ED - Erectile Dysfunction

LegacyUser

This is an embarrassing one and an issue that has really took the legs from under me in terms of confidence etc.

So I am in my mid-twenties 23 and I am having trouble getting an erection when I am with my partner and when I do get it (after loads of foreplay) I usually lose it pretty fast and rarely get to cum as I have lost it, when I do manage to keep the erection going it takes ages to cum and it is really causing problems in our sex-life.

The funny thing is I do not have trouble actually with erections (morning wood every morning without fail) and the random stiffy's that occur usually at the worst times; but rather when it comes to the bedroom itself I am a flop. I can get and maintain an erection when masturbating and when I see pr0n no problem, but when I am with my partner the difficulties start. It is effecting my confidence and my ego is totally deflated, I feel like I have lost my manliness as a result of this and while my partner is very patient and forgiving I know secretly it is hurting her too and I am afraid of the trouble it is likely to cause in our relationship.

I have had this trouble on and off for the last two years since I was 21, it started when I was with an absolute stunner and in my nervousness to please her and do things right I started having this trouble. Each time I go to bed this racks my brain and I think back to that bad experience with her and how she treated me (like dirt - one night stand thrown out of bed).

My problems are not physical as the fruit and two veg are in perfect working order except they refuse to co-operate when most needed! I often thought I should just take some viagra or something, but it is not available without going to a Doctor, (I can imagine my Doctor if I asked him) and the embarrassment of buying it in my chemist.

This issue is pretty hard so if anyone here young or old has had this please post hope how you managed to get out of the rut and the break the barrier that was keeping you from enjoying your sexlife as it should be.

Carrigart Exile

trouble-below wrote: »

This is an embarrassing one and an issue that has really took the legs from under me in terms of confidence etc.

So I am in my mid-twenties 23 and I am having trouble getting an erection when I am with my partner and when I do get it (after loads of foreplay) I usually lose it pretty fast and rarely get to cum as I have lost it, when I do manage to keep the erection going it takes ages to cum and it is really causing problems in our sex-life.

The funny thing is I do not have trouble actually with erections (morning wood every morning without fail) and the random stiffy's that occur usually at the worst times; but rather when it comes to the bedroom itself I am a flop. I can get and maintain an erection when masturbating and when I see pr0n no problem, but when I am with my partner the difficulties start. It is effecting my confidence and my ego is totally deflated, I feel like I have lost my manliness as a result of this and while my partner is very patient and forgiving I know secretly it is hurting her too and I am afraid of the trouble it is likely to cause in our relationship.

I have had this trouble on and off for the last two years since I was 21, it started when I was with an absolute stunner and in my nervousness to please her and do things right I started having this trouble. Each time I go to bed this racks my brain and I think back to that bad experience with her and how she treated me (like dirt - one night stand thrown out of bed).

My problems are not physical as the fruit and two veg are in perfect working order except they refuse to co-operate when most needed! I often thought I should just take some viagra or something, but it is not available without going to a Doctor, (I can imagine my Doctor if I asked him) and the embarrassment of buying it in my chemist.

This issue is pretty hard so if anyone here young or old has had this please post hope how you managed to get out of the rut and the break the barrier that was keeping you from enjoying your sexlife as it should be.

The biggest sex organ in your body is between your ears. You are fretting yourself away from getting/maintaining an erection. Next time you go to bed with your partner, tell them you want to pleasure them, this night is purely for them and just slowly enjoy their body. See how you get on.

dotsman

It sounds like common "Performance Anxiety".

It's a vicious loop of being worried about not getting an erection, and thus not getting an erection, thus getting even more worried etc.

As Carrigart Exile said, just concentrate on pleasing the girl (with your hands, tongue etc) and once you've managed to stop worrying about it (and your brain is 100% focused on the good stuff where it should be!), you'll likely find you've got rock-solid hard-on.

Ninja_scrotum

You could do some penal exercises. No seriously! I saw it on sexcetera!

Linky http://www.google.ie/search?hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&hs=2LM&q=ed+dysfunction+exercises+kegels&btnG=Search&meta=

If you practice enough you can acquire instant boners of steel... I did it for about a month, coming was much more explosive - I was actually afraid I might burst a condom. Takes a lot of effort so I gave up. You have to squeeze your butt muscles over and over again until you can't squeeze anymore, then do another 100. But you can do them anywhere, even in church.

No word of a lie by the way. Explosive.

WilmaRidesAgain

dotsman wrote: »

It sounds like common "Performance Anxiety".

It's a vicious loop of being worried about not getting an erection, and thus not getting an erection, thus getting even more worried etc.

As Carrigart Exile said, just concentrate on pleasing the girl (with your hands, tongue etc) and once you've managed to stop worrying about it (and your brain is 100% focused on the good stuff where it should be!), you'll likely find you've got rock-solid hard-on.

Lads, sorry I am not trying to rain on your parade here or anything but its unlikely the girl will be able to enjoy this.

I speak from experience, my ex had this problem but the only difference was he was unwilling to admit to/discuss any problem. Needless to say my self esteem fell through the floor as possibly OP might happen to your girl.

When a fella loses his stiffy in bed with you (regardless of the cause) it is the worst blow to a womans ego ever. In my case I believed I was the most disgusting sn0t of a woman to ever walk the planet and went around for a long time thinking that way.

My ex once took me to a 5 star hotel on Valentines day and did all that business of "pleasing the woman" but unfortunately due to the fact that I felt so unworthy and horrible I was just totally confused by it and didnt enjoy it. A woman wants to feel she is turning a man on and he is exited just looking at or being near her, not him there with his head stuck down below and his floppy member blowing in the wind! I jest but you know what I mean.

I think in cases like this professional help is the only thing that will sort it.
See if you can get referred to a sex therapist, me and my ex didn't, the problem wandered on for years until I lost patience and escaped.

As it turns out I am not a snot and repulsive but simply a normal and apparently perfectly attractive and sexy girl. My current BF cant keep his hands off me so I am happy again!

The point being OP as much as you are suffering with this, your girl will be feeling 10 times worse, imagine how she feels when her mates are moaning their boyfriends wont leave them alone and she is sitting there picturing you having no interest in her. I know that might not be how you feel but that is very possibly what she believes and no amount of going down on her and all that is going to make her believe otherwise.....so I think get professional help, yes its embarassing but believe me they have heard it all before!

allabouteve

WilmaRidesAgain wrote: »

Lads, sorry I am not trying to rain on your parade here or anything but its unlikely the girl will be able to enjoy this.

I speak from experience, my ex had this problem but the only difference was he was unwilling to admit to/discuss any problem. Needless to say my self esteem fell through the floor as possibly OP might happen to your girl.

When a fella loses his stiffy in bed with you (regardless of the cause) it is the worst blow to a womans ego ever. In my case I believed I was the most disgusting sn0t of a woman to ever walk the planet and went around for a long time thinking that way.

My ex once took me to a 5 star hotel on Valentines day and did all that business of "pleasing the woman" but unfortunately due to the fact that I felt so unworthy and horrible I was just totally confused by it and didnt enjoy it. A woman wants to feel she is turning a man on and he is exited just looking at or being near her, not him there with his head stuck down below and his floppy member blowing in the wind! I jest but you know what I mean.

I think in cases like this professional help is the only thing that will sort it.
See if you can get referred to a sex therapist, me and my ex didn't, the problem wandered on for years until I lost patience and escaped.

As it turns out I am not a snot and repulsive but simply a normal and apparently perfectly attractive and sexy girl. My current BF cant keep his hands off me so I am happy again!

The point being OP as much as you are suffering with this, your girl will be feeling 10 times worse, imagine how she feels when her mates are moaning their boyfriends wont leave them alone and she is sitting there picturing you having no interest in her. I know that might not be how you feel but that is very possibly what she believes and no amount of going down on her and all that is going to make her believe otherwise.....so I think get professional help, yes its embarassing but believe me they have heard it all before!

I'm not sure that this is a very helpful reply. The OP has enough on his plate dealing with his anxiety without being made responsible for the self esteem of his girlfriend.

Because you don't seem to have an erection problem in any other scenario it would seem to be performance anxiety. Contrary to the above poster, I would think most girls would be glad to be the centre of attention, and if you concentrate on your girlfriend and it takes the pressure off you, you may find yourself in a position to penetrate with success.

Penetration isn't the be all and end all of sex, care, love tenderness and well as using whatever other part of your anatomy comes to mind, counts for a lot too.

carrollmark

I had a similar problem with my new girlfriend and it can be very demoralising and obvisously causes tension for both parties.

I've a great relationship and we're both really into each other sexually so not being able to maintain an erection was starting to cause a lot of frustration and had me extremely tense when things started to heat up, thus making the problem worse.

A simple solution that worked for me, but will no doubt have lots of people protesting was to take a herbal supplement called Golden Root which can be purchased online or in sex shops in Dublin .... I'd suggest buying it online as its much cheaper.

All this does is increase blood flow to the penis, it doesnt give you an erection .... but when your partner gets you excited you get one .... and usually its very strong and larger than normal. My experience of taking it is that apart from being harder and slightly larget than normal I tend to last longer, and also maintain the erection after I come .... so you can keep going.

It takes an hour to kick in after you take it and they say it lasts up to 16 hours.

Worked for me and an intersting additional effect is that its given me extra confidence so I'm not tense and anxious sexually, so on the ocasions when spontaneous sex occurs and I havent taken any I usually dont have a problem.

Its a herbal pill and the only side effect I experience is that I get a little nasal congestion.

Theres my two cents worth .... give it a try and best of luck mate

WilmaRidesAgain

Hi again,

Well, I hope it IS helpful, having personal experience of this, I tell my story honestly because I understand the REALITY of ED from the womans point of view as opposed to the received wisdom with its cliches and platitudes.

I want to illustrate how the woman can feel in this after all there are TWO people affected by ED not just the man.

OP, the points of my story are: good for you for seeking help, but make it professional, well meaning advice from lay people who have not been through it will more often than not just prolong the problem and delay the cure, and cause you both further frustration and pain.

While, yes there are other ways of enjoying sex other than penetration -we all know this, penetration IS important to both the man and the woman too so you are right to take this seriously.

Dont go through years of suffering, you dont have a physical problem like you say it sounds psychological more so, and with a small bit of work I hear those cases can have a great outcome!

Good luck

LegacyUser

I'm a guy who's 22 who pretty much has the same problem. Was getting rock hard erections until a bad sexual experience a year (!) ago, and since then, things haven't been great... and been a downwards spiral since my new g/f. For her, sex = penetration.

Things are totally perfect between us except in bed. For a while, I could blame the condoms but I that excuse has clearly run out.... things can be going fine, I just have to ask myself how is my erection, and that's it lost. I've even almost started asking myself about it when I masturbate and start having the same result and the whole thing is killing my self confidence.