Sex Problem

Unregaccount

Ok, im not sure if this is a medical question or not... The story is I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years 6 weeks ago, the pain was just unbearable - i found mastrubation to be a help to get over it, i dont know why but having a **** seemed to ease the pain so i mastrubated 5+ times a day. The thing is now that I met a new girl, fantastic, she's been there for me through all of this and we found ourselves in bed the other night and the both of us couldnt keep our hands off each other, i initially got an erection and we started to have sex, about 2 minutes in i lost my erection and couldnt get another afterwards - I've never been so embarrased. She said it was ok and we'd try again. When she went home again in the morning i had another **** and no problem, by the way she is a beautiful girl so its not that... I've stopped looking at porn on the internet for 2 days and its pretty easy not to look at it, so I don't think im addicted as such... What is my problem, im a young guy, 25 and shes really hot, im afraid this will happen again...

Agent Smith

dont **** so much, you need one in the chamber sometimes.

gogglebok

It seems pretty obvious that you don't have a physical problem. Maybe it ws nerves. Maybe it was just one of those things. You're only six weeks out of a long and important relationship. Take it easy on yourself. It takes a while to get over that.

The worst thing would be to fixate on your performances. Anxiety is much more likely to mess things up than being relaxed, and it also means you are thinking about yourself rather than the person you're with and the whole experience.

She sounds like a good egg, so you don't have to feel like you're letting her down. Bodies are complex, and sex is complex, and sometimes things get unexpected. If something similar happened to her, you probably wouldn't think worse of her.

Good luck, and well done on the new girl.

DemocAnarchis

Constant masturbation will desensitise your lad. Leave the poor chap alone for a few days and give it another shot.

Could also be an element of performance anxeity: first girl you have been with since your ex, probable you havent gotten over the shock of it yet.

Wibbs

Agent Smith wrote: »

dont **** so much, you need one in the chamber sometimes.

Not obviously scientific there Ted , but nail on the head. That and what DemocAnarchis said about performance anxiety.

That has happened to me in the past and it has happened or will happen to every man reading this(except the fibbers of course ). Common enough and I wouldn't sweat it.

Unregaccount

Thanks guys...

@DemocAnarchis, Agent Smith: Yeah, im definately desensatised lately... im going to leave it a few days and give it another crack.

@gogglebok: Thank u man, that makes me feel better, i was so nervous, it was all going well until i lost the erection, and i tried again a few times after that and it kept happening, but it was happening because i was panicing. And... im not completely over the last girl, i mean it was a long time and its only been 6 weeks...

What if this happens again?

Wibbs

It might happen again. I would even say expect it and that way when it doesn't you'll be good to go.

mehfesto2

Gogglebok's given the best advice so far.
Fixating on the problem makes it worse.

It happens to approx. 90% of the population at least once in their life (if I remember the facts from the expert of the Ray D'arcy show on the topic correctly). It's happened to me twice and I'm still only 22!!

It is mortifying, but if she understands you've a good girl, there. Best to laugh it off and *ahem* 'tend' to her. It'll clear your mind too.

The masturbation has nothing to do with it in the slightest. Unless you're making yourself tired from the excess! If anything though, I imagine it's that you're possibly still thinking about your ex.

Clear your mind, get some good sleep, take some C vitamins and drink lots of water. Oh, and if possible a nice warm bath beforehand will help 'himself' get into the mood too.

and relax. It's an enjoyable experience, not a task.

gogglebok

Unregaccount wrote: »

What if this happens again?

Do something else for a while. Concentrate on the girl, and use your hands, mouth, etc. The wee fella will catch up sooner or later. Meantime, you'll be having fun and so will she.

pwd

You're just not comfortable enough with the new girl to have sex yet. How long are you going out with her? Emotional thing rather than physical.

Unregaccount

gogglebok wrote: »

Do something else for a while. Concentrate on the girl, and use your hands, mouth, etc. The wee fella will catch up sooner or later. Meantime, you'll be having fun and so will she.

I was well warmed up and so was she, believe me... Did all that stuff, and was completely ready for penetration and it was good for like 2 minutes until i went soft...

_blank_

Sex isn't just about penetration.

If it happens again, don't stop, don't lie there, don't apologise, don't focus on it at all.

Go back to using your fingers, your mouth.

If you make an issue out of it every time it happens it will become an elephant. Eventually you will just be so caught up in thinking about it that sex, in any form, will become a burden to you, and you will just clam up and not even try to do anything.

Next tiem you are having some sexy time, do a lot of foreplay, touching, kissing, fingers and hands, oral, then go for the penetration. If you go soft, just think to yourself "feck this, I'm not letting this stop the good times happening", just try some other form of sex. Go back down on her, whatever. Your erection will come back in time.

Would you rather you got an erection, lobbed it in and then came a couple of minutes later?

Use this to your advantage. Stop worrying, and it will most probably take care of itself.

gogglebok

DesF wrote: »

Sex isn't just about penetration.

I agree with all of this. I think even the word "foreplay" is a bit misleading. Don't think of it as a gig, with everything up until the moment of penetration as the support act. Just do whatever feels right at a particular moment. If your right hand cramped, you wouldn't feel bad about switching to your left. If your penis uncramps, as it were, don't feel that switching to something else for a while is a defeat.

It is a temporary problem anyway, OP. You are under emotional pressure, and you're with a new partner. You really don't have to worry about this.

AngryBadger

Dam DesF and googlebok for ebating em to it

But yeah OP, whether you're de-sensitised, over-stressed about your first partner since your ex, or whatever, you're definitely loading the pressure right on there by focusing on the "main event" as it were.

Use everything else in your arsenal. Heads shoulders knees and toes! Seriously, fingers, tongue, gentle kisses, caresses, closeness, all of these things are generally far more intense for women than they are for guys (not saying always, just saying in general before the uber-sex vets of boards gun me ), and because we don't tend to respond to them as much we tend to overlook them completely.

And so we engender a scenario where a single aprt of the whole sex act determines our prowess as lovers.

Stop focusing on your lad, and focus on your new girlfriend. You'll create a kind of synergy there where you're now responding far more to her excitement and the intensity of her responses, as against focusing on that one aprt of the main event.

Also, bear in mind, a great many women do not climax through penetration, and of those that do, some still require additional stimulation AROUND the vagina. Which means you have a bevvy of alternative means to satisfy her until such time as you're comfortable enough yourself, and thus ready to bring the main cannon back into the equation!

Provided my mixed metaphots aren't too off-putting you'll be swingin in no time.

Best of luck!

jackal

Has happened to most of us* at one stage... "Jaysus wasnt expecting you over tonight, Im wankrupt" as Ross O Carrol Kelly would say!

If it happens, try and change what you are doing. A change of sensation can hit the spot and get you going again, where as stressing and trying manfully to stuff a semi in there and hope she doesent notice will only end in tears.

*me

Talliesin

Read the last posts DesF and gobblebok.

Then ask yourself why it wasn't bloody obvious.

Then read them again.

Then go have sex.