Who do I believe?

LegacyUser

Hi guys. Am a regular poster on these boards but going unregged for this one. Apologies in advance if this is a bit long winded. About a year ago a man and his wife living in my area began receiving poison pen letters saying that the man was having affairs with all these different women. One of the letters even mentioned that I was one of the women (even though I barely know the man). I won't go into the exact details but needless what was written was fairly upsetting. Anyway one day I happened to run into this man and his wife in town and they said that it was my mother who was writing the letters, that they had got a sample of her writing from a Christmas card or something that she has sent to someone else and that they had it compared with the letter and that it was definately her. I confronted my mother about this and she appeared to be totally shocked and appalled that she was being blamed. I saw one of the letters and I keep thinking now that it did look a little bit like my mothers writing but I don't know if that is because it really does or if it is because the thought was put in my head by this man and woman before I saw the letter. I have asked my mother several times if she sent them and she always gets very upset and swears she didn't have anything to do with it. The thing is I don't know what to believe. The man in question has a reputation for being dishonest and a bit of a bully but I also know my mother isn't past telling a lie. I don't mean she's a compulsive liar or anything but I know she probably could tell a lie if she thought I would be mad with her over something. This is eating me up. Does anyone have any advice.

alexmcred

"The man in question has a reputation for being dishonest and a bit of a bully"

I think you have answered this yourself OP. I would want concrete proof myself i.e. something from a hand writing expert to say it was the same. Also I would defend my mother in this situation unless they had something concrete

girl2

Why on earth would your mother even do that? Has she any reason to? Plus would she really have mentioned your name in the letter?

LegacyUser

He reckons he did have it compared by a handwriting expert and that was yhe report that came back.

dudara

Bigproblem wrote: »

He reckons he did have it compared by a handwriting expert and that was yhe report that came back.

If that indeed is the case, then he should be more than happy to provide you with a copy of the report, permitting you to double check the results with the expert.

If he refuses to do so, tell him to desist from spreading rumours, otherwise you will be speaking to your solicitor with regard to defamation of character.

LegacyUser

Thanks Dudara. That's a good idea. If I want to be honest though I guess I'm dreading knowing for sure because if it was my mother I don't know how I'd deal with it

herya

And why on earth would your mother write letters accusing him of sleeping with you, her daughter?...

spurious

Why didn't they go to the guards if they had 'proof'?

Sounds like he's enjoying wrecking your head about this.

Toots

girl2 wrote: »

Why on earth would your mother even do that? Has she any reason to? Plus would she really have mentioned your name in the letter?

Would your mother have any reason to write these letters?

Bigproblem wrote: »

He reckons he did have it compared by a handwriting expert and that was yhe report that came back.

Ask them for a copy of one of the letters and take a sample of your mother's handwriting to an expert yourself, and see what they come up with. It might be an idea to mention this to your local Gardai and see what they think. They'd probably be able to find out a good handwriting expert, who is reliable and reputable, in case you need something that will stand up in court.

Bigproblem wrote: »

I guess I'm dreading knowing for sure because if it was my mother I don't know how I'd deal with it

Don't think about that now. IF it is your mother, then first and formost you need to find out why she did it before you make any decisions. If it is her, I think counselling of some sort should be high on the list of priorities for both of you.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys for the responses so far. In answer to your question in relation to if my mother would have had any reason to write these letters the answer is no - I never really knew the man or his wife more than to say hello if I met them in the street and my mother and I have always got along really well.

SarahMc

Why would they get hold of a card sent to someone else from your mam, and send the card and letter to a handwriting expert?

They must have suspected her in the first place, is there a history between your mam and this couple?

It all sounds a bit dodgy, and I would advise you to keep out of it.

badolepuddytat

People like that couple will always have some sort of drama happening and the more publicly upset you are about it the more implicated in the rumours/hearsay you will be down the line. Don't engage with them if they try to discuss it with you other than to ask for their proof and, as has been said previously, to advise them that defamation of character (and yours and your mothers character is being assaulted here!) is a serious offence in the eyes of the law.

mrsdewinter

good point dudara and badole re potential defamation. your family's reputation is at risk here. it makes no sense for your mother to accuse her daughter of having an affair with this man. and why did they only raise it with you when they 'ran into' you in town? if they had the proof, why did they not confront your mother directly as soon as they had the 'evidence'? Ask to see this report. Find out who their expert is and commission a separate study from a second expert. If they refuse to cooperate, remind them of the value of a good name in the community, and speak to your solicitor.
Badole's right here. They sound like drama junkies. Don't get drawn into their saga