart liberals & people who like being controversial argue the opposite, no matter how ridiculous it may be. There are also a number of witty and inventive insults directed towards the female parents of all sapient beings who post there

mike65

The Guide includes a short entry regarding Mustard one of the more eh esoteric fora on boards.ie. It notes that one should, on no account, ever question quite why Mustard of all food embellishments should be worthy of standalone discussion.

If one should query its existence the said curious would be advised to pack a heavy towel while consulting the entry for Total Perspective Vortex which gives a hint about the fate of said curious once the Admin known as ecksor sees the query.

Mike.

Steve

Only sort of relevant but WTF

how to behave on an internet forum

Originally posted here

Valmont

Perhaps something about the admin Ampz and his bizarre disappearance.

Steve

Isn't it a bit ironic that Zaph is now nearly the president of boards... :-/

johnnyskeleton

Steve wrote: »

Isn't it a bit ironic that Zaph is now nearly the president of boards... :-/

That's just a big distraction from what is really going on.

on a remote, windswept planet DeVore sits alone in his shack, talking to his cat. He wonders whether the cat thinks that the strange men who give her food are singing to her. Or maybe the strange men really are singing to the cat, and he just thinks they are talking to him

star gazer

Steve wrote: »

Isn't it a bit ironic that Zaph is now nearly the president of boards... :-/

an administrator, but there isn't really an equivalent in Hitchhiker's is there...

The Encyclopaedia Galactica has boards.ie as a virtual discussion area where many topics are debated in written format throughout several fora. It is a relatively new concept in the annals of human history.

The Guide goes into a little more detail. With this rare creature a whole new set of parameters for human interaction have been documented. There are those with their towels, those without. Friend and foe, those who think they're a sofa and those with a Genuine People Personality prototype. The interaction of these assorted beings moves from the sublime to the recital of Vogon poetry. Heart-felt human interest discussions, informative posts and genuine fun form the backbone of the website. All in all a good place to discuss infinite improbability arising from finite improbability.