Post Break Up Sex...Yay or Nay...

Skinfull · 27-06-2008 1:52pm #1

My bf of eleventy years and I broke up about 4 or 5 months ago. We own property together and have needed to be in all but constant contact and its all been fine. amicable. Not awkward but...well you know.

Anyhoo we haven't fallen into the pit that is "post break up sex" but last night we came close...

We both agree that its a bad idea. We are both aware that there is no hope of us ever getting back together...but hell...the security and safety was there, offered on a plate...I dunno what I'm asking here really...I'm not gasping for a shag or anything but...again the familiarity, the closeness thats what I miss.

But its a bad idea...right?:o

who am I trying to convince?

MJOR · 27-06-2008 1:58pm

Its the worst idea ever... Been there done it and felt the ****e afterwards,DON'T do it!!!! Its not worth it. You will definately not be in any way amicable

SarahSassy · 27-06-2008 1:58pm

If you have to ask then you already know the answer....

Dragan · 27-06-2008 1:59pm

Not a good idea tbh.

Wibbs · 27-06-2008 1:59pm

If you're sure there's no chance of getting back together, then it's a bad plan. Even if there were hopes of reconciliation it would still be a bad plan, until you knew what was what. This will just wreck your head and it will be too easy a thing to drift back into for exactly the reasons you know yourself.

It's all too easy to miss the security of an ex. hell I've missed the security and intimacy of swivel eyed loony crazy bunny boiler exes who I was only seeing for months rather than years, so I can imagine it's a crazy hard time for you.

It'll wreck your head and I realise it'll be very difficult if you still fancy him even slightly and you are looking down the barrel of a new single start, but avoid if you can.

Now regardless of all of my guff there, there's the possibility that you will be tempted and even go through with a night of pash, but like giving up ciggies, just because you fall of the wagon once does not mean you will go out and buy a pack of mally lites.

Good luck with it though.

Miss Fluff · 27-06-2008 2:12pm

Skinfull wrote: »

I'm not gasping for a shag or anything but...again the familiarity, the closeness thats what I miss.

Oh no don't do it OP, really not a good idea at all. Eleventy years of being with someone and it has been over 4 or 5 months? I am sure you have come on leaps and bounds since the break-up. Sympathy sex or Lonely Lovin' is really not the route to go down, you'll feel awful afterwards and it will just mess with your head.

MJOR · 27-06-2008 2:14pm

Also.....There is always one person that gets hurt

Damzilla · 27-06-2008 2:14pm

Don't do it!

I'm in exactly the same situation as you are at the moment. Right down to the house.

It's been two months and we have done the break up sex a couple of times and it's not good. (I'm excluding when he changed his mind and we got back together briefly). It left us both feeling like crap afterwards and even though it was great, it wasn't worth feeling the way I did afterwards.

I know how easy it is to let it happen but if you can find the strength in you at all not to do it then I would advise you strongly to step away.

27-06-2008 2:17pm

Never ends well. You can get into the trap of thinkin that u guys were meant to be all along and then get back for a while. This can drive u mad. My friend is currently going through this (this is the 3rd time they'll have gotten back in a year) and he cant see it cos he refuses to cut her out of his life, keeps goin back cos its there and familiar.

Nevyn · 27-06-2008 2:27pm

Sometimes it's really bad but that is good, it means you know you will not being falling into that again esp if you had a good and intimate sex life toghetr and it was other reasons that ended the relationship.

Sure the sex maybe good as you know each other's bodies and responses but then afterwards the lack of the right emotional connection and the regret that follows is rarely worth it and that can be for some the drawing of the final line under the relationship.

Would it spin you out and set you back ? or would it be part of your closure ?

Skinfull · 27-06-2008 2:49pm

We had our ups and downs (oh the punage!) in the sex department but over all it was more than satisfying for both parties. It wasn't anything to do with our break up. I reckon it would also have nothing to do with the closure and would probably set me back more than the 4 months of progression I feel like I've made. and that thought alone was what kept me from responding to him last night.

We decided not to sell our property as the market is sh1te at the moment so we're gonna rent (I'm looking into buying him out...but thats another thread!) so we were cleaning it out and took the last of our stuff out last night and it was worse than any of the clearing we had done thus far. It was more depressing and lonely than any other time so when I was dropping him off we sat in the car for nearly 3 hours, talking and just being together...It was sad, depressing made me horribly lonely when I left and I know I'll be seeing him again and I know it'll be harder to resist the next time if this loneliness lingers...

But you guys are right. Baaaaaad idea!

Agent Smith · 27-06-2008 2:55pm

tbh. Sounds like a bad idea, you say you own property together? Would you **** your bank manager?

Cathmandooo · 27-06-2008 3:00pm

Are ye able to have some space now that you've packed everything up? By the sounds of it you definitely need space from each other.

Post break up sex is bad, been there, got the tshirt. Set me back an awful lot and practically rebroke my heart.

Nevyn · 27-06-2008 3:13pm

Skinfull wrote: »

I reckon it would also have nothing to do with the closure and would probably set me back more than the 4 months of progression I feel like I've made. and that thought alone was what kept me from responding to him last night.

There you go you answered your own question.

Damzilla · 27-06-2008 4:15pm

Skinfull wrote: »

We had our ups and downs (oh the punage!) in the sex department but over all it was more than satisfying for both parties. It wasn't anything to do with our break up. I reckon it would also have nothing to do with the closure and would probably set me back more than the 4 months of progression I feel like I've made. and that thought alone was what kept me from responding to him last night.

We decided not to sell our property as the market is sh1te at the moment so we're gonna rent (I'm looking into buying him out...but thats another thread!) so we were cleaning it out and took the last of our stuff out last night and it was worse than any of the clearing we had done thus far. It was more depressing and lonely than any other time so when I was dropping him off we sat in the car for nearly 3 hours, talking and just being together...It was sad, depressing made me horribly lonely when I left and I know I'll be seeing him again and I know it'll be harder to resist the next time if this loneliness lingers...

But you guys are right. Baaaaaad idea!

Oh that sucks. I'm dreading when we get to that part already. We are selling ours but am afraid it is going to take ages.

PM me if you ever want a chat. Like I said. I know exactly what you are going through!

Post Break Up Sex...Yay or Nay...

Comments