Moving on from Break Up!!

LegacyUser

So around a month ago my boyfriend of ten months broke up with me. I had my mourning period - I did my crying and moping about feeling sorry for my loss! But after that stage I think I've dealt with it pretty good and I did what I could and tried to move on as best I could - deleted his number went out with my girlfriends! I went to parties, gigs etc and did alot of distract myself.

I think I've moved on almost fully from him - stopped thinking about him and I've not once talked to him since and I've no desire to! All in all I'm doing good except that I really miss being in a relationship - I love being in a relationship and I'm not into random hooking up or anything meaningless - I was convinced into kissing one boy since the relationship ended but it's just not me! There is someone that I like but I'm wondering if it's too soon - somedays I think I'm fully ready and other days I think it's too soon! I don't want anything with a guy to be a rebound thing!

I'm wondering if people think it's too soon and whether or not the new guy would think it was too soon too?! Oh and while I'm at it - would most guys mind a girl asking them out or not?

pookie82

You sound as if you're well over your ex so I don't see why it's too soon. If you feel that it might be weird because being intimate with someone else other than your ex would feel wrong than it's probably not a good idea. but if you're just worried that it's deemed wrong by society's terms or if people will think you're awful - don't. there are no rules when it comes to this type of thing. Some people move on from break-ups very fast and can go right into another wihtout baggage.

I say go for it if it feels right. you certainly sound as if you've moved on.

Hooly22

OP - it's up to you whether it's too soon or not, there are no rules set in stone. If you feel like you're ready, go for it. Go with the flow, and see how things go. (hey, that rhymes!)

I'm a girl.. so can't answer that question for the guys! however.... i'm sure if you're willing to ask someone out, you're confident.. and I hear confidence is a very attractive and enticing thing:)!

Wish you all the best.x

Clare Bear

OP I got asked out a week after a break up and while at the time I thought it was too soon and maybe initially for the first few weeks it was a rebound thing but it's developed in to a great relationship so I say if you like someone and you feel that you're over your ex then go for it and ask this person you like out. Don't feel the need to be in a relationship though...that shouldn't be the reason you want to ask this guy out, you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy but if you genuinely like him and would like to get to know him better then why not, what's there to lose?

By the way most guys would love to be asked out so don't worry about that part. Good luck, hope it works out for you.

Wurly

Ten months sounds like a good enough stretch between relationships tbh. Expecially as you seem over him from what you've said.

Its natural to miss intimacy and all the great things that relationships have to offer. The next time you feel like this, say to yourself - Am I better off being alone for the time being or getting into a relationsip for the sake of it?

It will happen for you when its good and ready. Enjoy your single status until then. It sounds like you are doing a good job of that. Good for you.:D

Clare Bear

Tri wrote: »

Ten months sounds like a good enough stretch between relationships tbh. Expecially as you seem over him from what you've said.

Its natural to miss intimacy and all the great things that relationships have to offer. The next time you feel like this, say to yourself - Am I better off being alone for the time being or getting into a relationsip for the sake of it?

It will happen for you when its good and ready. Enjoy your single status until then. It sounds like you are doing a good job of that. Good for you.:D

She's actually only been single for a month, they were going out for ten months. Still though, valid points all the same.

Wurly

Clare Bear wrote: »

She's actually only been single for a month, they were going out for ten months. Still though, valid points all the same.

Ha! Look who's tired. Sorry OP! My bad.:o

Well, even still. It sounds like you are over him. There is no time limit with stuff like this. Whatever feel right for you. If you feel ready, you're ready. Simple as.

That reinforces the thing then of missing the intimacy. The fact that it happened such a short time ago, well no wonder you miss it. Its natural to feel this way. I'd be lying if I said I don't feel that way from time to time myself.x

Cathmandooo

As others have said there's no set timeframe for when you're ready for another relationship. I've seen people go from one relationship and into another within a few days of breaking up and they've lasted and are happy.

Personally I'd hate to do that and like to see people taking time out for themselves, it's nice to prove to yourself that you can be independent and I believe it makes you a stronger person and can help with future breakups. You know in your skin you can survive by yourself.

IMO you went the healthy route of not contacting him and learning to not think about him, well done, you sound like a strong person. If you feel you're ready for a new relationship then go for it.

I'm not a bloke but from what I've read on boards guys love it when a girl asks them out but I've never done it myself so I can't advise you on that. Best of luck and well done again for being so strong.

Wibbs

You know you're ready for a new relationship, when you're not dragging the old relationship into the new one. That's about it. Rebounds happen when the old is dragged into the new. Rebounds can last years and even a few relationships. I even know someone who has been rebounding from a relationship from 10 years ago.

Now that varies with individuals, who did the dumping and the circumstances of the split. Also depends on age. A short infatuation based relationship at 17 with no real thoughts of a long term future, is going to be easier to move on from than a 4 year relationship with thoughts of settling down at 28. It might be equally emotionally hard but it's more likely to pass quickly. Equally a very long termer, say 6 or 7 years where the relationship has been fully explored will be easier to slough off than one were it ended with unanswered questions.

I would say a month is at the short end of the scale, but if you feel ready to move on and the ex has no hold over you emotionally then go for it.Just take it slow and see how you really feel after a few dates.

jellie

you sound like youre over your ex, though only you can know that for sure. the only thing ill say is dont go jumping into a relationship just for the sake of it. if its someone you genuinely like then fair enough, great in fact, but if youre just chasing someone just so youll have SOMEONE, its a bad way to be.

i broke up with my bf of 2 yrs a month ago, & while i REALLY miss the relationship bit i know there is no way id be able for a new one right now. everyone is different, just go with what feels right for you.