How many sexual partners is reasonable for a 20 yr old?

LegacyUser

Long time poster, first time unreg'd! I may be foolish to ask this, as I know it is mainly a personal standard, but I'm a little worried. I am a 20 year old female. I lost my virginity at 17 (almost 18) to my then boyfriend, and was with him until last July.

Since then I have had 5 partners. Two were unfortunate mistakes, not one-night stands but just guys I liked, kissed a few times and went to bed with too soon, only to realise there was no future in it soon after. Two were guys I was seeing for a few months. One was a guy I was (am) mad about but was a one-off as we don't see each other often so there was no point in attempting a relationship.

I would not be one to take sex lightly. I don't consider myself a slut. I do think that because I was so used to the intimacy I had with my first partner, I found it too natural to progress to a sexual relationship quite quickly with guys since. My question is - is 6 partners an inappropriate number for a 20 year old? Should I be ashamed of my choices? Am I worrying over nothing, or have I been too careless with my sex life? Sorry if this seems like a stupid question, I'd just like to know how that sort of past would look to others I suppose. Thank you.

RedXIV

If going by your standards, there's alot of decent people i know who are now classed as sluts. You're partner count is not an idication to how you stand socially.

Don't worry about it so much, It's not that big a deal if you think about it. As long as your clean, you've just been enjoying yourself, something everyone is entitled to.

Beruthiel

sorta_worried wrote: »

My question is - is 6 partners an inappropriate number for a 20 year old?

How long is a piece of string?

Should I be ashamed of my choices?

Are you ashamed?

Am I worrying over nothing

Are you worrying?

have I been too careless with my sex life?

Do you think you have been careless?

I'd just like to know how that sort of past would look to others I suppose.

Where is your confidence?
What do you care what your past looks like to others?
If you are confident and happy with your choices, if you respect yourself and can look at yourself in the mirror, why would you give a damn what others think of you?

Work on your self esteem and confidence and think less on the opinions of others.

Pen1987

Should you be ashamed because to took part in the most natural act in the world? Absolutely not.

There is no shame in sex.

For some reason society says women should have less sex than men, stupid thing but it happens... 5 would be normal I'd guess, I never have and never would ask a woman how many partners shes had, nor would I care... Did you enjoy it each time is the question you have to ask yourself, if so well then youve nothing to regret.

listermint

Pen1987 wrote: »

Should you be ashamed because to took part in the most natural act in the world? Absolutely not.

There is no shame in sex.

For some reason society says women should have less sex than men, stupid thing but it happens... 5 would be normal I'd guess, I never have and never would ask a woman how many partners shes had, nor would I care... Did you enjoy it each time is the question you have to ask yourself, if so well then youve nothing to regret.

Very Well put

Nevyn

Anything between 0 and 30 why ?

When we start having a sex life which does not have the context of a steady relationship
you are going to start having a range of experiences with a range of people some good some not so good it's a learning curve. Any experience in life you have that you learn more about yourself, other people and the universe is an asset to you.

As long as you set your own standards and stick to them and practice safe sex and dont' take any undue risks with your health and safety then once you are ok with you then that is what matters.

There will always be people who make silly snap judgments and place too much on the so called numbers. If you were going out and having binge sex and racking up 1 to 2 people a week then you would want to take a look at your behaviour.

MJOR

As long as you are taking precautions for your sexual and mental health then numbers are really only numbers....

WilmaRidesAgain

Hey OP,

You are worrying about nothing, that is a perfectly respectable number!!

LegacyUser

Thanks, I know I'm being foolish really, its just that sometimes I wonder if the person I was when I was with my boyfriend would have judged the person I am now. And I am not for a moment suggesting someone who slept with 6 people, or any number, is a slut, its all about personal choice. I'm talking my own personal standards. I have been very safe and sensible, thats not an issue. Its more that I do in fact wish I hadn't been so...I don't know, unaware of the importance of what I was doing. I think its certainly something to be enjoyed, but not to be wasted, and maybe I feel like I did have sex when I shouldn't have, and I do regret that. I agree its crazy that women seem to be expected (by some) to have less sexual partners than men, which is crazy. I just feel like now I'm on this cycle where I'm kind of used to sexual intimacy, and have let myself be sexually intimate when perhaps I should have waited, and now when I'm in a relationship I have no clue whether its ok to sleep with that person after a week, a month, or what. I don't even know what I myself would feel was acceptable. I feel like I foolishly let things get intimate quite quickly and then regret this if later it doesn't work out. Is sex as sacred as perhaps we're brought up to think it is, or is it ok to just enjoy that intimacy for what it brings, safely of course, and not feel like enjoying it and not having only one partner in a lifetime is wrong?

Irishcrx

I'm 21 and i've had 3 , mainly cause I was with a girl for 4 years I don't really think about it to be honest as I don't really mind. I'm happy and that's all that matters. I'm the jump on anything that looks at me kind.

needhelpguy

I'm 22 and have never had sex and it doesn't bother me! You're fine.

Aurora Borealis

Pen1987 wrote: »

Should you be ashamed because to took part in the most natural act in the world? Absolutely not.

There is no shame in sex.

For some reason society says women should have less sex than men, stupid thing but it happens... 5 would be normal I'd guess, I never have and never would ask a woman how many partners shes had, nor would I care... Did you enjoy it each time is the question you have to ask yourself, if so well then youve nothing to regret.

If only more subscribed to this way of thinking.
Don't think you can put a figure on it. It depends entirely on the person and all's fair in love and bedrooms as long as all parties are consenting and honest imo.

Anti

6 partners in 3 years. Nothing wrong with that at all.

WilmaRidesAgain

"Is sex as sacred as perhaps we're brought up to think it is?"

Nope -thats just a bunch of B$ propounded by the church and all those hypocrites. Think of it more like a sport, as long as its with someone you trust and its safe, whats the harm.

Also, there is absolutely no need for anyone to know the numbers you've been with.
Its just a bit of common sense, protect your reputation but have your fun.

Be descreet:
Dont sleep with brothers, friends etc, more than one person from the same workplace/gym/football club etc (news will travel like wildfire)
Dont sleep with married men
Dont sleep with men on the first date (hard)
Dont sleep with known playboys/studs
Dont sleep with two or more in the one night
Dont sleep with someone for drugs or booze or money

etc etc

Just use your common sense and if you want to have sex with someone to scratch an itch dont d1rty your own doorstep as it were!

MJOR

29 - Have had 5 about a third of most of my friends.... makes no difference really... (never did the one night stand) Works out at one per year I was a late starter (24)

delly

When I saw the title I had a quick think and I reckoned 4 to 6, so your on the money. In saying that any more or less 'aint necessarily bad or wrong, it was just the figure that came to mind.

RealistSpy

ah dont worry be happy

Semele

As everyone has been saying, how seriously a person takes sex is very much bound up with their personality type and there is no right or wrong way to behave. Only if your attitude to sex is affecting your relationships or any other part of your life should you maybe reconsider your behaviour.

With you all that would concern me is how you say that sex and intimacy are very closly linked and, yes, maybe it does work both ways. If by having sex with a partner early on you (however subconsciously) feel that the relationship is deeper or more secure than it in fact is then there is a possibility that this will become a problem for you. You say yourself that you've liked people, had sex and then realised that it was going nowhere- which caused you to regret it.

It can be hard to go from being in a long-term relationship to being single again. A lot of people have "forgotten" how to flirt, when it's ok to make the first move, how keen to seem, etc, and this is especially a problem at a young age- if you entered the relationship at a young enough age that sex with people you were dating was by no means a given after a few dates, being back in the world of dating at an older age can leave you unsure of what's expected or appropriate sexually.

If you would prefer to mainly have sex with people you knew there would be some some sort of future with (not necessarily a long-term thing, just as opposed to being happy with one-night stands or casual flings) then maybe it would be an idea to experiment with not having sex in a relationship for a set amount of time (say a month) in order for you to get to know the guy and let the relationship progress at its natural pace, rather than being clouded with the easy and deceptive intimacy of sex.

If nothing else this might give you practice at judging the strength of your feelings for someone and their's for you, so that even in more casual affairs in the future you won't confuse sex for emotional closeness...and thus hopefully not get hurt or disappointed!

redfacedbear

sorta_worried wrote: »

Is sex as sacred as perhaps we're brought up to think it is, or is it ok to just enjoy that intimacy for what it brings, safely of course, and not feel like enjoying it and not having only one partner in a lifetime is wrong?

It's horses for courses really. What's right for you might not be right for anybody else. Some people will see it as a deeply intimate act that they could only enjoy with somebody they love and are deeply committed to. Others are comfortable getting their rocks off with whomever they end up with at the end of the night. Most people will fall between the two extremes.

You've had 5 partners in a year (on average a new partner every 10 weeks or so). If you are comfortable with the choices you've made there is nothing to worry about with this. However:

sometimes I wonder if the person I was when I was with my boyfriend would have judged the person I am now...

I'm talking my own personal standards...

Its more that I do in fact wish I hadn't been so...I don't know, unaware of the importance of what I was doing....

I think its certainly something to be enjoyed, but not to be wasted...

I feel like I did have sex when I shouldn't have, and I do regret that...

I just feel like now I'm on this cycle where I'm kind of used to sexual intimacy, and have let myself be sexually intimate when perhaps I should have waited...

and now when I'm in a relationship I have no clue whether its ok to sleep with that person after a week, a month, or what...

I don't even know what I myself would feel was acceptable...

I feel like I foolishly let things get intimate quite quickly and then regret this if later it doesn't work out...

All screams that you are not comfortable with the choices you are making. If it's not right for you don't do it. Take some time to assess what sex means to you and what you want from relationships (fleeting or otherwise). It's easier said than done but only sleep with someone if you are sure you won't regret it later - of course you will more than likely will make some mistakes along the way on this point so don't beat yourself up about it too much when they happen.

Sleepy

OP, it sounds like you rationally equate sex to something more than just a pleasurable activity to engage in with another person but when you're horny (and/or drunk?) this rationality goes out the window.

If you do consider sex to be something that's special and only to be engaged in with someone you love, try to control that urge (maybe drink less if there's likely to be temptation in your path?).

Otherwise, just enjoy yourself. You're clearly adult enough to ensure that you're careful with your partners but just regret some of your choices in who you've chosen to engage in sexual activity with.

You're right that it's easier for you to have sex with someone now than it was before you met your ex. Of course it is! There's nothing scary to sex now for you now that you've . It's perfectly normal. Ever heard the expression 'sexual awakening'?

fuzzywiggle

You live and learn. Don't sleep with someone just for the sake of being intimate with someone if you're going to regret it after. If you're not going to regret it then thats fine but don't beat yourself up over something you chose to do.

Dudess

Seems to me like you're very sensible and balanced - it doesn't seem like you made bad choices at all, just choices that didn't work out. If you were happy with doing it at the time, then that's all that matters.

I don't agree with the saying "don't regret what you've done, regret what you haven't done". A better phrase in my opinion would be "Don't regret any decision which felt like the right one at the time".

Marksie

On simple dictum i was told when your age, which has in general served well is:

If you can look yourself in the mirror in the morning then it was ok.

We are often our own harshest critics, and you seem tio be this here. If you look back at what you did and the reasons for it and are happy then fine. If not then it is no use regretting those decisions at the time. But see what you learn about yourself and make sure you dont make the same dedcisions again

Wurly

It doesn't matter one bit of a hairy arse how many partners you've had OP.

The difference between a slut and an 'adventurous' person is all down to how they carry themselves.

If you've slept with a fair few people and you're shouting it from the rooftops, then that's slutty behaviour.

If you've slept with a fair few people and you regard it as your business and dont feel the need to broadcast it, then that's not slutty behaviour.

If someone judges you for your sexual past, then they are not the kind of people you want to be associating yourself with. Besides, who are they to judge? Its none of their god damn business.

For the record, most people regret at least one person they've slept with. Join the club, OP!!:D

Don't worry pet. It's all good.;)

AngryBadger

OP the actual number is irrelevant, you could have slept with 100 people, or 2 people, what's important is how you feel about this.

It sounds to me like you're still figuring out how you feel about sex. Which is also fine, don't feel under pressure to suddenly decide what you want, and don't be afraid to indulge your appetites when an opportunity you're comfortable with arises.

As everyone has said, you sound like you know what you're about, so this isn't a case of someone fumbling blindly, think about what you've liked, what you haven't liked, and maybe what you might like. And see where that leaves you in your head.

Forget about whoever you were, you're not that person anymore. Go out, have fun, be safe, and enjoy.

Also;

Tri wrote:

For the record, most people regret at least one person they've slept with.

That's a filthy lie Tri, I don't regret any of the people i've slept with

Tar.Aldarion

Yeah you are right, they regret it. :-)


OP, you are fine, don't worry. I mean come on, what did you do wrong? Enjoy yourself and do what you want to do.

Pherekydes

sorta_worried wrote: »

I'd just like to know how that sort of past would look to others I suppose.

Nobody needs to know.

You're probably worrying in case you meet someone special. Don't. If they are special they won't care about your past history.

Talliesin

sorta_worried wrote: »

sometimes I wonder if the person I was when I was with my boyfriend would have judged the person I am now.

That would depend not just on the person you are now, but also the person you were then.

The person I was a decade ago would probably be impressed by the person I am now in a few ways and very disappointed in a few others. The person I'll be a decade from now will probably think I was write the first time with a couple of things, but hopefully not too many.

That's growth. The alternatives are death, brain-death and soul-death.

sorta_worried wrote: »

And I am not for a moment suggesting someone who slept with 6 people, or any number, is a slut,

Outside of fun and games "slut" is a pretty meaningless word.

sorta_worried wrote: »

I'm talking my own personal standards.

Why are your standards based on numbers. If you had great sex, along with wonderful conversation and great times, with 60 marvellous people, why would that be of less value than disappointing sex with one person you didn't really click with?

sorta_worried wrote: »

I think its certainly something to be enjoyed, but not to be wasted,

It doesn't run out you know (actually, the opposite though only slightly).

sorta_worried wrote: »

and maybe I feel like I did have sex when I shouldn't have, and I do regret that.

That's a very different matter. But it's not accumulative. What was it about your sexual encounters that was inappropriate to you?

sorta_worried wrote: »

Is sex as sacred as perhaps we're brought up to think it is,

I don't know what way you were brought up to think, but I consider sexuality to be extremely sacred. There's nothing more so.

sorta_worried wrote: »

or is it ok to just enjoy that intimacy for what it brings,

Same thing.

Eh I'd say it is quite a few partners, more than I'd be happy with myself at that age, but not a shocking amount. I would be quite conservative in that way though, mostly because I don't want STDs or pregnancies or to get my head wrecked, more than any notion that sleeping with X amount of people is 'wrong.' If you can do it without worrying about it then what does it matter? 6 partners sounds quite a lot for a 20 year old but I didn't even lose my virginity until that age so that's just my perspective. I had friends who had several partners in secondary school so I'd say it's pretty normal. Anyway, it's done now, so what does it really matter? If it bothers you, be more selective from now on.

girl2

I am 30 and I have been with 5. To be honest, I really wish I didn't even have this many.

I am not saying theres any wrong or right, but youre only 20 and in the last year youve had 5 partners. Now, if you keep going at the same rate youre going by the time youre my age, you would have a total of 56 partners. Is this really a number you want to have?

Wurly

girl2 wrote: »

I am 30 and I have been with 5. To be honest, I really wish I didn't even have this many.

I am not saying theres any wrong or right, but youre only 20 and in the last year youve had 5 partners. Now, if you keep going at the same rate youre going by the time youre my age, you would have a total of 56 partners. Is this really a number you want to have?

Yeah but chances are she'll have a few relationships thrown in there by the time she's 30.

My point is that people make mistakes. And the amount of people you have been with should have no bearing on you as a person. People are so quick to judge others. It's not fair.

littlefriend

sorta_worried wrote: »

I do think that because I was so used to the intimacy I had with my first partner, I found it too natural to progress to a sexual relationship quite quickly with guys since.

I am with you 100% on this one - it is a natural progression if that is what you are used to. I went out with a guy for 6 years and when we broke up I had sex with a couple of guys that I had kissed a few times. In fact, I was so used to the intimacy thing that I was saying 'I love you' to them. Fortunately, it was so ridiculous I could laugh it off.

I think if you are used to having sex, once you are in bed with a guy that is probably what is going to happen - so maybe don't actually get into a bed with them.

I'd say the number you have slept with is fairly average. Don't worry about it, just make sure you aren't with these guys to make yourself feel good - it will have the opposite effect.

[Jackass]

As long as you play it safe and you like the people, rock on I say!!

I mean it's not uncommon for someone to ome out of a relationship and "go wild" for a little while, but at the end of the day, you have a sex drive, you have desire and you meet people you like and you enjoy sex...so what!

The only thing I would advise is to maybe be more sensible with things...your emotions and theirs...commiting to sex is an easy way to move an otherwise casual relationship into a whole new ball park and it's also an easy way to feel stupid, used and hurt.

So maybe if you work more on the person you have sex with, then there wont be a need for so many partners...(not that 6 is a massive amount) everybody makes mistakes and you shouldn't worry about other peoples standards too much...if it's social awkwardness you're afraid of, just be discreet about it when you do, it's nobodys business what or "who" you do, people unfortuantley do talk as well so if you have a circle of friends, guys and girls, a repuation of being easy made lead to advances from guys that you really like, but they're only after a quick one and then aren't interested...that's when problems may start to arise for you.

But bottom line, play away to your hearts concent if that's what you want...try and be smart about the people you choose, and if you're looking for somebody but things aren't working out, try and learn from mistakes, but don't beat yourself up over things, just try to learn and that way you will never need regrets.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies, most if not all of which were really understanding and helpful. I agree - the simple no brainer is that if I feel I'm too used to being intimate etc. I should just not let myself get into situations with potential for that to happen. I definitely don't plan on having 56 partners by the age of 30, or by any age to be honest!! I try to be sensible, I don't sleep with someone to try to make them like me, rather because I feel we really like each other and have potential for a long lasting relationship. But I've thought that and been wrong, so I think I need to re-evaluate, maybe I'm too hopeful! It has to be said though, in the circumstances of each partner as it came, I really don't regret any of them. Well, maybe one, as he was a friend and when it didn't work out we lost that. I certainly don't have a reputation (by the way, why is it usually girls who get a rep? Unfair!) or anything.

But what about when you've met someone, you really like them, they really like you, (you think!), you've been seeing each other (dare I go there, "dating") for a few weeks. As one poster said, I hadn't really ever been single and sexually active up to last year, its new to me and frankly, I'm not handling it too well! So what (obviously I realise it is to an extent up to each individual) is the social norm, I mean, you see on TV these stupid "rule" type things such as, its the 4th (or whatever) date, I like this guy, so its acceptable to sleep with him. Does this happen in real life? In your opinions, I mean, I know theres no hard and fast standard.

I feel I have (had) let myself become too flippant about sex. Is it too late to redeem myself, to turn over a new leaf and really treat sex as I know it should be treated, as a huge step, a real commitment to a person? Or is that realistic in the adult world of dating?
I just don't know how to move forward and work on a relationship with someone I like, without letting it get intimate too quickly (and by quickly I mean in a matter of a couple of months). Are there still guys out there who will put in an effort to create a lasting relationship without bringing sex into it too soon?

LegacyUser

I would say it depends on if you were married or not. Then again I'm 22 and 'traditional'

[Jackass]

Well yeah...I mean if a guy is genuinely interested in you and wants a lasting relationship with you (assuming that's what you want too...and it doesn't have to be) then they would wait.

I mean I'm no Cassanova but I've had my fair share of partners and have enjoyed a healthy sex life, but if I met a girl I was crazy about, would I wait a couple of months if that's what it took? Absolutley.

I'm 25...although it happens, I would say it is less likely in younger guys of early 20's simply because a larger portion aren't after a "long relationship" but just some fun.

But I think my last post was maybe a bit conservative, I was only trying to stress the point to look after your emotions with sex, because people can and do get really hurt by feeling "used", especially with girls and sex becomes something different to those people...a tool to get guys to like them etc. and that is the most dangerous place to end up. But you seem to know that and that's the main thing.

To be honest with you though, if you meet someone and you like them, don't think about it and don't stop yourself because you're worried it might be wrong or is this slutty? Cause you'll ruin sex for yourself and it will be a complex issue for you.

Make a rule for yourself, just agree that if you meet a guy and you think you've got to know him enough to know you like his personality and he's a decent guy etc. (this can be achieved from ONE sober "date" if it's what you feel, doesn't have to be four or more) then let things happen naturally. There are no rules whatsoever...if you feel comfortable and want to have sex with a guy and you are in a position to do so, then enjoy yourself, you're not a "slut" for having sex with someone you like and it's completely normal.

To be honest with you, I know some girls who have, shall we say, tended to sleep with a lot of men, but I don't think they're sluts, and nobody does...I mean if someone has a boyfriend or is seeing someone for a couple of weeks, it's safe to assume they've probably had sex...so if you think of some of the most attractive people you know, they have probably had sex with all those different people they hung out with...that's not a bad thing, they're enjoying themselves and they're hanging out with people. It's no big deal.

Just avoid getting smashed and bringing guys back who you don't even remember their name in the morning every weekend, cause that's slutty (once or twice every now and then is ok though ).

Hehe I'm probably over complicatiing this post, but general rule is there are no rules and just do what feels right, no one will judge you and trust your instinct with people. If you make mistakes, and you will because we all do at some point, just be prepared for it and don't take it all too seriously, get freaky, do what feels right and have fun.

LegacyUser

Thank you J@ckass!! (God that sounds like a sarcastic thank you with a username like yours!). You kind of articulated what I maybe subconsciously thought all along, that being, that if I don't feel like I'm doing something wrong, I'm not. I wish I could read guys better, but short of being a freaking fortune teller, I can't see myself being able to be sure about whether a guy is genuine and worth it or will end up being a failed relationship. Oh well. We all have that problem with the opposite sex right?! If it feels right at the time and I don't feel that its not respecting myself or my values, I guess its ok! Now if only I can decide whether or not to have another date with the guy I've been seeing the last few weeks... At least thats a happier thing to be thinking about than my recent thoughts! God the people who replied to this thread really eased my mind, thanks guys! (Except the 56 people before 30 thing, that just scared the bejaysus out of me, but I see your point!) Hope someone in the future will get peace of mind out of this thread too. Thanks.

MJOR

And like nobody needs to know.... its not like you wear a badge to say how many you've slept with.

Its obviously a concern for you but think logically....

dblennon

I've discussed this with mates(of the oppisite) and we all agreed that alot of girls get a feeling of "lack of a better word" guilt brought on by your catholic upbringing,

everyone got the "respect your body" thing from all angles as a child

that can bring on the guilt if your physical expression is only resipricated by our male need to fornicate.

do you feel badly after the event or is it just the number that seems high as you look back.

I totally agree with the looking in the mirror moments.

philologos

WilmaRidesAgain wrote: »

"Is sex as sacred as perhaps we're brought up to think it is?"

Nope -thats just a bunch of B$ propounded by the church and all those hypocrites. Think of it more like a sport, as long as its with someone you trust and its safe, whats the harm.

Just because people do think it's sacred or special doesn't mean that your view is any more accurate when you say it isn't.

Anyhow, this is up for the OP to decide. As others have said you seem to be uneasy about the decision that you have made, but it's up for you to come to the conclusion about which way you want to take it or how many partners are acceptable or not. Other people can think what they like, but it's what you think of yourself that is the most important.

Dudess

There's always so much focus on the amount of partners a person (woman especially) has. What about the amount of sex? So you've had five partners in about a year and had sex with some of them once, others a few times. If you had continued to be in a relationship with your long-term boyfriend for that year, you'd probably have had far more sex and thus would be far more experienced now. So what if they were different men? You wanted to have sex with them.

Nevyn

Sometimes it is not the number but the mileage, just because a person has had a string of parnters it doesn't then follow they have a lot of sexual experience, where as you can have someone who has only had 2/3 partners and those were in longer term relationships where they got to explore and push thier boundaries.

Like I said can be the mileage not the numbers.

Talliesin

sorta_worried wrote: »

the simple no brainer is that if I feel I'm too used to being intimate etc.

What's wrong with being intimate? Why are you seeing this as a problem?

sorta_worried wrote: »

because I feel we really like each other and have potential for a long lasting relationship. But I've thought that and been wrong

Were you actually wrong?

Okay, you were wrong about their being a long-lasting relationship, but were you wrong about there being a potential?

sorta_worried wrote: »

by the way, why is it usually girls who get a rep? Unfair!

Because there are people who think there is some sort of rule about how many people you can sleep with. You're in the minority in this thread so far in being one of the people who do that.

sorta_worried wrote: »

dare I go there, "dating"

I'm lost on this. What do you mean by "dare I go there"?

sorta_worried wrote: »

So what (obviously I realise it is to an extent up to each individual) is the social norm

It's not "to an extent". Our society does not have a strong consensus on this. There are plenty of subcultures with social norms within our society, but they differ vastly from each other.

sorta_worried wrote: »

I mean, you see on TV these stupid "rule" type things such as, its the 4th (or whatever) date, I like this guy, so its acceptable to sleep with him.

The point of these TV shows is to convince people that there is a really simple way of approaching complicated matters that deeply affect your life. This makes you sit in front of it for an hour in a state of relatively heightened emotions and in the middle of this they sell you burgers and washing powder (along with whatever book the "expert" is flogging too).

A good way to judge the value of this is to watch television programs on a topic you know a lot about. To remove unfair bias, avoid the more obviously tabloid channels, and go for the supposedly more respectable ones like Discovery (non-profits like the BBC are in a slightly different category some, but not all, of the time). Since it's on a topic you know about you'll immediately spot that they're talking a big load of crap. Do it for another topic you know about. Same thing will happen.

If they can't manage basic factual content correctly, how good will they be in questions of relationships that nobody's found foolproof answers about for the last few thousand years?

sorta_worried wrote: »

Does this happen in real life?

Only because other people watch the same shows and some of them are emotionally retarded enough to apply such rules.

sorta_worried wrote: »

I feel I have (had) let myself become too flippant about sex.

Why? What are you basing that on?

sorta_worried wrote: »

Is it too late to redeem myself,

No. You have to do something wrong before you can redeem youreslf.

sorta_worried wrote: »

to turn over a new leaf

Yes, you can do that. If you really want to do things differently, then you can.

sorta_worried wrote: »

Or is that realistic in the adult world of dating?

Well, I know virgins a good bit older than you who date and people who'd had several times as many lovers at your age, so anything in between is certainly possible.