Devastated - what to do??

ohmygawd

i just dont know what to do... i wrote here about 2 months ago about breaking up with my boyfriend at the time... well him cheating on me and everything. well the thing is im still in love with him and i cant get him out of my head. its so hards getting away from him as well, we boht live in a small town and he is everywhere. our freinds are friends and what not and going out or anything we are bound to see each other.


the thing is it all came to a head on friday and i just couldnt cope at all. well i was doing my leaving cert and he was finished from uni and back home and going out and everything during that time but i didnt want to get upset so i didnt go on the computer and turned my phone off. well i finished on friday and i went on the computer and saw that he had a bebo message from the girl he cheated on me with.

i didnt want to jump to any conclusions or annything cause i had asked him before would he go out with her and he was like no i dont fancy her at all, i woudlnt do that to you etc and i was like alright... well then i went out on the friday night and i went into a pub and he was there on his own upstairs, he looked at me and i walked away with my friend. and when we were walking down rthe stairs my ex's best friend came walking up i said "hey" with a big smile and he was like "hi how r u? hes upstairs" and i go "yeah i saw" and gave a nervous kinda laugh and his friend kept going "he wants you, he still wants you" and i sarcastically said "yeah sure"... anyway i saw him later in another pub and he walked past me staring, and i said absolutely nothing.

then later on one of his other freinds i know bought me a drink and he goes so you hear of his new girl? and i had that sinking feeling again. the next day i text my ex and i ask him are they going out? and he said not really. my friend caleld later and said she was talking to my ex and he said to her the only reason he aint going out with that other girl is cause shes away and then he will be away to. i feel so betrayed and pathetic. and everyones talking about ti cause we are from such a small town. i guess im writing this to get advice

Silverfish

There's no point wanting him back now, you'll always have that cloud over you. She's the 'new girl' even though they're 'not really' going out -which means they sortof are.

What you have to focus on now is you, and what you want. Stop texting him and stop checking his bebo. If your friends want to bring it up, change the subject.
It does get easier, and while its hard because you still see him, it'll be easier once you start to cut out the texting and checking.

Gross Halfwit

I agree with Silverfish. Move on & don't let him get to you. You are too young to be obsessing over exes. Go out & enjoy life. You broke up for a reason, remember that.

Things begin & things end & even though it hurts now it will hurt a little less tomorrow & the day after that & the day after that until one day you wake up & you ain't aching. Hold onto your pride & your self respect & don't let this get you down.

And quit Bebo stalking him ... it's not good for you!

estar

you havent done anything pathetic so far. you seem to have held
yourself together pretty well, finishing the exams, not smashing
a fist into his face when you saw him out after that bebo message
etc, which others might have.

hes clearly a liar, and you are so young. once you move beyond your
small town, you will see there is so much else to be interested in
besides one lying ex. it might not seem like this right now,
as it is still fresh, but the most annoying thing you can do
right now, is to be seen out and about enjoying yourself
and completely not bothered by your ex. making plans,
catching up with friends, looking forward to the future.

focus on this if you can and talk to your best friends
that won't pass information back about how you feel
or better still your parents.

and not everyone is talking about you. it might be a small town
but seriously everyone around you has their own problems
and are probably wondering is everyone talking about them,

as oscar wilde said - the only thing worse than being talked
about is not being talked about.

focus on his bad points - the lying, the letting down.

it will pass.

MagicMarker

OP: It seems that you are failing to remember one simple fact..... HE CHEATED ON YOU!!!!

Just remember this every time you get this ''sinking feeling''.

WilmaRidesAgain

Hey,

These things are very confusing when its happening to you and you are in the middle of it.

I only have a few simple pieces of advice:

1. Dont listen too much what people are saying, you have already used your eyes and see what he is doing....as you have already mentioned he has moved on and is involved with this girl.

2. You were smart enough to see that, dont allow yourself to obsess on it now and definitely dont allow others to know how gutted you are, other than one or two trusted and close friends.

3. I know its so, so painful but the sooner you fully accept that the less painful it will be. Like pulling off a plaster, if you do it slowly it hurts more.

4. Everyone is not talking about it believe me, people are too self involved to care about others really, the only thing they care about is themselves.

5. Fake it till you make it, this is the bit that will get you through, again it is really hard, try if you can to brainwash yourself with happy and positive thoughts, I am attractive, I am fun, I am happy.....I know it sounds ridiculous but you have got to replace those words "pathetic" with things like that.

If it helps, imagine another fella is gonna come along one day who you like better than this one and who is gonna adore you and YOU ALONE and not cheat on you, one day you will be the one smiling and laughing in the pub with the new lad all over you while your ex sits in the corner jealous and dumped by your one!!!

Remember everything turns around some day and your day will come

Dizzyblonde

You need to move on - you deserve boyfriend who won't cheat on you. This guy already has and probably would again.

akamossy

You know what, you'll get over it!! there's plenty more men out there that won't treat you like crap and you'll realise that soon enough, we've all been there at one stage or another

ohmygawd

alright so ts ages since i wrote that and omg things got so much worse afterwards... i dont even know how to explain all this. well i know he cheated on me, but i did about a year ago at ******.

anyway.. he went out with the one he cheated on me but for about a week, and then broke up with her, anyway we saw each other at ****** an were hanging about with same peoples. anyway he came up to me and we got back together.

we were so happy or so i thought. and maybe it was a dumb thing getting back together. but i love him and still do i feel so stupid because a week later he text me and said "i was no fun" etc. i seriously think he has something wrong mentally. its hard to explain but its odd. i dont know what to do now everything hurts so much

MagicMarker

ohmygawd wrote: »

alright so ts ages since i wrote that and omg things got so much worse afterwards... i dont even know how to explain all this. well i know he cheated on me, but i did about a year ago at ******.

anyway.. he went out with the one he cheated on me but for about a week, and then broke up with her, anyway we saw each other at ****** an were hanging about with same peoples. anyway he came up to me and we got back together.

we were so happy or so i thought. and maybe it was a dumb thing getting back together. but i love him and still do i feel so stupid because a week later he text me and said "i was no fun" etc. i seriously think he has something wrong mentally. its hard to explain but its odd. i dont know what to do now everything hurts so much

To be honest i feel very little sympathy for you.

You're putting yourself in this position and people on here have given you advice and you've choosen to ignore it.

MIN2511

MagicMarker wrote: »

To be honest i feel very little sympathy for you.

You're putting yourself in this position and people on here have given you advice and you've choosen to ignore it.

Now don't be too harsh


OP you seem quite young, you are bound to make mistakes in life, count this as an EXPERIENCE, there is many more to come.


I hope you have learned your lesson though.

Overheal

ohmygawd wrote: »

well i finished on friday and i went on the computer and saw that he had a bebo message from the girl he cheated on me with.

you have to stop right there. remove his account as a friend on your bebo page: youll stop getting updates about him and his comments, new photos etc and that will help a lot. Stop visiting his page, etc. Out of Sight Out of Mind Out of Reach.

Also you cant get eaten up by this other girl. It doesnt matter if theres anything going on between them; in your own head its still driving into your self-esteem levels and the more you think about this the more you are going to hate yourself, one way or the other. You have to realise it didnt work out between you but that is not a reflection on your worth as a person. You are not responsible for your ex's behavior: and he appears quite the bastard.

ohmygawd

i know i was fooliseh to go back to him when he did so much bad to me but i guess love blinds us and all that kinda sayings... its not that i be on his bebo all the time either. he just seems to be everywhere i go.

lik

on wed i was at a friends 18th and that girl was there and she was asking all these questions and her friends were being quite nosey about me and my ex quite a lot as in "have ya had sex with him?" etc and i was trying to ignore him completely and not think about him.

later on that night we went back to the house. me and my girlfriends and we saw them outside and my friend started chatting to her (she had borrowed her shoes) and he was there with her. i mean i had never seen them together and it did hurt and i realised thats going to happen a lot.... my home town is tiny like. and i guess i duno i dont think im over it but i think im so angry and finally saw i cant justify his actions. because he is being as bad to her as he is to me.... his best freind even text me that night and said my ex still loved me etc

i seriosuly think he is bipolar.... but im just going to ignore it from now on as best as i can.... but it doesnt stop the hurt