'Tricks' for passing he time at work!

D-A-V-E

hi im in work tomorrow from 9-6 and the floor manager is a right narky cow and i know im gona be hasseled all day..any really good way of making the time go quickly? iv had 10-15 mins 'sh*ts' (reading the paper in the jacks) but they will get suspecious if i keep goin down like! any comments appreciated!

connundrum

Reading this could pass a few minutes.

Sherifu

Stage a serious accident.

fitz0

I spent today reading up on the origins of the Flying Spaghetti Monster but thats because I had nothing to do and my boss doesnt really care too much.

What do you do? Can you just leave on some pretext and not come back for a few hours?

sebastianlieken

i tend to go to the bog quite regularly, take coffee breaks quite frequently, just go for random walks, use teh internetz, listen to ipod, do math questions, write random messeges to people, learn german, fill up my water bottle atr the drink fountain, pretend to be looking for something, have a chat with randomers

ejmaztec

connundrum wrote: »

Reading this could pass a few minutes.

But that's an American book and they don't talk or write proper like what we do.:eek:

Krieg

Just f*** with her head
Get her jacket and leave it somewhere out in the open, she will see it and move it back to its original position. Then move it back out again when she isnt looking, rinse and repeat

I know it sounds pathetic and moving a jacket is not the best example, but its hilarious to watch the confusion on a persons face when you move their stuff around, the expression that says "Wtf... Didnt I put that.... or did I?....wat"

ejmaztec

Play with your balls, breathe heavily, leer at her and ask her if there's anything that you can help her with. If that doesn't work, nut her and get the sack.

connundrum

ejmaztec wrote: »

But that's an American book and they don't talk or write proper like what we do.:eek:

It'd be a start I suppose.

Failing that, start writing your autobiography. I'm sure it'd be super interesting.

DanGerMus

eh, work maybe?

FlutterinBantam

D-A-V-E wrote: »

hi im in work tomorrow from 9-6 and the floor manager is a right narky cow and i know im gona be hasseled all day..any really good way of making the time go quickly? iv had 10-15 mins 'sh*ts' (reading the paper in the jacks) but they will get suspecious if i keep goin down like! any comments appreciated!

10-15 mins shíts!!! What the fcuk have you got son, the fcukin trotts????

Two bags of salted peanuts,bag of pistachios, couple of Mars Bars,handfull of raisins and either a 456g can of sweetcorn,or a similar can of mushy peas waved for 2 mins, FTW a bag or two of Black Country Pork Scratchings and I guarantee ,I say again guarantee, you will be one hour,una hora,eine stunde zeit,uair amháin on the throne before you back out that puppy.

And that is a conservative estimate pilgrim.

life_is_music

buy a pocket sized wheres wally book!!!

shanel23

DanGerMus wrote: »

eh, work maybe?

Yeh maybe do the job you're paid to do ?

1huge1

DanGerMus wrote: »

eh, work maybe?

Was waiting for someone to say that

ronano

walk with a determined look up and down the place so no one bothers you, remember old comic moments from shows and laugh inside. Inside is a must otherwise they're on to you

AckwelFoley

Masturbating over pictures of david hasselhof and chuck norris in a bind together usually passes the time for me.

hiscan

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

10-15 mins shíts!!! What the fcuk have you got son, the fcukin trotts????

Two bags of salted peanuts,bag of pistachios, couple of Mars Bars,handfull of raisins and either a 456g can of sweetcorn,or a similar can of mushy peas waved for 2 mins, FTW a bag or two of Black Country Pork Scratchings and I guarantee ,I say again guarantee, you will be one hour,una hora,eine stunde zeit,uair amháin on the throne before you back out that puppy.

And that is a conservative estimate pilgrim.

brilliant:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Caoimhín

Chloroform.

the_syco

Write up her letter or resignation, crumple it up, and leave it near the bin.

old boy

use an anal vibe, without facial expressions

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Constant trips to the water cooler. Which results in constant trips to the toilet (nature!)

oPTION 2: BOMB HOAX?

Zzippy

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

10-15 mins shíts!!! What the fcuk have you got son, the fcukin trotts????

Two bags of salted peanuts,bag of pistachios, couple of Mars Bars,handfull of raisins and either a 456g can of sweetcorn,or a similar can of mushy peas waved for 2 mins, FTW a bag or two of Black Country Pork Scratchings and I guarantee ,I say again guarantee, you will be one hour,una hora,eine stunde zeit,uair amháin on the throne before you back out that puppy.

And that is a conservative estimate pilgrim.

I may be drunk, but that is possibly one of the funniest posts I've read on here in a while!

xOxSinéadxOx

the_syco wrote: »

Write up her letter or resignation, crumple it up, and leave it near the bin.

brilliant

Dun laoire

Give her a good snack in the mouth.

D-A-V-E

ya i work in a clothes shop, fixing the clothes over and over and over again..wouldnt mind if were busy coz then the clothes would actually need to be worked on but just pratending to do something for 8 hours is hard like..especially when you have this eejit handbag monitoring yore every move :mad:

ejmaztec

See how many jackets you can wear all at once.

FunkZ

ronano wrote: »

walk with a determined look up and down the place so no one bothers you, remember old comic moments from shows and laugh inside. Inside is a must otherwise they're on to you

That's exactly what I do in work, and look at women

D-A-V-E

ya thats a good one, use it the whole time! what was the funniest thing that happened when working?

bloNdie1

Any1 ever get the Office Dares email?? Dangerous ideas there... Hours of fun


Office Dares

---

ONE-POINT DARES

1 Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2 Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
3 Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say,"Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
4 To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
5 Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way."
6 Walk sideways to the photocopier.
7 While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINT DARES
1 Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
2 Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it."
3 Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4 Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5 Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES
1 At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (5 extra points if you actually launch into it yourself, 10 if you sing it through to the end).
2 Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3 For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob."
4 Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two."
5 After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for 1 hour.
6 While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
7 In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"
8 At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
9 In a colleague's DAY PLANNER, write in the 10am slot: "See how I look in tights."(5 Extra points if it is a male, 5 more if he is your boss)
10 Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, "You wanna trade?"
11 Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
12 Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it."
13 Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14 Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
15 Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16 Hang a 2' long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out, but don't remove it.
17 Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuits, smashing each biscuit with your fist.
18 During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19 Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

Davidius

You could do the job that they're paying you to do.

It's a mad idea though, only for those who are really brave.

FarmerGreen

Davidius wrote: »

You could do the job that they're paying you to do.

It's a mad idea though, only for those who are really brave.

Tried that. The fekwits wear you down eventually.

ShooterSF

Carry a set of keys with one in hand and walk fast muttering and shaking your head in an aggitated fashion. Always works for me. Then arrive at a quite spot hide there for a while, then return muttering again. If anyone is brave enough to ask just say you don't want to talk about it'll only set you off

Just remember nobody pays enough for you to work all day. And if they did they wouldn't have to pay someone else to watch you.
Also if you have a supervisor paid to make sure you're working it's you're duty to try and doss or else they don't have any work to do!

weeder

connundrum wrote: »

Reading this could pass a few minutes.

:eek: Shut your ****ing mouth!