Missing Birthdays...

LegacyUser

Hey, just wondering what everyone's opinion is on this situation.

Going out with my boyfriend two years now. I'm going to New York with my family in December (not booked yet but pretty much set) and it looks like I might miss my boyf's birthday while I'm over there. Feel a little uncomfortable leavin him like that but as I said, nothing has been booked yet. He wouldnt feel particularly comfortable coming with us cause it'd probably be kinda intense being there with just my family, if you know what I mean.

Now a group of my girlfriends have decided to go on a trip to London the weekend of my birthday in October, and obviously I'm invited. Told my boyf this and he hasn't expressed an opinion yet but I don't think he's particularly happy....

I've never been stuck on celebrating birthdays on the day, never minded movin celebrations a week or two forwards or backwards, but I'm not quite sure how he feels about it...

Am I being extremely selfish?

Monkey61

Hi Op,

I don't think your being selfish at all about the trip to New York. I doubt very much that your boyfriend would want to you to miss something like that as long as he has other people to celebrate his birthday with. Perhaps it would be different if he was completely on his own in the world with no friends or family and you were the only person he had - but I'm presuming that's not the case?

Have you actually invited him to New York or are you presuming he wouldn't want to go? Unless you really don't want him to go, you could get him a ticket as a birthday present and he could do his own thing, and then meet up with you guys in the evenings and stuff. If i was him, I would love that. The on his birthday the two of you could spend the day doing fun New Yorky stuff together.

As for your birthday, it's not really selfish unless he has a burning desire to spend the day with you. You need to ask him? I would defintiely take his feelings into account on this one. Huge family holidays to New York are sort of unchangeable events that I'm sure he'll understand, but weekends away in London could be given a miss if it's really that important to him....

You need to ask him how he feels about each though...

lolli

Op,

If you arent going to be with your boyfriend at the time of your birthday or his birthday what I would do is pick a different day either before or after your birthday or his birthday and agree to celebrate it that night.

The older you get the less birthdays mean so if you miss the actually day it doesnt really matter all that much, you can always celebrate it another day

MagicMarker

If you haven't booked anything as yet, then why do you have to miss your bf's birthday?

Personally, i don't think i'd care, but i could certainly understand if someone else did. You've been together 2 years, it's his day where he deserves to be spoiled, most of all by his girlfriend, but in this case his girlfriend will be in NYC. I can imagine it being quite lonely for him, even if he does have other people in his life.

As for your birthday, well that's your business. But if your boyfriend is upset about it, then maybe he was planning something special?

Gross Halfwit

I don't really think it matters to be honest. A mature person would understand. He knows that your going away on your birthday so he hasnt planned anything special yet ... hopefully ...

You're missing his birthday ... is e 5? No then don't worry about it. As was already said celebrate it earlier or later.

But whatever you do ... DO NOT CANCEL all of your plans just cos he's in a bit of a tizzy ... may as well just handover all your freedom & say bye to your friends.

Birthdays are only days ... he gets you all the other days of the year so whats his problem?

Good Luck.

How Strange

OP, I'd say if you're together two years and plan on being together in the long term missing a birthday isn't a big deal as long as you make a fuss over him before you go and have his birthday in advance.

I know my OH likes to pretend that his birthday is no big deal but we fuss over each other and I know he appreciates it.

IMO, the day itself is not as important as celebrating the event, spoiling him with nice presents and showing you appreciate and love him.

LegacyUser

why not do what Monkey61 suggested and ask your BF to new york?. Getting him a ticket for his bday is a lovely idea.
The two of you could go with your family but get a seperate room just for the two of you so that you can spend time with the family and also have some private time and do your own thing on his bday. I am sure your family would understand and it sounds like a good compromise?
For your own bday why not just clebrate a week earlier or later? Id normally do this anyway. If my bday was a Tues Id celebrate the next weekend. The main thing is to talk to him about it

RedXIV

I agree with above idea of just picking another day and telling him it's his birthday celebration.

In first year in college a group of girls i knew pretty well organised a birthday party for me 5 weeks after it. Complete suprise to me but they invited loads of my mates, bought cake, presents and decorated their apartment. I'd never had a proper party for me before and in all the photos i look like ->:eek:

Without a doubt, best birthday i've ever had, suprise works wonders.