how soon is too soon?

LegacyUser

Hi

I've been with my partner for the last 7 months. All is going well. The chat about moving in together has been brought up on numerous occasions but I'm just not sure... Is 7 months too soon? Would I live to regret it. We get on so well and we never argue but I'm just a little apprehensive,

Has anyone got any advice?

RedXIV

As they say, you never truely know someone until you live with them so you have justified worries. But apart from that you seem to have nothing to base them on. Maybe it's time to give it a shot? Normally i'd say wait until you are comfortable but it sounds in this case all you fear is fear itself

John Mason

Far too soon.

missmatty

What's the rush? Maybe review it once you get to a year together.

davyjose

irishbird wrote: »

Far too soon.

That's just a blanket statement with no explanation.

OP, different strokes for different folks. If you think this could be the real deal, then what difference does it make if you wait? My folks were married after knowing each other a year. But I guess things are different nowadays. It must be nice to know you have a partner who is that keen on you though.

Gross Halfwit

mellonman wrote: »

Hi

I've been with my partner for the last 7 months. All is going well. The chat about moving in together has been brought up on numerous occasions but I'm just not sure... Is 7 months too soon? Would I live to regret it. We get on so well and we never argue but I'm just a little apprehensive,

Has anyone got any advice?

More information is required ... like ages/financial situation etc. Are you talking about buying a house or just renting a place?

Go on holiday first for about 2 weeks & see how you get along living in eachothers pockets ...

But yeah, goig on the facts given 7 months is a little too soon.

lolli

Op,

If you were sure about moving in with you partner you wouldnt be posting here so it quite obvious that you arent ready for such a big move. I personally would not consider moving in with someone at such an early stage but everyone is different. If you are uncertain as you seem to be then the time is not right, leave it another few months and see how your relationship is going then.

Best of luck!!

funk-you

I would say too soon. Remember when you live with someone and share a bed you have to share absolutely everything. You will spend A LOT of your time together. Little things that normally wouldn't bother you will unless you are both very up front and open.

It can be frustrating sometimes BUT it can be great. Sometimes though having personal space every now and then (especially in your early 20's etc.) is essential. You may get thoughts of: "Am i being a 40 year old?"

If you do go ahead, my advice would be to make sure and talk about everything as soon as you feel a problem come up and never go to bed angry or after a fight. It's much harder to resolve things the next morning if you've been letting it stew away. Also don't let the fact that you're living together stop you going and doing things on your own too.

Any parties will be joint ones aswell BTW. On the more positive side of things, you can have a great time, talk loads and really get to know eachother. There's nothing better than waking up beside a beautiful face evey morning. There will be loads of little moment too that you wouldn't trade for anything.

Good luck with whatever you do.

-Funk

Wurly

Time span has nothing to do with anything. If it feels right, do it. How can you quantify how soon is too soon? Its gut feeling that counts here. Good luck.

Wurly

funk-you wrote: »

I There's nothing better than waking up beside a beautiful face evey morning. There will be loads of little moment too that you wouldn't trade for anything.

Good luck with whatever you do.

-Funk

Awww. :);)

Dragan

Too soon. 7 months is ridiculous, you haven't even gone through the 4 seasons together.

Wurly

Dragan wrote: »

Too soon. 7 months is ridiculous, you haven't even gone through the 4 seasons together.

Every relationship is different though...

akamossy

I moved in with my ex after 6/7 mths. Was an utter disaster, half of the reason why he's now my ex. Everybody is different but i think you need to take more time to get to know each other and not have the pressure of living together ruining that. Moving in together is a real deal breaker in a relationship and i don't think from experience that after 7 mths it's a good idea.

G86

Hi OP,

I moved in with my ex after 3 and a half years,we lived together for 18 months before we broke up so it definitely wasn't a factor in that. I think it depends on how much time you already spend together, for example would you often stay at hers for the weekend or vice versa? Have you been away anywhere together at all? Things like that are like crash courses for living together. 7 months may seem a little soon, but it really depends on the people involved. My friend started a relationship with one of her best guy mates a few months ago and they moved in together a month later because it just 'felt right', they're still going strong and I've never seen her happier.

If you can honestly say ye have no problems with trust or anything like that, and you love each other, then I say why not give it a go

impr0v

It's possibly too soon OP, when measured against a standard relationship timechart, if there is such a thing, but as others have said, different strokes for different folks. Given your doubts I assume that she's the one bringing the topic up for discussion. If so, your cold feet might introduce its own stresses into the relationship and make her think your not serious about it.

Given that you're not sure I would recommend that you talk to her about it and explain that you're a little apprehensive about the whole thing, but that time might sort that out. You probably need a bit more time to see how the whole relationship is working before you pressurise it, because once you've moved in together it's a lot harder to get any space from each other.

On the other hand it's one surefire way to discover if you are compatible with each other, and you could go on together for a long time before finding that out.

CathyMoran

I moved in with my hubby after 7 months, the only thing was that I felt that we did not need to get married so it took us 9 long years to do that but other than that I see no harm in it.

AngryBadger

Gross Halfwit wrote: »

Go on holiday first for about 2 weeks & see how you get along living in eachothers pockets ...

+1

Great suggestion

Nevyn

Holidays don't really count as you are away on holidays with out all the stresses and strains of what is like from day to day.

Try living 10 to 15 days with each other, both trying to keep your normal routine and see how you go.

teaman35

Gross Halfwit wrote: »

Go on holiday first for about 2 weeks & see how you get along living in eachothers pockets ...

+1
go for a holiday together and see how u get on.
my feeling is its maybe too early but everyones different.
maybe stay over his place/your place for extended periods and see if it works out. that way you still have your own place if its too early

iguana

It really does depend on your relationship. My husband and I moved in together after less than 8 months of a long distance relationship where we had both been living with our respective parents. We had never been on holiday together, unless you count one night in a tent on Achill Island when I had blood poisoning and he had to take me home the next morning. We rarely even spent the night together as neither of our parents were ok with us sleeping together.

Yet, so far it's worked out fine for us. I'm not saying it was easy. Once we passed the honeymoon period, of about 5 days, we went through an absolutely hellish period where we learned to fit around each other. But our relationship was strong enough to get through it and tbh we'd have gone through that no matter when we decided to live together.

LegacyUser

Well looks like you've got some good advice there... so I'll +1 on that... go on holiday together see how it goes...

The one thing I would say is that I wouldn't go on a trial "living together" as it were... if it's too soon then it'll be too soon for a trial too and it might be horrible. Also you'd spend the whole time wondering how they think it's going and what will happen at the end of the 10-15 days. A holiday together is not the same as living together but it does give you an idea of whether you can stand each other for that long yet... and while you may be away from the stresses of daily life there are the stresses of a holiday to contend with!

Anyway, yes, all relationships are different but... if you think it might be too soon, then it's too soon. If that's after 6 months or 18 months it makes no odds... but you need to talk to your OH straight up because they might be thinking the same thing too and you could be beating yourself up over an issue that isn't even an issue...

John Mason

You dont know each other well enough after 7 months. i am with my bf for 7 months and if i decided to let him move in to my house now, i would be requesting to have myself sectioned.

at least wait until to you are together a year before you consider it and then to be on the safe side wait another year.

when you should be sorted

MJOR

I don't think there is a time frame really TBH it depends on whether you're both on the same page..... Personally I think maybe wait a while until you've maybe done a holiday together.....

iguana

irishbird wrote: »

You dont know each other well enough after 7 months. i am with my bf for 7 months and if i decided to let him move in to my house now, i would be requesting to have myself sectioned.

How do you know so much about the OP's relationship? You don't, you only know about yours. Just because you and your partner aren't ready for it doesn't mean that the OP isn't. Plenty of people have come on here and said they moved in together fairly early in their relationship and it worked for them.

What it boils down to is that when two people move in together at times it can be really hard. That first year of trying to make two lives fit into one unit is indescribably difficult (especially if you are both extremely stubborn and argumentative like my husband and me:rolleyes:). Whether you have been dating 5 months or 5 years when you try living together you will come up against the same problems and if your relationship isn't strong enough to weather it you will not get through it.

There can also be other reasons to not move in together, like you are having too much fun living with your friends and you don't wish to end that period of your life just yet. Or you just aren't ready to see each other everyday. But it sounds like the OP wants to live together but are frightened that if they do it too soon it will end their relationship.

LegacyUser

There can also be other reasons to not move in together, like you are having too much fun living with your friends and you don't wish to end that period of your life just yet. Or you just aren't ready to see each other everyday. But it sounds like the OP wants to live together but are frightened that if they do it too soon it will end their relationship.[/QUOTE]


yes, your right ... I want to move in but I don't want to rush it and it is an element of fear and the unknown. I know that might sound strange for some of you.... I'm 26 and the OH is 34?!

CathyMoran

Well, we were 24 when we moved in together, if that helps.

Your other half is she?

Personally I wouldn't move in with someone until I knew that I wanted to commit to a life with them.
When you live with someone your no longer tie free, they affect your decisions and you may have to make unfavorable compromises.
It also makes it more diffcult to walk away.
Life is too short for that.

I don't think time is that important a factor. Common goals and intentions count for more.

katie08

I would not recommend it unless you have to.

My family left Ireland & unless i wanted to stay at my grandparents i moved in with my boyfriend but we fought like cats & dogs & i learnt a lot about myself & you really have to become pretty much selfless so say goodbye to that! I sometimes wish i wasnt living with my boyfriend & other times i wish id never live without him...

We moved in together after only 4 months & we had been on a holiday before that & got on great. We still get on eachothers nerves cause thats what men & women do sometimes but all in all if i had a choice again to move in or not i'd say NO!