Lingerie

LegacyUser

Hey Guys,

Just looking for some opinions. I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months recently and he took it really
badly. I'm feeling very empty and sad about the whole thing but my heart wasn't in it anymore so I bit
the bullet and ended it. I hope I have made the right decision.

I asked him if I could meet him to get my things back from his house. There are a couple of t-shirts, a jacket and
loads of lingerie. He said you can take back your clothes but not the lingerie, no way. I asked him why he'd want
to keep anything belonging to me, surley it's better to clear his house of my belongings so the healing process
can begin. He said that he's heart broken and can't handle the thought of me wearing the lingerie for somebody else.
While I do understand this, I would like it back because it's beautiful and very expensive. We bought alot of it together
though so I know where he's coming from. I said okay keep it and he said he's going to bin it when he gets home.

My question is, is it cold hearted and mean of me to want it back? I know I can but more and if he really doesn't want to
give it back then that's okay. just looking for opinions really. God, I HATE break ups. You lose everything.

Thanks.

Storm_rages

Wow, thats very odd! i can't really be of any help but if he cares that much let him bin it and start a fresh!!

odd odd odd!

WilmaRidesAgain

Go around there and get your pantaloons back, he will not bin them, he is either sniffing em or wearing em, seriously girl.

MJOR

oh my god!!! Weirdo alert:eek::eek: I would say just leave him to it!!

MistyCheese

I could be wrong but it sounds like he may be being petty by wanting to keep the lingerie. Just from the

and he said he's going to bin it when he gets home.

Of course it's okay for you to want it back, it's you who is going to be wearing it. I can understand that he can't bear the thought of you "wearing it for another man" but really, once the two of you have broken up, you are completely free to do so. You might not want to, but it's 100% up to you.

This i sa hard time for both of you. It's natural to feel like the bad guy for breaking up with him but if you're heart wasn't in it then you definately did the right thing.

LadyE

What will he want to keep your cd's incase you listen to them in front of someone else??

If it means that much to you tell him you want it back..in a nice way of course..if he is hurting it wont help matters if you two are fighting..you'll hate each other then!

listermint

Major weirdo. Big time. Id say he is gonna be putting them on. Leave him to it. It will bite him in the ass if he manages to get a new gf and any stage. As in "WHO OWNS THESE";)

deebee08

Tell you'll just have to go naked in front of other guys if he wont give you your underwear back!!!! :D

Seriously though, he's just being spiteful....I broke up with my husband last year and I didnt want anything of his lying around in the house!!!

jellie

thats a bit odd. id be more thinking "what does he want them for, what is he planning to do with them", ugh, sorry.

i do understand what he means (if that is genuinely his reason), i bought certain lingerie specifically for my ex cause i knew hed like it, & i cant see myself wearing them with anyone else. but now i dont really want them, kinda thinking of throwing them out cause i dont see the point in keeping them.

if it was me i think id demand them back. if it freaks you out at all, demand them back. if he says he paid for half of them tell him youll give him the money.

LegacyUser

Whoa...I had expected everyone to call me heartless for wanting it back!

I doubt he's going to try it on though. I think it's more the thought of me wearing it for a new guy that bothers him. Usually I buy new lingerie when I meet someone new anyway.
I was just a little surprised when he said he didn't wanna give it back. he's more then happy to give me everything else back. This sucks. Although my heart's not in it anymore, it was for a while and I was really happy. Now I'm single once again and feel empty.

I knwo it's silly but I feel like I'll never meet anyone new. I'm only 26 though so should just keep strong and get back on the scene. Sigh...

SnowMonkey

LOL thats the funnyist thing ive ever heard !!!!

Threatin to tell his friends that hes got your underwear thats weird...

WilmaRidesAgain

Chin up, I dont want to spout cliches but you know yourself, you WILL meet someone else....meanwhile why not book something to cheer yourself up......

Concert, weekend away or spa day....something you couldnt do if you were still with him, that way you wont be thinking and comparing being single to being in a couple, know what I mean make it something good that you couldn't do when he was with you....

Like Nicole getting back into the high heels after she dumped Tom Cruise (the [EMAIL="tw@t"]tw@t[/EMAIL]) sorry lol !!!

All the best
Wilma

Dinter

If his motive was that he doesn't want you wearing them in front of other people I think he'd have just said he'd already dumped them.

I think the fact that he waited for you to ask and then agree to leave them with him before saying he's gonna throw them out suggests that he's just trying to be spiteful.

Tbh he could be upset with you breaking up with him and is just trying to hurt you.

Buying lingerie for your partner is a big deal for a bloke, well it is for me anyway. I know that if my gf broke up with me and I was that way inclined, it would definitely hurt her to think of all those memories going in the bin.

I really think you should demand them back though. Leaving intimate items with an ex could lead him to think you're leaving the door open to come back and fill them for him one day. That's not a good place for either of you to start over again.

MistyCheese

WilmaRidesAgain wrote: »

Like Nicole getting back into the high heels after she dumped Tom Cruise (the tw@t) sorry lol !!!

+1
Do something that you wouldn't do / want to do if you were with him.

Wibbs

He's just raw and emotional at the moment and this is how it's coming out. You've moved on, hence your natural worry about finding someone new,he hasn't yet. BTW fair play for not waiting around in an unfulfilling relationship until someone new came along.

Chances are he didn't see this coming(common enough with blokes,even when it's obvious) and this is just his way of hanging on to intimacy with you. The link with sex and the lingerie and all that. As you write yourself, you tend to buy new lingerie with a new partner so you're kinda in the same book although on different pages. Strange? Yes, kinda understandable in other ways too. He hangs on emotionally to the intimate moments by hanging on to the lingerie.

TBH I'd insist you take it back, simply because although he may be upset by it, it will underline that you're not coming back and the loss of that hope will be the first step to him moving on too. My 2 cents anyhoo.

jellie

Sosad wrote: »

Now I'm single once again and feel empty.

I knwo it's silly but I feel like I'll never meet anyone new. I'm only 26 though so should just keep strong and get back on the scene. Sigh...

i know the feeling.. but i just keep telling myself it wasnt gonna work so whats the point in still being in it. give yourself time to get over it & to be happy on your own, thats what im trying to do anyway. try remember who you were on your own! i still have the empty lost feeling 4 weeks on, but i know (HOPE!!) itll get better.

but then, i still have my knickers heh sorry i couldnt resist

event

WilmaRidesAgain wrote: »

he will not bin them, he is either sniffing em or wearing em, seriously

listermint wrote: »

Major weirdo. Big time. Id say he is gonna be putting them on.

sar84 wrote: »

thats a bit odd. id be more thinking "what does he want them for, what is he planning to do with them", ugh, sorry.

:rolleyes:
nice way to jump to conclusions

if he wishes to bin them, fine, but id make sure that he does it in front of you.
might be harsh for you to see it, but at least you will know its done

Wurly

Sosad wrote: »

Hey Guys,

Just looking for some opinions. I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months recently and he took it really
badly. I'm feeling very empty and sad about the whole thing but my heart wasn't in it anymore so I bit
the bullet and ended it. I hope I have made the right decision.

I asked him if I could meet him to get my things back from his house. There are a couple of t-shirts, a jacket and
loads of lingerie. He said you can take back your clothes but not the lingerie, no way. I asked him why he'd want
to keep anything belonging to me, surley it's better to clear his house of my belongings so the healing process
can begin. He said that he's heart broken and can't handle the thought of me wearing the lingerie for somebody else.
While I do understand this, I would like it back because it's beautiful and very expensive. We bought alot of it together
though so I know where he's coming from. I said okay keep it and he said he's going to bin it when he gets home.

My question is, is it cold hearted and mean of me to want it back? I know I can but more and if he really doesn't want to
give it back then that's okay. just looking for opinions really. God, I HATE break ups. You lose everything.

Thanks.

No, its not cold hearted and mean of you. They're yours - you're entitled to them back.

Its not like you can't go out and buy more lingerie and wear that for someone else! I personally would find it a bit creepy that my ex was sitting at home fondling my smalls.

I'm not sure how you'll agree with him to give them back to you but they are your belongings and they are not for him to keep.

I understand that he's hurt etc but its no excuse.

fuzzywiggle

Yeah thats a strange one alright. I think i would have been like, ''i'll just go out and buy some more then for who ever!'' But if there's anything that you bought fully from your own money then it really is only fair that you get it back.
And if he doesn't want you weraing it for anyone else then he's obviously not over you....so i doubt he's going to be binning it either!

Call Me Jimmy

I don't care if ye just broke up with him, that's wackjob material right there. What a sad bastard.