Missing out on life/love??

LegacyUser

Have hit 30 now without ever being in a relationship- but at this stage i'm wondering if i'm actually missing out on that much if I've survived this long without a guy.... ?
I'd consider myself more bored than lonely at this point, i'm trying to meet new people but its not that easy if you don't live in a city. I've had a look at online dating sites- just so i don't have regrets in a few years that i didn't try harder- don't really have a good photo though- not particularly photogenic anyway. Which doesn't bode well on the online dating world. I do go out to pubs and clubs but i'm too shy to approach guys.
I should add that i'm slightly overweight which i'm working on- i do think its a big factor when you're out though.
I'd be nervous of the dating world anyway cos i'm so inexperienced- its nearly easier to stay clear of it. But i do think i've not lived the last 10 years to their potential and i don''t want to think the same in 10 years time!

skooterblue

You must think you are the only person in the world to feel this way.
Atleast you have acknowledged this problem.
Believe me most people have a steady partner by 25 thats why statistically it becomes harder to meet someone after 25.

The easiest way to meet people in the country is to join Macra. they dint care if you are not from an agricultural background. If you dont think you are attractive its probably because you are not trying. Go buy some new clothes and have your hair cut or get some one like a fashion student to give you a make over. Make people look at you (in a good way).

Then get some kind of a dating/confidence book. I think Paul Mc Kenna is the best. Give the time required and you will see results. Go back to the dating websites with a better photo. Get some makeup and someone competent to do it. I have no problem dating slightly overweight people as I am one myself. I find girls who are slighly overweight have accepted themselves and dont worry so much about it.

The longer you put it off the harder it will be. Go out there and "skin your knees". You dont want to live at home forever with your parents.
There is probably some 34 year old guy chained to a farm wondering how he isgever going to meet a girl. Its easier for a girl to meet a guy in the country than it is for a girl to meet a guy in the city, statistically speaking.

The chances of you meeting Prince Charming sitting at home in the ashes in the fireplace feeling sorry for yourself, are fairly conclusive. If you really want this you can have it. Dont go shopping locally, this is always a bad place in my experience, go to the next town or village.

Put on you glad rags and a big smile and things will happen naturally.
Good Luck

RedXIV

Good advice from above, OP, if you really don't think you're missing out, you may be right. I've known people that have gone into much later years than yourself and never bothered with a relationship, just not interested.

I couldn't do it, i like sharing my life too much. There are certain things about being in a relationship that change people. And these can be essential to growth as a person. I know they were for me.

You are never too late to join the game. If you want a relationship, go out and get one. As said above, it's easier for you than for guys so go for it. You never know, you might enjoy it!

All the best

Red

sunnyside

unreg987 wrote: »

I'd be nervous of the dating world anyway cos i'm so inexperienced- its nearly easier to stay clear of it.

I'm female, almost 30 and have had a few relationships and I often think it would be easier to steer clear too!

I had my first relationship at 19 and had a boyfriend through college. My best friend from college like you didn't have relationships and now she's 30 and still hasn't had a boyfriend. I think people who start younger seem to find relationships more easily, (which doesn't mean these relationships will work-totally different issue)

I'm almost certain that if I hadn't fallen into a relationship when I was younger and carefree that I'd be the same as you now. As you get older you won't settle for just anyone to be your first and that raises expectations so much that nobody is quite right for you. When your younger you don't analyse it all so much and just go with the flow.

The advice given by the other posters here is excellent. Most people find relationships when they aren't looking for them. I would suggest that you do as skooter said and give yourself a bit of a makeover (to improve your self-esteem, not to attract a man). If you feel better about yourself that's a good start. Go to the fashion and appearance form here and read previous threads or post your own asking for advice.

Macra sounds like a good idea if you'd like it. You need to work out what you enjoy doing. You can run into men anywhere so don't think you have to be in the pub every weekend if that's not your thing. Join a book club, volunteer for a charity for a few hours a week, join an exercise club as you've said your trying to loose weight. I like clothes and go to fashion shows whenever they are on. Believe it or not I met a man a fashion show once (he was one of the organisers). Just trying to explain that it doesn't have to be a pub or club.

If you are busy doing things that interest you it'll make you more attractive to everyone.

I was on my own in a coffee shop last week and the man at the table next to me started talking to me.

Relationships and sex are a nice thing to experience, yes you can live just fine without them but as you've said you'd like to experience it you should go for it. There are lots of other people out there who feel like you.

Good luck

starflake

unreg987 wrote: »

Have hit 30 now without ever being in a relationship- but at this stage i'm wondering if i'm actually missing out on that much if I've survived this long without a guy.... ?
I'd consider myself more bored than lonely at this point, i'm trying to meet new people but its not that easy if you don't live in a city. I've had a look at online dating sites- just so i don't have regrets in a few years that i didn't try harder- don't really have a good photo though- not particularly photogenic anyway. Which doesn't bode well on the online dating world. I do go out to pubs and clubs but i'm too shy to approach guys.
I should add that i'm slightly overweight which i'm working on- i do think its a big factor when you're out though.
I'd be nervous of the dating world anyway cos i'm so inexperienced- its nearly easier to stay clear of it. But i do think i've not lived the last 10 years to their potential and i don''t want to think the same in 10 years time!

Don't be so hard on yourself, honestly! Having an attitude like that will get you nowhere! truth is men don't want a skinny rake of a woman anyway! you sound like a lovely person and you have, I'm sure more than enough to offer! get someone to take a few pictures of you with a digital camera and you put up the one you're happiest with. Don't act like you are defeated on this!! be confident! I'm not a skinny person by any means, it's not about looks all the time anyway. keep talking online and you'd be suprised who you would meet. There's someone for everyone! you sound lovely and I'm sure there's a lovely man waiting out there who will love you!

Please keep us informed on how things are going! I wish you the best of look

LegacyUser

Thanks very much for your advice! Its good to get constructive feedback. I know theres probably other people in similar situations- i do know some myself but i though i'd face up to reality for now.
Perhaps i was a little negative last night-- indulging in too much self pity- while i wouldn't consider my self esteem to be the highest, i do put put in maximum effort when going out and can look good, i should probably make more effort the rest of the time too.
I do question if i have a chemical imbalance in my brain sometimes as i've never really fancied that many guys and most guys i might talk to when out just don't appeal to me- unfortunately with the ones i like, its not mutual but that's life.
I never considered myself rural enough for macra but might look into it, and some of the other stuff, thanks.
I guess its not the putting myself out there but getting my brain in motion thats the issue.