Betting

BreeVdK

Message deleted.

Sherifu

Too hard, definitely.

AngryBadger

Too hard.

€20 a week is nothing for someone who doesn't drink or smoke. Is there a specific reason you think it could turn into something bigger?

Also, how does €20 a week turn into €100 a month? Shouldn't that be €80?

dreamr

way hard, like a quite night can be like €40 down in the local, and a propper night out can range from €60 upwards, depending. so €100 a month is cheap if thats what he wants to do.

how much do you spend on yourself a week??

zAbbo

Assuming it is 20 euro a week, which is roughly 1000 per year and it is his money, which puts a different perspective on things.

I don't smoke either, but I'd rather spend the 20 euro a week doing something with someone...

SarahSassy

The money is not a lot but I personally hate betting.... I have seen a friends family ruined by it and it always starts small. Is it the €100 or the actually betting you dont like?

Trinity

Once the bills are paid and there is food on the table, he is allowed have an interest/hobby surely.

Classes would possibly cost more. If you are worried about gambling spiralling out of control then maybe just say that but way way too harsh. I'd spend that on the lotto a week (if i have it!). Dont you spend any of your own money on yourself after working for it? Does he question what you spend it on, like make up, beauty products or whatever the case may be?

Lots of people enjoy betting and the excitement of it without it turning into an addiction.

paperclip2

Hi OP,

Its not alot compared to what many regular gamblers would stake. Most serious gamblers would rarely stick at just €20 per week, usually its more like €20 per bet and rising. If your man is only spending that amount and isn't getting sucked into chasing the money when he loses then I think he's safe enough. As for it being dead money the result is going to be the same if he was spending it on cigs or beer. If the odd flutter per week is your mans only vice then I think you're safe enough. Heck my OH and i spend €110 a month on sandwiches!

BreeVdK

Its everything I don't like and just before we got married he had worked up E3k and had to get a loan to pay it off after, and it is this I discovered as he never said anything. And its since then I worry. I forgot to mention that part, sorry!

zAbbo

Thats quite an important bit of info, and I'd a feeling there was something like that in the background.

If he's telling you it's 20 a week, it's probably more.

There are actually a couple of threads here recently which dealt with the subject.

No relationship will survive without trust, and right now I don't think you can trust him.

It might be time for him to fess up, show you his betting accounts P+L and bank statements.

In fairness WTF was he at going 3k in the hole before your wedding!

SarahSassy

BreeVdK wrote: »

Its everything I don't like and just before we got married he had worked up E3k and had to get a loan to pay it off after, and it is this I discovered as he never said anything. And its since then I worry. I forgot to mention that part, sorry!

This is the most imporant part... Can he give it up or does he genuinely just do it because he likes it?? Its not an addiction is it?? Although 3k of gambling debts does sound very hefty to be for someone who just likes a quick bet on a saturday....

Talliesin

Is he gambling €20 a week, or spending €20 a week on entertainment that happens to be gambling. There's a big difference.

what2do

Talliesin wrote: »

Is he gambling €20 a week, or spending €20 a week on entertainment that happens to be gambling. There's a big difference.

+1 on this... chances are if its €20 on gambling that it may grow, however €20 on entertainment is very little - have to admit I'd spend a lot more. You probably need to look more into how he views it.

Orion

Is it causing financial difficulties? Is €20 a week a lot of money based on his income? I'm not a gambler - no interest in horses/dogs or any racing. But I have a betfair account and I bet on some golf tournaments and occasionally on football. Recenly I placed a whole €40 over 4 bets on the US Open. I can afford it - it's interest money. But if I was on the dole placing €40 would be huge money. It's all relative. If it's not causing hardship and he's not spending all his time worrying about his next bet then it's harmless.

Yes, gambling can be an addiction for some people and it can destroy families but €20 a week, if he can afford that to give an interest in whatever he's betting on, it's harmless. I spend nearly that every day on cigarettes - now that's dead money - pun intended

[Jackass]

Tell him to back lucky lady in the 5.15 at Aintree. Easy money.

It's not a big deal imo as long as it's his hobbie....I mean if he went for a few pints with the lads after work each Friday no one would bat an eyelid, yet you can be sure it would be costing a lot more....everyone needs a vice and this is just his.

[edit] sorry, just saw the part about 3k gambling debts...er, in that case, yeah it does sound a bit like he could have a problem. I mean an odd bet is nothing....going into debt because of gambling is very serious imo.

Listen if he doesn't throw money around else where and this is his thing, then don't give him hassle over the money....but just be sure he's ok and it's not an addiction, maybe ask him to do something with you next weekend where he wouldn't be in a position to gamble and see if he goes out of his way to try and get to a bookies...then you might have to have a proper talk about things....

hungryhippo

How do you know it's only 20euro a week? If this is true, then it's a non-issue as the majority of people in this country would spend more than that on gaming, with the lotto, bingo, scratchcards, GAA draws, etc,etc

To go into debt for 3k, he would have to have been losing any income/savings he had built up.

barbiegirl

€20 a week fine. Building debt of €3K not fine. Just in case protect yourself, check to ensure all bills are paid, check that there are no charges on joint accounts you can't explain, ensure that it will take both of your signatures for any loans on the house etc. Then if all of that is taken care of, talk to him, €20 fine, but make sure iot's not more, €100 a week would be a lot. Gambling is like drinking, in moderation fine but with the power to destroy, except with gambling you never have to stop until everything is gone, whereas with drink you eventually fall down.

MJOR

€20 is only €20. But gambling sounds like a bug bear for you. He should consider your feelings.

Sugar Drunk

barbiegirl wrote: »

€20 a week fine. Building debt of €3K not fine. Just in case protect yourself, check to ensure all bills are paid, check that there are no charges on joint accounts you can't explain, ensure that it will take both of your signatures for any loans on the house etc. Then if all of that is taken care of, talk to him, €20 fine, but make sure iot's not more, €100 a week would be a lot. Gambling is like drinking, in moderation fine but with the power to destroy, except with gambling you never have to stop until everything is gone, whereas with drink you eventually fall down.

Yeah something just doesnt add up here. if he is only spending €20 a week it would have taken him nearly 3 years to rack up a 3k debt...so he has obviously lied before about how much he is indeed gambling.
If he was spending 20 quid out of his money id say fair play leave him alone I spend more than that on clothes a week. however its clear its much more than that. make sure he cannot withdraw large amounts from your accounts or from joint accounts!

I think you need to talk to him - how did he rack up 3k? is it paid off? what hs he done to ensure it wont happen again? Personally if my other half had secretly racked up 3k of debts without telling me id either have left or if we had sorted it out he would not be gambnling again!!

Predhead

MJOR wrote: »

€20 is only €20. But gambling sounds like a bug bear for you. He should consider your feelings.

Jeez I'm glad I'm not your boyfriend. I'd spend about that a week gambling. As long as it's only that much, give or take a couple of Euro's.

Thing is, for people like your husband and me, and a lot of other people, is that gambling is fun. The prospect of a win is worth a 5er bet on someone to score the first or whatever. As I said, as long he can afford it, is not gambling much and he's not gambling your 'our' money, I'd let him enjoy it.

Predhead

Sugar Drunk wrote: »

I think you need to talk to him - how did he rack up 3k? is it paid off? what hs he done to ensure it wont happen again? Personally if my other half had secretly racked up 3k of debts without telling me id either have left or if we had sorted it out he would not be gambnling again!!

3k is really not on, I agree, but he seems to have learnt his lesson if he's only betting 20quid a week.

And you'd have left? What a great fiance/wife/whatever you'd be. :rolleyes:

Sugar Drunk

If he had gambled 3k of our money behind my back and shown no remorse - eh yeah!!
If its his money he can do what he wants (I got the impression it wasnt just his money could be wrong there), but the lying to me would still be a problem in a relationship.

Id have no problem someone spending 20 quid a week at all sure I do the lotto and scratch cards I spend a lot on clothes but I think the OP is worried as she cant be sure he is not spending more or is not going to get himself (or worse both of them!) into debt.

Predhead

If they did that, obviously you'd have to sit down and discuss things, but to just leave, I don't get that.

If they are doing that then they've a problem and need help, not for the people close to abandon them.

newestUser

BreeVdK wrote: »

Is spending E20 a week on bets a lot. I thnk so and when I challenged my OH on it, he got defensive and said he doesn't smoke, rarely goes out for drinks, doesn't go off playing golf or other expensive pursuits and works hard and he just enjoys doing combinations as an interest on a Saturday. It adds up to E100 a month and to be fair he doesn't do it every week. What are your opinions, am I being too hard on him? Its just to me its dead money and that's the problem I have and I also have a fear it could grow.

As other people on this thread have implied, the issue isn't really the sum of money involved, it's your OHs defensiveness about it, and your fears that this could grow.

Personally, I think spending 20 euro a week/100 euro a month on betting is chicken-feed.

High-street bookies typically run books which carry a 89-93% over-round (apologies for jargon). This means that for every 100 euro you stake, you will win 89-93 euro (ie in mathematical terms, the expectation of your betting habits is between .89 and .93). Over time, because the expectation is less than 1.0, you lose all your money.

If someone stakes 1000 euro a year, they will lose between 70 and 100 euro over that year. The exact amount depends on the odds they bet. If they bet on football, because the odds tend to be low, lengthy losing sequences are rare, so it's much more likely they'll lose a figure in this region. If they're betting on horses, the odds are higher, so longer losing sequences are more probable, so there's a higher chance in the time-frame of a year they will lose more than 70-100 euro, but over a long enough period of time, they will lose around 9/10/11 percent of their stakes.

I'm sorry for the long boring maths lecture. The point of it is to reassure you that from a purely financial perspective, not taking into account the time your partner spends on picking bets, the worry he's causing you or the friction his betting introduces into your relationship, *IF* he sticks to betting 20 euro a week and no more, on average he will lose around 80/90 euro a year.

I do not consider a habit that costs someone 80/90 euro a year to be a cause for concern financially. I do acknowledge however that there are other concerns (emotional, time, etc.) that need to be considered in relation to his betting.

zuroph

if the debt is cleared, and it IS only €20 a week, you need to apologise to him.