Anxiety, depression & lost...

LegacyUser

Going unregged for this one as its quite the mess.. I just need to let somethings out and hear what others have to say as i literally have noone to turn to this time ..

I dunno how to start off..

Well, my main problem has to be my anxioty. Its gotten so bad that its holding me back from EVERYTHING. I cannot live a "normal life" what so ever and i just hate. For starters im 20, still living at home, NEVER once had a proper job(Few nixers here and there with family) and have few friends. I rarly get out much because the friends i do have do be busy working and what not and dont have much time for me which is grand, im not asking for that obviously. But whenever they do have the time to meet up its always to the pub or out for the night and because of the lack of job and money i can really never go so i find myself sitting at home, in my room, alone and mainly on here constantly refressing pages 24/7. Sad or what?

When im in college its all good as i have something to keep me busy. Its a 9am-5/6pm course, monday to friday and the work load is heavy and gives me somethin to keep my mind on semtember to may. But i still have the same problem, no job and no money to enjoy anything else.

The actual problem is that i havent the nerve to even go looking for work. I mean, i have before. I just dont come across well. When i set out to do so i normally have a good decent CV ready, nice clean apperance and dress well too but before i set foot in a shop or what have you, i do find myself physically sick, sweating like mad, having massive panicattcks and almost crying with the state i get into. And i dont know why i get like that. Sure, im reeeally shy but i try to put that behind me. I also have trouble talking, in general. If its the likes of a family member although i would still be quite, id still be able to hold a decent enough coonversation but with a stranger or someone who i dont know well or not too long, i cant say ****, i try but cant. I stuter and stammer and feel the way i described above. I really dont know why this is the case, it started about 6yrs ago and gradually got worse and i just HATE it. Its holding me back soooo much from living mylife. Like i need a job to obviously get by, to go with friends, to try meet new people just everything. And ive been told the way i act is stupid and petty and comes accross as arogance in that i dont talk much but i cant help it what so ever no matter what i do..

What should i do? Could anyone shed some light on this? I realy need to get passed it and over it quick.

The above is only the beginning of my problems tho and im really sorry for dragging this out but i need it off my chest and as i said other peoples views.

Although im quite and shy, i managed to meet my current GF of just over a year. Shes amazing and i love her so very much. At first i was quite and just afaird to come out and be myself but that soon changed and for the first time i felt good, happy, at the fact that i met a complete stranger, got on well and developed a good healthy relationship.

But now, she's seem to have put up with me enough. And i can completely understand. Its for the above reason(Kinda), in that i dont have a job which means we cant go out much and i cant buy her nice things and just be a propper BF and threat thier GF how they should. And for that i just feel terible..

The situation is much deeper in that this happened before We had a bad break up for just under a month before xmas and the circumstances were that we'd get back together if i was to change in which i didnt so much. Like i mean im not a bad BF, i spent every penny i get on her and us going out when we can(Which isnt too often) but we do and we have fun. When i met her i had quite alot of money(From workin with family the previous year) and was fine until it soon ran out. But from then on i found myself selling alot of things just to come up with some cash for valentines, her bday etc.. like guitars and mp3's etc.. and she did appreciate it at the time buts its like whatever now because we usually just find ourselfes sitting around either in mine or hers watchin tv or whatever while we should be out. She says she doesnt mind that but it gets boring and it would be nice to go out even every 3 weeks or something..

At the moment were on a 6 week break, so as i and herself can sort ourselfs out. And by that i mean so she can deal with some personal problems ive no right in posting and so as i can get myself together and get a job etc...

She suggested it the same time i was going to which was good but its day 4 into this and im still finding it harder than ever. Now its either sort myself out or loose the one thing i do have, her. Im not letting that happen so i can only try from now but im living in fear that wont be able to do it. but i need to, Its not just her either, its her parents.

Although they like me as a person that i seem nice. They dont like the fact im seeing thier daughter the way i am. Now i had a chat with em while the GF was out and wanted to try rectify everything and its for the fact that they think im not threating her right they dont want me to see her. I explained everything and they just said i need to get over it, which is true. But i didnt like how everything was pinned on me in that how she doesnt seem happy anymore, shes on weight and doesnt care so much about her apperiance. But anyway, for the past month or so theyve been constantly hassling her to leave me on those basis and has aparently caused many fights etc cos she wont as she loves and cares for me too much but she had to meet half way saying that if i dont chance in 6 weeks im gone. Its the whole attitue that if i dont change now i never will thing and shes right i dont think i would if i dont soon. Im just afraid on myself and everything at this point.

I really dunno what to do..

Also my parents have been at me every min of everday to do the same otherwise il be kicked out of the house I cant explain anything to them as ther quite old fashioned and jus say grow up or what have you.

Im severly depressed over everything ive mention and have been over the main problem the past 5-6yrs now, its got to the point where ive tried suicide but wasnt brave enough to fallow through.. Its just ruining mylife that much.. i dunno what to say or thing anymore

I think thats everything and thanx for reading. Ive no idea why i posted this other than to let it all out and hear what other have to say..

Karen_*

Why not look up a hypnotherapist that specialises in anxiety? Or Buy a book. Paul McKenna does a fantastic book on confidence if you want to give that a try.

You have to start somewhere and the main problem you need to tackle are the panic attacks. And in overcoming them you can then get out and get yourself a job. Even just a part time one to begin with. You woant things to change so you're going to have to put in alot of work. OP I'd just let the gf go for the moment and concentrate on yourself. You don't need the distraction and the added worry and it sounds like she needs a break too. Down the line it could work out and if its meant to be etc etc

For the moment take very small steps in sorting yourself out. Things won't happen overnight but they will happen for you.

DenMan

Hi OP

Just been reading your post there. I think what you need to do is just find some focus in your life. What do you like doing? There are many ways to improve your confidence levels and the first step is acknowledging your problems. You have identified that part, well done. I know you said you were having a hard time finding yourself a job. What do you want to do with yourself? Any career goals, aspirations etc? What is your current educational standing? Did you sit your Leaving Certificate? You can never have enough education to begin with. What you need to do is look at your options, evaluate your current position and where you would like to see yourself in 5 years time. I know it is a cliche (5 year plan), but it gives you a foundation to work on and give you the chance to develop your skills for later on in life.

You just seem to lack drive or ambition. You need to look at your strenghts and what can bring to the table for any potential employer. First things first man you need a good education, especially now. I am going back to college at 28 in Sept. Got my official acceptance from the CAO yesterday and replied online. I have the necessary working background and now need to compliment that with a great education. It's never too late. You have to make the choices for yourself and map out a plan. So go and write out a plan of what you like about yourself and then make a plan of action where you would like to see yourself in five years time. Anxiety is a big obstacle to overcome but with the right plan you can get over it. Another suggestion would be to go and get yourself registered here on boards.ie and let us know how you are getting along. Getting it down (either on paper or on a computer/laptop) is a great way to start. Good luck man.

RedXIV

Hey OP,

You reckon that the anxiety is the root of your problems, and as far as i can tell, it does seem to contribute to alot of them so what i'm going to do is try and give you advice to combat it and tell you to ignore everything else in your life for the time being.

To try and combat your anxiety, you need to realise that you have to put alot of effort into it. You may not like doing it but for the longterm good, please look into some of the options mentioned above.

Also, if you want to try building up your confidence, find a friend of yours that has no problems in this area and tell him what your trying to do. A proper friend will do everything in their power to help you and once you realise that it doesn't actually take that much to become socially apt, you can start working towards it. If you're in dublin, I'LL take you out and about to help you.

start small. Try just nodding and smiling at random people first, you may be suprised at how well it is greeted. And make it a point that anyone that gives you an odd look, laugh afterwards. Thats not an option, it's an ORDER!

Then try asking shop staff questions. just the basics "how much is this?" "where can i find this product" etc. Work your way up. And you will realise that most people are quite easy to talk to, they don't judge much and the hardest thing for you to come up with is the next topic of conversation, which if is a big enough of an issue for you, keep a mental list of topics to talk about. Or ask personality questions, people love those. And always ask why they pick their answer. "Whats your fave food?" "Whats the one thing you want to do before you die?" "whats your party piece" anything to get them talking. Important nugget of info, people LOVE talking about themselves so give them every opportunity.

Best of luck OP

Red

Dizzyblonde

I'd advise you to go and see your GP about your anxiety. He or she could refer you to a counsellor. Lots of people who suffer anxiety find that Congnitive Behavioural Therapy really helps them to overcome it - you could ask your doctor about this too.
Your anxiety seems to be stopping you from living a full life and the sooner you get help with it the better. Good luck.

LegacyUser

OP-

Like yourself i have a problem with my anxiety and panic attacks and i understand how you feel for me it pritty much destroyed the last 5 years of my life after a armed robery i began to change and and anxiety took over every little thing, People telling you to "get over it" havent got a F*** clue how bad i can be.

I recommend you should go to your gp maybe try find a cognitive therapist , councilors or even hypno therapy i tried them all had a certin degree of success with them eventualy but it'd always come back after a while and being put on diffrent anti depressent/anxiety meds i was put on the right one for *me* its diffrent for everyone but i would highly recomend talking to your gp about there is medication there that can help i was lexapro for like a year about 5mgs nothing to have you whacked out of your face or anything with being melo dramatic it saved my life i was close to topping myself as it was so bad i couldnt leave the house.

You sound like you have it mostly under controle so dont let it get any worse like i did i pritty much wasted 5 years of my life dont do the same. goodluck.

Banana_montana

I just want to say... medication for anxiety is a ****e idea. It's about changing your thinking. It's pointless taking medication... it will only last for so long and then you are back to feeling crap.

I got to councilling and she's fantastic. She has taught me so many things and I'm deffo realising more stuff about myself. Not all good but all little things that are adding to my anxiety. When you change your thinking, and really do, it's impossible to go back to square one. I've had some little relapses but never have I gone back to how I was when it started.

It's all about YOU and how you think.
Confidence is a big issue too.
I know how difficult it is, and Im very lucky to have a great family who stick by me and did during my most annoying phases like "Daaaaad please pick me up I don't wanna walk anywhere alone":p
I'm still at that point kinda, but it's fading... because I'm changing how I think.
Not as easy as it sounds I know... but hard work.
Keep at it

ramtha

^ agree with the above re:meds. Stay away from them imo.
I had similar problem to you and use a hypnosis cd a lot. Its better than going to see one because you really need to use it before bed and when you awaken and they say it takes 30 days to change a habit.You might need an anti-anxiety cd(a calmness one),or maybe a confidence one. I have strangely found a happiness one works best for me as it gives me a positive outlook and I forget to be anxious.:D I was also pretty bad.Also get up off your arse and excerise. Everybody needs to work up a sweat ,at least every second day and lastly focus on WHAT YOU WANT, not on what you don't want. Frightened people focus on what they are afraid of,eg.not being anxious when they should be focused on being calm. Your mind only see's pictures....

ugliest

You're in college, yes?

Go to the college doctor+explain everything you just said.
-the service is usually free (depending where you are) and they'll talk to you about what might be best for. At the very least they'll refer you to a counsellor which will make suuuuuuuuuuch a difference. Even if they just give you tips for not getting so worked up/anxious it's completely worth it. Doesn't sound like meds are the right course of action for you since it sounds like a whole lot of negative thinking+bad thought patterns+anxieties that are getting you down. I've never tried cbt, so i can't really talk to you about it, but i hear it's expensive

-if you go through college everything will probably be free.

It's no big deal going, they're very used to it and will usually try everything to try and help you (i've used the services in DIT and DLIADT, i think they even have an on-site psychiatrist in UCD). Just chatting to someone in person can be very cathartic+will help give you perspective.

-guessin the gf will be really proud of you for making the visible effort to try and sort stuff. It's stuff you can't really handle+if there are people around who's whole professions are helping people, why not get help sorting everything out?

If college services aren't available to you, your gp will defo be able to refer you to one, no problem.

-there are lots of little tricks to help with anxiety (deep breathing, getting exercise, avoiding caffeine, a good diet -all the kinds of things you're supposed to do.....they make such a difference it's unbelievable, takes a few months to notice the change but it's huge), but havin a clear, unmuddled head is what you have to do to have a decent standard of living.

If you want info on anything you can pm me. Been down many routes myself, so any questions on stuff just let me know (the social thing really sucks+is really lonely, i completley empathise with you there, but when you get yourself sorted suddenly it's way easier to put yourself out there+head to the night's out in college/friend's organise+that leads to meeting more people+everything kinda works itself out).

-best of luck.