Long(ish) Distance Relationship: How often to keep in contact?

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this one. This post is probably born out of my own insecurity, but would like the opinion of anybody who's been involved in a long distance relationship.

Asked this girl out. She said yes. Problem is she's being posted to another town about 2 hours drive away for the next few months pretty soon after she agreed to go out with me. Because of both our work schedule we probably will be seeing each other about twice a month, during weekends.

Problem is: How often is 'normal' for you to call/text each other in a long distance relationship? I mean, before this, we see each other almost everyday as we work in the same place. Since she's moved sometimes you don't hear from her for a whole day, then get a cpl of text the day after. All this is new to me as we used to exchange loads of text msgs everday !

I've never been involved in a long distance relationship before, so I dont know how frequent should you keep in contact. What is 'normal'? Should you keep in contact everday? I dont want to repeat mistakes of past relationships and be needy and pushy, calling or texting her all the time!

LegacyUser

my bird just moved away too. we talk a few times a day and txt the odd time, just depends on whats going on i suppose. ya probably shouldn't think about the volume of contact, if you have something to say just say it!

MagicMarker

There's nothing wrong with a single text every day, and a conversation every few days with someone you're in a relationship with. Although, are you actually in a relationship with this girl?

Just don't push it, send a text and wait for a reply, don't send multiple texts beofre getting a response... Just do what comes naturally, if you over think it then you're bound to **** up somewhere.

srdb20

Ye just dont be bombarding her with texts, to be honest you know yourself how much to be txting and calling, some people txt and call alot others not so much.

You'll find a happy medium after a few days im sure!!!

Best o luck;)

aviendha

met a guy who was posted 2 hours from me... saw him twice a week, texted most days (but sometimes 2/3 days)... >1 year on, happy out completely
it can definately work, just don't get too stressed out about what's "normal" cos there is no normal except what works for each individual situation. Some space can give perspective. Best of luck!

Ruu_Old

Don't get yourself into a state where you are wondering 'why hasn't she texted back yet?' or you will drive yourself mad. When you get a spare minute or on your break at work or whatever, you could giver her a quick call or text and let her know how you are getting on.
That said, some people like to be more connected than others, so depends what type of a person she is.

Pj!

Don't be always the first to text her though.
Obviously I dont know the girl and she might not mind but if I were you I'd almost take it in turns to text first, ie, if you texted her yesterday, let her send the first message today or whenever she likes. It shouldnt be so mechanical and not always like that but I'd keep it in mind.
And remember she's probably thinking the same thing so it'll suit her too.

Wurly

LDRboy wrote: »

What is 'normal'? Should you keep in contact everday? I dont want to repeat mistakes of past relationships and be needy and pushy, calling or texting her all the time!

No such thing as normal, my friend. There is no 'one size fits all' answer to this one.

Text/call her when it feels right. If she reciprocates, then great.

If she is not as receptive as you would like then maybe relax on the contact for a bit.

You'll figure out a 'rhythm' for this soon enough, don't worry.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply everyone. It feels a bit reassuring. Just the jump from 20 msgs EVERYDAY to maybe 2-3 MOST days needs a bit of adjusting too I guess.

jellie

When i was in a long distance relationship with my ex we usually txt a couple of times during the day, then might talk on msn in the evening, & if not wed usually call each other and chat for anything from a few mins to a couple of hours.

i dont think theres a normal, i think theres just a level of contact that you both want and/or are happy with.

MJOR

My BF is three hours away and we text a good bit throughout the day and a phonecall every night

We see each other every weekend.

SarahSassy

OP,

Whats 'normal' is what yourself and your gf are happy with. You dont seem happy with the amount of contact and maybe the 2 of ye should have a chat about it. Im sure she is busy with the move and the new job so I doubt there is anything sinister...

Just have a chat with her. In a LDR regular contact is good for keeping the relationship current and alive if its going to be a longer term thing.

Good luck

SS

PurpleFistMixer

My boyfriend lives about 4 hours from me (well it'd be 3 if I could drive). We've always been long distance, so I'm not sure what the transition is like... I talk to him every day via MSN or Skype and if we're busy and can't get online we might text a little bit (he lives up north so it's 25c a text, puts a damper on that a bit). See him most weekends, but things come up of course now and then.

There isn't any objective "normal", as people have said. Whatever feels natural. If you feel like talking, send a text... Of course, you don't want to be in a situation of flooding her with texts, but still, communicating with someone you're in a relationship with is important. You have to do it by ear... send enough texts that she knows you're thinking of her, and of course, to chat etc., but don't suffocate her.
What I find strange is that the number of texts you're senidng has changed... I mean, the point of a text message is that it doesn't matter where you are, isn't it?

Sprouts

A two hour drive is nothing, I would class a long distance relationship one that involves air miles. Surely if you wanted to see this girl you can see her more than 2 times in a month with more effort. On a day off you could drive there and see her when she finished work maybe. Where there's a will, there's a way. Texting alone wont really fan the flames of a relationship, things might just peter out.

LegacyUser

PurpleFistMixer wrote: »

What I find strange is that the number of texts you're senidng has changed... I mean, the point of a text message is that it doesn't matter where you are, isn't it?

I thought so too.She used to be such a compulsive texter, but i put it down to the fact that she is in a new environment with a pretty busy job.We've just gone out a few weeks, so I dont want to put too much pressure on her or sound too needy!

-aboutagirl-

I've lived in the UK for the past year and my boyfriend is in Dublin. We talk alot during the day, around four or five phonecalls and then again later on when I get home.