problems at work

LegacyUser

I have recently started a new job and I was really enjoying it. Last week I had a few problems with a colleague and I yesterday I was told I am on my first warning and my probation period has been extended. I feel that I have been scapegoated and all the blame has been pinned on me unfairly. My manager also told me that my colleagues do not like me and it is up to me to work hard to get them to like me. I have taken today off work and am feeling very uncomfortable about returning. I really did love the job and I thought I was getting on very well, but now I feel like quitting. I don't know what the best thing is to do as I do not know if I have the confidence to go back.

Kevster

What line of work is this? Your manager's response is typical of one who doesn't appear to really care about your worries.

LegacyUser

Its a large team, we all do different areas of work but we also have to work closely together. Its hard to describe without getting specific.

estar

on what grounds did the manager put you on your first warning

- did he listen to your side of the story
- did he put the other person on a warning as well
- was he present at the time of the altercation
- what level of trouble was it - did you insult him/ or he you
was there shouting etc.
- what level is the other person
- why do you think some of them don't like you?

was popularity mentioned in your job specification - ie - you must
make people like you? or was it a set of skills.

to be honest, if you did really love the job i would do the following

- try and make some allies outside that individual, and
try and talk to the individual involved and reach some consensus
whereby the incident is in the past. say that you didnt realise
he took your actions so seriously, and that the row
wasnt worth the outcome for you, and you have learned from it.
however, get the bosses advice before you approach the guy,
ask would approaching this guy to talk about it help smooth things.

that isnt an admission of guilt, but rather an attempt to use
diplomacy to move onwards.

sometimes in every workplace you have to suck up some
rudeness from someone who thinks they know it all.

if you show some character, keep your head down
and just be helpful, polite and useful that should be enough
in any workplace to progress.

try this approach, and if you get any more hassle from
the original guy, dont react, but do approach your manager
for guidance. dont complain - just ask him - if you were
faced with this situation how would you react.

not every workplace works out for everyone.

you either make it work for you, or make it work for as long
as you can, and get some kind of reference and move on,
or else go travelling on your Cv for that time period and
act like the job never happened.

why do you think he said that no one likes you?
can you think of anything you did?

to be honest that is one of the most off putting things
ive ever heard said to someone - you couldnt be that bad!!!!!!:D

LegacyUser

estar wrote: »

on what grounds did the manager put you on your first warning

- did he listen to your side of the story
- did he put the other person on a warning as well
- was he present at the time of the altercation
- what level of trouble was it - did you insult him/ or he you
was there shouting etc.
- what level is the other person
- why do you think some of them don't like you?

sometimes in every workplace you have to suck up some
rudeness from someone who thinks they know it all.

if you show some character, keep your head down
and just be helpful, polite and useful that should be enough
in any workplace to progress.

why do you think he said that no one likes you?
can you think of anything you did?

to be honest that is one of the most off putting things
ive ever heard said to someone - you couldnt be that bad!!!!!!:D

My manager did listen to my side of the story, but I did feel she had already made up her mind before I started. I have not been told if the other person is on extended probation, but from my managers tone I would suggest not. I have been told to, quote 'make sure our paths do not cross'.

I did not insult the other person, I asked them to help me carry out our shared duties. The other person is on a higher level than me.

I was not aware that any staff had any problems with me until yesterday. My manager said that complaints had been made but said 'its not what you say, its the way you say it' and that it was my attitude, and would not or could not name any specific.

I appreciate what you say about going back, but I did love the job, and I don't think I will ever enjoy it again. I can't really trust anyone now. I just can't go back after being told noone likes me.

LegacyUser

i was in a very similiar situation and was basically let go a month ago before my probation period was up. Now , I thought i was very popular and very good at my job. Indeed the amount of support through phonecalls, texts and offers to meet up afterwards was overwelming. I was also very good at my job but spoke up against very bad practices carried out by management. Now, when i first started to speak about bad practices, i got pulled in for a chat. I was also questioned for being eight minutes late on one occassion when other staff would walk in much later. I was told i was convincing everybody around to my way of thinking. it was very strange. i wish now i had left and listened to my gut feeling months ago. There is some really bad management out there.
I intially felt like **** after i got let go but I have a new job in a great place. I also showed all my letters (Allegations put aggainst me) to others in management positions and they said it was as clear as day , they (the Management) didnt like you, personaility differences thats it. Its a crap feeling. Hold your head up high and believe in yourself. There is always going to be poeple that you will find difficult to work with and there will always be poeple that you just cannot work with.
After i left,(got let go) i heard some really shocking things about the manner in which other staff had been treated and also about the manager so all my self criticising was for nothing.

zuroph

how come you are so vague with what you did? have you thought about it yourself?

estar

and start applying for jobs in the meantime,

when they ask are you working give your last reference
and dont mention your current job
or say you are just temping there.

id go and have a chat with some colleagues if you
can and just ask straight out - am i rubbing
people up the wrong way. and listen to what they
say.

at the end of the day not all of us fit in everywhere.
if you have an opinion and are not a drudge it can
be hard to accept that sometimes you have to suck
it up to be wise if a manager is going on about something
or is a bit crap

personally its something i find really difficult and
have ended up in trouble the odd time.

if its a job you can get somwhere else
id reconsider my options.

if its worth fighthing for screw on the smile and vow
to get that other complaining b&stard back in another life

hes probably the one no one likes.

i would say that considering you are only
there for a month its not possible for everyone to not like you

be friendly and polite. whats not to like.

make them fing like you!!!!!!!

Wurly

I was in a similar situation. Trying to 'make' people like you is exhausting and not necessary. You are who you are and you shouldn't have to mould yourself into someone else for the sake of a job.

My situation ended up eroding my self confidence and made me a wreck. Life is too short to stay in a job like this.

Find something new. This is a no-win situation. Plenty more jobs out there that are a lot less hassle.

Good luck.x

AngryBadger

Can you give more details on what transpired between you and this colleague OP?
Very hard to comment without some more specifics as to what happened.

LegacyUser

What happened?

Im on a job share with my colleague. I came in early as I had a lot of work to do. My colleague was not busy and I explained I was very busy and would they mind doing two of the admin tasks. My colleague got very angry at me and said no one had told her they were admin tasks and implied that they were entirely my job. She instantly quit and told the boss it was because I had undermined her.

I am hurt as all the blame for this incident has been put on me.

As for why no one at work likes me I have no idea - I have tried my best to help out as much as possible and get along with everyone. Actually, its not like I was *trying* to get along with people, I just thought I was quite easily. I think this hurts the most.

Gone West

Office politics.
I'd hate to work in an environment where this crap goes on.
Personally, I'd start looking for another job and leave, it doesn't seem like a good enough working environment.

Sephiroth_dude

I'd say stick it out for as long as you can,there aint many jobs out there at the moment and it would be stupid to give your one up,but then again if your happy then do quit.

Sephiroth_dude

FuzzyLogic wrote: »

Office politics.
.

Unfortunately this kinda ****e goes on in my workplace,basically if your not from west cork your in trouble :rolleyes: id say it goes on in a good few work places,sorry for double posting :-)

Reku

So basically it sounds like you work in an all/predominantly female office (female manager, female co-worker who quit and by your posts I'd guess you to also be female), where bitchiness is rife and the manager is annoyed with you because something you said made her gal-pal quit. A manager should never bring a personal comment such as "x doesn't like you" into an official complaint discussion! The closest they should come to that would be that "I've had a few complaints about you/your behaviour to other staff."

If nothing else the fact that the person quit as opposed to handing in their notice tells me it's probably not a job worth worrying about, find something better and you'll find that there'll be less of this office politics BS getting in the way of doing your job.

AngryBadger

gistered202020 wrote: »

She instantly quit and told the boss it was because I had undermined her.

Ok, that sounds kind of unbelievable, and I've worked with come pure muppets, but nobody quits over one incident, and certainly not san incident as mundane as being asked to help someone else. Without witnessing the event, it sounds like this girl was looking for an excuse to leave, and unfortunately she's using you now.

I'm still baffled as to why your manager would then tell you that nobody likes you? If this is all on the level OP then it sounds like there's the makings of a serious harassment case here.

I'd still like to know a bit about your history in this job, in particular with the girl who quit, and with your manager.

Also, I'm not recommending you bring legal action, I'm fairly certain I'd be banned for that But if things are as you say they are then I'd definitely consider talking to a solicitor and seeing what they think of this case.

MJOR

Right,
This sounds like a dodgy situation. Are you joined a trade union? Basically you should maybe go to HR and speak to them. Its not right for a manager to tell you other staff don't like you and it seems a bit like a witch hunt.
We've all worked with people that don't pull their weight.

seamus

It's very strange and extremely unprofessional for a manager to say that none of the team like you.

Is there any chance that you're misinterpreting/blowing up her words? Perhaps she just said that others had complained about your attitude and your tone and implied that you should make more of an effort to get into the team. This doesn't mean that no-one likes you, but that you've yet to be accepted. Two very different things.

As for someone quitting because they were asked to do something, boo-****ing-hoo. This place sounds like a complete jobsworth place and perhaps you've come in and upset the apple cart by actually being good and enthusiastic about your job.

If that's the case, then you have two options - forget about making friends (sure you probably have loads outside of work) and show everyone else up for the complete wasters that they are, or go find a job in a place that won't destroy your soul.

CapnMark

I was In a similar situation two years back. I was working in an all female department in a predominately male dominated company. At the end of my first probation period I was told I wasn't "fitting in" with management and my probation was extended. I was let go 5 months later. To be brutally honest, once poor managers have made up their decision about you it wont change. It sounds as if some people in positions of power have made a decision about your personality which is based on this one incident. I would walk away with your head held high. There are other jobs out there and after my first experience I would never work with a management team that I thought were basing decisions about my character based on personal dislike. Saying that you are unpopular is simply petty and childish behaviour.

If you wish to stay in the company however, request that you undergo a communications and personal effectiveness course. It shows that you are willing to take action to correct the deficiencies that they seem to see in you.

Im a management consultant and to be honest most of the management structures and individuals in middle management that I have seen in this country are apalling.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the advice guys. Funny that everyone instantly knew it was an all-female environment. I know I referred to my manager as she, but other than that I thought I was totally gender neutral.

I'm not going back. I think I have weighed everything up reasonably, and while I loved the job, I just wont be happy there now. Add that to the 1hr commute each way, minimum wage, and weird hours, it doesn't seem worth it. When I was enjoying it those things didnt matter, but now they do.

As for any further action, there is nothing I can do really. I have no rights as still in probation period, and have not yet joined the union. I have written to our HR department expressing my feelings in what I hope is a calm and measured tone, so hopefully they will get back to me and at least my manager will have to answer some questions, but other than that I can't do anything.

It is such a shame but I don't feel like going back is a serious option anymore.

kmick

Can I sum this up

You start a new job and think you are fitting in well.
You ask a person more senior than you to help you out and she throws a wobbler and quits.
You get a verbal warning that the way you do things rubs people up the wrong way and people dont like you.

Is this correct?

estar

doesnt job share imply some equality?

as in you SHARE responsibility.

for the woman in question to quit after something like that
is bullying. she is bullying them, plain and simple. she must
have some sort of hold over them - as in has been there
ages and they are afraid of managing without her.

if she doesnt get her lunch on time is she going to quit
as well.

the manager doesnt have much managerial skills
if she lets people dictate to her like that.

and frankly, things are unlikely to change.

give the circumstances i would go back in and
have another chat with the manager in a calm
way before you decide the job isnt for you.
i would ask the manager to invite the person
involved to this chat also, and to have a HR person
there as well.

i would go over what happened with the person
and ask them where you caused them offence
and why they had the reaction they did, as you
just want to understand why you upset them.

and if they don't offer you this facility
to sort it out in front of other people
like adults, then there isnt much transparency
in the recruitment and Hr process.

ask her to explain why what you did is undermining.

you owe it to yourself to at least try to sort it
out - and if they arent willing to go for this option
then you know what to do.

dont take it personally. it isnt personal.

the job sharing person is probably looking out
for being under mined - she is probably
worrying that she will lose her power and importance
if she has to job share.

but the fact of the matter is that is what happens when
you job share, and its a life style choice.

i have been in jobs where ive been screamed at-
professional jobs, undermined, lied about, bullied,
insulted - and the one thing i would say is
i would never take it personally again.

its not about you, its about the drama in the other
persons head, their issues etc.

the manager is just flailing around trying to keep
the other person happy as they know they have
to work with them for a long time rather than saying
listen darling - if you quit again, ill accept.

that isnt appropriate behaviour.

get the HR handbook they have and quote it to them.

you mighnt stay there but at least you will
leave having had a good run at giving them
what for in a professional way.

CapnMark

op,

Do you reckon you would get a reference from your employer if you just walked out?