My GF's cannot cope with a BF

grainne_ed

Hi everyone,

Just a question relating to my girlies. They all have BF's at the moment, even though many off them are not overly happing with the relationship's they find themselves. Some of them have confessed to me that they feel like they need a man in their lives to feel good about themselves, and it seems to me that they are just settling for anything that comes along.

In the past they have even overlapped BF's, in an upgrade situation if you will. Any suggestions on this apparant lack of confidence & how to deal with it?

G

ifonly

Grainne, Hi,
your girlies are like most the world at this stage, accepting whats here and now, the world aint perfect, life aint perfect but thats it.
maybe they need somebody as we all do, i'm in a relationship that i'm not too happy with but it does me for now, i believe there is somebody out there for us all, like a key that fits a lock, many may go into the keyhole but it wont unlock it?, but really you/they must search for whats right coz life is too short for wasting time if its not right....

Wibbs

More common in women than men in my experience. They often judge themselves and their value on who they're with, or need to be with someone out of an emotional need. More than men anyway. That could be as much to do with greater opportunity than men as much as gender difference though. IMHO I do think there is some gender diff, or how society views it anyway. The lone wolf is never female, sort of thing.

I will say that it's not the healthiest(again IMHO) to jump from one to the next. It can leave someone when they do have alone time, not able to be happy with that. I've seen that too. I've also seen way too many in the wrong relationships rather than be in the right relationship with themselves on their own.

That neediness can be hard on a guy too, I must say. There is a good balance, but that comes from someone who has found it in themselves not through someone else or the entity of a "couple".

Hard one to avoid or sort though. It's as you say confidence and how they perceive themselves.

MJOR

Some times people just get into a serial relationship as I call it.. i.e several boyfriends over a span of time.

Its just the way some girls are. It is hard to understand fpr us that don#'t behave in this manner... Personally I have to have six months of cocktails with my girlies and a good old dose of "i don't need a man".

On some level then I feel great because I know I don't need one. I always say I would rather be alone than in a half relationship or a sort of relationship...

These ladies probably equally find it hard to be just friends with men. Its an age old prob...

How Strange

OP, in my experience this is quite common. I know lots of girls who couldn't bear to be single and often hop from one relationship to another. What's more they claim to love each one of their bf's but seem to recover from the breakup remarkably quickly and get themselves back out there for the next one or, as you say, have the next one lined up ready to go.

I just don't understand this at all as I'm quite the opposite. For me being in a relationship is a big deal and being in love is something very important to me. I know if I broke up with my bf it would take me a long time to get over.

But who knows; maybe I over analyse everything so much and have to be assured that it's sincere and genuine which is probably why I was single for years.

I'd say the way your friends carry on is the norm; society seems to revolve around couples so for a lot of girls (I can't speak for men) being single is the absolute worst thing to be. Better to be in a miserable relationship than be single.

jellie

Have they ALL bfs? maybe its a case of being the only single 1, having to do stuff on your own etc. sometimes it IS easier to be with someone than have to go back to being on your own. not saying its right.. & as for moving on quickly, maybe its a way to fill the hole you feel when you break up with someone? just cover it up with something new..?

i dunno, not something i could do, but i suppose i can see how would be appealing to not have to deal with feelings & just project them on to the next person or something.

it IS hard to be the only single girl in a bunch of couples. im not at the moment but have been before. of my friends, the 2 i see most regularly i rarely see without their bfs. things have started getting coupley - weekends away turn into a bunch of couples going away. a group of us went away a few months ago, ended up 4 couples & 2 of the girls wouldnt come because they didnt want to go on a coupley thing. it hadnt intended to be that way but it was how it ended up.

sorry for rambling, just think it all kind of links in together...

towel401

Girls are always looking for someone better, be it someone more 'exciting' or someone with more money. Thats just what they do. like the OP mentioned the greater opportunity probably has something to do with it. They are able to hop to different relationships without bother because there are so many single guys ready to take them, once they have done that a few times they become hardened and don't get emotionally attached anymore. they basically just 'use' the person they are with for a short period. Not a very nice way of going about things but they do it, because they can.

neuro-praxis

I find this really weird. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than be with someone whom after a reasonable test time-frame I wasn't devoted to, and that's no exaggeration.