Too Similar???

LegacyUser

Just wondering if you think that being similar to your partner is a good or bad thing?

So the story is, I met my (now ex) girlfriend, over two years ago, and we started having a really good relationship, had really similar intrests, we are the same age (late 20's)got on great with each others friends and families, we always got on well, never once had a big arguement, we are both very laid back and not ones to be shout at anyone.

I really felt like I had me the female equivilant of myself. I had someone to go and do the things I wanted to do but never had anyone to do them with. Happy days, you might think.

The relationship went long distance for 4 months and I found the lack of communication, misunderstandings, and uncertainty about what would happen when we got back together very hard to take. T

Anyway, she broke up with me shortly after she came home, competely unexpected and very upsetting for both of us. The main reason she says it that we are too similar. I agree, but is this not a good thing?

Since we broke up we have been seeing each other a bit, maybe once a week, and when we dont talk "relationship talk" we get on great, but we've also being sleeping together, which has also been really great. We are both finding it hard to move on and still love each other a lot.

We talked about getting back together but she says she is 100% we arent right. Too similar?? I dont want to go back in to a relationship where the other person doesnt see a future. But I dont see where she is coming from. She tends to over think a lot of things and sometimes piles lots of pressure on herself and I'm wondering if she is making the correct decision.

So I'm wondering, especially from women, if you think that being very similar to your partner is a good basis for a relationship? And also how do I get over it? Stop sleeping with her?

MJOR

I am quite similar in most ways to my partner. We're both calm but very open with our positive emtotions not so much with the negative ones.

I think its a good basis but a lot of people would say opposites attract. It boils down to one thing... Do you both want to work at it?

I think in this instance you were probably carrying more of the relationship and maybe she met someone else and might be afraid to say.

Difference of opinion, lively debate and fiery relationships are what a lot of people want.

You obviously prefer the quiet life... Nothing wrong with that..

Hope it makes sense

Lollipops23

I think it's very possible for being to similar a good reason to emd things....if you never ever row with your OH there's no passion in the r/ship IMO.

At the end of the day, if the sparks not there it's not there. it sounds like you're certainly very fond of eachother but perhaps the sex is confusing things and making it so much harder for you to move on.

Wurly

I don't think I accept the 'too similar' thing as the reason for her breaking up with you. Maybe she just doesn't have the same feelings for you as she did before.

I cant imagine someone breaking up with someone else cos they both like the same bands and enjoy sports for example. That doesn't make sense.

I'm afraid you will have to just accept her decision. I know its very hard and I feel for you.

Maybe create some distance between you two for a while.

Martron

how come nobody is calling the girl for being a coward and not coming up for a good excuse to break up!!!!!

i am sorry mate but i just think she wanted to break up. i dont see how being to similar worked out so well and then when she was away for a while similar just stopped working!!

its crap and i will just move on.

LegacyUser

Yeah, passion, opposits attract, these are all things that have been mentioned between us.

I think we do have passion and the sex is great and we both have the same keen intrests and taste in things. I dont know if I understand the opposits attract thing though. I dont think I'd like to go out with someone that was competely diffent to me.

I'm 100% sure she hasnt found anyone else so thats not it.
And yeah I do like the quiet (unstressfull) life. I hate when we argue or have any drama in the relationship.

It seems so much is right, we love each other, we enjoy the same things, always have fun, we are incredibaly similar in everyway. But somethings not right for her. It's hard to understand and hard to take.

Wurly

Too Similar wrote: »

It seems so much is right, we love each other, we enjoy the same things, always have fun, we are incredibaly similar in everyway. But somethings not right for her. It's hard to understand and hard to take.

Of course its hard to understand. Reason? I don't think she is being honest with you. She says you two are too similar and therefore shouldn't be together. Think about it... It doesn't add up to me anyways.

Im sorry OP. You can love someone, enjoy the same things, be similar and always have fun. But that doesn't mean you are 'in love' with someone.

I think that's what has happened here on her part. Sorry.x

Wibbs

Martron wrote: »

how come nobody is calling the girl for being a coward and not coming up for a good excuse to break up!!!!! .

Possibly because she doesn't know herself, or can't explain it in a b and c terms herself. She just knows something's missing. The "spark" as it were. Common enough.

I think most cases when a woman leaves a man, it's simply because she can't see a future together, or can see a better future with someone else(though not in this case). For whatever reason. She begins to see him as a friend, not a potential father of her kids(deep down anyway).

Give her space and keep your own path through life moving forward. The best way to get someone back is to get yourself back and let them go completely. Of course one of the ironies of life is that when you do that and move on, where you're not pushed on getting them back, that's when they usually come back.:)

_blank_

Sounds like an excuse she's using to get out of the relationship.

Martron

i am only saying that why is nobody calling her a coward was because in a similar thread where the roles were reversed sombody called the man a coward and i would imagine that that poster would read this thread. i just feel advice around here is gender biased.

if a woman makes a feeble excuse she is ok becuase she knows best

if a guy does the exact same thing he is a coward.

ridiculous

Wibbs

Personally I think coward is too strong a term for most, regardless of gender. But I do agree there does sometimes exist a bias of sorts in favour of women when it comes to dumping,at least in a case like this. The other side of the coin of course is women being accused of being bitches in the dumping stakes and men often being heartless cold bastids. No one size fits all.

Also the truth is more women do the dumping than men so that skews things too.

There is an element in most of us to try to avoid conflict for ourselves, so we'll tailor responses, excuses if you will, to our "audience". A man or woman may simply feel she doesn't fancy the other person anymore, but clearly to avoid hurt, won't say that directly, but couch it in less hurtful terms. "It's not you, it's me", "you're more like a brother/sister to me", or in this case "we're too similar" etc. In other words the classics. Now in rare cases they can be the truth, but it's usually just sugar coating the bitter pill, for someone you once cared for.

When the oul love is flowing hard and fast in the good bit at the start, those phrases wouldn't come up, simply because the fancy side was running high. When that tapers off one is left with the person as is, without the rush of blood to the nether regions. That rush of blood diverts more to the brain and that's usually when cracks appear if there's incompatibilities large enough to split the couple.

In the end relationships fail. Most fail indeed and there's rarely an easy way out of them for both parties. Yes honesty would be better if it was freely given and just as freely recieved, but the human heart is a complex thing, especially in extremis, so we have these hardships.

_blank_

Wibbs wrote: »

In the end relationships fail.

:eek:

That's a fairly bleak outlook, I must say.

Wibbs

Yea that was badly put. I meant to say, that "the thing is relationships fail, most do indeed, until you end up with the right person(hopefully)". Even if 90% failed it doesn't mean they're not great while they last and or help you grow at the time. that still leaves the 10% that don't and are good.

If most relationships didn't fail then most would be still with their first love and they're not, so....

Wurly

Wibbs wrote: »

Yea that was badly put. I meant to say, that "the thing is relationships fail, most do indeed, until you end up with the right person(hopefully)". Even if 90% failed it doesn't mean they're not great while they last and or help you grow at the time. that still leaves the 10% that don't and are good.

If most relationships didn't fail then most would be still with their first love and they're not, so....

Exactly. Every single person I know who's not married or with someone has seen every single relationship fail!

As Wibbs says, most do fail until you meet 'the one' so to speak.

Wibbs

Exactly. Looking back on it, I would say relationships split up rather than fail. They only fail if you don't learn from them.

**magnolia**

I think sometimes being with someone very similar to yourself can be a bad thing.
The best part of a relationship is being exposed to different opinions, experiences and learning new stuff by being with someone that is different to you.
Also if you go out with someone who is the same as you, they probably have the same traits as you that you dont like e.g jealousy, intensity, anxiety
If you are going out with someone that likes the same stuff as you and is very similar to you it is much harder to make the relationship exciting and there isnt a whole lot new to learn from going out with that person so IMO I would not like to go out with someone who was the exact male equivalent of me