No picture on dating website

LegacyUser

Ok to make a long story short i set up a internet dating profile a few months ago and got talking to a girl on it and we have been messaging each other for a while. Now she said that she would like to meet up for a drink but the problem is that I dont know what she looks like!!

She doesnt have a picture on her profile and I didnt ask her for one. I was just wondering would it come across as rude or a bit shallow if I asked her to provide a picture before we meet up? I hope that this doesnt come across as shallow but understandably I would like to see a picture first to see what she looks like. Does anyone else have any similar experiences and how did you politely ask for a picture?

davyjose

What difference does it make? Is scoring with someone right away implicit with going for a first drink with them? Maybe it is, but just because you meet someone doesn't mean you've signed a contract to have sex with them. I'd be surprised if she's decided she's definitely going to sleep with you either.
I would imagine she'd already have a picture up already if she had the means.

Failing that, if you're not comfortable with that, then don't go.

akamossy

You could ask for a picture but i don't think it's really necessary. If you get on with her now, why shouldn't you get on with her when you see her. Looks are not everything and even if you are not attracted to her, you still have her as a friend. She may question your motives if you ask for a picture.

MagicMarker

davyjose wrote: »

I would imagine she'd already have a picture up already if she had the means.

Not neccessarily.

OP: Has she seen a picture of you?

To be blunt, this is a date we're talking about, would you go on a date with someone you find unattractive? No, of course not and very few people would say yes to that, if any.

I wouldn't go out with anyone if i didn't know what they looked like, unless it was a blind date set up by a friend, and only then because i'd trust the friends judgement. Why waste an evening?

Now, it's a different story if you're meeting up as friends.

MJOR

there isn't reallly a polite way of asking.... maybe if u send her one and ask her to return the favour..... just so you can put a afce to the name etc etc....

McGinty

Hi Op

I don't think it is wrong to ask for a picture, however, would you still meet her even if her picture is awful? I have done quite a bit of internet dating and I always insisted on a picture before meeting, but I am also aware that not everyone is photogenic and that some people take great pictures and are not so hot in real life so I would still meet up. However, I do remember I was chatting with one person and we talked of meeting up but when I saw his picture I knew he was vastly overweight and I cancelled, yes it was shallow but I don't find someone who is obsese attractive, a little overweight it okay, I mention this because it could happen for you, so just a little eye opener. Good luck with it.

CathyMoran

Years ago I internet dated and the guy did not have his picture up - after much reservations I met the guy and it turned out that we had tremendous chemistry. It didn't work out in the end but that was because of other reasons.

honru

There is nothing wrong with asking for a picture.

I presume you would like to date this girl. You owe it to yourself to choose a woman who you find physically attractive.

Again, there's no shame in that.

Gross Halfwit

I think that it is a fair request to be honest.

Ask her for a pic so that you can identify her when you meet up so that you aren't going up to total strangers asking if they are her! This is a reasonable request.

If she says that she doesnt have the facilities to put one up just say ok & don't bring it up again.

If she gets defensive & starts asking if looks are that important etc etc ... then chances are that she has been through this before with other guys on line & sees it as a mark of a guy being shallow. This pretty much amounts to the girl feeling less than atractive. (Whether its true or if its just her own perception ... you know? Ain't having a go.) Reassure her that you're not shallow etc. & still meet up & take it from there.

If you like talking to her & have fun then it doesnt matter what she looks like .... surely .... you don't have to take it to the next level instantly do you? You could just be friends!

Lone Stone

Ouu yea tricky one
this is why most people online dating have " no pic no reply "
and i wouldnt get talking to someone unless i knew what they looked like but only if i was considering getting to know someone to meet up with at some point.Im not shallow but i did meet someone once and i never seen her pic and she looked diffrent from what she led me to beleave i mean who says i have blond hair then you meet them balck hair ! obease spotty and kinda snotty nose :eek:

RedXIV

You win some you lose some OP, The best example i can give is this place, while the profiles and posts create one picture, when the face is added, it defintitly changes things. However, i've been incredibly lucky that 99% of the people i met were lovely people, some of them stunners. (the 1% was a guy who claimed to be a girl, long story, no necessary)

I wouldn't worry about it too much, just don't expect a supermodel and you'll be grand. remember, their personality has attracted you, looks fade, personality goes on and on

honru

Gross Halfwit wrote: »

If she gets defensive & starts asking if looks are that important etc etc ... then chances are that she has been through this before with other guys on line & sees it as a mark of a guy being shallow.

If she gets defensive from such a request then I would take that as a sign that she perceives herself as not physically attractive. There's only one way to find out for sure, but it's not the best of signs.

Miss Fluff

Of course it's ok to ask for a picture. She has seen what you look like. As another poster pointed out, tell her you would like a picture so you can recognise her in designated meeting place. Tbh I would think it's protocol in online circles to swap photos so I wouldn't make a big deal of asking to see what she looks like.

Auldloon

Its a dating site so i presume your not on there to make friends. I have done the online dating thing and always asked for and recieved a pic within the first few messages. My pic was on there so i never felt it was rude to ask.

Ruby Soho

Maybe ask her to send one to your phone? She might have a fairly high profile job / live in a small town, not everyone wants all and sundry to know they're on a dating website! Thats what I'd do anyway.

Overheal

you ask her if she has a bebo or a myspace account and you can probably find some pictures on there

skooterblue

Ruby Soho wrote: »

She might have a fairly high profile job / live in a small town, not everyone wants all and sundry to know they're on a dating website!

This sounds more like the real reason. I used to live near a small town and everyone knew evryone elses business. Dont worry about it. Ask her what she will be wearing on the day. Something red is a good marker.

Dont worry about it, it will be grand. Remember first impressions have a lasting effect.
good luck and Be cool

Petrolium Hat

Defo ask for a picture, you'd be abit mad not to. It's not rude. Just ask in a tactful way.

chuci

send her a pic so that she will recognise you when you meet up and ask her to do the same so that you both wont be wandering around looking for someone when you meet up.

Kaldorn

davyjose wrote: »

What difference does it make? Is scoring with someone right away implicit with going for a first drink with them? Maybe it is, but just because you meet someone doesn't mean you've signed a contract to have sex with them. I'd be surprised if she's decided she's definitely going to sleep with you either.
I would imagine she'd already have a picture up already if she had the means.

Failing that, if you're not comfortable with that, then don't go.

the fact is she is either A)fat and ugly or attached to a man who is fat and ugly..I can t believe you said what difference does it make. It makes every difference.Why would he want to go out with someone who he has absolutely no attraction to? answer he wouldnt. oooh its the presonality that matters isnt it!!..no not on first immpressions! i agree with the op go and meet her at your peril,no offence to the ladies but I would guess she is not the prettiest flower in the bunch..or ask for a pic,if she gives you stick then tell her to forget it..she could send her 20 stone cousin maura just to see your reaction...GET the pic

starflake

Kaldorn wrote: »

the fact is she is either A)fat and ugly or attached to a man who is fat and ugly..I can t believe you said what difference does it make. It makes every difference.Why would he want to go out with someone who he has absolutely no attraction to? answer he wouldnt. oooh its the presonality that matters isnt it!!..no not on first immpressions! i agree with the op go and meet her at your peril,no offence to the ladies but I would guess she is not the prettiest flower in the bunch..or ask for a pic,if she gives you stick then tell her to forget it..she could send her 20 stone cousin maura just to see your reaction...GET the pic

oooh do I detect a hint of bitterness ther Kaldorn!?? :P Ok i bit the bait... just meet up with her for an hour if She's not attractive to you then fair enough but you will have made a friend who will have other girlfriends and a whole different social network. Also if the whole date is a disaster then you need never see her again!

As a woman myself I know I would be impressed if you didn't ask for a photo because it shows that you are not shallow and it also shows that you are very interested in her personality...

best of luck OP.... Kaldorn, relax....

estar

ask her for a pic in the context of
- i wont be able to find you on the date if
i dont know what you look like

if you then dont fancy the look of her, i would meet her anyway
but then tell her after meeting her if you still dont fancy her

that way she doesnt put it all down to the way she looks
and you dont come across as completely superficial.