Dumped By Best Friend.

LegacyUser

OK A few months ago my best friend of ten years kind of lost all intrest in our friendship. I tried for ages to keep in contact with him but started feeling like an absolute loser when i kept getting one-word text message replys and being blatently avoided and getting the brush off.

We were friends right through primary secondary school (did the leaving cert this year) and to be honest i never put that much effort in to making other good friends as we did everything together. Then this year he made another group of friends and totally froze me out.

Now i dont know what to do school is over and i have basically no social contact. Even typing this i feel absolutly pathetic. i'm not really one of those people who doesnt enjoy socializing, In fact during the friendship i was usually the one being held back from making other friends.

So now i feel cheated i also think i've lost the self confidence i used to have because the person i called my best friend was able to just abandon me without a second thought. Any Advise/opinions would be appreciated, thanks!

Ishindar

its sad when friends lose interest but this is the 1st of many, thats how it goes. people can be very fickle, self absorbed and suit their own needs. some people "move on" respectfully most just dont care.
if u just finished your leaving cert u will be moving on to further study or a job soon so new opportunities will arise. dont wollow in self pity u will only cheat yourself, people have human failings its not personal so forgive your friend and move on with your head held high because its no reflection on u.

Gonzovision

Go out and have the best summer possible.

hussey

People grow up and grow apart, you can either do something about it - or not

if you have a hobby, join a club, if not come up with a few ideas you may do with a group of strangers - cooking, book club, photography, sports etc etc

This is your life, so do something about it ...

[Jackass]

No matter how much of a di*k this persons is seeming to be, maybe they don't realise they're doing it to the extent that you feel the friendship is more or less over, or at least nearly dead.

Have you tried talking to them about it? I mean if you were close and friends for 10 years it seems strange that things could just end without a word said?

Or maybe you have done something you don't even realise that has upset them or made them annoyed and this is why they don't want to talk or hang out?

You need to talk to them....call them at a time you know they'll probably be at home (monday night or something) and bring it up.

Better yet if you can, arrange to meet up and have a chat...

Anyway, if it is the case that the friendship has ended, I can tell you I'm 25 and I had some great friendships in school and am still very friendly with a lot of the people, but bar one person I never really text or arrange to meet up with any of them anymore...and not because I don't want to, but just because since then, having gone to college, travelled, been in relationships and worked a few jobs we've all met so many other people that friendship drifted naturally...but everybody is happy and nobody was just left behind and if any of them texted me now I'd deffo meet up, but the point I'm making is there are so many people you have yet to meet through the course of every day life that in the grand sheme of things, it's not the end of the world.

Just make the most of what you've got now friends wise for going out and socialising and if that's not an option, then get a job for the summer in a supermarket or a call centre or something...it's not about the work, but there'll be lots of people working there around your own age who will be up for pints and what not at the weekends.

Anyway best of luck.

stovelid

There a a few people I was very close to in school that I don't know now. Friendships grow and change as they get older, and sadly, some people drift apart. It's probably nothing you have done, OP, so don't kill yourself about. Some of my closest friends are people I have met in the time since schooldays and I'm sure you will be no different.

Miss Fluff

Unfortunately people just grow apart sometimes, albeit hurtful for parties involved. I'm sure you know other people you did the LC with whom you can call on to go socializing for the summer etc. Have you applied to do a college course in October? You will make tonnes of new friends there, friendships based on similar interests etc. Do your best to get out there with some people from your class now and enjoy the summer, you've just finished the LC so you should be having a blast OP.

LegacyUser

I started losing some long term friendships close to the leaving cert. i had a crisis at one point, wondering what had happened ... but one friend said to me 'only be friends with people that make you happy, don't force a friendship with someone who does not'.

when i got to college i suddenly had a whole bunch of new friends. i never believed that i wouldn't see the old ones again - but it's true! people move on ...

i still keep in touch with that one friend from time to time, and i see the other ones every year or two. but i have great college friends now who have much more in common with me. i know that eventually i will begin to see less and less of them as we go our separate ways. i will keep in contact with one or two of them but at the end of the day - friends are transient. only keep the ones that make you feel good and happy.

just take a break this summer - go traveling, meet new people, stay positive!

Jack B. Badd

lost-boy12345 wrote: »

We were friends right through primary secondary school (did the leaving cert this year) and to be honest i never put that much effort in to making other good friends as we did everything together. Then this year he made another group of friends and totally froze me out.

Now i dont know what to do school is over and i have basically no social contact. Even typing this i feel absolutly pathetic. i'm not really one of those people who doesnt enjoy socializing, In fact during the friendship i was usually the one being held back from making other friends.

Did your friend hold you back from making other friends or did you hold yourself back?

lost-boy12345 wrote: »

So now i feel cheated i also think i've lost the self confidence i used to have because the person i called my best friend was able to just abandon me without a second thought. Any Advise/opinions would be appreciated, thanks!

You considered him your "best friend". Did he view you in the same way or were you just a friend? Some people don't do "best friends", especially as they grow out of childhood.

RedXIV

if you've just finished your LC, trust me, it's about to get alot better.

I was friends with quite a few people in secondary school but only 3 of them i'd still really talk to. I'm in college now and i've LOADS of friends, but i know after college, i'll probably lose alot of them too. But not through menacing actions, more drifting apart and the hardship of trying to cover distance to meet up.

This is the way life works.

You actually sound alot like my lil brother, for years he'd make a friend and thats it, he'd stick with them. Many times he got upset with friends that decided enough was enough. Years and years he was like this until he came into 5th year of school. He decided to not keep his eggs in one basket and is ten times happier now. It's great to see him so happy now compared to how he used to feel.

Trust me, new friendships are coming mate

zoey

OP it is so hurtful once someone who you considered a best friend doesn't make time or effort for you anymore but people change and friendships grow apart.

I was friends with this girl since baby infants and in all of her classes right up until we did our leaving cert, we'd see each other most days, stay over at each others houses at the weekends, spend hours on the phone, socialise together and then she got a boyfriend and that was it basically. Like you I tried to keep the friendship alive, I had a few other aquantices (Sp?) but no one I felt close enough to that I could just call over and spend a few hours with. It became obvious pretty soon that she wasn't that interested anymore and it hurt me soo much. It used to play on my mind everyday- what had I done, why was she treating me like this? How cold someone who shared most of the big moments in my life just forget about me. And then I started a summer job and everything changed, I meet some great people and as our friendships grew I began to do things with these people- going to the cinema, shoping, socialising and one day I just realised that I didn't need her to be happy anymore, I hadn't done anything wrong. I now had people in my life who respected me enough to answer my calls and include me in their plans and then I started college and have made more brilliant friends.

Out of the blue she contacted me- I don't know why, I think sometimes people like her like to feel needed or wanted. I thought about not replying but thought lifes too short, i replied being civil but not overly friendly- we bebo now and again but that's it, I don't need people who would drop me when something else comes along.

So OP please don't despair, as others have said whether your going into employment or education there will be so many oppurtunities to make friends throughout your life. I'm sure some of the friend's I have now won't be a big part of my life when we all move on to full time employment and I'll have friends in 20 years time that I don't know of now but that's how life works.

bettiedaviseyes

I have had many best friends in my life time but am still only friends with a close few. The girls that I went to primary school with, I no longer really speak to and this was upsetting at the time, but life moves on and so will you.

I started college later that year which was six years ago and being honest college was the best thing that ever happened to me.I made some friends and two of them are still in my life to this day.

Then moved away for college and met a guy in 2004 who is still my best friend now even though we dont talk every day, he is the one person out of my friends that I always call.

Even though it seems upsetting right now, you will move on. On a lighter note I met my boyfriend through one of the guys that I am still friends with 5 years later. We are still together after 3 years.

MJOR

Don't feel pathetic.... Honestly I have only one or two friends that I have had all my life...
Everyone else I met thru college or work. The people that you meet thru shared interests are always better and because you do stuff together you never have nothing to talk about.

I was kinda like you in my teens and stuck to one or two friends but once college started I felt like I needed and extra six hours in the day..

grizzly

Sorry to hear you're feeling down because of this. I imagine your are feeling rejected and with nobody else to turn to, this is going to be very painful.

But, I think you'll look back on this and count yourself lucky that is it happened! By only hanging out with a single friend you are cutting off important opportunities to develop yourself.

The more people you can call friends, the more you learn about who you are and feel more confidant about it. This "break-up" will give you a chance to find these people. Just break out of your normal routines and open yourself to different experiences. Soon you'll find people who appreciate you for who you are.