Breastfeeding?

DeeColl

I know I’m probably goin to open up a can of worms with this one, but I was just wondering on people’s views on breastfeeding. I’ll explain my situation – lately I’ve been thinking more about having kids, hope to get married next year and maybe try for a baby the following year, but I won’t breastfeed, like I don’t want to do it even for the first couple of weeks. It’s just my personal opinion but I think its disgusting the thoughts of another human sucking milk out of my breast! (I can’t believe I just wrote that!) Like fair play to women who do it (even though I think there’s a limit – these woman that breastfeed for a couple of years – now that’s disgusting!) I watched my sister-in-law do it a few times and don’t get me wrong I wasn’t looking at her and thinking that’s disgusting, its just if I did it to my own baby its just disgusting to me – am I making any sense? I know a lot of you will probably say “oh once it arrives you’ll change your mind” but I know I won’t. Also is a baby anymore deprived if you don’t breastfeed? What about in the 40’s & 50’s when it was shunned upon to breastfeed? I’m sure those kids turned out just fine. Also I want to have my freedom instead of having to be with the baby 24/7 and I want himself to be involved. Not sure about this expressing lark either. If all came to all I could express for a few days. What happens if you don’t breastfeed? Do your boobs just return to normal by themselves? Sympathetic replies only please!

Quality

Hi Dee,

Its absolutely your choice on how you want to feed your baby,


I have breastfed my kids. Some of my friends would make the same comments as yourself, My replies to them would be "Is it not disgusting for you to drink milk from a cows tit?" I used to laugh and offer them some of my milk for their tea. (Obviously Joking).

If you dont feel like breastfeeding, that is perfectly ok, You dont need to feel ashamed of it. Its just not some womens thing.:)

After you have your baby, Your milk will come in, Your breasts will be engorged with milk. If your not feeding the milk does not come out and your body will stop making milk. It will be painful for a few days and then your boobs will begin to go back to as normal as they possibly can after pregnancy..

There is a lot of positives for breastfeeding, but formula milk is designed to be similar to breast milk. Although experts say it will never come close as the breast milk is specifically designed with all the nutrients and antibodies for your baby.

But as you said yourself, There have been millions of bottle fed kids and they turned out fine.

Anyhow, Thats just my thoughts on it... Its your child and your choice... Do what you think is best.. And what works for you, is best...

Best of luck:D

MoominPapa

Fathers of breastfed babies are just as involved, when I'm around its me changes, dresses and (solid) feeds and our baby and I cook for him when I can

Heres an very pro breastfeeding article which I fully endorse

DeeColl

Thanks Quality for your kind reply! You made me laugh when you said about the cows tit!
Moominpapa, I think you took me up wrong when I said I wanted himself to be involved, I just meant with feeding coz if I were to breastfeed I'd have to be with the baby 24/7, at least with bottle feeding we could take turns getting up during the night etc. Don't you worry he'll be doing more than his fair share! We do all the hard work for 9 months its only right that the men take over when its born!

Sulukie

Hi Dee

I breastfed my DS, now before he was born I didn't have very strong feelings either way, I accepted that breast feeding was very good for baby but I didn't make any decision either way until after he was born. I thought I'd try it and if it wasn't for me I wouldn't beat myself up over it or feel I had to apologise to anyone. Do what suits you.

As it happens I really enjoyed breastfeeding and found it very convenient especially in the middle of the night quick jump out of bed and back in with baby beside me. I'm not in any way trying to influence you, if you feel disgusted at the idea then obviously its not for you and I have no problem with that.

I really didn't like expressing, felt like I was a cow being milked but what we did was give baby the odd bottle of formula. No one seems to tell you that you can do both the breastfeeding and bottle feeding. It worked out really well for us. Ninety percent of the time I breastfed but if I was out somewhere that I didn't feel comfortable breastfeeding I would have a bottle and a carton of formula in his bag, or if I was exhausted (breast fed babys want feeding more often) then dh would look after a feed while I slept in.

My advice is to do what suits you and your baby best.

Sulukie

barbiegirl

Dee

Thank God someone who feels like me. We're getting married in 8 weeks and are hoping to start trying straight away. His family are very, very pro breastfeeding, and very vocal about it. Mine all bottle feed and think it works best, and again are very vocal. I'll be caught very much in the middle. Now believe me I'm no shrinking violet, my oh can testify to that, but I'm just so not looking forward to the arguements.
From looking at the kids on both sides and their mums, my sisters three all got into a routine with the bottles, and slept through the night from a much earlier age, the last one from 1 week old, they are happy healthy, can be left with anyone from our large family to mind them, to give mum and dad a break, and dad definitely bonded much earlier. Mum, dad, kids everyone is happy.
On the other side, his sister has breast fed all 3, I found at the dinner table, having the boob out, without a little shawl to cover a bit uncomfortable, especially with her dad there. The youngest one in particular is very clingy, didn't sleep through the night until she was two, always seemed to be on the boob with no routine, (do you always have to feed on demand?), her relationship with her dad is only now really developing, she is 3 and always looking for her mum.
I come from as I said before a large family, we love our kids and always want the best for them, but I think that also includes mum and dad being happy, and I don't know that I would be happy being a feeding machine.
I will try for the first day or two to get the anti bodies in but then I think I'll do bottles. I won't be able to win either way

LolaDub

I decided to bottle feed as i'm a single parent although babys father and grandmother were none too happy about it. I did it because i felt it suited my situation best, that if someone else was looking after the baby it wouldn't be a problem. My daughter is a very very hungry baby and took to the formula milk very well. Some babies don't take to formula milk so you might have to think about it when baby is born again. I found my breasts leaked milk for quite a while definitely more than the few days and at times became very uncomfortable. I would definately advise some good breast pads ( i found thermababy good). Its totally your choice about whether to breast feed or not. People all have different opinions on it but you need to decide for you and your baby, nobody else.

DeeColl

Thanks guys! Barbiegirl - nice to hear from you too! Ya I forgot to mention in my OP about having to BF when people are around esp family & esp Men! I have five brothers & the thoughts of them even knowing that I was breastfeeding let alone having to do it if the were in the house, is just my worst nightmare. Not every woman feels comfortable breastfeeding around other people. Of course all men are for it - its not their bodies or boobs. My other half was a bit shocked when I told him but he knows how stubborn I am so he knows there's no point arrguing with me. I'm sure his family will be shocked too but honest to god the first person who has the cheek to say to me "oh I hope your going to breastfeed" is seriously goin to regret it! I'm just goin to say to everyone "that would be filed under NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" Anyway its not like I'm going to be goin around shouting from the rooftops that I'm not breastfeeding. Also I heard that alot of nurses (esp the older ones) automatically assume that your goin to breastfeed, I heard a story where the nurse came in to the room and practically whipped back the womans top and shoved the baby onto her tit! The poor woman didnt even want to BF.
Also thanks for the tips LolaDub!

marti101

Barbiegirl you picked one child out of the3 to say shes clingy what about the other 2.All babies are different what works for 1 doesnt work for the other,it all depends on the baby.And no you dont have to bf on demand and all this about me time you dont have me time whether you bottle or bf.We could be here all night bottle fed babies get much worse colic.Bf is easier after the first few weeks you get in to a routina and away you go,there are places in shopping centres have nice comfy seats and you can bf.Now i bf all my 3 and i still get the comments but smile and let it pass.And dont forget its not going to be easier putting baby on bottle i know a girl that the baby went through different formulas and bottles until she found the right one.At the end of the day you have to do what you want but do it for the right reasons.

barbiegirl

Hi Marti101, I only mentioned the last child because I was not about for the other 2 and therefore am unfamiliar with how they progressed etc. and therefore couldn't comment. I have only seen this child. Believe me I don't expect me time, nor did I mention me time. Thank you for your answer on bf on demand, as this is a major concern as I believe in getting a child into a routine, and those I see bf seem to do so on demand. I also believe in asking for help and assistance from friends and family and this seems to be easier on the bottle, as I don't necessarily need to be there. I have babysat over night for both sisters in law down home, and my sister and am very familiar with the needs of small babies. Added to this my mother was quite ill for the first years of both my youngest brothers lives and everyone else had to step in, I know all about colic. When the time comes for the decision it will be made for the right decisions, i.e. what makes the most sense for me and my partner.

marti101

Just because you are bf on demand doesnt mean the baby cant be put in to a routine you can i did and it works fine

RIRI

Hi DeeColl,

I tried bfing for about a week and hated every single second of it. I felt awkward & fairly repulsed by the whole thing (funny it doesn't bother me to see others doing it - fair play to them). The best thing I ever did was give the small man a bottle, he's 3&1/2 now and has never had an antibiotic infact he has only ever been to the doctor for his jabs.

Do what's best for you and your family, make your decision and don't let anyone bully you into doing something you really don;t want to do. At the end of the day a happy mammy = happy baby.

best of luck

XX

LolaDub

Good advice from Riri!

As far as i know the chances of a baby getting colic with a bottle are the same as from breastfeeding. I read that in a breastfeeding do's and don'ts leaflet in the hospital. If baby has colic on the bottle there are other bottle options to help prevent colic. My baby never had colic and was on the bottle from birth. I'll admit one or two nurses did give me the eyes when i said i wasn't breastfeeding. Also on my first night after having my daughter i went up to the nursery to get some more bottles and there was about 10-15 babies there with the nurses. The nurse told me they were bottle fed babies that they kept overnight so mummy could get some sleep and they couldn't do that with breast fed babies. I'm not saying this is a reason not to breastfeed i'm just saying that there were min of 10 babies on one ward being bottle fed plus whoever had kept their baby with them.

I think nurses and hospitals push the breastfeeding but its still a bit socially awkward. Just before i had my daughter i remember seeing a woman in a pub on a sun afternoon being asked to either leave or take the breastfeeding into the bathroom. The pub didn't even have baby changing facilities or anyone for her to sit down. I really think that was outrageous. Mothers should not be frowned upon for looking after their baby and mothers shouldn't be frowned upon for bottle feeding.

barbiegirl

marti101 wrote: »

Just because you are bf on demand doesnt mean the baby cant be put in to a routine you can i did and it works fine

Hi Marti, How can you get babs into routine if feeding is on demand. I don't understand. With bottles, it feeding every 3.5 to 4 hours during the day, then wind, change, down for sleep (hopefully), wake up, playtime, feed etc etc. Does on demand not mean little and often, as it is the way I have seen it done?

Quackles

LolaDub wrote: »

Just before i had my daughter i remember seeing a woman in a pub on a sun afternoon being asked to either leave or take the breastfeeding into the bathroom. The pub didn't even have baby changing facilities or anyone for her to sit down. I really think that was outrageous. Mothers should not be frowned upon for looking after their baby and mothers shouldn't be frowned upon for bottle feeding.

I was thinking about such situations the other day while going through the mental to breastfeed or not to breastfeed debate for the 500th time in my head - would you be within your rights to tell the manager to feck off, I wonder? Legally, now, not morally

marti101

I was talking bout night time routine you can train them for want of a better word,saying that it does depend on the child i know of bottlefed babies waking loads during tje night.Most people i know bottle fed so i know of plenty of instances.People think bottle feeding is the easier option id say its split 50-50 as there will always be pros and cons to everything.About that woman in the pub there is laws in place to stop that kind of thing.I was stopped before in mcdonalds when had ds but i was young then and i wouldnt stand for it now.I do bf everywhere as you can do it discreetly and its better than having a screaming baby

Quality

Quackles wrote: »

I was thinking about such situations the other day while going through the mental to breastfeed or not to breastfeed debate for the 500th time in my head - would you be within your rights to tell the manager to feck off, I wonder? Legally, now, not morally

Absolutely tell him to feck off.


http://www.equality.ie/index.asp?locID=90&docID=586

To this end the Health Promotion Unit of the Department of Health and Children in conjunction with the Equality Authority produced a joint information leaflet to inform both breastfeeding families and public service providers of the protections afforded to breastfeeding mothers under the Equal Status Act (2000 - 2004) and the Intoxicating Liqour Act (2003) -in case of discrimination occurring in a public house. This information
leaflet forms part of the Health Promotion Unit's on-going campaign to make breastfeeding a normal and unremarkable part of child rearing in Ireland. Another aspect of the campaign has been approaching businesses and service providers to actively support the campaign by displaying a breastfeeding supportive sticker at their entrances

This leaflet was given to me, with my pack for my last baby.

I never found a problem with breast feeding in public, In saying that I wasnt sitting there with my tits hanging out either, If you wear the right type of clothing, and a crocheted blanket is great for draping over baby and your shoulder during feeding.

For convenience breast feeding is great, Milk is there for baby, is always the right temperature and no sterilising bottles...

If other people were uncomfortable with it, It was there problem, not mine, But no one ever said anything to me.

I always felt very proud to breastfeed, It was something that I could give to my child that no-one else could, Getting the baby weighed every week and knowing that I was the one who was feeding him was very fufilling.

Sorry to high jack your thread Dee!!

myjugsarehuge

I can't understand how the OP can have such a strong opinion about something she has never done and isn't contemplating doing for months if not years. It may never happen, who knows what life holds?

I can only put my side of the story and say I breastfed both my children till they were at least 8 months old (only 16 months between them), just partially later on as I was back at work when each was about 3 months old but morning and late evening was fine. I was pregnant with my 2nd when I was still breastfeeding at night and my GP said it was fine, my body was built for feeding babies and when I was fed up I would know. She was right. They both had formula bottles at the childminders when I went back to work and I fed them occasionally myself, it dwindled off in the end. They have never been ill really, no asthma, ear infections, exceza or the like.

They are 13 and 15 now and it was the best time of my life, to look into their faces as I fed them myself, me with my body as nature intended it, that is the most amazing thing and even if the OP only does it for a few weeks please do it and cherish it, f**k what anyone else says, you don't have to slap your tits out and give everyone any eyeful, nobody ever knew I was doing it, you can be discrete. Its a few precious months of their life, their immune system is growing and forming, give them the best start you can.

It was my special time with them, never a chore. The chore is heating bottles at 2am when you are half asleep, and believe me your husband/boyfriend won't love you more for telling him its his turn to getup at the crack of dawn to make the bottle up. Me I just picked up a crying baby and latched him/her on.

The day I stopped breastfeeding my daughter when she was 9 months old was like a bereavement, I knew in my heart of hearts through choice I would not have more children and I was so sad that it was the end of a special time.

Why deny yourself the choice to do something so magnificent yet so simple, that can only benefit your child and yourself?

DeeColl

myjugsarehuge wrote: »

I can't understand how the OP can have such a strong opinion about something she has never done and isn't contemplating doing for months if not years. It may never happen, who knows what life holds?

I dont expect or want you to understand! I have a strong opinion about not doing it because it repluses me! What may never happen? That I might not have kids? Is that meant to make me feel bad for not wanting to breastfeed?

to look into their faces as I fed them myself, me with my body as nature intended it, that is the most amazing thing

Ya I can look into there face as I bottle feed them!

and even if the OP only does it for a few weeks please do it and cherish it,

I can make up my own mind thanks! Its people like you I would be annoyed with, Your completely one sided!

you don't have to slap your tits out and give everyone any eyeful, nobody ever knew I was doing it, you can be discrete.

Ya sure you dont have to have your tits out to BF but anyone with half a brain would no what the baby is doing under your top!

Its a few precious months of their life, their immune system is growing and forming, give them the best start you can.

So what about women who for whatever reasons cant BF. Should they cry themselves to sleep every nite because they arent giving their child "the best start in life"?

It was my special time with them, never a chore. The chore is heating bottles at 2am when you are half asleep, and believe me your husband/boyfriend won't love you more for telling him its his turn to getup at the crack of dawn to make the bottle up.

I would rather do this than BF, Im sure getting up to feed my crying baby wont feel like a "chore" & Im sure he wont love me any less either!

The day I stopped breastfeeding my daughter when she was 9 months old was like a bereavement, I knew in my heart of hearts through choice I would not have more children and I was so sad that it was the end of a special time.

Get over yourself you have the rest of your childs life to look forward to.


Thanks to everyone for your kind replies and for accepting my decision. I accept I'm going to get looked on like Im sh*t on someones shoe for not BF but I dont care, I dare anyone say it to my face! I'm sure you'll hear from me again when the time comes

littlebug

DeeColl wrote: »

Thanks to everyone for your kind replies and for accepting my decision. I accept I'm going to get looked on like Im sh*t on someones shoe for not BF but I dont care, I dare anyone say it to my face! I'm sure you'll hear from me again when the time comes

My first was a preemie and after a difficult start I switched to bottles when she was 5 weeks old. When I was feeding her a bottle in public I did feel like people were looking at me like I was a bad mother etc but now I realise that was all coming from me and my own guilt etc rather than from other people.
I breastfed my second baby for 8 months and in that time I only fed him in public a handful of times as I felt that people would be looking at "yer wan with her tits out". Pattern here= it was all in my head no matter what way I was feeding my child.

For the record... both my babies were terrible sleepers but the (longer)breastfed one started sleeping through the night earlier than the bottlefed one (8 months vs 3 years!).

The bottle fed child was more clingy and less independent than the breastfed one (personality differences - nothing to do with feeding).

The bottle fed baby was sick an awful awful lot in her first few years but that could be as much to do with her being preemie than feeding. The breastfed baby had his fair share of colds/ ear infections and a couple of nasty tummy bugs. I certainly couldn't say that he was a wonderfully heatlhy child as a result of being breastfed. I think the eldest is actually the healthier one these days and is rarely sick at all.

Anyway OP you sound like you've made up your mind. If the idea of breastfeeding still respulses you when your baby is born then it simply isn't for you IMO. This sounds awful but I hated every minute of breastfeeding my first child and that isn't a good start:( That said when it worked out well with my second it was lovely and I definitely felt a different kind of closeness earlier on with him than I did with my first (see I even feel guilty for saying that now:o) .

Try not to worry about people looking at you and judging you because once you go down that road you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.

When I stopped breastfeeding my first baby my PHN, when she saw that it was too late to intervene , said "what's best for mommy is best for baby" and that eased the guilt... a bit lol.

DeeColl

Hey I’m back again!
Just had a look around other forums on BF & the general consensus seems to be that it’s your choice and you shouldn’t feel bad no matter which you decide to do (which is how it should be). But another interesting point came up (which no one on this thread mentioned so ye’re all excused!) is that nearly every women mentioned how much weight they lost when they BF and how easy it was to get back to their previous shape. So just wondering if some women have an alterior motive to BF? Didn’t some celeb say recently – correct me if I’m wrong I think it was Nell… whats her name? – that she had her son to thank for her wonderful shape coz she was still BF him 2 years later!!!! What do ye think of that? I’m about to set the ball rolling again aren’t I? !!!!!

>>>> I will strongly add I’m not having a go at anyone who replied above coz none of ye mentioned it & I’m not saying it was why ye choose to BF, but I was quite shocked how often it was mentioned on other forums, it was sometimes the first thing they mentioned before discussing the pro’s – and it was all pro’s as it was a pro-BF forum, there wasn’t a mention of the other dreaded B – word (bottle).

littlebug

I seriously doubt if anyone chooses breastfeeding purely to lose weight

Grawns

Was reading up on breastfeeding and am a bit overwhelmed.

Has anyone expressed and bottlefed from early on?

bored and tired

i had thought of giving bf a go while pregnant but when i actually had me daughter I bf just about as soon as i was aloud hold daughter for any length of time, even before the tea and toast arrived, i just had an overwhelming urge that i had to feed her, which i cant explain, not everyone gets that urge, my friend laughed at me when i told her she said after a two day labour the only urge i should have had was for sleep.

i found it so easy, no bottles no sterilising, no running out of formula, that when she did go on bottle from 6 months that i thought it was the hardest thing in the world to keep on top of, dont boil the water twice, cant reheat milk, buy formula no she got sick with that last time, try this, (ran out of formula over christmas as forgot to buy some - bad mother, very bad mother) ahh it gave me serious headaches, anyway, as i said i started bf when she was about 15mins old, and although its not for everyone, and my own mother didnt bf me, for myself at the time it was the only way.

BUT just as i turned away from the norm in my family of not bf, i think you have to stick to your guns and say i dont want to, and leave the rest stick it in there pipes and smoke it, its your body not theirs.

LolaDub

I bottlefed my daughter from birth and when she was 4 days old i was back in my size 10 jeans. A friend in work had a baby at a similiar time who breastfed and didn't lose any weight for about 6 months. Whatever you decide it has to be what is right for you, there are no guarantees about weight, health, hygeine, convenience etc

marti101

Grawns wrote: »

Was reading up on breastfeeding and am a bit overwhelmed.

Has anyone expressed and bottlefed from early on?

Your not really express untill baby is at least 6 weeks old as it fecks up your supply.Why go to the extra hassle of bottles and sterilising when its already there and made and ready to be used.

littlebug

marti101 wrote: »

Your not really express untill baby is at least 6 weeks old as it fecks up your supply.Why go to the extra hassle of bottles and sterilising when its already there and made and ready to be used.

not necessarily true.

I expressed from day 1 with my first as she was premature and had to be tube fed. I had a great supply and could have fed half the babies in the hospital. Expressing was fine... it was the real feeding I had difficulties with first time round.

Grawns.... I think some people do express and bottlefeed but I can't imagine many people would do it for very long purely because of the time and effort it takes.

The best piece of advice I got with regard to breastfeeding was just to remember that every day you feed is a bonus and to just take it one day at a time. If you only feed for one day it has been a bonus to your baby. Every night I would think... there I've done one more day.... I may wake up tomorrow feeling I can't do it any more but I can be content that he has had the benefit of breastmilk today. Then I'd wake up the next morning and think.. "ok... I'm gonna try one more day".

Honest to goodness that got me through the first the first few difficult weeks and then it just got easy.

marti101

littlebug wrote: »

not necessarily true.

I expressed from day 1 with my first as she was premature and had to be tube fed. I had a great supply and could have fed half the babies in the hospital. Expressing was fine... it was the real feeding I had difficulties with first time round.

Grawns.... I think some people do express and bottlefeed but I can't imagine many people would do it for very long purely because of the time and effort it takes.

The best piece of advice I got with regard to breastfeeding was just to remember that every day you feed is a bonus and to just take it one day at a time. If you only feed for one day it has been a bonus to your baby. Every night I would think... there I've done one more day.... I may wake up tomorrow feeling I can't do it any more but I can be content that he has had the benefit of breastmilk today. Then I'd wake up the next morning and think.. "ok... I'm gonna try one more day".

Honest to goodness that got me through the first the first few difficult weeks and then it just got easy.

I think its different if baby is premature,im talking full term babies.I agree though look at it day to day otherwise youd go mental.One day goes to two and suddenly your 4 or 5 months in.People ask why is he not on a bottle yet and i say why the hassle i will do what i did on my other babies and put him on a training cup when he is ready.After 6-8 weeks you are in a routine and your milk has a good supply i wouldnt be bothered giving a bottle.My ds is 4 months old and am still bf it does get easier.And im one of those people who give the virtues of bf just because its so easy,lazing in bed with baby beside plus if youve got older kids like me 12 and 13 is shows them theres nothing wrong with bf.Even my kids say how much easier it seems theres no waiting on kettles and bottles and all the babies they know are bottle fed.

littlebug

marti101 wrote: »

I think its different if baby is premature,im talking full term babies.

No Marti your boobs just get used to your own method whether the baby is premature or full term! That's why if you're breastfeeding they say to leave expressing for a few weeks so your boobs have got used to your babies sucking and routine. The pump is a different "suck" so to speak so if you start expressing now and again at the start before a good supply is established it might confuse things a bit as they don't know what's going on or for some people it doesn't work at all because the suck is so different.
If you are exclusively pumping however your boobs just get used to that instead.

Quality

I would not recommend just expressing... Sooooo much effort..

Well for me personally it was. The only time I expressed was after having a few drinks.. And pumping and dumping used to kill me as well!! What a waste of good milk!