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explaining age difference to family

  • 01-07-2008 7:12am
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Need some advice on how to go about this. I've been seeing someone for little under 3 months now and things couldn't be going better. They know at home I'm with her but just her name and where she's from. I've been putting off doing the introductions. Main reason being I'm just gone 20 and she's 32.

    Last gf was the same age as myself and it lasted for a long time (2 yrs+) but I've always leaned towards older women (for whatever reason).

    Now they're at me over the last few days to meet her - but how do I go about telling them first there's a bit of an age difference here (tactfully). And how to handle reactions without it exploding into a row?

    Suggestions ...


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,505 ✭✭✭nevaeh-2die-4


    just get a bird ur own age son


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Why tell them ?
    Let them meet her and then deal with the topic if it is raised.
    Your an adult dating another adult and if your happy that is what counts.

    Have a look at your own family tree and you will prolly find that there are couples amoung your aunt and uncles and grandparents have a decade or so of an age gap.
    It's not that unusual and if you don't make a big deal out of then they won't.

    Let them meet her and get to her as a person and not an age bracket.

    Oh and woman is only a 'bird' if she is dating a fella who is a worm.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I am the older woman in my relationship, he is 11 years younger than me. When he was ready to introduce me to his family I was also in a panic, Ive always been told look younger than my age by maybe 8 years or something.

    Anyway, I get botox (dysport) and fillers so that helped loads -he doesnt ask -I dont tell.
    I made sure I got loads of sleep and did very good "natural" make up on the days I met them. Do a good blow dry on the hair and style it into the face. I dress younger anyway and have a good figure. On a glance you would not notice the age difference with us but our passports tell a different story.

    Anyway, we remained vague about my actual age and no one asked, the brother I found most friendly I dropped it into the conversation that I was "6 years older" ha ha ha -yeh right.

    Anyway, my advice is dont admit anything, keep it vague, stick together and dont let family memebers get her on her own, admit there is an age diff before asked but not the actual number!!!

    Its amazing what you can hide in plain sight!

    Good luck!!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,173 ✭✭✭lolli


    just get a bird ur own age son

    I dont think thats really answering his question now is it?

    My brother went out with a woman who was a lot older than him for years. I think the best thing to do is warn them that she is older than you because you dont want to bring her home and your parents are standing there with their mouths open. It is up to you who you want to go out with and as long as you arent doing anything illegal then age shouldnt be a factor, some people are just attracted to older people. Just explain to them that she is older than you, you dont need to go into how much older, perhaps shes a young looking 32? :)

    Best of luck with your new relationship! :D:D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,505 ✭✭✭nevaeh-2die-4


    Just say to your mother you will have plenty in common, your both going through the menopause together.

    They will probably get a on like a house on fire


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    nevaeh-2die-4 Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
    Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
    Have a nice day.
    Thaedydal


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,401 ✭✭✭✭Anti


    Its only a number at the end of the day. And your family should respect your decission.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 522 ✭✭✭Sugar Drunk


    does she look 12 years older or do you look very young? If not why tell them what age she is? I dont look my age, lots of women dotn its hard to guage what age someone is now.
    The only thing I will say is that the fact that you are worried about doing the introductions suggests that you feel a bit ill at ease with the age gap yourself? Stop worrying what they will think if it genuinely doesnt bother you then there is no problem


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,796 ✭✭✭MJOR


    just explain that you are happy.. don't go into soecifics about her actual age but state that she is mature and you guys are compatible


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    HeresHow wrote: »
    Anyway, I get botox (dysport) and fillers so that helped loads -he doesnt ask -I dont tell.
    I made sure I got loads of sleep and did very good "natural" make up on the days I met them. Do a good blow dry on the hair and style it into the face. I dress younger anyway and have a good figure.
    Don't tell her to do any of the above OP.

    If she doesn't look much older than you, then why get concerned about the date on her birth cert/number of years she's alive? She looks young, she feels young, that's all that matters.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    If you don't have a problem with the age difference, then why should anyone else?

    If your family have an issue with it, then lucky they aren't the one's dating her.

    God knows its hard to find happiness with someone at the best of times in this world. If you find someone that makes you happy, then don't let it go.

    I think you will create an issue if you do the 'sit them down and tell them' routine. Its your life and your business and therefore doesn't warrant discussion.

    If asked, tell. Don't engage in arguments about it. Good luck.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,826 ✭✭✭Calibos


    Just say to your mother you will have plenty in common, your both going through the menopause together.

    They will probably get a on like a house on fire

    Actually I think might actually be a good way to tell the parents in a jokey way.

    "Well lets just say Ma, that the two of you might be going through the menopause together"

    "WHHHAAAAA!!"

    "I'm kidding Ma! She is older than me but is only 32."

    "Phew, Thank God Son"


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,686 ✭✭✭RealistSpy


    Listen, Its your life mate you are 20 and if you are with an older person while its not there business. When you introduce her do it quick and make it look like you have somewhere else to go like cinema. If they don't ask her age then don't tell and if they do. Tell the they she is young and beautiful.

    But seriously I count you lucky getting and older woman :).


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,327 ✭✭✭Profiler


    There is no such thing as an age difference, we are all growing old together.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    i understand u mate, im in the same boat. im 20, she's 31. for me too it can seem difficult at times when i think about the time that i will introduce her to my parents.

    but just like other people have said here, it's your life mate. at the end of the day whatever makes you happy is what matters the most not the opinions of others.

    i'll never find such a nice girl like i have now. we're a perfect match.

    i honestly dont have sound advice for how you are going to tell them but just do it in such a way that it doesnt seem like a big deal to you. because in fairness, it's not is it?
    and if they have a problem with that, they'll get over it!

    take care,

    J


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    Well, have you told them anything about her at all? If she's got much of a career built up or has kids much older than toddlers then both of those are going to indicate that she's older than 20.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,220 ✭✭✭✭Loopy


    I don't see why you are that bothered what your family thinks?

    Its 'your' relationship..

    Would they not be happy that you have met someone you really like..


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    "what do you do for a living?" "oh im a stay at home grandmother"

    But I'll leave the joking there :)

    Seriously though youre 20. It means we're still young sure but it also means we're adult enough to be responsible for our own lives. It shouldnt matter if the parents scream bloody murder and let blood rain from the skies if they so-disagree. Its your life, enjoy it. Wouldnt we all love to be trained by an older woman :rolleyes:

    if you both arent comfortable telling I'd take HeresHow's advice though - it might prove to be fun as well.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 949 ✭✭✭LoanShark


    I went out with a girl who was 11 years older than me,When I was 20..
    The odd time we would wonder what people were thinking about us, But then we just said feck them...! We were happy together,and that is what mattered most.. We broke up becaue of other reasons..Six years on I still miss her...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,103 ✭✭✭misslt


    I'm in the same situation but the opposite way around - I'm the younger one.

    I thought my family were going to go thru the roof but they were totally okay - they appreciated the fact I was honest, the saw I liked him and that he seemed to like me, now they're just happy I'm happy.

    If I were you I'd say nothing until I was asked, but don't lie about it - you're both adults - what can they do to stop you?


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 50 ✭✭chocciebutton


    Hi

    I am 4 years older than my OH. I was watching a programme last night called sugar mummies, there was one couple on, she was 72 and he was 32, they were "Happily Married" 12 years is nothing, age is only a number.

    chocciebutton:pac:


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