Boyfriend late, again

LegacyUser

Does anyone else consider being an hour late for a date just so disrespectful?

I'm with this guy 8 months. He's increasingly late and doesn't answer his phone when i call to ask where he is. It's driving me mental, I've told him how it annoys me and yet he still does it... Does anyone else have this sort of problem? If so, how did you get him/her to nip it in the bud?

January

My ex boyfriend used to do it to me all the time.

Not just for dates, he'd say he was leaving to come to my house for a certain time (I lived in Blanchardstown, he lived in Tallaght) and it would take him two hours or more to get to my house.

He invited me to his house to meet his parents and I was to meet him in the Square. I got there in plenty of time and text him to tell him I was there. He left me waiting for two hours, and I foolishly sat there waiting, no apology, no nothing. He lived a ten minute walk from the place!

I eventually broke up with him for other reasons, but I wouldn't put up with it now.

If he continues to do it after you tell him it annoys you then I'd dump him.

vincenzo1975

simple answer,
stand him up, dont answer your phone until next day(he willl come to see you in person anyway if he is at all a decent bloke), and then see how he is. If he doesnt get the point, he's prob not worth having.
Sounds like he is using you a bit.

stovelid

angry waiting wrote: »

Does anyone else consider being an hour late for a date just so disrespectful?

I'm with this guy 8 months. He's increasingly late and doesn't answer his phone when i call to ask where he is. It's driving me mental, I've told him how it annoys me and yet he still does it... Does anyone else have this sort of problem? If so, how did you get him/her to nip it in the bud?

Had a mate once that used to turn up late all the time, often up to an hour as well. It was pre-mobile phone era too so I would be just left standing on the street or in a pub. I started giving him twenty minutes before either going home or heading somewhere else without him. He copped on pretty quickly.

LadyE

Yeah, I think its pretty disrespectful. Why is his time more important that yours!?

If he thinks he is gonna be late (with a decent excuse, not just dilly-dallying), then he should at least have the decency to let you know, instead of letting you sit around waiting for him like a pleb.

Id say it to him. and if the situation hasnt been resolved id do some serious decision making.

Why the fook doesnt he answer his phone btw???

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

I think you're being polite when you say "disrespectful". "Rude" is more accurate.

Wishbone Ash

It's very disrespectful, especially nowadays.

Back in the pre-mobile phone days we had some excuse as we had no way of communicating but it's certainly not acceptable now.

Abi

angry waiting wrote: »

Does anyone else consider being an hour late for a date just so disrespectful?

I'm with this guy 8 months. He's increasingly late and doesn't answer his phone when i call to ask where he is. It's driving me mental, I've told him how it annoys me and yet he still does it... Does anyone else have this sort of problem? If so, how did you get him/her to nip it in the bud?

Ok, well the way I see it is this. He is being rude, and so early on in the relationship rings some bells for me. Especially seeing as you've raised the issue with him before, and there has been no change.

Im not going to tell you what I think you should do, Im telling you what I'd do. I'd move on. At 8mths into a relationship both parties would be very eager to see the other imo. If it were me and I let it continue, I know it would end up in more hurt.

You've asked him several times, what more can you do? I wouldnt call anymore. Id rather be a happy singleton than with someone who seems half bothered.

But to put a positive swing on this, you have to meet all the frogs before you meet the prince.

kelle

:mad::mad::mad::mad: at your post! He is an inconsiderate so-and-so! And the fact he doesn't apologise make it even worse.
Dump him, there are loads of guys out there who'll be on time.

marti101

Take the advice op at this stage in the relationship you should be living in each others pockets,do you know why he dosnt answer his phone.Have you met family,friends is there other stuff setting the alarm bells ringing.Would you not do what he does and see how he likes it i think if he doesnt cop on move on you can do much better

I'm always late, I'm laidback and I don't have a strong grasp of the concept of time.
If someone wants me to be someplace at a certain time, they tell me to arrive an hour or so earlier.
It works.

animaal

Moonbaby wrote: »

I'm always late, I'm laidback and I don't have a strong grasp of the concept of time.
If someone wants me to be someplace at a certain time, they tell me to arrive an hour or so earlier.
It works.

It works because despite standing people up, some of them still want to meet with you again?

The answer to what works is in that bit you highlighted.

stovelid

Moonbaby wrote: »

I'm always late, I'm laidback and I don't have a strong grasp of the concept of time.
If someone wants me to be someplace at a certain time, they tell me to arrive an hour or so earlier.
It works.

Fair enough. But obviously it would still be OK if a man left you waiting alone in a bar or restaurant for an hour on account of his loose "grasp of the concept of time"?

Kevster

To the original poster: Considering you have already told him how much this annoys you, it's clear that he doesn't respect your feelings. If you don't do something drastic, then he will always feel that he can be late and has control in the relationship. Don't let the bollox get away with this.

maryjmul

hi when my husband and i were dating he was always late and never on time,he had so much going always sport and the lads but really with him it was not intentional he just had no concept of time and couldnt understand why i was so mad and yeah i ended up marrying him 21 years this year but in fairness we had no mobile phones so the person who posted the reply to not answer your phone and to stand him up is great advice try it and if it doesnt work sorry to say hes not as crazy about you as you would like to think with the advent of modern technology and in todays society i would class his behaviour as no care less attitude mind you saying that if i didnt charge my husbands phone it would never be on ,but in fairness when ever i made a fuss he would be very punctual for a few weks so at least i knew he was trying x :cool:good luck

nocal

OP - unless your boyfriend is one of these people who is "away with the fairies" so to speak, then he is just being totally disrespectful, rude and ignorant.

Time to move on!

StandnDeliver

play him at his own game,arrange to meet him somewhere and turn up very late and say now you know how it feels,he might cop on!

invincibleirish

Jeez give the guy a break, he may be late but if ye are meeting up on a daily basis like couples do does it have to be oh so formal when it comes to time keeping? OP if he is calling to your house or you are meeting up with him can you not just wait it out til he arrives and do something and not watch the clock? a lot of people are casual with their time keeping, tis not the end of the world.

To the vultures who are suggesting dump him get over it, mountains out of molehills etc..

jimmycrackcorm

op. It's not disrespectful. He's just being a guy. Live with it or leave it.

MIN2511

She's isn't going to leave the guy because of this:(

I myself am always late, my ex was the same after a while we both copped on.

Don't be mad, just tell him to arrive an hour earlier than he's needed. My mates do that to me now:o but am learning and was early/punctual for a lunch date with a friend yesterday:D

Carrigart Exile

wait till you are married and the roles are reversed and the ladies take three hours to put on a dress. Most men learn 'I'm going to be ten minutes just fixing my hair' usually means you can stick on that DVD you wanted to watch

davyjose

angry waiting wrote: »

Does anyone else consider being an hour late for a date just so disrespectful?

Every time this happens, leave after 15 minutes. Don't sit there like an eejit waiting for him. Just leave, and when he asks where you were, explain that you won't be treated like crap.

sheepshagger

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

op. It's not disrespectful. He's just being a guy. Live with it or leave it.

Don't agree with this at all (and i'm a guy) people always being late really pisses me off, its inconsiderate, I mean how hard is it to get your **** together so that you are on time?

I accept things do come up but not everytime. . .and if you are running late then how hard is it to text/call the person to give them advance warning?

watna

Lateness is something that drives me up the wall. It's like saying my time is so important and yous is not.

If it were me, I wouldn't stand for it. I just think it shows he has no respect for you. Calling over to your house late is one thing but to leave you sitting/standing somewhere for 2 hours is ridiculous. Maybe he's just not a punctual person but that's a bit much. As suggested above, next time he is more than 15 minutes late with no text or call and no response to your calls walk away. He'll soon learn. I had to do that with a friend of mine. She was always so late. One day she rang to say she was leaving her house to collect me, we live 15 mins apart. An hour later when she hadn't turned up I was so worried she'd been in an accident. I explained that to her when she finally arrived and I think she realised then that it was really inconsiderate. Maybe try talk to your bf again too.

Pherekydes

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

op. It's not disrespectful. He's just being a guy. Live with it or leave it.

Of course it is disrespectful. How is it not? He's probably spending his extra hour playing online games. :rolleyes:

I've been with my partner for 18 years and I've never been late. I'm never late for anything. It's a fairly simple common courtesy to be somewhere at the time you say you're going to be there. It really takes no effort. In fact, I'd say it takes a monumental effort to be an hour late nearly all the time. That, or he has absolutely no consideration for her.

stovelid

stovelid wrote: »

Fair enough. But obviously it would still be OK if a man left you waiting alone in a bar or restaurant for an hour on account of his loose "grasp of the concept of time"?

Yes, it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I wouldn't even think anything of it.

Abi

sheepshagger wrote: »

I accept things do come up but not everytime. . .and if you are running late then how hard is it to text/call the person to give them advance warning?

I agree, and what most people have omitted from their posts is, in an attempt to confirm he will still be coming she tries to call him.


He wont even answer his phone ffs.

1) He often late
2) Shes talked to him about it
3) He wont even lift his phone and tell her himself that hes running late
4) He wont even answer the phone to her, when she eventually puts in the call herself.


Someone advised playing him at his own game, nil points to that plan. You dont want to go down the road of game-playing. You tell someone what upsets you, and they can choose to take it on board or not. I'd have no interest whatsoever in trying to change someone. Either you are care about someone or you dont.

hunnymonster

As someone else said, people who are routinely late are sending out the message that their time is more important than yours and it's acceptable for you to hang around waiting on them. If I make an arrangement to meet someone, I will be there at the correct time if at all possible. If the train doesn't turn up or the car breaks down I would always ring ahead to explain.

you've already asked him to be more considerate and he doesn't want to. These days, I only wait for 10 mintues for someone. At least that way I'm doing what I can. You can't control what other people do, just how you react to it.

Wurly

Ok I prob shouldn't post on this as I can't be objective on this subject.

Lateness really gets on my wick.

Its like, why did I bother breaking my neck to get here on time for you when you're arsing about the house etc and you've turned up x mins late.

Anything more than 15 mins late without a text or a call is extracting the urine imo.

I do personally think its well rude and disrespectful. The fact that people can be ok with someone sitting like a pleb waiting for them, baffles me.

OP, make your feelings known again. If he doesn't take notice to something that clearly bothers you - well.....

It doesn't require a lot of effort to be on time.

is_that_so

I am a stickler for punctuality myself. Went out with someone who was consistently late so I took to showing up 30 mins after our "agreed time" and she'd show up 10 minutes late then. Oddly enough when we were going out together to meet other people there was no such problem. She was just a bad organiser on her own and I never took it to be that she was being disrespectful. TBH if this is the biggest problem in people's relationships they should be happy.

Wurly

is_that_so wrote: »

If this is the biggest problem in people's relationships they should be happy.

Agreed in principal. However, the point is is that some people see 'serial' lateness as a blatant form of disrespect. Especially if it has been brought to the 'offender's' attention and they still continue to do it.

I know it would absolutely drive me mad.:mad:

Nevyn

angry waiting you need to figure out if this is a deal breaker for you.

You either make alloances, or talk to him and try change things or you decide it's not worth the stress.

Running 15/30 mins late esp when public transport is invovled and other delays happen but if it is a pattern that every time you arrange to meet he is an hour late and doesn't have the manners to let you know then you need to take action and address the issue.

MJOR

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR......... So rude and inconsiderate. Tell him pull up his socks or he is out

MJOR

BTW....... What made me mad was the non answering his phone:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

dudara

Leaving you sitting for 2 hours in a public space shows that he is not concerned for your safety or well-being. Tell him that don't feel safe sitting and waiting on your own for long periods.

Someone being habitually 5-10 mins late is acceptable. But let me put it another way for you. If you add up all the time that you spend waiting for him, how many days will you waste over the course of the relationship.

Time to talk to him one more time, ask him to shape up or ship out.

MagicMarker

If a girl did this to me more than once, i would calmy explain that if it happened again she would not be seeing me any more.

Mikel

That's not being 'relaxed about time', it's arrogance plain and simple.
People who claim not to have any concept of time and such like are just self indulgent. I bet they have it when it suits them

LadyE

Totally agree mikel

stovelid

Moonbaby wrote: »

Yes, it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I wouldn't even think anything of it.

If people have to lie to you about meeting times to ensure that you turn up on time, then it may bother them more than you think.

Would your loose 'grasp of the concept of time' extend to a funeral, court appearance or job interview?

The OP is absolutely correct to expect an adult to be capable of knowing the time and, more importantly, showing some respect and interest in her safety.

the_syco

angry waiting wrote: »

He's increasingly late

How late is late? We talking 5 or 10 minutes here, or 30 minutes? The former, take a chill pill. The latter, have words with him.

Pherekydes

the_syco wrote: »

How late is late? We talking 5 or 10 minutes here, or 30 minutes? The former, take a chill pill. The latter, have words with him.

Read the thread, for God's sake.

Wurly

Pherekydes wrote: »

Read the thread, for God's sake.

To be fair, it doesnt say the length of time he is late in the original post so its a fair question by the_syco imo.

Pherekydes

Tri wrote: »

To be fair, it doesnt say the length of time he is late in the original post so its a fair question by the_syco imo.

I'm supposed to be the sozzled one:

angry waiting wrote: »

Does anyone else consider being an hour late for a date just so disrespectful?

Wurly

Pherekydes wrote: »

I'm supposed to be the sozzled one:

Oh my god - wow. How the hell did I miss that one!!

Sorry, very hungover and sleepy.

My big fat bad.:D

spinandscribble

tbh he's rude but you're the silly one for putting up with it. give him a taste of his own behaviour and if he does it again dump him. theres no where i'd put up with a person like this and neither should you.


personally for me anything under 20 mins is grand, would be annoyed if 30 mins was happening regularly but being regularly a hour late is unacceptable. i don't think buses break down that frequently on any route.