I let him back in.

Damzilla

After six weeks of going around and around, I gave my ex another chance after he told me how much he wanted it to work and that he still loved me. I had my doubts and I knew he had changed his mind on Sunday.

He emailed today to say that this is not what he wants and being around me made him realise that.

I feel so stupid. I can't believe that I actually believed what he said. I'm so hurt and not only am I back to six weeks ago, I feel even worse then I did then.

Why didn't I say no? Why did I let him do this again? I just want the house sold now and to move on to get on with whatever bit of my life I have left.

No advise is needed. I just feel so bad right now.

allthingsgreat

..I had been reading your posts for a while but never thought I could give half as good advice as half the people on here have given you but I am really sorry things went badly for you. I hope you can manage to be good and kind to yourself at this hard time and realise that (from what you said) none of this is your fault, it's his own fault for confusing you. Try to be strong. You can get through this.

estar

- your not the only person this has happened to
- dont hate yourself for being a person that believes when
other people says something - its probably because you
are nice and wouldnt dally around with someones emotions like that
- he is a weak minded person and selfish - and there is no point
delving deeper into why he did this there is really only one answer
hes a bit of an as%hole.

how people behave around break ups is so revealing about the
character. some people try and minimise the damage to
others by thinking things through before acting and others
reveal the worst sides of themselves and flail around
unable to make decisions, unable to put themselves in the position
of the person they are hurting and just blurt out silly things
like - after asking you to get back with me, being around
you now doesnt do it for me. ie - i wanted to know that you
wanted me back, and now that my ego got the boost, im
changing my mind, because i can.

karma, my friend. just think- karma.

dont change yourself because he is an as% hole. dont question
yourself too much. you cant close yourself off and protect yourself
completely from people, as if you did, you wouldnt have the upside
of trust which is healthy relationships.

Damzilla

I know I can get through it. I did it for the six weeks that he was gone. But now I feel that I'm back to square one. Why tell me he wanted to come back and not mean it? Why tell me that he had to be around me to realise that he didn't want me? That hurts so much. I can't belive that I let him back in and he has hurt me again so much.

Gemini Sister

Haven't been folowing your story, but ugh, that does suck. Had a break up onc that took he bones of a year and a half...
Sorry about the cliche - but just remember its a marathon not a sprint. In a years time this won't be getting to you the same way, you may eventually be just relieved is over, and ultimately glad.

Damzilla

estar wrote: »

- your not the only person this has happened to
- dont hate yourself for being a person that believes when
other people says something - its probably because you
are nice and wouldnt dally around with someones emotions like that
- he is a weak minded person and selfish - and there is no point
delving deeper into why he did this there is really only one answer
hes a bit of an as%hole.

how people behave around break ups is so revealing about the
character. some people try and minimise the damage to
others by thinking things through before acting and others
reveal the worst sides of themselves and flail around
unable to make decisions, unable to put themselves in the position
of the person they are hurting and just blurt out silly things
like - after asking you to get back with me, being around
you now doesnt do it for me. ie - i wanted to know that you
wanted me back, and now that my ego got the boost, im
changing my mind, because i can.

karma, my friend. just think- karma.

dont change yourself because he is an as% hole. dont question
yourself too much. you cant close yourself off and protect yourself
completely from people, as if you did, you wouldnt have the upside
of trust which is healthy relationships.

Thanks for your post. You are so right. How he has acted since the break up has really shown his true charachter. It's just hard to accept that he is not the person that I thought he was.

He has hurt me so much and I don't think he even realises how badly he has hurt me.

MIN2511

Damzilla wrote: »

I know I can get through it. I did it for the six weeks that he was gone. But now I feel that I'm back to square one. Why tell me he wanted to come back and not mean it? Why tell me that he had to be around me to realise that he didn't want me? That hurts so much. I can't belive that I let him back in and he has hurt me again so much.

Girl, the only advice anyone can give you is to move on.... Don't dwell on the shoulda, woulda and coulda's

I don't believe in Karma, i believe you made the right decision(wrong now) at that time-it was a mistake and you regret it.

If you aren't doing much this friday and you are in Dublin come to the beers...

Damzilla

MIN2511 wrote: »

Girl, the only advice anyone can give you is to move on.... Don't dwell on the shoulda, woulda and coulda's

I don't believe in Karma, i believe you made the right decision(wrong now) at that time-it was a mistake and you regret it.

If you aren't doing much this friday and you are in Dublin come to the beers...

I'm just outside Dublin but I do work in Dublin so maybe I will come along.

allthingsgreat

The same thing happened to me,few years ago I got dumped by a boyfriend of one year by MSN and the next day he took it all back, asked me to come around and we sorted it. A week later he called me and said he realised he was right in the first place. It's utterly crushing and very denting on your self esteem. You have the joy here of being the better person. Even if that doesn't get you through today, one day thinking of it , hopefully it will. Just remember he came groveling, he was the one who ran away then. You are the more grounded one.

Do everything and anything to make yourself feel like the special fantastic person that you are, treat yourself, you deserve it after all you've been through.

MIN2511

Damzilla wrote: »

I'm just outside Dublin but I do work in Dublin so maybe I will come along.

It's on @ 5.30... I know a few people here(RedXIV, Eddie.Finnango, LadyE) and a few others are going....

Prepare to have fun and come with an open mind and a carnation milk:D

It would do you good to do something different

I said to a friend today "Men: we can't live with them and we can't live without them"

Damzilla

MIN2511 wrote: »

It's on @ 5.30... I know a few people here(RedXIV, Eddie.Finnango, LadyE) and a few others are going....

Prepare to have fun and come with an open mind and a carnation milk:D

It would do you good to do something different

I said to a friend today "Men: we can't live with them and we can't live without them"

I dont have any plans for Friday. I think I will come along. Thanks for letting me know about it. I could do with a good night out!

Clare Bear

I'm sorry that it feels like you're gone back to square one, that was cruel on so many levels Try and come on Friday, meeting new people could do you good.

MIN2511

Susannahmia wrote: »

IShe recommended this book and it seems quite interesting. >linky

A bit OTT, it's no rocket science... you would be fine, you are angry and disappointed but it's not the end of the world

Nevyn

Well which is worse,
not trying and regreting it and hating that you didn't
or trying and knowing you did all you could ?

You tried you know you did and you won't have that question in your mind that if only you had of tired.

Take a deep breath and let it go and mind yourself.

MIN2511

Susannahmia wrote: »

Oh I'm not recommending counseling for this don't get me wrong, I had a few other issues as well so that's why I went. The book, I only reccomended it because I thought that it was interesting. I wouldn't take it as gospel but it does have a few interesting points that might help someone see things in more perspective.

fair enough

I misread your reply

Wibbs

Thaedydal wrote: »

Well which is worse,
not trying and regreting it and hating that you didn't
or trying and knowing you did all you could ?

Nail on the head. People usually regret more the things they haven't done rather than the things they have. If you hadn't gone back then the maybes would still be playing with your head. Now you know.

Sephiroth_dude

MIN2511 wrote: »

I said to a friend today "Men:we can't live without them"

Dam straight ye cant :-),you'll get over this in time and find someone else,best of luck to ya.

How Strange

Wibbs wrote: »

Nail on the head. People usually regret more the things they haven't done rather than the things they have. If you hadn't gone back then the maybes would still be playing with your head. Now you know.

I agree. OP, you're feeling humiliated at the moment because you believed him, gave him another chance and he rejected you and acted like an a55hole in the process. But I think that in the long run you'll move on from this alot quicker than if you hadn't taken that chance and he was still hanging around.

As Wibbs said, now you know. A line is drawn underneath the whole thing and you can move on.

DenMan

Hey OP

I think in the long term he made the right decision. I know it's hard to take now, but in the near future you will feel ten times better. The bad feelings you have been carrying around for the last 2 months (or longer) are finally banished. Draw a line in the sand, you are ready to move on. I agree with the other posters, definitely go to the Beers coming up. Unfortunately I am working and can't make this one. Enjoy. You deserve it.

Damzilla

Thanks guys.

Right now I'm just trying to focus on getting the house ready to sell. Once that is done then I can finally begin to move on.

Creachadóir

I'm really sorry that this has happend to you He has been very selfish to play with your emotions like that. I hope you feel better soon, and you seem calmer about the situation now than you did before, so that's a good thing!

copeyhagen

dont turn the bloke into too much of a villain, it could happen to any of us, he thought he wanted to get back then realised after spending time with you it wasnt meant to be, what if u had got more serious and he wanted out later, after you getting pregnant for example? (just throwing it out there)

Damzilla

copeyhagen wrote: »

dont turn the bloke into too much of a villain, it could happen to any of us, he thought he wanted to get back then realised after spending time with you it wasnt meant to be, what if u had got more serious and he wanted out later, after you getting pregnant for example? (just throwing it out there)

I have thought about that. If it didn't happen at the weekend it would have happened further down the line and been a lot harder to deal with.

At least I know now and there is no hope anymore. I could never trust him again.

jdivision

Sounds to me like he wanted the ego thing of being able to say he had broken up with you. To be honest he sounds like he lacks emotional intelligence. Enjoy the boards beers.

copeyhagen

jdivision wrote: »

Sounds to me like he wanted the ego thing of being able to say he had broken up with you. To be honest he sounds like he lacks emotional intelligence. Enjoy the boards beers.

thats retarded when u break up with someone it doesnt matter who broke up with who, and it certainly aint an ego thing for a bloke to say "ah well i dumped her".

theyre not 12.

Damzilla

Thanks for all the replys.

I just feel so sick when I think about all the things he said to me about missing me and loving me and wanting us to work and then he goes and changes his mind. Why could he not have made sure about his feelings before doing that?

I'm so angry!

Call Me Jimmy

If you put on a jumper that says 'welcome' and lie down in the porch, you will be walked on.
Someone who breaks up with you isn't worth your time, let alone another chance so chalk it up to experience and don't waste more time putting them on a pedestal that is mounted squarely on your shoulders.

MIN2511

Damzilla wrote: »

Thanks for all the replys.

I just feel so sick when I think about all the things he said to me about missing me and loving me and wanting us to work and then he goes and changes his mind. Why could he not have made sure about his feelings before doing that?

I'm so angry!

Are you still thinking about the loser of an ex you dated?

Girl i know how difficult it is, but really stop doing this to yourself. What has happened has happened, you can only move forward.
The dude is happy he's messed with your head and you feeling down is more ammunition for him.


BTW, still up for beers tonight?