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Inexperienced sexually

  • 17-06-2008 2:35pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi everyone, ive recently started seeing a guy ive known for a few years and we will soon (hopefully!) sleep together.
    Thing is I havent had sex in about five years and even then I only had it once or twice.Im not prudish or anything towards sex at all but the opportunity never arose until now for me to sleep with someone. I know he is very experienced and it worries me that I wont have a clue what to do and will be a let down for him.
    So I just have a few concerns.Firstly,shall I tell him Im inexpereinced or will that ruin the mood and shall I just go with the flow?
    Can a guy tell If someone doesnt really now what their doing and is it a turn off to sleep with someone whose not that experienced?

    Any comments would be much appreciated! Thanks


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,493 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    Don't worry about this lass, the main thing for you to think about is how much you enjoy it. Don't be afraid to help guide each other towards movements that you both prefer and don't be afraid to communicate either.

    Guys are generally just grateful for what they get so i shouldn't worry about it too much. Just enjoy yourself! (and use protection :D)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,082 ✭✭✭Captain Ginger


    I remember I used to scared ****less of messing up, but it really is one of those things that everything falls into place as you do it. Hell I remember being scared of my first kiss in case a screwed it up.

    Don't worry, just relax and enjoy :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭AngryBadger


    Talking to your friend-turned-partner is probably a good idea OP.

    You know this guy for years as a friend, so you trust him (I assume :p), so tell him that you're a little hesitant. You've decided to get involved with this guy because you know him very well and there's trust and respect between you. Telling him how you feel will strengthen that bond.

    As a guy speaking from my own experience I can say there's nothing more humbling than when a women you have feelings for is open with you about the things that worry her.

    Your partner will appreciate that you trust him enough to talk to him, and he'll want to do everything he can to put you at your ease.

    Also he'll feel like a complete freaking legend when he helps you out.

    Think about it, figuring out the female mind is the last big frontier for men, so whenever we manage to fix something for the women we love, well basically we're like little kings among men :D Or maybe regular-sized kings among tiny men, I forget :p

    Best of luck OP!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 81,220 ✭✭✭✭biko


    Even for an experienced lover it's new territory every time you have a new partner.
    Every girl/guy likes different things so it's a matter of trial and error before you find things you both enjoy. Make sure to let him know when you like what's happening, by saying so or just making little noises or similar.

    Don't agree to do things you are not comfortable with just to please him.
    Don't worry if it is awkward the first three/five/ten times, it's does get better with practice.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,440 ✭✭✭GirlInterrupted


    Talking to your friend-turned-partner is probably a good idea OP.

    You know this guy for years as a friend, so you trust him (I assume :p), so tell him that you're a little hesitant. You've decided to get involved with this guy because you know him very well and there's trust and respect between you. Telling him how you feel will strengthen that bond.

    As a guy speaking from my own experience I can say there's nothing more humbling than when a women you have feelings for is open with you about the things that worry her.

    Your partner will appreciate that you trust him enough to talk to him, and he'll want to do everything he can to put you at your ease.

    Also he'll feel like a complete freaking legend when he helps you out.

    Think about it, figuring out the female mind is the last big frontier for men, so whenever we manage to fix something for the women we love, well basically we're like little kings among men :D Or maybe regular-sized kings among tiny men, I forget :p

    Best of luck OP!

    +100, and very nice post too angrybadger.:)


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 77 ✭✭iwudluvit


    Hi everyone, ive recently started seeing a guy ive known for a few years and we will soon (hopefully!) sleep together.
    Thing is I havent had sex in about five years and even then I only had it once or twice.Im not prudish or anything towards sex at all but the opportunity never arose until now for me to sleep with someone. I know he is very experienced and it worries me that I wont have a clue what to do and will be a let down for him.
    So I just have a few concerns.Firstly,shall I tell him Im inexpereinced or will that ruin the mood and shall I just go with the flow?
    Can a guy tell If someone doesnt really now what their doing and is it a turn off to sleep with someone whose not that experienced?

    Any comments would be much appreciated! Thanks

    Tell him you are a little scared by the size of it - after that, he won't be too fussed what you do. He'll be too busy logging on the internet to tell his mates.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 77 ✭✭iwudluvit


    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=56278053#post56278053

    you should get together with this guy at the top 'thisaintgood' - you'd make a nice couple.

    childless, but nice.


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    iwudluvit banned for obvious reasons.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    I tell you what, telling him you're nervous about it would be a good asshole filter. If you tell him and he's supportive and caring, as he should be, you know he's a good 'un. If he embarrasses you or makes a big deal about it, he's a dick and you're better off not sleeping with him. I'd say trust your instincts on this, but try not to worry - you run the risk of making it into a bigger problem than it is. It's like riding a bike :) tbh, if a girl told me that, I'd be pretty honoured.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    Yep OP, don't work it up too much in your head as that will make you far more nervous than the actual thing itself. Keep thinking of it in terms of the not very big deal it is.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    Two fun things you can do with a lover:
    1. Teach them things.
    2. Learn things from them
    A difference in experience is not a problem.

    But as people have said, he's got just as much experience of sex with you as you have of sex with him.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,796 ✭✭✭MJOR


    Talliesin wrote: »
    Two fun things you can do with a lover:
    1. Teach them things.
    2. Learn things from them
    A difference in experience is not a problem.

    But as people have said, he's got just as much experience of sex with you as you have of sex with him.

    So very very true..... No need for nerves just enjoy it and be relaxed and let him take the lead.

    Remember a man thinks Foreplay check fresh breath check clean duds check and then just WOW i'm gonna make her love this;)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Just go with the flow. You can be submissive, he may enjoy that sort of stuff. Don't be nervous...intimacy is a natural state. good luck to you!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,582 ✭✭✭✭kowloon


    Just remember to make an effort to take part in the festivities and you'll be fine.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,017 ✭✭✭colly10


    RedXIV wrote: »
    Don't worry about this lass, the main thing for you to think about is how much you enjoy it.

    +1 - Experience means little or nothing to alot of lads, the more you enjoy it though the more he'll enjoy so just relax and forget about it
    biko wrote: »
    Even for an experienced lover it's new territory every time you have a new partner.
    Every girl/guy likes different things so it's a matter of trial and error before you find things you both enjoy. Make sure to let him know when you like what's happening, by saying so or just making little noises or similar.

    Agreed, he'd have to learn what you like just like he'd have to learn with any other new partner and visa versa. Alot of experience with one girl could be worthless when he meets the next, it will just help him to learn faster


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