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Chatting women up: help!
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22-06-2008 12:30am#1
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here's a helpful way of thinking about it mate.....
Don't think Of "chatting up" the girl...as theres often lines that are sleezy sounding or just sad and laughable.......
Think about it...in a more "introducing yourself" sort of way....yea?
If you just approach her like "hey...how are you doing?...Im **** and this is my friend ***** (good to go with someone sometimes).....*pause*......"are you guys having fun tonight?...."...
Hopefully she'll be talkative on some level and just listen to her and react.....
Then you'll get the ball rolling between you.
DONT say "do you come here often"....or.."can I get you drink".....these rarely get you anywhere plus it doesnt make you sound different...which you want to perk the girls interest...and not sound like every joe bloggs that has approached her that night..
Once you get over the initial hello part...be yourself and have fun!!!! that really is important....
a girl loves to see a guy enjoy himself and is not primarily out to chat women up.....(this ive learned the hard way)
I hope that has helped you in some way mate..
Teddi
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Here is a post courtesy of the folks at bristol lair which should help:
How to have success with women in the next 30 - 60 days.
1. Enroll in a gym in the next 2-3 days. Do not sign a one year commitment. They'll try to get you to. Smile, say you're only going to be in the area one month right now, but you might do the commitment later. They'll ask for 3x as much as they'd want per month with the commitment. Keep smiling, and telling them you'd like to pay the "good rate" without the commitment. Be very polite and enthusiastic. Eventually, they'll barter down or come close.
2. Begin working out at least 3 times a week. I don't really care what kind of exercise program you do, as long as you push iron and do it in a safe way. Make sure you get compound exercises into your program though, especially squats. Full body workout every time is probably the easiest at first while you're learning, but I like splits better.
3. Redevote time in your life that you would spend on pickup materials educating yourself about diet and exercise. Start with this forum: forum.bodybuilding.com It's another online forum, so if you've been spending too much time reading here, it's easier to spend too much time reading there than it would be to say, cut the 'net down. So read there too much. Stay away from all their sections about supplements, and spend a lot of time learning about nutrition, doing the exercises correctly, and setting up your workout routines in a smart way.
4. Find an activity that you really like that's damn interesting to yourself and that you think other people think is cool. Odds are you've already done one in your life and lost touch with it. If not, do that thing you've always thought about doing. It doesn't matter if what you're doing is actually "cool" or not - totally subjective - it's just important you're comfortable with it and like talking about it.
5. Go pick up a couple books IN PRINT about non-seduction social science. Synergistic stuff, on topics like diplomacy, management, or sales. A tried and true would be like Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, more recent things that would be good would be something like Winning by Jack Welch or Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi. Stay away - for now - from books on seduction itself. When you're reading something in a synergy field, you'll be able to have epiphanies without any "pressure" to apply stuff that doesn't make sense to you.
6. (but this really should've been #2) Go get clothes that are fit you well. That means very, very few men should even wear an American sized medium. In the USA, clothes are cut very large. Right now, I'm wearing an X-Small shirt, and I'm 5'10 170 lbs. Such is the American shirt. Get your clothes too small, not too big. Also get stuff that is reasonably cool. This has already been written about by me among others ad nauseum. Look in the fastseduction archives for "you must look to get laid" by me originally, and read the whole thread if you like. The whole thread is really excellent. Get the style under control.
Alright, the above is simple, non-seduction stuff that gets you the best chance to get laid. If you're spending one hour a day reading internet pickup material, you could instead be spending 1 hour a day in the gym, 3 days a week. 1 hour a day, twice a week on your new hobby. And two days reading a book that will teach you without pressuring you to do something specific, or making you go against the grain for yourself.
Now, here is how you will approach and pick up girls:
For starters, if you've done the above - you're going to be feeling more confident, acting a bit more aggressive, and naturally having a bit more to talk about. It's a lot easier to pick up when you feel good about yourself and you have interesting things going on. Sure, you can learn how to fake like you're interesting if you're boring, but it's actually HARDER and TAKES LONGER than becoming an interesting person.
No lie.
So, if you've done 1-6 already, you're in good shape.
7. When you approach girls, you will always be POSITIVE, and aim to make them FEEL GOOD and make yourself FEEL GOOD. You won't expect anything, capice? You're not trying to be goal-oriented, like "lay this one" or some such. Your goal - upon approaching - feel good, make her feel good. Okay? This has a lot of things going for it, and I won't list them all, but here's a couple
*You won't feel sleazy.
*You won't act sleazy.
*You'll be able to get lots of "successes" even if you're not getting laid right away.
*If a girl is rude, it's not a blow to your ego. You STILL try to make her feel good, and excuse yourself politely. Or you make a joke about it if one comes to you. This is what guys who are actually successful with women do. If she's not fun, you leave because she's not fun and not making you feel good. And your head is held high.
8. What do all guys who get laid have in common?
They have lots of fun. Regardless of if you are or aren't having fun, you should look like you are - So smile a BIG SMILE whenever you're out. If you feel cheesey - good. I STILL, years later, think I look cheesey when I put my biggest smile on, and I still get 10x the results when smiling. It's empirically proven, yo.
9. When you approach, make it in a fashion that shows interest in her. The nice thing about this is that you won't screw up with girls that like you because of the way you look and move around the room. There's a way to play the get-her-chasing card, and it can be good game. Just... the learning curve on it is a little steeper. Want to get laid in the next month or two? Be generally complimentary.
10. Specifically, there's five types of openers: Genuine interest, implicit direct, situational indirect, true indirect, nonverbal/playful. You want to use mostly the first two kinds. Genuine interest openers are non-cliche openers that express interest in something you genuinely like about her. A default format for one that always sounds spontaneous is:
"I saw you (doing what you're doing) and I have to say (what you noticed and like about her look)."
It's a really, really easy formula, but ALWAYS sounds spontaneous and uncanned, never like a pickup line. Fill in the first blank with her activity.
"I saw you standing here and...
"I saw you sitting here and...
"I saw you as you were walking by and...
"I saw you leaning up against the bar and...
Fill in the second blank about what you like about her.
...I have to say you have the prettiest hair I've ever seen."
...I have to say you have a really cool funky style that I dig."
...I have to say you look fantastic."
...I have to say you have the most *dangerous* walk I've ever seen on a girl."
Whatever you think. You can even find one compliment that you really like and always fill in the second blank with that.
"I saw you (doing what you're doing) and I have to say you look really beautiful."
If you want to get laid in the next 30-60 days, this opener will work. The fact is, it's harder to screw up than complicated, game-intense openers. If you've got the testosterone flowing from your workouts, tight cool clothing, you're smiling, and you've got interesting stuff going on in your life, this will work no problem.
The first part of what you're doing, btw, is pacing her, and it also makes you sound spontaneous since and very situationally relevant. The simple first part "I saw you..." is more important than the compliment.
Also I know a lot of guys can handle groups where they're bored and looking around, but can't handle groups where people are having lots of fun. Try this derivation of the above - "Hey, I saw y'all here laughing and cracking up - and I've gotta say, you guys look like the most fun group of people here." Remember, big smile. Then introduce yourself to everyone, chat for 5-10 minutes, leave for 5-10 minutes, and come back.
Actually, I'll explain what to right after opening... right now.
11. After opening, introduce yourself to everyone, chat for 5-10 minutes, leave for 5-10 minutes, and come back.
Just kidding. Well half-kidding. Here's the deal.
*Introduce yourself RIGHT AWAY, ALMOST ALWAYS. There's a lot of high-level advantages to not introducing yourself right away, especially on the compliance side. If you're out to start a cult, never introduce yourself. But if you want to get laid very soon, introduce yourself right away. The #1 thing this does is lets people know you enough that you'll get some respect later, instead of being "just another guy in the club". Put this way - You're far less likely to catch flak or disrespect if you're introduced to everyone, which makes things simpler and leads to more sex sooner, if your goal is to get real results in the near future.
*After you talk to people for a while, don't try to suck the life out of the group and stick like glue to them. But when you leave, it's VERY IMPORTANT that you don't say anything that sounds like a blowoff line. Most guys who aren't getting laid don't know how to leave without sounding like he's telling the girls to piss off, because whenever he's had girls leave they're often... well, you know.
So, when you leave, use something like this: "Hey, I'm going to go scout around for a while, but I'll catch you in a bit."
AVOID:
"nice meeting you"
"bathroom"
"get a drink"
"meet my friends"
Any of these are okay... sometimes... but avoiding them won't hurt you. The problem with those 4 things are they're commonly used blow-offs. There's a way to say any one of those, especially if it's true, but "scout around" is non-traditional so it won't sound like a blowoff, it's honest so they won't get freaked out if they see you walking around without looking for you if they really like you, AND THE GIRL WON'T WAIT FOR YOU AND FEEL DEJECTED WHEN YOU DON'T COME BACK. This actually happens more than you'd think, but girls are better at playing it off and won't bring it up like a guy will. So go off to scout around.
*When you come back, greet them like old friends. Don't say, "You again!" or anything like that. That makes you non-friends. Just walk up, like you would to friends, and say "What's happening". Or something along those lines - Very familiar, nonchalant.
The formula is simple if people are unfriendly or uncool. Don't come back to them. Still politely excuse yourself with "I'm going to go scout around a bit. Maybe I'll catch you in a bit."
12. Get compliance.
This is one of the most important steps. Do lots of this -
Push the envelope, make her work. Try to get her to do things for you. Simple things. "Here, hold this, I'll be right back" and hand her your drink. Go to the men's room. Come back. Retrieve your drink. Thank her for holding it.
Drink sips of her drink. Move her around the club to meet people. Have her introduce you to people. Et cetra. Make her DO STUFF. What stuff isn't that important. It can be refined in time. Just make her DO ANYTHING, with one quick exception...
13. Don't be a horndog. If you NEED to get laid on any given night, your chances of getting laid go down drastically. Working out is great in that it makes you dominant and more aggressive, but tires you out so you don't get that burning horny-got-to-do-something. Your body thinks you just killed a buffalo, so it cuts you some slack. Mighty nice of it.
So don't try to grind her. Don't try to make out with her. Et cetra. We're going to escalate smoothly, and I'll show you how momentarily. This will cost you some physicality (grinding, makeouts, etc.) and it will cost you some lays over the course of your life if you NEVER know when to go for it. But if you want to get laid in the next 30-60, easily, then lay off the instant gratification a bit.
14. Now, BECOME HER FRIEND, and SLATE HER INTO A FRIEND ROLE IN YOUR LIFE.
This will get you laid like crazy, if you can actually do it.
From now on, make your goal to become friends with girls. Treat like friends. Say the following lines liberally:
"You're such a good friend."
"It's nice to become friends with you."
"I feel like a better person around you."
"You bring out the best in me."
"I dig your friends - they're my kind of people."
"I'm glad you got along so well with my friends, that's really cool and important to me." (after she meets your friends, regardless of if she gets along with them or not)
"It's nice to have friends like you."
"I feel really comfortable around you."
"Oh, you've GOT to meet my friend (female name). You and her would get along FAMOUSLY."
Guys are afraid of winding up in LJBF land. They don't realize who gets put there - loser horndogs who try to escalate at the wrong times. Do girls who are hanging out with cool guys, who are super-chill and having lots of fun, tell the guy, "Let's just be friends" No! Never! LJBF is a direct result of ****ty escalation. Trying to actually become her friend will never result in LJBF.
At the same time, treat her like a buddy. Call her sometimes just to call her. Shoot her random fun texts. Listen to her. Actually listen. Learn about her. Do fun stuff with her like you'd do with your friends. If you play video games with your friends, invite her to play video games with you. If you do jello shots with your friends, invite her to do jello shots with you and the gang. Do whatever you do with your friends - with her.
15. Whenever you're having fun with a girl (and you should always cut and run whenever you're not having fun for an extended period) your goal is to keep having fun for as long as logistically possible. So until one of you has something that stops you two from being together, keep hanging out. Don't try to leave at a high point (there are advantages to doing it, sometimes, but for now stick with spending as much good time with her as possible).
This doesn't mean stay in the same place with her. Move her around. It's ESPECIALLY important that if you're in a bar or nightclub that you leave BEFORE last call. There's times not to, but 9/10 times, especially in clubs, the vibe gets a buzzsaw taken to it when the lights come on. Leave before that happens, with her, to get pizza or hit a diner or an after-hours joint or party or whatever.
16. If and when logistics prohibit going further, THEN you can take contact information. But here's the deal - Numbers aren't worth ANYTHING. What you're looking to do is MEET THE GIRL again. So, you first suggest an activity to do together, then when she agrees, dictate how to get her contact info.
YOU decide, you're the man, show some balls and leadership and delegate. So don't say "How will we get a hold of each other?" because she's going to suggest stupid stuff like myspace at least 20% of the time. So say, "Wow I'm having a blast with you. (her: me too) A cool new exhibit just opened up at PSOne and I've been meaning to check it out. You should come with. (her: sounds fun) Cool, got a number I can reach you at?"
After you get her number, do this always: Here, I'm going to hit dial on my phone so my number shows up on your caller ID. Hit dial on your phone, but DO NOT RAISE IT TO YOUR EAR. Just hold it in front of you. She'll probably take her phone out of her purse, then make sure you can spell each other's names.
17. Text her before you ever call her.
A good text is fun, short, and doesn't ask for a response or ask a question. I've been texting a girl back and forth on and off for a week now and we haven't called each other yet. She texted me "hi hon. whats up".
I wrote back, "My ex gf just emailed me saying she misses me and theres a hole in her heart since i left. poor girl. dont know what to write.![:\](https://www.boards.ie/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
"
This is actually true in my life, and just an example. But yeah, she called after that, and that first thing she asked was, "Who broke up with who?" Nosy ****ing girls. ("I broke up with her." "Why?" "I don't know." "What do you mean you don't know?!? You don't know why you broke up with a girl?" "Well... We do stuff for lots of reasons y'know? I guess... I thought we'd both be happier if we weren't together." - was the rest of the beginning of the conversation, for the curious)
Make sure you text her within 2 days of meeting her, tops. Same day or early next day are both good.
18. Send her texts once a day until she responds. Skip a day here and there. If she doesn't respond after 5-6 texts across 10 days, wait a week and text again.
19. Once she texts you back, keep it short and sweet some more. Don't answer her questions, write what you want to write. Make it vaguely relevant to the conversation. Or even not.
20. When you talk, talk as friends for a bit. Don't try to make plans until at least the second time you talk to her on the phone, unless she's really hurting to or asking about it.
21. When you make plans, it should fall into one of two categories - Laid back hanging out, or her tagging along with you. Remember Vinny's Three C's of Dating:
*Cheap: Inexpensive
*Convenient: For you, in terms of time and effort
*Conversation: Be able to converse during it
That pretty much rules out dinner and a movie... Make all your dates such that if she doesn't show up at all, it's no inconvenience and doesn't even suck.
Remember to maintain all the earlier stuff on your date. Be positive, treat her as a friend, make her do things and get compliance from her.
Now... you're in good shape.
At this point, you're a person that'll appeal to at least some women, you can meet women in social environments, and you know what to do on dates. You're being laid back, you're not pushy, you're very chill. Zenlike. In fact, you're being precisely Zen - In the moment. You're not focused on getting tail or acting like a loser who hasn't been laid since the 70's.
Here's how to escalate...
22. The first thing you need before you EVER try to escalate is what's called "incidental kino". There's, incidentally, three good kinds of kino - Playful, protective, and incidental. They're all fairly self-explanatory, and all have different good uses. But only one is necessary. This is - Incidental.
The idea behind incidental kino is that it's just that - INCIDENTAL. You're not TRYING to make it happen, it just "does". Couples have this all the time. When they sit next to each other, they're very close to each other. They're touching by virtue of their proximity. But neither of them is consciously trying to do it.
Some examples of incidental kino:
*Knees locked together as you sit on bar stools
*Brushing up against each other as you walk down the street
*Sharing an umbrulla
*Lining up your head next to hers and your shoulder touching hers as you point out something in the distance
******Sitting closely next to each other on a couch
The fact is, if a girl isn't comfortable enough to be very close to you, she's not comfortable enough to kiss you 95% of the time. So don't "lunge in" to kiss her. It'll freak her out, and rightfully so. (note: While drunk as hell in London, a mixed race young hot Korean girl with great breasts that I REALLY wanted to **** lunged in to kiss me like this - I said to her, I kid you not, "I, uhhh, no, it's not like that. Let's just be friends" Then I was like, "Damn, why did I do that!" The answer - Because I was SHOCKED AND SURPRISED - it's why girls do it too guys)
So, get incidental kino first. "Invade her space" a bit. Do it right on open. Be a little closer than most strangers would be. Touch her a little here and there, but the idea is for it to look like just happening. If touch breaks off, no problem.
But before you try to kiss, you should be SO CLOSE that you can simply put your finger on her chin, turn her head, and move only a couple inches (a few centimeters). No more. If you're not that close - or she's not comfortable getting that close - you're not ready yet.
23. Closing dates.
If you've been doing everything right, you've been making friends with girls, and they think you're cool and like you. They're comfortable touching you a bit.
Now, just get it somewhere comfortable and relaxing conducive to escalation. The answer - A closing date.
A "closing date" is a date that winds up at your place or her place. There's lots of ways to do this, but absolutely one of the best of all-times is to cook dinner together.
It lets her work and cook, you're doing it together and it's nice, and there's lots of other advantages. After dinner, lounge on the couch together, put on a movie. If it's at your place, have a blanket on or near your coach that looks like it belongs there. Ideally a big fluffy one (blankets are conducive to incidental kino, and makes the girl feel more comfortable being close to you and doing things).
After you get the incidental kino - on the coach probably - kiss. Enjoy the kiss. After you finish the first kiss, you MUST compliment her on her kissing (girls are notoriously insecure). If she's not a terrible kisser, one of these two will always apply -
"Your lips are so soft" or
"Wow you're a good kisser"
24. You're kissing. Nice.
Now, most men try to go "Base to base" - First base is kissing, second base is getting her shirt off, third base is getting down her pants, and a home run...
This is wrong. All women are different. What you need to do is "kinesthetic sequencing" - This is where you find three spots on the woman's body that turn her on without turning her off. You rotate between them, and then try to go further. If she says no to what you try to go, you back between your three spots, then try to escalate again.
Some women feel insecure about different areas of their body, or have bad memories about them. A lot of women with big breasts have had a lot of guys in high school trying to grope their breasts. So they might not let you take their bra off until after you start having sex.
So look for areas that turn her on, then try to go further. Be creative. Look around different parts of her body.
When you go to undress, it's important that one article of clothing comes off. This is almost "symbolic" - oftentimes the girl won't let any clothing off, but once one article is off, all bets are off. No pun intended, strange but true.
There's two tricks for this. First, at your place, you could have take her shoes off at the door. This will make her more comfortable as well as shorter relative to you if she was wearing heels, and be the "symbolic article". At her place, kick your shoes at some place.
As for clothes actually flying off, if you're under the blanket or you've taken it to the bed, and she's saying no, go to take your belt off. She'll say no. Then you say, "Belt's cutting into my side... taking it off..." and just do it, then fling it off to the side of the bed/couch like you would an article you just took off for sex.
A couple other things. If she says "no sex" say, "Cool. I like just kissing and cuddling with you" with a warm smile. Same for any variation of that, like "we're not having sex tonight" or any such thing after you've started
kissing (before you've started kissing, just say "okay" if she says that).
25. Some last things.
If on any particular day, the girl doesn't want to have sex, don't push her. Just chill. It'll come, and you show you respect her if you don't push and you actually like her. Be aggressive but not horny (the working out will help with this).
It's VERY OKAY if you start working out and getting your life in order for the wrong reason - to get women. You don't need to lie and say, "I'm going to hit the iron for me, rah rah rah." You're doing it to get laid. That's cool. That's why everyone starts. You'll grow to love it and do it for the "right reasons" later. For now, do it for the wrong reasons but do do it.
This is "how to get laid in 30-60 days". Not "how to get laid tomorrow". In two weeks - yes two weeks - of hitting the iron, you'll feel stronger and walk more proud and taller. If you take your time and don't pressure yourself with girls, you'll be more likely to lay them. This gives you your best shot of getting laid.
After you sleep with a half dozen girls or so using the simple techniques here, come back and learn the crazy stuff. Get "good at the game". Learn techniques and finesses and everything else. But if you're a guy that doesn't want to sell out who you are, use a bunch of crazy stuff, and wait a year+ to see results, go simple like this. The first six notes make you the kind of guy that's going to appeal to at least a few women. It's a lot easier to get laid being a guy women want to have sex with instead of a guy they don't. Trust me on that one, because I actually put in the time and got good at doing it the painful way, and was apalled at how easy it was to get laid if you're the kind of guy a woman wants.
It does take some time though. This isn't a magical fix. Like anything else, the real answer is hard work. Hey, I like to keyboard jockey it up here with acronyms and theories and whatever else too, and if you're here for entertainment purposes, there's a lot of entertainment here. But if you want to get laid in the next two months - and get laid a lot subsequently if you can get this down - here you go. You got this one, homie. Let me know how it goes.0 -
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Penn - would have to agree the text message thing is a bit over the top alright..
I know people's views on the PUA thing, I just wanted to post something concise that he might get some value out of, not trying to force PUA down anyones throat..
Would have to agree about confidence... how does he build confidence? Practice, getting outside of his comfort zone...
Anyways... hope OP has some fun with all this 0 -
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very nice post free...
but dude...number 12.--->and I quote.. "Drink sips of her drink"
wtf?...are you looking to get slapped...hehe....
just had to point that out
....
teddi.....
lol - no idea what they're thinking there! rest of it is pretty decent though...
Self improvement, gym, reading and approaching will help build confidence which is essential..0 -
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