I'm a liar.

Sheilaisme

I cant stop. From small white lies to MAJOR ones.
I think its come from a childhood of lying. I was abused for a period of about 4 months when I was 6 and I spent the next 18 years of my life lying about it and about how I was coping. But I have since sought out therapy and counseling for that and am dealing. But I cant stop lying.

I'm not a people person and my circle of friends while very close is very small. I have told only one of them about my past and I find myself embellishing it...making it seem like I'm currently doing worse than I am. Reverting to how it was when I first stood up to it. Part of me is loving the attention and that makes me sick. And part of me thinks it might be because I had to go through all of it alone for so long that now I have someone to share it with, I want to share it all with him. Delayed expulsion of emotions as it were. have someone tell me its okay, its not my fault blah blah. Intellectually I know this already. I am fine, and I know its not my fault. But it feels so good to hear him say it.

Its not just that though. I make stuff up all the time. out of the blue. For no reason and sometimes I don't even tell these lies except to myself. Like I'm storing them up or something? WTF?

I'm an intelligent girl and would appear to be fairly well balanced in a good job with a generally amicable disposition. I've never been caught out of my web of lies and boy are they webbed and intricate...I'm a quick thinker and can adjust my stories. But why am I doing this?

how do I stop? and if I can stop...do I need to come clean or can I just phase them out? ...I'm a horrible person and it makes me sad to think that all I want to do is get away clean rather than explaining to my friends whats been going on.

kowloon

Coming clean with everyone at once might be a bit of a shock. Start with your therapist, they have no reason to be upset by you coming clean and will be able to help you with the rest. You're not exactly lying to cheat people and there's a reason behind it all; you need to sort that first. This doesn't make you a bad person.

Failing that you can always persue a career in politics .

Sherifu

Sheilaisme wrote: »

I'm a horrible person and it makes me sad to think that all I want to do is get away clean rather than explaining to my friends whats been going on.

If you can't tell the truth then say nothing. That's a good place to start.

Sheilaisme

Saying nothing is usually what I do. But sometimes they just fall out of my mouth and I'm making stuff up on the spot not even knowing what I'm talking about...

I would do anythign for my friends and I know they would for me. I dont need to lie to "make them like me" or get stuff from them...it just happens. I dont benifit from these lies save for maybe some attention but generally I dont liek to be the centre of attention anyway. Its like...split personality.

Everyone lies right? Why do mine become these massive literary explosions!!!

Teddi

wow...that really hit home for me shiela....

I used to Lie alot!!!...why?.because I thought my life sucked..I thought it was boring..and the thought of what people would think of me in my real form terrified me so much I just had to lie!...

I, like you am very quick off the mark, intelligent and can skew my stories/lies to fit any situation etc. *if only some people knew what really happened that time...etc...etc. *

I dont do it anymore....or atleast not nearly as bad.....the reasoning for this is I've become more honest with myself and given the virtual two fingers to anyone who didnt like it. Your situation is a sensitive one..thats a given..but its in the past and you'll never be able to move on if you keep hindering on it. I hope that didnt sound cruel just now but its what would need to be done. I hope the counselling is working for you..I've had a healthy dosage of that myself and It did work...Don't feel a need to let people know....at the end of the day, there is only so much they can help you with , you know? having this amongst your social situations can't be healthy and I'm sure its not something that you want to be reminded of constantly.

Focus on the good part about yourself..your personality etc....what happened to you wasnt your fault..too young and naive to know what was going on. Just let the counsellors do their job...and you yours.......that being, empowering your good atributes towards your friends and living a happy and fun life ......

Im sure your a much stronger person than you realise...

Teddi

MagicMarker

If you're a compulsive liar, then you may be deluding yourself if you think other people don't know...I'm sure most compulsive liars think no one knows, but they are generally wrong.

Carrigart Exile

Sheilaisme wrote: »

I cant stop. From small white lies to MAJOR ones.
I think its come from a childhood of lying. I was abused for a period of about 4 months when I was 6 and I spent the next 18 years of my life lying about it and about how I was coping. But I have since sought out therapy and counseling for that and am dealing. But I cant stop lying.

I'm not a people person and my circle of friends while very close is very small. I have told only one of them about my past and I find myself embellishing it...making it seem like I'm currently doing worse than I am. Reverting to how it was when I first stood up to it. Part of me is loving the attention and that makes me sick. And part of me thinks it might be because I had to go through all of it alone for so long that now I have someone to share it with, I want to share it all with him. Delayed expulsion of emotions as it were. have someone tell me its okay, its not my fault blah blah. Intellectually I know this already. I am fine, and I know its not my fault. But it feels so good to hear him say it.

Its not just that though. I make stuff up all the time. out of the blue. For no reason and sometimes I don't even tell these lies except to myself. Like I'm storing them up or something? WTF?

I'm an intelligent girl and would appear to be fairly well balanced in a good job with a generally amicable disposition. I've never been caught out of my web of lies and boy are they webbed and intricate...I'm a quick thinker and can adjust my stories. But why am I doing this?

how do I stop? and if I can stop...do I need to come clean or can I just phase them out? ...I'm a horrible person and it makes me sad to think that all I want to do is get away clean rather than explaining to my friends whats been going on.

OP I suppose the first question to be asked is how do we know any of this is true.

Beetlebum

Carrigart Exile wrote: »

OP I suppose the first question to be asked is how do we know any of this is true.

Ah, come on, that's a little harsh. It was a heartfelt post that took courage to write. you're not being very helpful.

Granted I'm not being very helpful either as I don't have any help to offer you OP. I've never quite understood why people lie for the sake of lying and as MagicMarker pointed out, perhaps people are aware that you're a complusive liar. I know a girl who lies all the time, she's my friends gf. She makes up stories, exaggerates situations, staright out lies all the time. We all just smile and nod along but in actuality, she's well known for being a liar.

Sheilaisme

I have known my friends and been close to them for over 10 years. The lying is only a recent development that came about in the last 6 - 10 months. My friends (and usually me) will generally call anyone out for Bull****. Everyone exaggerates but when you know someone is straight out lying you say it to their faces. Thats the way its always been with us. Thats one of the reasons we are such good friends. there is none of the tolerance you described with nodding and smiling. Not in a harsh way but usually with a laugh and a "Feck off, ya lying huar" or something to that effect when you are calling someone out. So they definitely don't realise I'm such a liar. Not everything in my life is a lie just stories...useless meaningless non beneficial stories!

I've become more honest with myself and given the virtual two fingers to anyone who didn't like it.

This is it. This is the reason I reckon. Its not that I'm lying to them. I'm lying to myself. Thanks Teddi. This is the start of it, today. No lies...I hope thats not my first lie of the day...:pac:

...I wonder how long I can last...:(

Karen_*

Just do your best with it. Try to stop yourself when you can feel a lie coming on. You're not going to suddenly become perfect but just make a conscious effort today and see how much better you feel about yourself. Habits are there to be broken and this is just a habit you've got into. It didn't happen suddenly but over time and you can reverse it the same way.

Beetlebum

Would you mind elaborating slightly, I'm intrigued.

What kind of lies do you tell, are they big lies or little lies? Is it stuff like when someone asks what you did last night do you lie and say something really exciting to make yourself appear more interesting or is it attention seeking lies like for example, a guy in the local shop keeps hitting on you kinda thing?

The girl I know lies about men mostly. She'll claim that the taxi driver hit on her and she had to get out or that she got served free drink all night cause the barman fancied her, stuff like that..

RedXIV

I'm with you and Teddi, used to think that my life was wayyy too boring to keep stories to it and was able to make up stuff on the spot to fool people. Until, like Teddi, i said feck it, i'm far too interesting to need lies.

take it one day at a time and try saying "just kidding" after yourself when ever you catch yourself at it.

Got faith in ya lass, best of luck

Red

Teddi

oh god red..the stuff I used to come up with...heheh...

embaressing to think back now...

Sheila...none of the changes will work if you dont want to be honest with yourself.......bite the bullit and talk things out without having to rose tint everything to make it sound better....

If someone gets offended or raises an eyebrow over something you say...you can simply say...."well..I'm just being honest"....and theres nothing wrong in that....Its a virtue worth obtaining....

biko

Not medical advice:

It could be Mythomania
Mythomania is a condition involving compulsive lying by a person with no obvious motivation.
The affected person might believe their lies to be truth, and may have to create elaborate myths to reconcile them with other facts.
A pathological liar is someone who often embellishes his or her stories in a way that he or she believes will impress people. It may be that a pathological liar is different from a normal liar in that a pathological liar believes the lie he or she is telling to be true—at least in public—and is "playing" the role.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mythomania

Daftendirekt

OP, I can't say I know what you're going through, but I do have some experience of having to deal with someone who I now realise may have been a pathological liar (I'm not saying you are though).

To be blunt about it, even if your friends haven't noticed yet, it's only a matter of time before you trip yourself up. The further down this path you go, the more frustrating it becomes for the people around you.

All I'll say is that you should come out straight and tell your friends that you think you may be a compulsive liar. That way you won't have to worry about becoming too tangled up in your "web of lies", and you might save your friends a hell of a headache.

And for the record, it doesn't make you a bad person, it's probably got a deeper psychological root.

stcatherine

How old are you OP ?

I used to be like this too, also because of problems in my past I used to find myself making stuff to myself seem more interesting to others.
Right up to my min 20's I would say.

Funny thing, Now I cannot Lie to my husband to save my life. It's weird, I only have to be in the same room and I find myself blurting out stuff he probably doesnt even need to know.

I think it's because I trust him so completely.

Sheilaisme

I'm 30. just turned, about 3 weeks ago or so.

My lies vary greatly. I tend to lie to dull down what I've done as opposed to embellish them. I think I'm a fairly interesting person and I lie to dull that. I'm quite private and dont like to let people in so my lying I think is a defense mechanism to stop people getting too close. Without taking a bite out of the conceited tree I am above average intelligence and spent alot of energy when I was younger dumbing myself down to interact with people as i usually only received resent when I showed my actual intellect. So I guess on some level the lying has been going on for a long time.

I don't usually involve my being hit on by guys. Its strange though coz when cool stuff does happen I tend not to share it. I cant understand the logic myself and I've given up trying. I'm really only interested in stopping it as like you guys said so my friends don't know now they might find out and I certainly don't want to lose the friends I have. They deserve better.

I'm also quite clumsy. Barely a day goes by when I haven't sustained one injury or another. So alot of my lies are spent covering up my oafishness. I tend to day dream alot and let my mind wander hence the falling over or getting fingers caught in doors or whatever.

So my new mantra will be "I'm just being honest..."

LegacyUser

Sheilaisme wrote: »

I cant stop. From small white lies to MAJOR ones.
I think its come from a childhood of lying. I was abused for a period of about 4 months when I was 6 and I spent the next 18 years of my life lying about it and about how I was coping. But I have since sought out therapy and counseling for that and am dealing. But I cant stop lying.

I'm not a people person and my circle of friends while very close is very small. I have told only one of them about my past and I find myself embellishing it...making it seem like I'm currently doing worse than I am. Reverting to how it was when I first stood up to it. Part of me is loving the attention and that makes me sick. And part of me thinks it might be because I had to go through all of it alone for so long that now I have someone to share it with, I want to share it all with him. Delayed expulsion of emotions as it were. have someone tell me its okay, its not my fault blah blah. Intellectually I know this already. I am fine, and I know its not my fault. But it feels so good to hear him say it.

Its not just that though. I make stuff up all the time. out of the blue. For no reason and sometimes I don't even tell these lies except to myself. Like I'm storing them up or something? WTF?

I'm an intelligent girl and would appear to be fairly well balanced in a good job with a generally amicable disposition. I've never been caught out of my web of lies and boy are they webbed and intricate...I'm a quick thinker and can adjust my stories. But why am I doing this?

how do I stop? and if I can stop...do I need to come clean or can I just phase them out? ...I'm a horrible person and it makes me sad to think that all I want to do is get away clean rather than explaining to my friends whats been going on.

You could be describing Me, We're freakishly alike. I too am getting some professional help for this, if you like Me were threatened to keep what happened in your childhood quiet I think this is where the lies started...

You're case is the exact same as mine and it worries the hell out of me because I know lying is wrong but can't seem to stop myself.