Hmmm not sure

srdb20

Hey Guys & Gals,

I broke up with my ex of 5yrs over a month ago, met a girl there the weekend and have been texting her since, she seems cool, and will probably meet up the weekend or something.

Just wondering, i dont want to mess her about as in im not looking to get into another relationship for a bit.

Do i tell the girl this? or just assume she knows.

Or just take it as it comes.

Cheers folks

RedXIV

take it as it comes.

Just have fun, if she decides she wants something more, she'll probably wait a while before even mentioning it to you. At that stage you may even think differently

srdb20

Cheers Red, as always a font of advice!!!:)

Any other advice with this stuff?

dee8839

I'd say take it as it goes, but don't be secretive either. As in - if she brings up the topic of relationships and stuff, be forthcoming. But if the conversation is kept light and is just banter, no need to get deep about it just yet. You're not stringing her along unless you know for sure she wants something major or serious, but you still keep seeing her. Have fun!

biko

Tell her. Don't assume she knows.
She'll be happy you're honest and maybe be cool with it.

Meathlass

srdb20 wrote: »

Hey Guys & Gals,

I broke up with my ex of 5yrs over a month ago, met a girl there the weekend and have been texting her since, she seems cool, and will probably meet up the weekend or something.

Just wondering, i dont want to mess her about as in im not looking to get into another relationship for a bit.

Do i tell the girl this? or just assume she knows.

Or just take it as it comes.

Cheers folks

Well if she's only met you once, how is she going to know anything about you. Mind you just coming out with everything on a first meeting is very offputting. What exactly do you want OP? Do you want someone to hang out with as a friend? Do you want a no strings sexual relationship? It doesn't matter what you want but if you don't know you can't expect someone else to know. TBH as a woman I would steer well clear of anyone who was just out of a long term relationship. You don't want to start going out with them only for them to change their mind in a few months.

Has the girl given you any indication of what she wants? Is she looking for a relationship?

meglome

Go with the flow. But keep in mind that you yourself may really not be ready to see anyone.

girliegirl

If you dont want her to think it's getting serious then keep it casual, instead of meeting every second day, meet twice a week or whatever.

There's not much point in coming out with it straight off the bat IMO, but then I wouldnt string her along either.

srdb20

Definitely not looking for a relationship, so i dont want ot give her that impression, just want to have fun;) and enjoy being single for a while....

Meathlass

srdb20 wrote: »

Definitely not looking for a relationship, so i dont want ot give her that impression, just want to have fun;) and enjoy being single for a while....

Totally understandable. I would be honest then if the situation permits. Have you kissed her yet? I'm not sure how you'd work it into a conversation or when but something like "i'm just out of a long term relationship and not ready to date anyone yet as it wouldn't be fair on them" Basically don't sleep with her, then tell her you're not interested! Does she know the circumstances of your relationship? Maybe when you meet her you can say how great it is to be single again and you're looking forward to the summer though that sounds a bit sleazy tbh From a personal point of view I'd rather know in advance so I could make a decision, if a guy didn't say anything and I was seeing him once or twice a week i'd assume we were starting to date.

chuci

srdb20 wrote: »

Definitely not looking for a relationship, so i dont want ot give her that impression, just want to have fun;) and enjoy being single for a while....

just tell her that you never know she might have just come out of a relationship herself and not be looking for anything. she will prob be cool about it as you have only met her once so just go with the flow and have fun:p

srdb20

Have kissed but thats it so far, hence the reason i wanted to get some advice on this from all of you lovely people on Boards!!!

estar

i would be open about it
if you get along this weekend, id probably mention
during the date about your last relationship
and that you are only into taking things
slowly and easily

you might really like this girl, and in a few months be
ready for another relationship

there is no need to break up with her before
the first date.

i would discuss it before you go all the way so to speak
as that might be something she only does if shes in medium to lt
relationship. that would be the nice boy thing to do anyway.

srdb20

Ah ye, like i still want to talk to her and hang out and stuff but just not ready for another relationship at the moment, hope that makes sense!

jellie

Id say dont just come out with it, but if it looks like youll be meeting again then let her know. Im out of a 2 yr relationship 4 weeks now & if i met someone now id only want something casual, someone to meet for drinks & have fun with, but i certainly wouldnt be able for jumping into a relationship, & id have to be upfront about it. although, a girl who wants something fun & casual, thats probably every mans dream

srdb20

sar84 wrote: »

although, a girl who wants something fun & casual, thats probably every mans dream

At the moment it would be perfect!!!

I can def relate to the feeling of not wanting anything serious at the moment though.

mahamageehad

srdb20 wrote: »

...Just wondering, i dont want to mess her about as in im not looking to get into another relationship for a bit.

Do i tell the girl this? or just assume she knows.

I thinks its way beta to be upfront about it now, because otherwise she may get confused/hurt and you defo don't want that!

Its way too easy to "fall" into another relationship!! I broke up with my bf of 3 years about 2 months ago and im kinda seeing a guy now. I told him from the start i wasnt lookin for anything serious and he was cool about it. Now I can have companionship and someone to go out for a drink with without worrying about longterm implications. While this deal does sound sweet as we agreeed to have an open relationship, i know neither of us are seeing anyone else so be really careful where you draw the lines!!

jellie

srdb20 wrote: »

I can def relate to the feeling of not wanting anything serious at the moment though.

yeah, its like you just want to enjoy life & have some company doing it - with someone you like - but couldnt handle having to deal with actual emotional stuff

mahamageehad wrote: »

. Now I can have companionship and someone to go out for a drink with without worrying about longterm implications.

Where did you find him..!

I think the loneliness after the closeness to someone is the killer & would be what would tempt you into falling into a new relationship. Id just like someone to give me a hug every now & then, & that i could go to the cinema/dinner/drinks with, but not have to worry about getting too involved with, my poor lil heart couldnt handle it.

Though i reckon id too easily fall into a relationship. Be careful of the whole rebound thing...

srdb20

Def aware of it, just couldn't deal with another relationship at the moment, plus id know its just a rebound thing and would be F*cked from the start!

The best thng about bein single though after a long relationship is the relief of the stress and pressure and emotional ****e that comes with it, especially if it was rocky towards the end....it def takes a lot out of you like!

G86

srdb20 wrote: »

Hey Guys & Gals,

I broke up with my ex of 5yrs over a month ago, met a girl there the weekend and have been texting her since, she seems cool, and will probably meet up the weekend or something.

Just wondering, i dont want to mess her about as in im not looking to get into another relationship for a bit.

Do i tell the girl this? or just assume she knows.

Or just take it as it comes.

Cheers folks

You really have to tell her. I was seeing two guys like you, one was straight up with me from the start, the other led me to believe different and didn't tell me for a few weeks how he really felt. Guess which one is one of my best friends now...:)

Just be honest, she'll thank you for it, and you never know, she might be looking for the same thing, if not at least ye might get a good mate out of it

MagicMarker

I say be open and honest about it...

It's one thing to take it casual, but folk are strange in Ireland, the majority think that if the first date ends with a kiss, then you're in a relationship from the get go!

MJOR

Go with the flow and just see where it goes.... you might really like her and she might not be after anything too hot n heavy either....:p