Just confused

LegacyUser

hi this is a long one and I really dont know what purpose this can really serve.
but maybe if I just let it all out I can close that door on this for on.


It hard to know where this began, please bear with me.
Well me and my friend have known each other for nearly 10 years, we bacame better friends and closer in the last six years.
I came to trust her completly , I think she returned the feeling.
People did mention that we were a great pair, always laughing and messing. I would have and I think I still would do anything for her.
She was my best friend, and I love her.
But we stopped talking and I know I hurt her and she hurt me in return.

we worked together as a team for so long. Maybe part of fault as I was younger and I was not sure of myself, so I did tend to a yes person, just agreed with her.
We drifted apart, in the most painful and hurtful way. We tried to talk it out, do things differently.
I even went to talk to a counsellor see if that could help.
When I look at her, I dont see the person I know. I can only see the woman who hurt me, who I opened my heart, home and life too, only to lock me out completely.

I have been sick over this. I still gotta work with the girl but now I dont talk to her anymore.

Thanks for listening

RedXIV

I don't know if you want advice on this OP, but i reckon if an opinion here, you can choose to acknowledge it or not.

I don't pretend to assume much from this post, you've left things vague enough to give an idea how you feel and not much else.

But one thing i know is that time is a great healer and even if you bear a grudge now, the effort in sustaining it will become greater and greater until you'll realise it's not worth it anymore.

Now you may want to reclaim this friendship, or you may want to break all ties, i'm not sure which but in either case, i'd suggest a break from her presence, even if you can only take a week's holidays on your own to reassess your feelings on the situation and your thoughts in regards to her.

It always hurts when a friend lets you down, but harboring a grudge is never worth it.

Hope some of this helps OP

Red

LegacyUser

Thank you for listening.
I am in the middle of trying to take a break,
Its very hard but I dont hold a grudge its just hurtful ya know.

I guess i am still mourning the loss of a friendship

MJOR

It's hard to advise because the post is quite vague but it's obvious you really are hurting.
There is nothing worse than a friend, one you choose to laugh and love hurting you. On some level you expect it a bit from family but never from friends.
Are you inlove with this person?

LegacyUser

No I am not in love with her, but I do love her.
I trusted her with a lot of things, personal things.
We work together the odd time ya know in the community groups like drama etc, and we love it and were a great support to each other.
I have gone to the bat a few times for her against what I saw as people who were trying to knock her efforts.

It is a strange one alright, we meet to try talk about it see where it all went wrong.
She says she has no problem, guess its my fault then. But with these things it never is just one person involve, but anyway its not about blame.

I went through a rally bad time medical a while back, I hoped and prayed it wasn’t because of this she was keeping me at arms length.
The counsellor said maybe she is not able to deal with what is happening to me. But I am better now and doing my best to stay that way.

I really miss her, I had to talk to her about a project, we tried to look at each other. I couldn’t see my in her eyes, and it cut me to the bone to look at that.

The short and long of it is that it is bringing me down, really down.

I don’t want to hurt her, but I don’t know if I am strong enough to help me and her through this

LegacyUser

Am I wrong to want the friendship back?

I miss her so much, we meet the other night and I felt every ounce of me breaking into into little pieces.

I hear from her family that they are of the opinion that I am bullying her.
That stings. Okay we were fighting, and getting no there, but I never ever want to hurt her. I still want this sorted. We are hurting each other.

She was a good friend and I am even seriously think of leaving my home town to get away from this.

I am not a bad person, nor is she. We both dont deserve this.

I guess I am not the person she knew and I really dont know her, sometimes when I look at her I see the girl I culd tlak to, and didnt feel like she was judging me, someone who laughed at my jokes even if she didnt get what I was on about.
the person who touched my arm when she was nervous and would give me a great big hug when I am upset.
We used to take on the world together and we had eachothers backs.

I think that I might be getting depressed about it.

Anyone been there and advice

watsgone

Sorry to hear about that.

You should take a break, go do something you enjoy. I mean is your friend putting her life on hold at the moment?
I would doubt it, so why should you?
Its a hard and sad thing when someone lets you down.
If you are feeling depressed please go to your gp

Karen_*

What happened? Obviously you've fallen out but what actually happened to cause that?

LegacyUser

I am not sure.
I think I might have pushed her too hard.
We were working on a project together, she started to freeze me out, I let it lie cos I thought there was something up at home, so I cut her some slack.

When she said I was critising her, and it wasnt my place to ask to help.

I dont know for sure so many little things started to eat us up I guess

watsgone

She doesnt seem to want to make the effort at the moment, give her time and space.

And maybe time will change things

Good Luck OP