He Is My Only Friend (Bad Judge Of Character)

HouseHippo

I only have one friend in the world(my bf) I am 18 and he is 20. My family say it's unhealthy that I spend all my time with him, but i'm too scared to form other friendships.

I Am the worst judge in character. I become friends with people who are pathalogical liars,stalkers etc.They always end up stabbing me in the back and turning everyone against me with lies rumours etc...In school Im very unpopular as a result and my self esteem has all but dissapeared.When I meet new people I immediately presume that they hate me and am afraid to ask them to hang out etc.

All i want is a group of mature friends who I can go out with for drinks to gigs etc without any "he said, she said bull".I want no more rumours, I don't want to be put down anymore. I just want to be liked is that so much to ask.HELP

Captain Ginger

I recently ditched a group of mates for those reasons, best decision I made.

It's hard to know who you're getting involved with so sometimes you just gota take a chance, you should go to one of the boards meetups, might make some new friends?

HouseHippo

I'm sorta shy....but i might give it a try

Captain Ginger

HouseHippo wrote: »

I'm sorta shy....but i might give it a try

Well like, anything that gets you out into the world with new people is always good, be it a yoga class, or something else you're into.

Doing some sort of activity is always great to make friends because you always end up talking to people who are also doing them.

HouseHippo

Good point might look into some art classes or something.Im looking to hang out with a more mature crowd if you get me 18-20,relaxed.Cause im very...Zen

leesmom

i agree op that its bullsh*it the way people stab others in the back,lie,carry stories etc.
its nice for you to have your boyfriend but hun you cant rely solely on him,things may be great now but you never know how things will pan out,you need others around you to have fun with and time away from your boyfriend too.
please dont close yourself off from makin friendships with others,thats the worst thing you can do,i know its tough but you are young and you deserve to have a good time and an enjoyable life and not have to rely on one person all the time.
you sound a bit insecure,just assuming that people dont like you is wrong,you must have a lot of great qualities,why else would your boyfriend be with you?!
dont be so hard on yourself,you need to have more confidence in yourself and dont let others make you feel **** about yourself,they are so not worth it.you like every other person deserves to live a good life and you should not let anyone put a stop to that

Captain Ginger

HouseHippo wrote: »

Good point might look into some art classes or something.Im looking to hang out with a more mature crowd if you get me 18-20,relaxed.Cause im very...Zen

I do a few, fencing, tai chi to name a couple, all really nice people there, no kids or muppets.

Anti

If you looking for friends there is a boards.ie beers tomorrow night. We all just meet in the pub and get to put a face to a name. Some of my best friends i've met on this website.

Check out the events forum for more info, and yore more then welcome to bring yoru boyfriend along too.

There is a wide variety of people that go, from the shy to the outgoing.

who's yer one?

i'm in exactly the same boat, hippo, you just described me to a T. (except the boyf) i have a couple of friends, but i wouldn't see them that often, they all have other friends and i'm not really part of a'group' if you get me. i'm trying hard to push myself into taking a class or something, but it does take a lot to put yourself ouit there hopefully it'll work out for both of us
xx:pac:

DenMan

Hi OP

I think what you need to do is to broaden your horizons, extend your social circle. We all know through experience that meeting new people can be difficult especially if it starts out badly. Find out what you like, what interests you and then start to make contacts. This website here is a great example. It brings people together from all backgrounds and from there they can meet new friends/contacts etc. Look at the Beer's nights that are organized. It gives many peple in similar situations the chance to interact after they post. Brilliant of you ask me.

Your probably just a little stuck and enjoy the company of your bf. They are so many people out ther just like you looking to extend their social life.

Find out what interests you here and read the posts that have been put up on the threads and when you are ready give it a go yourself. Start writing, you won't be disappointed. There is plenty for everybody to do here!!! Good luck.

moco

Hiya,

I was very like you when I was younger, I was such a bad judge of character! I had some friends who would constantly lie and back stab but I was so trusting I couldn't see it! There was one girl in particular who stole from me, and told huge lies to get money from me and I'd give it because I felt sorry for her. Eventually one of her other friends rang me and told me she was taking advantage and I felt so hurt and ashamed that I'd fell for it. I also kept thinking there was something wrong with me that I was attracting those kind of people to me.

I was too naïve and trusting but that's not a bad thing really, it just means you judge other people by how you are. Like I wouldn't tell outright lies to hurt someone so I couldn't understand why anyone else would. I'm quite a good judge of character now but there's no magic way to change. It just happens slowly through experience and growing up. There are always people waiting to take advantage of your good nature so just try and be more aware. Trust your instincts on people and eventually they'll get sharper.

badolepuddytat

You could have been describing me a few years ago! Get out there, take up a class, martial art, go woofing for a few weeks/months, with or without the boyf. When you start to develop your own skills/expand horizons/challenge yourself you'll enjoy your own company more and meet lots of new people not all of whom will be immediate best buds but you'll click with some of them and form friendships from there.

RedXIV

I'm blatanty known for being a bad judge in character because i essentially think everyone is a nice person. And i've been proven wrong a few times with some pretty nasty concequences. But i've no intention of changing my ways, i've made WAAAAYYYY too many friends to see the point. OP, because your going into all these situations with a negative mentality, it's harder for you to open up, and in turn to make friends.

Don't worry about it so much, take people at face value and invite them to different things. You may get burned once or twice on the way but you'll make more friends than you know what to do with. As said above, boards beers is a good start. i haven't met one non genuine person at beers yet

HouseHippo

nice to know im not alone......makes me feel a little bit normal