Am I overreacting?

LegacyUser

Hi, another "what do I do about my relationship" thread from a hysterical girl

Basicially, we've been together a long time, got engaged recently (complete suprise), own a house and are in our mid 20's.

We had a week off work last week, we cut our hol short due to weather but promised to continue with our time off together when we got home. Wednesday night, we were both out with his friends, thursday night we sat in, then friday, giving me 2 hours notice, he dropped plans we have had for weeks to go out with his mates, letting me and my family down. I was not invited (when I say not invited he said it was lads only). He stayed in his friends on friday, came home saturday for an hours sleep, then went back out to come home sunday at 4pm. Now I know exactly where he was, and staying in his mates is not an issue at all but I feel like I was basicially dumped for the weekend. Last night when I went to bed and he sat up watching tv for hours, I have no idea what time he went to bed at because when I woke up at 1 and he was still up, I went to sleep in the spare room so he wouldn't wake me when he did decide to come to bed. (I'm up at 6 for work). I want to make it very clear that we were really enjoying each others company before this, the whole mood really started when we fought on friday about him letting me down. Granted the plans we had made were not the most exciting, but we still had agreed on them at the time.

If my feeling like this was an isolated incident then I would say to myself "get over it, it was one weekend" but I started a thread a while ago about his gambling and finding out about it etc so the trust and comfort I had in the relationship was damaged anyway.

Since we got engaged he has been telling people how it's not a big deal, there's always divorce!! He's planning a trip for a month, which I am pushing him towards, and he's telling everyone who will listen about this, yet I'm always the one to mention the fact we're getting married because he never ever talks about it. When I ask him if he really wants to get married he says he wouldn't have proposed if he didn't. And all of this is adding up and really hurting me.

Am I over reacting? I don't want this to become an all out war, because after the gambling thing which we were working on getting over, I don't have the energy. But at the same time, I don't want to be treated like a fool or taken for granted.

Thanks

colly10

Ok the whole ditching you after you made plans thing sounds like bad form but I wouldn't worry about it if it was just a once off, sometimes people just need a break, if it was a regular occurance it would be a problem.
The whole comment of sure we could always get a divorce, that kind of thing is said tongue in cheek, he doesn't mean it and it seems to be usually said by lads so people will lay off them and stop making a big deal out of it (making them feel under pressure), it seems to be a good way to shut the mates up.
He wouldn't have asked you to marry him if it's not what he wanted as he said, the thought of marrage may stress him though even if he does want to get married

MJOR

I am prone to the overeacting thing myself.... and I am recently engaged. Something I have learned though is a man doesn't put a ring on your finger unless he wants to.

I understand him heading off with the lads is frustrating but in a balanced relationship you can go with the flow a bit....

Don't beat yourself up about it. Tacle the issues head on without an arguement... have a discussion.

Martron

i would not worry over it. if its a once off its grand people need to blow off steam. but if you feel you cant tolerate it, do something about it . dont wait for him to keep supplying you with ammunition before you say something about it. although my girlfrien is close to perfect if i said nothing whenever she did something i did not like i could have an arsenal to make her out to be like a complete b1tch( which she is not) .

Again my advice is talk to him about what you think is wrong. you will get an answer either way

LegacyUser

its just a bad patch, he has probably decided to see how far he can push you, you can do two things do nothing and let it fester anothe couple or weeks, or loose the rag tonight clear the air and enjoy the making up. I think all men are like this they think they want to go out get pissed and act the maggot, then be a sick as a dog and miserable for a couple days. He isnt going to apologise as he sees it he did nothing wron, so yo will probably both sit down and not speak for another night, or maybe take the bull by the horns and just get it out there