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  • 18-06-2008 10:43pm
    #1
    rocky25
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,521 ✭✭✭


    Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarised.

    She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

    The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

    As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch,
    shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

    Putting her face in her hands, she moaned: "I come home to find all my possessions stolen.

    I call the police for help,

    and what do they do?


    They send me a BLIND policeman!"

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Three Boy Scouts, a lawyer, a priest, and a pilot are in a plane that
    is about to crash.

    The pilot says "Well, we only have 3 parachutes,

    let's give them to the 3 Boy Scouts.

    They are young and have their whole lives in front of them"

    The lawyer says "F*ck the Boy Scouts!"

    The priest says, "Do we have time?"

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.

    "Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife.

    Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

    The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow,
    said,"Of course, sir.

    Do you know where your wife might be?"

    "I have no idea,
    but every time I talk to a woman with tits like
    yours, she seems to appear out of nowhere."

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    A 60-year-old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom.

    She opened the door and discovered her 40-year-old daughter playing with her vibrator.

    "What are you doing?" asked the Mom.

    "Mom, I am 40 years old and look at me.

    I am ugly.

    I will never get married,
    so this is pretty much my husband."

    The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head.

    The next day the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom
    and upon entering the room found his daughter using the vibrator.

    "What the hell are you doing?" he asked.

    His daughter replied,

    "I already told Mom.

    I am 40 years old now and ugly.

    I will never get married so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband."

    The father walked out of the room shaking his head too.

    The next day the Mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand and the vibrator sitting next to him,
    watching the football game.

    "For Christ's sake, what are you doing?" she cried.

    The husband replied,

    "What does it look like I'm doing?

    I'm having a beer and watching the game with my new son-in-law!"


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