he probably wouldn't miss me if i died!

LegacyUser

Im a bit pissed off, feel like crap...and i need to rant, and i just need someone to tell me how to get over something.

Im gonna end up sounding moany and whiney;dont need anyone to tell me im being a silly little girl!

For th past 6 years i've had a close relationship with my mate James. bt its always been a weirdly close relationship-never discuss who we'd get with, but we'd say i love you and things like that.

Met up a while ago, and talk got quite serious, i love you was said again.
But since then hes jus been moody(tends to get like that) and he's going away on thursday, and then im going awya, and i wont see him for 2/3 months.

I'm just sad about it. I'm pissed off he wouldnt even say goodbye properly, i'm pissed off that i'm really gonna miss him and he's acting like he doesnt give a crap about me. I'm pissed off i love someone so much, but they have good and bad days of how they wanna treat me. And i'm pissed off that he hasn't been there lately when I've needed him most.



Sorry if this is a waste of a thread-i've just had enough and i dont know how to get past it

estar

the mood mightnt be anything to do with you

secondly good friends can talk without fear of losing the
friendship long term.

men arent good at sharing their feelings sometimes
and usually not with thier mates except when drunk
perhaps its a personal thing hes not ready to share.

if you need him for something ask him.

if you are confused over the i love you thing.

people can love each other in differnet ways.
male /female friendships can get complicated.

esp if they are long standing friendships.

hindsight being 20/20 there are a few friendships
that lines got crossed in that are now lost, that
i wish i had stayed on the right side of the line with.

and its something i watch very carefully now.
i have never told a male platonic friend i love him.
or wanted to. unless i didnt want him to be my
male platonic friend any more. as it would just be weird.
i show my appreciation through slagging, nagging
and other such affections. ha ha.

he might be pulling back because of the i love yous.

he might be entirely preoccupied with something else.

im not even sure if you
are confused by the i love yous yourself

or just sad as your friend isnt paying you enough attention.

you could try and talk about it to him. say - look is everything
ok between us. this is how i feel.

or you could suggest a good old last night out for a while on
the town and go for a few pints and hve a good memory
for the next few months.

what do you want from him?

Wurly

estar wrote: »

the mood mightnt be anything to do with you

Agreed. Or he may not be very good with goodbye's. Lots of people cant deal with them and can come across as distant and aloof.

aidan24326

When you say 'get past it', get past what exactly? The fact you like/love him as more than just a friend??

LegacyUser

aidan24326 wrote: »

When you say 'get past it', get past what exactly? The fact you like/love him as more than just a friend??

Nail on the head. We've had this sort fo in-limbo relationship for so long. Even i'll admit.. personalliy I don't think it's for someone to be caught up on one person for so long. At times I wish it'd never started,.



I wasn't confused about the I love you thing before. We've always been extremely close, and i do love him to bits - wouldnt know what to do without him. But when I saw him, and he said it to my face.. there was no laughing or joking, it was dead serious..

I dunno if at times maybe I just expect to much from him. I'm not expecting him to be nice all the time (who is), and come to my door crying witi flowers! but a simple i'll miss you or anything!

Pub idea would be great - but he's off to a mates tonight (nearer to airport)

akamossy

Ok you need to calm down and think about this rationally, there may be various reasons why he doesn't want to say goodbye properly, i know myself i'm crap at goodbyes, the title of the thread is a bit extreme and i hope that you do not believe that over him just not wanting to say goodbye. He might feel slightly pressured over yer relationship and he may just need to take a step back a bit from it.

You'll see each other in a few months and then ye'll know what the story is but i do think you're slightly overreacting and most definately do not mention this to him. Keep thinking it's not forever and we will see each other again.

estar

to be honest

either he is a friend and you tailor your expectations to that

or he is a potential lover - you seem to seek a lot more
attention and emotional support from him than i would
imagine a lot of platonic friends would share.

he is going off for the summer now, and he has disappointed
you by saying he loves you and then not saying a proper good bye.

i think you are a little confused by the i love you thing.
i think it started you thinking about the friendship being more
or growing towards something else and now you have had a little
set back by the lack of a proper goodbye????? its just a theory.

for your own sake i would make plans now to enjoy the summer
and leave him enjoy his. who knows, a little distance might
do you both the world of good.

things should be simple. both friendships and relationships.
they shouldnt cause you distress or wreck your head.

if it was a female friend heading off, and you had said your goodbyes
but it hadnt been emotional would you be this upset? or another friend?

or is it because this friend you have a shine on hasnt paid you the attention
you want?

i am open to being wrong, as obviously you will know your own mind.

if its the case that you now fancy him you have a lot of time over the summer
to meet other people and see if perhaps someone else might suit you better.

and sure there are always emails to keep in touch.

LegacyUser

Oh god, don't worry akamossy, I don't actually mean the title! I'm not that dramatic!


Estar, you're not wrong. To be honest, alot of what you said is true. I am disappointed that someone can change so quickly, from feeling one thing to another.

I'm going away for a lot of the summer now - so maybe the distance would do us good. I'm just worried that when we get back.. we won't be close anymore.

No, i deffinately wouldnt be this upset if it was anyone else. I just feel like saying " Oh cheers, you wont miss me at all, thanks a bunch!", Not only did I not get a goodbye, he was also in a really bad mood and would barely talk.

SarahSassy

Maybe he is in a bad mood for any of the following reasons:

1. he loves you and he knows he will miss you this summer
2. he loves you and he is having second thoughts about going because you and he were getting on so well.
3. you didnt respond as he wanted you to when he said to your face that he loved you.
4. he is pre-occupied about going away and all the things he needs to organise.

It could be any of the above but the bottom line is that he told you he loves you.... At this stage, there is nothing you can do but park this til he gets home. I guess the feelings you are having tonight is more to do with knowing you are going to miss him rather than you are worried he didnt say goodbye after he said he loves you????

Send him a text, wish him good luck and ask him to stay in touch over the summer... You will see him again so get on with it and enjoy your own trip.

estar

if i were you id find someone that was consistent
and made me happy as a potential boyfriend

although maybe you like the drama - he sounds a quite dramatic
character.

make the most of your summer. to be honest
its probably nothing to do with you

but if someone makes you unhappy maybe as characters
you arent as compatible as you thought

MJOR

So you're in love with him then? Is that it? Do you want more than friendship?

LegacyUser

estar wrote: »

although maybe you like the drama - he sounds a quite dramatic character.

He actually isn't very dramatic. Never bothers with arguements. He just sometimes gets into these moods.. almost like being over-mellow, and not giving a monkeys about anything. Just at times...I need him to act like he cares!

I guess that's my problem..... i couldn't understand why he wouldn't that he wouldn't see me, but it could be one of those reasons SarahSassy.
And you're right....I know I'm gonna miss him.. i just wanted a good memory of him before i left. (i need to shut myself up soon....i sound over dramatic. the weather is just adding to it!)

MJOR... as much as I like to deny it...I tihnk i have fallen for him. We were never just friends.... its a weird relationship.

He's not a bull****ter, I know that. He has told me things like the fact that I am extremely important to him etc etc. He's never said things he doesn't mean. But when he acts weird, it makes me rethink wether he's being honest, or has he cahnged his mind.

SarahSassy

Ok - we are at he crux of it - you are p'd off cos you are in love with him and he didnt pay you enough attention before leaving..

There is nothing you can do until you see him again... Enjoy your summer and see how you feel when you and he both get back...

LegacyUser

Basically yes.:(


Pooooooooo! Just poo!

Thanks SarahSassy btw:)

Overheal

Its a confusing situation. You're confused, he's confused, but you are still demanding concrete responses from him (like seeing you before he leaves)

let him go do his own thing; you both ought to take the time to sort out in your own heads what you want. Enjoy your summer.

LegacyUser

It is confusing! but seriously thanks everyone.. you've helped clear things up-really appreciate it.


I do have one more question (it might sound stupid... but sure.. what the hey)....dya think there's a risk that if we don't talk for a while we'll drift when we both get bck to normality?
However i do agree that we both need space...! I'm just worried of losing what we have.

Final question and I'll shut up - promise!

MJOR

Right I think that you should text him tell him to enjoy his summer. Leave it on a positive note.


I know exactly where you are coming from in terms of falling for him. It happened me a long time ago and nothing ever came of it (sorry to be the bearer of bad news).

At the end of the day I think you should have a fair idea in your gut as to how he feels.

Leave it on a positive note... then his final memory of you before he leaves will be a positive

Let me know how it goes xxxxx

SarahSassy

Smokeybacon wrote: »

dya think there's a risk that if we don't talk for a while we'll drift when we both get bck to normality?

Its impossible to call.... There is a good chance it will withstand the separation but impossible to know for sure. MJOR gave great advice which is to leave it on a positive note... Will you go and ENJOY YOUR SUMMER - I am so jealous that you are all heading off and would love the chance again

LegacyUser

I think I remember your original post. You are stuck in limbo between friendship and more. Lets be honest the way you feel about him is abviously a lot more than friendship - its how a girlfriend would react. The question is does he see you as more than a friend? He says things like a love you but you are not 'going out' with him.

Send him a nice text and leave him go away on his hols. Go and enjoy your summer and if a nice guy comes along dont be afraid to go for it. Who knows, knowing you have been having fun with other guys will be the wake up this guy needs when he comes back?

I do think when he comes back you need to have a straight up chat with him. You say that your afraid of losing the friendship thats not normal friend behaviour its what happens when a girl likes a guy so much she will accept friendship when she wants more because she loves being around him. Accepting friendship when you really want more wont work as it will make you miserable and will keep you from potentially meeting another perfect guy!

LegacyUser

MJOR wrote: »

I know exactly where you are coming from in terms of falling for him. It happened me a long time ago and nothing ever came of it (sorry to be the bearer of bad news).

Don't be, i'd rather honesty than false hope:)

Friiiiiday wrote: »

Lets be honest the way you feel about him is abviously a lot more than friendship - its how a girlfriend would react.

Mmm,a stalker controlling girlfriend;) It is though.


Again thanks so much, will send a text to say I hope he has a good time etc etc, then will get on with enjoying my summer!! and then attempt to sort out this mess when we're both back! Lets home absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that jazz!!! Will let you know how i get on.


Thank you Thank you x